I really want to move out of my stepdad's house... :C

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    Aug 25, 2013 2:46 PM GMT
    Im 22 and I have a job. I earn about 700 something dollars biweekly. Every pay day I give my stepdad $250 as my contribution for bills and other expenses so every month I give him $500. I really want to move out. I love my mom and my siblings but I just want to be on my own, it doesn't mean I love them less; however, my mom, when I open this topic of me moving out, she's not very encouraging. She gives me that sad look. Also, my mom and my real dad (who already passed away in 2005) had to pay off a debt from someone because we they used to own an office and school supply business. Now, I am helping my mom pay off their debt. So on top of the $500 I give to my dad, I also share another $200 every month to send to the person my parents owe money until we pay it off.

    I want to help my mom. I really do. I just want to move out. I love my brother but I wanna get my own room and have privacy. I don't get along well with my stepdad too. I almost don't talk to him when I am at home. We just don't have a good relationship unlike my siblings and my mom. They would always tell me that I'm don't show any respect for him. I just can't stand him.

    I think I'm old enough. Maybe not yet mature enough but how will I grow up if I'm locked up in this house? How will I ever learn to be on my own.

    I know when I move out, I have to pay rent, groceries, gas, and a lot of things. I am aware of the financial challenges but I think I'll be happier being all along managing my own bills than living in this house and not feel like I'm home at all. Also, I have a big problem. I don't know how to drive yet and I don't have a car. I am saving to get one and right now every time we go home from work, my mom would teach me how to drive. She would let me drive 5 miles from our house, and I think I'm learning.

    So that's my main dilemma. I don't know how to drive yet and in a city like Tallahassee, one must own a car because places here are sooo far from each other. Right now, it takes me like an hour to get to my workplace. Our house is like so far away from the city. We are like in the woods, the country side.

    Help. I really hope you can share your insights. I know at the end of the day this is all up to me but for now, any advice would really be helpful and appreciated. Also, I am sorry if I sound too childish.

    Thank you guys. Have a positive day ahead.BOLD TEXT GOES HERE
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Aug 25, 2013 4:06 PM GMT
    Hey man,

    At 22 you're definitely old enough to move out of Mommy and step Daddy's house. That's not the issue.

    The issue is u dont have a car-- How would you get to work? The grocery store? I'm sure there's public trans, however I know how Florida is-- it's difficult to get around and it's very car-centric...like most places outside of the northeast really. Anyway, to move out, pay rent, pay utility bills and then add a car to the mix with your income us gonna max you out. Keep in mind with a car--u not only have gas and maintenance, but also car insurance...and that can be a real bitch. Especially since you're 22 and a male...insurance rates will be high.

    You could move in and have a roommate situation--that way rent, electric, cable/internet is all split. I feel like having a car is gonna make u go for broke given the 1400/month income.

    lets say u get a roommate and u have rent and all utilities and u get it at a good deal.
    rent + utilities- $500/month
    car gas- at least $125/month
    car insurance with a $1000 deductible- $175/month
    food - $250/month-- that's if u dont eat out at all
    entertainment - $100/month if u dont do much


    Keep in mind when u first move out...u have to get so many little incidentals for ur new place-- pots, pans, lamps, toiletries, cleaning products, towels, bathroom mats, light bulbs, all kinds of shit that adds up quickly.

    So based on the above breakdown you're looking at $1150/month. Also, when u get sick you'll need to buy meds. etc. There's just so much shit that adds up. I'm not trying to discourage you or anything, but being realistic.

    I feel u tho. Moving out will be give you your freedom.

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    Aug 25, 2013 4:32 PM GMT
    How about a 6-8 month plan?

    A) Plan your location.

    B) Swing a second 15-20 hr a week part time job?

    C) Budget like hell.

    D) Get your licence.

    E) You are now the sweetest ...nephew/Brother/Son/Cousin/grandson because ..you are ...going to "Fish" for help in getting a new car.

    F) Scope out apartments..Room mates.. Do it wisely..You ...don't need drama, slackers and pervs and druggies.

    G) Negotiate a lower monthly contribution with your ...parents..save that money.

    H) College?..Community college? Night classes?.. What if you ...are on your own and you need to go back?

    I) By this time you should have had a monthly estimate of what it ...would take to survive on your own.

    j) Multiply that money by two add 1500 to 3000 bux and ...this amount is your minimum goal.

    ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
    Keep in mind I don't know you at all so I'm just threwing out ideas..hopefully you can use some of it.

    Good luck!
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    Aug 25, 2013 4:42 PM GMT
    Sounds like you need to get away from your stepdad, and you know that. Lots of children simply don't get along with step parents - after all, their real relationship is with the spouse, and they just have to take the kids as part of the deal. Import gave you some real good analysis. You have to figure out your finances. On moving to your own place - try to find a roommate situation (they can be difficult, but not impossible.) Would save a lot on the rent. Learn to drive now - get your mother to drive with you a lot more. Do you have any uncles or older friends that could help teach you how to drive? Maybe even pony up a few bucks for a professional driving lesson or two. Get your drivers' license. Find a place to live for a while that is close enough to walk to work? Even if yuu hate the neighborhood, it might be financially better. Get a motor scooter - cheaper. I have friends in this city that drive all around town in them - just not good for interstate highway use.

    Your mother's debt - is she paying interest? Can she get a loan (interest rates are very low these days) pay it off, and make lower, longer, loan payments?

    Hey, and after your on your own, continue to do whatever it takes to improve yourself - night school or whatever. The future gets only better if you work at it.
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    Aug 25, 2013 5:20 PM GMT
    I can somewhat relate with the exception of the stepdad. I don't have a stepdad. Thank god.

    A lot of us in here have a challenge in life because we are gay. Whether they admit or not. I choose to tell it like it is.

    Also, it must be really hard living with someone you don't get along with and have to help support your family. The old generation Asians are very devoted to their family and I know it is very difficult to just leave.

    If your family can support themself, then go for it and live your dream. By the way, just an advice, art is not the right path if you want to make money and live comfortably. icon_wink.gif

    Best of luck!
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    Aug 25, 2013 5:34 PM GMT
    Import saidHey man,

    There's just so much shit that adds up. I'm not trying to discourage you or anything, but being realistic.



    Hi there Import. Thanks a lot for responding. I know all of that and yea it really sucks especially in my situation. :C I just really want to move out so bad it hurts. I planned on leasing a student housing since its much cheaper but the truth is, I really don't know what I am getting myself into. I am already working and I don't know if I would get the privacy I want if I become roommates with students.


    I work 40 hours a day and If I get a part time job and to earn extra income, I don't know if I can handle it. Or maybe it's just me cause in the country I came from, most people just have 1 job and I was really amazed when I got here in the US and found out some people have 2 to 3 jobs. WOW

    I already have insurance since I work for the state. But yea, I know it still wouldn't be enough. There's a lot to pay for.

    Thank you though for breaking it down for me. I know the reality. whew. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 25, 2013 5:40 PM GMT
    Anocxu saidHow about a 6-8 month plan?


    E) You are now the sweetest ...nephew/Brother/Son/Cousin/grandson because ..you are ...going to "Fish" for help in getting a new car.




    Hi Anocxu. The thing is, I barely know anyone here. No relatives at all. I just got here November of last year. Yea, I agree with you. I might give it 6-8 month or even longer to really figure things out, learn how to drive, get my license (but i now have a learner's permit Weeeeh!), and save up for the future.

    Some people my age are able to move out. Is this because they have a better paying job than I am or maybe they're parents are just rich?

    It really sucks that my income isn't enough to support myself and I already feel very lucky to have this job.

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    Aug 25, 2013 5:43 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidIs there anyone where you work that needs a roommate?
    That's the easiest and best way to get started.
    Cut all your expenses in half by getting a roommate. 2 Bedrooms are not all that much vs. sharing a 1.
    You may even be able to share gas costs if he has a car and you guys work similar hours.


    Hi sir. The reason why I wanna move out is because I want to have my own room and privacy. I welcome the idea of having a roommate but I would really want to have a room of my own. Unfortunately, this is impossible as of the moment.

    Haha.

    I just really can't wait for that day to come. When you moved out of your parents house, did you already have a really good paying job?
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    Aug 25, 2013 5:45 PM GMT
    HikeSwimSkiSF saidSounds like you need to get away from your stepdad, and you know that.


    Yea thats one of the main reasons.

    I dont have any relatives here at all. I just got here. I haven't even been here for a year. I'm really starting from scratch. The culture is kind of different from where I'm from but I am getting used to it. hehe

  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Aug 25, 2013 5:56 PM GMT
    As much as I love my parents and my family, I could NEVER move back home--- I would sooner become a homeless bum whoring my ass out on the street corner before moving back home.

    And to be honest $500/month to give ur step-dad and mom is kind of a lot....you could be spending that money on rent. I know ur mom's not big on the idea, but at the same time she can't expect u just to live at home the rest of ur life?? Ask her if u could contribute $250/month so u can begin to save.... try and reason with her.

    I remeber when I moved into my first place I had to buy everything....starting from scratch like u said. I even had to buy a fucking paper-towel holder and shower curtain... shit just added up, it was so annoying, I had no dishes, had to buy them, no towels, no bed, no sheets, no nothing. Everything I used was my parents.

    I spent thousands just "setting up".....let alone daily living expenses. Granted, I had to get all my stuff at crate and barrel, but still.

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    Aug 25, 2013 6:03 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    Jantheman said
    TheGuyNextDoor saidIs there anyone where you work that needs a roommate?
    That's the easiest and best way to get started.
    Cut all your expenses in half by getting a roommate. 2 Bedrooms are not all that much vs. sharing a 1.
    You may even be able to share gas costs if he has a car and you guys work similar hours.


    Hi sir. The reason why I wanna move out is because I want to have my own room and privacy. I welcome the idea of having a roommate but I would really want to have a room of my own. Unfortunately, this is impossible as of the moment.

    Haha.

    I just really can't wait for that day to come. When you moved out of your parents house, did you already have a really good paying job?

    When I moved outta my parents home, I was 21 and a waiter.
    I was making about $100. a day back then and moved in with a friend. He lived in a highrise and was loosing a roommate.
    I finished out his lease with him, then found a place of my own. My second place was a two bedroom as well and at some point I let a best friend move in with me into the second bedroom. Never moved back home and always lived within my means.
    No rich parents to suck off of.. Like my brother, I just made my way and still am.

    Fly outta the nest, and have a good support system under your feet and you'll do just fine.


    wow. Im inspired by stories like that. I know I am ready, mentally. I want this so bad. I wanna move out. but the financial part of it holds me back.

    do you think i am earning enough? probably when you moved out, you already have a car of your own. i don't have one and pretty much just starting from scratch. i ride the bus every day i go to work and tallahassee doesn't have a really good transportation system for buses.

    i will buy me a car one day!!! haha
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    Aug 25, 2013 6:06 PM GMT
    Import saidAs much as I love my parents and my family, I could NEVER move back home--- I would sooner become a homeless bum whoring my ass out on the street corner before moving back home.

    And to be honest $500/month to give ur step-dad and mom is kind of a lot....you could be spending that money on rent. I know ur mom's not big on the idea, but at the same time she can't expect u just to live at home the rest of ur life?? Ask her if u could contribute $250/month so u can begin to save.... try and reason with her.

    I remeber when I moved into my first place I had to buy everything....starting from scratch like u said. I even had to buy a fucking paper-towel holder and shower curtain... shit just added up, it was so annoying, I had no dishes, had to buy them, no towels, no bed, no sheets, no nothing. Everything I used was my parents.

    I spent thousands just "setting up".....let alone daily living expenses. Granted, I had to get all my stuff at crate and barrel, but still.




    I actually shell out $800 every month. 500 for my stepdad, 200 for my parents debt, and 100 for what we send to my family back home in my country. so yea, $800 goes to my family. I know I can definitely use these money for rent and stuff. That's why I really wanna move out.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Aug 25, 2013 6:11 PM GMT
    Jantheman said
    Import saidAs much as I love my parents and my family, I could NEVER move back home--- I would sooner become a homeless bum whoring my ass out on the street corner before moving back home.

    And to be honest $500/month to give ur step-dad and mom is kind of a lot....you could be spending that money on rent. I know ur mom's not big on the idea, but at the same time she can't expect u just to live at home the rest of ur life?? Ask her if u could contribute $250/month so u can begin to save.... try and reason with her.

    I remeber when I moved into my first place I had to buy everything....starting from scratch like u said. I even had to buy a fucking paper-towel holder and shower curtain... shit just added up, it was so annoying, I had no dishes, had to buy them, no towels, no bed, no sheets, no nothing. Everything I used was my parents.

    I spent thousands just "setting up".....let alone daily living expenses. Granted, I had to get all my stuff at crate and barrel, but still.




    I actually shell out $800 every month. 500 for my stepdad, 200 for my parents debt, and 100 for what we send to my family back home in my country. so yea, $800 goes to my family. I know I can definitely use these money for rent and stuff. That's why I really wanna move out.


    ugh icon_rolleyes.gif
    I know it's a cultural thing, but it doesn't seem fair you have to pay your parents debt.....and then contribute as well??? That's not fair. They incurred it...but I understand. I'm not being like, ignorant or whatever, but Asian fams are very collective and everyone contributes and helps out, etc. That wasn't expected in my fam.. I think u can do it, you're just going to need to like obsess on it and make it happen.
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    Aug 25, 2013 6:18 PM GMT
    Import said
    Jantheman said
    Import saidAs much as I love my parents and my family, I could NEVER move back home--- I would sooner become a homeless bum whoring my ass out on the street corner before moving back home.

    And to be honest $500/month to give ur step-dad and mom is kind of a lot....you could be spending that money on rent. I know ur mom's not big on the idea, but at the same time she can't expect u just to live at home the rest of ur life?? Ask her if u could contribute $250/month so u can begin to save.... try and reason with her.

    I remeber when I moved into my first place I had to buy everything....starting from scratch like u said. I even had to buy a fucking paper-towel holder and shower curtain... shit just added up, it was so annoying, I had no dishes, had to buy them, no towels, no bed, no sheets, no nothing. Everything I used was my parents.

    I spent thousands just "setting up".....let alone daily living expenses. Granted, I had to get all my stuff at crate and barrel, but still.




    I actually shell out $800 every month. 500 for my stepdad, 200 for my parents debt, and 100 for what we send to my family back home in my country. so yea, $800 goes to my family. I know I can definitely use these money for rent and stuff. That's why I really wanna move out.


    ugh icon_rolleyes.gif
    I know it's a cultural thing, but it doesn't seem fair you have to pay your parents debt.....and then contribute as well??? That's not fair. They incurred it...but I understand. I'm not being like, ignorant or whatever, but Asian fams are very collective and everyone contributes and helps out, etc. That wasn't expected in my fam.. I think u can do it, you're just going to need to like obsess on it and make it happen.



    Haha. I know. lol. It's really different from where I came from and now that I am more exposed to the western culture, it makes me wonder sometimes why i have to do this and that just because it's tradition. Yea, I am really obsessing over it every night and every day. It's all I think of. I want to move out, I want to move out.

    hehehe. I totally understand you for thinking it's not fair. I sometimes feel the same way. (see now i feel bad for saying this hahaha)
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    Aug 25, 2013 6:21 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    Jantheman said
    TheGuyNextDoor said


    I was making about $100. a day back then...



    I just re-read your comment. $100.00 a day? wow. thats a lot. I wanna be a waiter too.