Am I the rebound guy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 25, 2013 4:52 AM GMT
    I just started seeing this amazing guy I met a few weeks ago on POF... He's really sweet and hot, decent character all-round, got an old soul for a 21 y/o. He seems really interested in hanging out more, to the point of suggesting that my parents move here and live near his family, so that i have more reasons to leave downtown to see him.

    But he broke up with his bf of 2 years only 3 weeks ago... He said he's been planning it for a while and it only became official then. Still, that is one nagging factor that is preventing me from investing emotionally into this... Thoughts?
  • LoveAndPeace

    Posts: 460

    Aug 25, 2013 5:13 AM GMT
    Yep your a rebound seems like it.I mean 2 years is a long time.If you want to be in a relationship with this guy I recommend spending time together but do NOT become too attached. He might hurt you if you do.
  • donnygg

    Posts: 19

    Aug 25, 2013 7:43 AM GMT
    Based on my friends' experiences, the dumpers are usually able to move on much more quickly than the dumpees because, as your guy said, "he's been planning it for a while and it only became official then". In a way, they've already moved on by the time it's officially over. Two of my friends who initiated their break ups got into another relationship with 3 months, meaning they probably started dating soon after they broke up. I say if you feel chemistry there, give it a chance. But rule of thumb, never invest emotionally more than the other party would return.
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    Aug 25, 2013 7:54 AM GMT
    If the guy's honest about him 'planning' the breakup, I'd say he's genuine. No matter what you obviously are a rebound to a degree but it has nothing to do with his feelings towards ya. Watch for any red flags like him pouring his heart out about the ex or getting upset about it easily. People can complain about exes but at the outset of something it shouldn't be talked about, at least imo
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    Aug 25, 2013 9:52 AM GMT
    I don't understand the whole "parents moving close to his family so you have more reasons to leave downtown to see him." At 25 years old, you're old enough to make your own decisions regardless of where your parents live. But to answer your question, yes you're the rebound guy.
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    Aug 25, 2013 10:26 AM GMT
    Like mentioned above, I too don't understand the whole parents moving thing. Sounds like two 16yo talking about unrealistic stuff.. Also I think you are already emotionally involved.

    Not being offensive, just saying to keep it real..
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    Aug 25, 2013 11:42 AM GMT
    Wait, you said he's 21 and ended a relationship of 2 years and now wants another? Yeah, there are about 5 billion red flags blazing all over this. Old soul or not, a 21 year old is good for sex and possibly making fun of when you ask him a question not related to the internet, but certainly nothing more. You're not a rebound, just some more experience to put under his trendy little belt. If you can accept that you are dating an unrealistic man-child, go for it, but don't think those giant red flags are just some art installation.
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    Aug 25, 2013 1:16 PM GMT
    smartmoney said[...] a 21 year old is good for sex and possibly making fun of [...]


    Nothing personal, but that's hurtful for no reason. There are tons of 21-year-olds that prefer relationships over casual hookups. I was one of them, back in the ancient days.

    As far as the OP is concerned, I would be looking into this breakup a little more. Three weeks is an incredibly short amount of time, and it might very well be that the "other" guy isn't ready to give up and will run interference for the time being.

    (In my experience, there is even a chance he doesn't know he has been dumped.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 25, 2013 1:39 PM GMT
    The answer is YES.

    Not saying if could work out. But, I doubt it. unless you had already broke up with thee guy in his mind and was waiting for the right time to tell the other guy. This needs exploring.
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    Aug 26, 2013 10:08 PM GMT
    Hecarim420 saidIf the guy's honest about him 'planning' the breakup, I'd say he's genuine. No matter what you obviously are a rebound to a degree but it has nothing to do with his feelings towards ya. Watch for any red flags like him pouring his heart out about the ex or getting upset about it easily. People can complain about exes but at the outset of something it shouldn't be talked about, at least imo


    Yeah, the way he talked about his ex made me think it was in the distant past, until he said it was only 3 weeks ago. His tone was kinda dismissive of his ex... He said he had been looking for a reason to dump him, and the opportunity came during a political argument when the ex declared that he needed a guy who shares his views.

    I always talk about my ex's during dates and encourage the other guy to do so, cus I learn the most about them that way

  • Aug 27, 2013 12:02 AM GMT
    Well three weeks...It cannot be a rebound. It's too soon but I would recommend you just enjoy it now and see where it goes. Don't rule out possibilities just because it is a rebound.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2013 4:24 AM GMT
    It doesn't sound promising.

    1) He's not over his ex.
    Like you said, you're the rebound.

    2) He was checked out of his last relationship a while ago. He will do the same thing when/if he's in a relationship with you.




    ...but maybe he is ready to date you.
    You'll never know unless you go out with him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 28, 2013 11:22 PM GMT
    Honey, he broke up with his boo of 2 years just 3 weeks ago. Sorry to sound harsh, but you're nothing else but a booty call/rebound dude. There's going to be hurt/love feelings there. I would doubt any guy can be *normal in the dating scene again in 3 weeks after a long-painful break up. It takes at least several months to a year to recover. It's best to stay away but if you want to go out with him, whatever you know! icon_smile.gif
  • LoveAndPeace

    Posts: 460

    Aug 29, 2013 3:54 PM GMT
    socalx10 saidHoney, he broke up with his boo of 2 years just 3 weeks ago. Sorry to sound harsh, but you're nothing else but a booty call/rebound dude. There's going to be hurt/love feelings there. I would doubt any guy can be *normal in the dating scene again in 3 weeks after a long-painful break up. It takes at least several months to a year to recover. It's best to stay away but if you want to go out with him, whatever you know! icon_smile.gif
    Several months to a year is kind of excessive. Atleast a month or two.
  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Aug 30, 2013 4:49 AM GMT
    Think with your big head not the small head. icon_lol.gif

    Seriously rebound or not, just go with your feelings. Don't follow the sheep of what is considered a "rebound". You got some good advice though. Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2013 2:40 AM GMT
    So yeah, I haven't heard from him in 4 days icon_sad.gif My friends say it's because I haven't initiated any "touching" after 4 dates. It's making me cynical enough to actually consider hooking up on jack'd or something.