To the ex-bullies out there

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2013 8:59 PM GMT
    For several reasons -and I'm not using this as an excuse- I was a total bully in high school. For 3-4 years I made a living hell of some of my class mates lives to the point some would skip classes not to run into me. I regret all that but what's done is done and I can't change the past, right?

    Ok so last week some of my buddies went to the high school reunion and told me at some point some started to talk about me and it wasn't nice stuff. One of the guys I bullied the most was there and he was like "yeah and he turned out a fag after all".

    I don't mind about that because I know the guy was pissed, actually I'm considering to call some of them and apologize personally, but I don't know if that will accomplish anything or will make things worse. Maybe it's better to leave things in the past? I've just been feeling pretty guilty about this lately. Have any of you been in this situation, what have you done about it?
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    Aug 26, 2013 9:03 PM GMT
    Wow
    You are asking for it.
    Talk about a death wish.
    Nice knowing you manicon_lol.gif
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    Aug 26, 2013 9:04 PM GMT
    what
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2013 9:11 PM GMT
    Karma is a bitch ain't it?

    It seems harsh that you should have to finally deal with guilt at how you impacted others so many years after the transgression. Still, the impact of your bullying affected your victims all their lives, so it is only fitting you should be forced to do some penance.


    Apologies would help, but would you be seeking forgiveness only for your own selfish need to feel better or because you are genuinely sorry for what you did to these people?



    "turned out to be a fag after all"

    dies this mean you routinely derided your victims as supposedly gay? How cliché.

  • adultoreo

    Posts: 167

    Aug 26, 2013 9:12 PM GMT
    I am guilty by association but never really bullied anyone. I would say let bygones be bygones.
  • adultoreo

    Posts: 167

    Aug 26, 2013 9:15 PM GMT
    venue35 said
    mizu5 saidI had a guy come upto me and say sorry for the bullying he used to anonymously do at school and online.I had long since forgotten about it all, but it restored a little faith in humanity for me. He came out aroundthat time. I think it helped him heal.

    Bleeding hearts of the world unite


    LOL
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    Aug 26, 2013 9:17 PM GMT
    Upper_Cdn Well I would do it for both reasons; to ease the guilt and also maybe help the guy somehow? But I dont know if that would have that effect or would be more like what gta5iscomingin20days said.

    venue35: things bullies ussually do icon_confused.gif

  • adultoreo

    Posts: 167

    Aug 26, 2013 9:19 PM GMT
    David3000 saidUpper_Cdn Well I would do it for both reasons; to ease the guilt and also maybe help the guy somehow? But I dont know if that would have that effect or would be more like what gta5iscomingin20days said.

    venue35: things bullies ussually do icon_confused.gif




    Do consider that some of them don't want you to scratch the wounds.
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    Aug 26, 2013 9:22 PM GMT
    ^ yeah that's exactly the thing that keeps me from calling them. I suppose it's better if I dont
  • adultoreo

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    Aug 26, 2013 9:24 PM GMT
    David3000 said^ yeah that's exactly the thing that keeps me from calling them. I suppose is better if I dont


    To be honest, If you have bullied them so much that they still hold a grudge against you then chances are that a sorry won't do anything. Worse, it can piss them off.
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    Aug 26, 2013 9:32 PM GMT
    ^ ugh, I dont know, I hope not
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    Aug 26, 2013 9:36 PM GMT
    Reminds me of this...



    Bully turns out to be gay. Wow. Life imitating art imitating life
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    Aug 26, 2013 10:15 PM GMT
    I think that for the most part, the guys who were bullied have found closure after high school. So to go back to them and apologize for your past behavior will probably remind them of some old wounds. It's probably best that you let it go.

    Would I forgive one of those bullies if they were to apologize to me? Sure I would. Because deep down, I think I would be doing them a favor by helping them remove their guilt.
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    Aug 26, 2013 10:23 PM GMT
    Not many adults will admit to being school bullies:

    Who here bullied people in school?:
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1938620
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    Aug 26, 2013 10:24 PM GMT
    venue35 said
    Upper_Cdn saidKarma is a bitch ain't it?

    It seems harsh that you should have to finally deal with guilt at how you impacted others so many years after the transgression. Still, the impact of your bullying affected your victims all their lives, so it is only fitting you should be forced to do some penance.


    Apologies would help, but would you be seeking forgiveness only for your own selfish need to feel better or because you are genuinely sorry for what you did to these people?
    are you a psychiatrist ?



    fucked one once.


    Twice.
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    Aug 26, 2013 10:45 PM GMT
    Upper_Cdn saidKarma is a bitch ain't it?

    "turned out to be a fag after all"

    dies this mean you routinely derided your victims as supposedly gay? How cliché.



    icon_rolleyes.gif

    Throwing in an extra punch for the sake of it ?? Really??

    Kudos for having the balls to admit what you did.
    The focus here should be..

    A)Are you truly remorseful? or..
    B)Are you really just trying to clear your conscience?

    If a is your answer then you know making those calls are not about you..

    BTW.. We have have ALL done destructive things to others!

  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Aug 26, 2013 10:53 PM GMT
    venue35 said
    David3000 saidUpper_Cdn Well I would do it for both reasons; to ease the guilt and also maybe help the guy somehow? But I dont know if that would have that effect or would be more like what gta5iscomingin20days said.

    venue35: things bullies ussually do icon_confused.gif

    the fact that you openly admit to being so horrible that some of your classmates wouldn't even come to class so that they wouldn't run into you...well I find this disappointing and it doesn't put you in a positive light.
    I don't know why you would post something like this.


    High school kids can be awful, but that doesn't mean they grow into awful people.

    I think if you gave genuine apologies to some of these people it would affect them in a positive way, even if all they do in the moment is lash out at you.

    Also, I wonder if "letting bygones be bygones" is just an excuse for cowardice. Accepting accountability for things you have done is a respectable act regardless of how others receive it in the moment.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2013 11:29 PM GMT
    I had a bully apologize to me while we were still in high school. He broke an art project of mine when we were in 8th grade. It was nice, but I had already gotten over it.

    I had a different reaction when my sisters apologized for things they had done. In that case it was like opening old wounds.
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    Aug 26, 2013 11:38 PM GMT
    As a victim of bullying if any one of them came to me to apologise I would probably tell them to get lost, not that I wasn't glad that they turned out to be not complete evil sociopaths and had a conscience after all, I just wouldn't want to relive the embarrassment and trauma of their abuse, even if it was in apologetic form, people don't deserve to be forgiven for anything they've done, all that you can do is just promise not to do it to anyone else ever again AND promise to not condone it in others and to stop anyone else from doing it to others, never say "thats none of my business"

    Don't say you're sorry, just don't give me a reason for you to say sorry in the future.

    Plus, apologises denote pity and sympathy, which embarrasses people and makes them feel ashamed all the more.
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    Aug 26, 2013 11:42 PM GMT
    I am personally disgusted that 5-18 years olds are practically exempt from harassment laws in the modern world, I personally think most bullies should be given criminal records for their abuse and bullying should have a prison penalty.

    I've met some twisted people out there who would never be so kind as to physically hurt me, because they can't get away with that, which is ironic because in my opinion physical wounds and scars heal A LOT quicker and are less painful.
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    Aug 27, 2013 12:24 AM GMT
    This is just my 2 cents, but as someone who spent most of his life on the other end, hearing an apology would go a long way.

    Even if you didn't do it in person - a letter or e-mail or some sort of message would be an olive branch. It certainly won't undo anything, but it could bring closure to both of you and allow for healing in some lives that might not have come. It also could open the door for a new friendship that you didn't expect.

    Anyway, just a thought.
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    Aug 27, 2013 1:00 AM GMT
    There's a few people I'd like to apologize to, if I ever run into them, I will. Otherwise, I'd suggest letting it go. The person I really want to talk to the most is dead, so sadly it'll never happen. Sometimes all we can do is reflect on our mistakes, and learn from them.
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    Aug 27, 2013 1:30 AM GMT
    Bend over a saw horse,drop your pants and take a good ole fashioned bare ass whipping with a belt from all the people you abused.icon_smile.gif #redeemed Ryan.
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    Aug 27, 2013 1:30 AM GMT
    Do the right thing and aplogize. I deal with bullies at school all the time. I make them aplogize because I will bully the bully. icon_twisted.gif
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    Aug 27, 2013 1:52 AM GMT
    eagermuscle saidNot many adults will admit to being school bullies:

    Who here bullied people in school?:
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1938620


    Even fewer will admit to being adult bullies. In fact, when their bullying is pointed out, they usually point a finger at their victims and shriek, "There's the bully! Everyone attack him!"