What did you try to become straight?

  • Fargo

    Posts: 144

    Aug 24, 2013 8:09 PM GMT
    In my early 20s, I was still struggling with my sexuality and did not fully accept that I am simply gay. Other than trying to watch straight porn, I once was introduced to a girl in a party and she was really into me so I thought there is my chance. We stayed for about a year, the first time we had sex I must admit it was exciting, but then it was just 'meh' mechanical afterwards. After 6 months, I had to break it to her because I couldn't bear it anymore and I started to care less for her which was unfair and caused fights all the time. Surprisingly, she _still_ wanted to stay with me after the fact, but we ended it completely after 6 more months.

    After that experience, I knew it would be impossible to turn straight, I really had all the intent and willpower there is, but it just failed.

    For those who struggled with their sexuality, what did you do to try to change yourself?
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    Aug 24, 2013 8:13 PM GMT
    I went over and over in my head "Im not gay, Im not bi, Im straight, Im not gay, Im not bi, Im straight" over and over and over again. I forced myself to look at girls and lesbian porn to get aroused and developed OCD in my attempts to make myself straight. I wouldn't even let myself look at gay kisses and effeminate camp characters on televison.
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    Aug 24, 2013 8:17 PM GMT
    What I did was incredibly insane and very stupid. I turned into this raging social conservative and spent most of my time arguing on a message board over gay marriage, where I said the most horrible things and I even started an online petition (one that still comes up when I google my name). This was when I was 17-18 and my mind was so muddled, it was hard to think rational.
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    Aug 24, 2013 8:40 PM GMT
    I tried to pray it out. Didn't work.
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    Aug 24, 2013 8:59 PM GMT
    I prayed and cried and begged God. Then I joined a fraternity and had sex with a couple women. Then I tried to be celibate. Then I had LOTS and LOTS of gay sex.
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    Aug 24, 2013 9:21 PM GMT
    When I was younger, I tried everything in the book.
    I prayed but quickly found that made no change what so ever.
    I tried not looking at guys at all and only looking at women but that made no change what so ever.
    I tried thinking about women whenever I climaxed but that
    made no change whatsoever.
    We all now know this is not something you can change
    and young gay people are fortunate in that way.
    People who insist that homosexuality is a choice (so they can continue their persecution with a clear conscience) should be burned at the stake.
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    Aug 24, 2013 10:59 PM GMT
    I took one look in the mirror..
    A voice in the back of my head said "Give it up gurL"..icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 24, 2013 11:20 PM GMT
    I was overwhelmed with hormones in my mother's uterus that caused my to like males.
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    Aug 25, 2013 12:06 AM GMT
    I did an "ex-gay" therapy with a Christian psychologist when I was 14/15. I was still Christian and since I took it very seriously I believed I was doing something shameful before God. I abandoned it when I was 16 for finding it ineffective. When I was 19 I became atheist. Nowadays if a Brazilian psychologist/therapist/counselor is found applying this "therapy", he is immediately unbarred.

    Now I notice my libido is not like my friends'. It works, but it's rather low and slow. I never feel needy and never feel attracted at first sight. I will never know if this is what I would be regardless or is some psychological sequela resulting from that "therapy".
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    Aug 25, 2013 12:08 AM GMT
    I never really denied I liked guys but I did try to convince myself I was bi. I'd look at straight porn all the time. In 11th grade I started to toy with the idea that really was gay and then after my freshman year of college I fully accepted it.
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    Aug 25, 2013 12:09 AM GMT
    i2ci2i saidI went over and over in my head "Im not gay, Im not bi, Im straight, Im not gay, Im not bi, Im straight" over and over and over again. I forced myself to look at girls and lesbian porn to get aroused and developed OCD in my attempts to make myself straight. I wouldn't even let myself look at gay kisses and effeminate camp characters on televison.

    We did the exact same thing including ocd
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    Aug 25, 2013 12:18 AM GMT
    I just ignored the gay and hoped it would go away. But never did anything actively to turn me towards women. I was never interested in having a girlfriend or having sex with a woman.
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    Aug 25, 2013 12:27 AM GMT
    I prayed that God would make me straight. He just sent hot men to me.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Aug 25, 2013 12:34 AM GMT
    bhp91126 saidI just ignored the gay and hoped it would go away. But never did anything actively to turn me towards women. I was never interested in having a girlfriend or having sex with a woman.


    Prety much this. Went through the motions of going to the high school prom and saw a couple of girls briefly in college, but I was aware that I was not fooling myself. Never really came out but never really stayed in either. People who know me, know me. People who don't, don't.
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    Aug 25, 2013 12:53 AM GMT
    Joined the Marines.
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    Aug 25, 2013 12:59 AM GMT
    bachian saidNow I notice my libido is not like my friends'. It works, but it's rather low and slow. I never feel needy and never feel attracted at first sight. I will never know if this is what I would be regardless or is some psychological sequela resulting from that "therapy".


    ..Is that such a bad thing??.. A "Slow" libido.
    .. Could it also be.. you require more than just physical attraction to tickle your pickle??

    Something tells me when you find "the" guy.. you'll have to upgrade your medical insurance to cover extensive wheelchair and gurney services icon_wink.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 25, 2013 1:18 AM GMT
    When I was younger I dated girls sometimes. I know I liked men back then, but just couldn't openly admit it to myself. I would just not think about it, but I mess around with guys sometimes. I prayed, but my prayers were more of asking why was I the way I was? And telling God if he wanted to change me he could ... but he didn't. And I also tried forcing myself to think of women when I masturbate, but that never lasted. I also never admitted to others I was gay, unless they were gay. Over the years I was out to some but not all, but I'm pretty sure everyone always knew I was gay. Every once in a while someone would ask me and I would deny it. Eventually, starting around 25 I stopped denying it and everyone knew I was gay.
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    Aug 25, 2013 1:22 AM GMT
    I did nothing to become straight. I am. I just like having sex with men. icon_razz.gif
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    Aug 25, 2013 1:37 AM GMT
    Well, I never tried to do anything to become straight, I just never made my homosexuality be the center of my life, but it was pretty much there from as long as I can remember.

    As far back as age 5, I knew I was attracted to the same sex. I remember when I was exposed to some of my Dads straight porn mags (a dream for any straight boy at 10), the things that obviously got me hard, were the ads for gay porn at the back or the scenes with a guy about to penetrate a woman and it was obviously for the guy. Big breast, vagina, whats that? Ewww

    I just never felt anything for women or girls, they are just there. They make great friends, but just as someone said, women are like beautiful horses, great to look at and have as your pet (friend), but you wouldn't want to get intimate with one.

    The thing is, throughout my teens and 20's, I made my same attractions less of a priority, either by focusing on school and job, to a fault to be honest. Because I think I missed out not having a guy in my life to share intimacy with. Then again, it would have been futile taking into consideration the country I live in. You either remain a closet case or risk it.
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    Aug 25, 2013 1:43 AM GMT
    I never tried to "change." I never thought that sexual orientation was a choice. BUT -- I played mind games with myself for years. Basically I would tell myself: "Well, I get turned on by hot guys because I'm jealous of them because they're hot and so will get to have sex with women whereas I'm ugly so I won't...." --- and --- "Well, I don't get turned on by women because they'll reject me because I'm ugly so I don't want to set myself up for being rejected...."

    Yeah, pretty warped... Took me until my late 20's to finally accept that such mind games were bullshit and started working on developing a positive self-image of my body.

    And the rest is history. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 25, 2013 1:49 AM GMT

    Just to add, I think a major epiphany was when I was 11 and had my first experience with a boy around 14. It felt like the most natural thing on earth. He first gave me a hickey and it moved next to kissing, grinding, oh my God, the kissing!

    It just came so natural too, his tongue in my mouth, mine in his. I think that pretty much had an impact on defining my sexuality. I never felt that way about a girl ever, was so intense. (I was a little devil at 11 icon_twisted.gif ). Only regret, I never moved to oral, he was encouraging, but I wasn't comfortable, besides, I was expecting him to have a big penis like those in the porn mags.
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    Aug 25, 2013 2:33 AM GMT
    Wow, I have similar experiences to most of you guys. Could it be I'm more normal than I thought? I had that "envious of better looking guys", tried to date women and tried to think of women whenever, did a lot of sex with one of them, but always had to close my eyes and think of a guy, knew I was attracted to men from a very early age but tried to ignore it. Wow, I'm very surprised here.

    However, my experiences with anyone at all didn't begin until much later in life than I am willing to admit. What I envy now a little is you guys who started earlier than I did.
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    Aug 25, 2013 2:37 AM GMT
    I made out with a girl that I was emotionally attracted to and could imagine living my life with. I didn't feel shit! That sorted all of my questions.
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    Aug 25, 2013 2:39 AM GMT
    I never tried to talk myself out of liking anything that I liked, and socio-biologically speaking, my genes demanded MEN.
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    Aug 25, 2013 2:49 AM GMT
    hellass saidI did nothing to become straight. I am. I just like having sex with men. icon_razz.gif


    icon_rolleyes.gif