Not sure how to progress with Relationship/Confused


  • Aug 27, 2013 5:21 AM GMT
    So to make a long story short, I've been skyping with a cute and sweet guy from Hubei, China, for the past 2 months - nearly every day. We both really like each other - the first week we met, we talked for hours every day (and I was doing research at the time - not a good combination, lol). Anyways, he really fell for me. I like him a lot....but I'm just not sure if he's the one. I can never guess if there ever will be a "perfect" guy for me, but I feel some responsibility to eventually decide whether I want to be his bf or not - he has already made it clear to me that he would be mine in a heartbeat, but is patient & understands I need to make my own decision.

    The odd thing for me is, although I am really enjoying his company, I don't necessarily have the same strong sexual connection with him as he does for me - i.e., I don't imagine him when I jerk off. Even more bizarre is that instead of thinking of him, I now have this obsession of thinking about other asian guys I've found attractive - at least sexually. It's driven me so crazy that I've searched for Chinese & Japanese guys on gay dating sites, like Realjock. It's also made me feel extremely guilty, because I want to stay close with this guy but feel like I'm pulling away from him at the same time. I feel torn, so much so that I'd wish I'd wake up one day and realize he is Mr. Right for me.

    As a novice in the dating game (never actually dated, unless you include this 1-month relationship where the same guy who "hooked" up with me eventually dumped me), what recommendations would you have for moving forward? Are there any similar experiences you have gone through? I'm curious to know what other people have been through, and how they handled these sorts of situations.

    Thanks Guys! I really appreciate the help & support.

    ~Seth
  • LoveAndPeace

    Posts: 460

    Aug 27, 2013 4:37 PM GMT
    I don't quite understand why you are talking to a guy in fucking China lol. You live in California right(judging from your profile)Long distance relationships dont work its a fact (unless you are willing to travel a thousand miles to meet this one guy).Move on and find some guy in California...which isn't too hard to find considering there are tons of gays
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    Aug 27, 2013 7:19 PM GMT
    LoveAndPeace saidI don't quite understand why you are talking to a guy in fucking China lol. You live in California right(judging from your profile)Long distance relationships dont work its a fact (unless you are willing to travel a thousand miles to meet this one guy).Move on and find some guy in California...which isn't too hard to find considering there are tons of gays


    +20 billion

  • Aug 28, 2013 12:10 PM GMT
    I understand where you are coming from in regards to your observation about looking through other guys of that race instead of the guy. I totally had that also and it shocked me because I felt guilty in a way that this guy had introduced me to a whole new race of people through him.

    Back to point, I think you are free to do what you want in this situation because you have not committed to some sort of relationship with him. You are not expected to be exclusively with this guy in question but able to play the field. If this guy has a problem with that, he has some issues he needs to figure out.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Aug 28, 2013 10:16 PM GMT
    Think about this - Are you playing at "Sleepless in LA"? You two have not met and you're not turned on by him. No future. So go out and date guys IRL. You're 21 - so you have quite a few years to hunt for Mr. Right (or Mr. Almost Right). Get laid, so if you ever do meet Mr. Right, you will already know what it is all about.
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    Aug 28, 2013 11:14 PM GMT
    Lol I think you're having a case of Asian guys fever! Lol, why are you talking to this guy in China? There are tons of cute Asian gays in the LA metro, lol, just go to Club Dragon/Game boi in West Hollywood and find yourself a man! I don't understand people who do skype/online/chat relationship with guys like from the other side of the world. icon_razz.gificon_redface.gificon_lol.gif

  • Aug 29, 2013 1:29 AM GMT
    unckabasa said
    LoveAndPeace saidI don't quite understand why you are talking to a guy in fucking China lol. You live in California right(judging from your profile)Long distance relationships dont work its a fact (unless you are willing to travel a thousand miles to meet this one guy).Move on and find some guy in California...which isn't too hard to find considering there are tons of gays


    +20 billion


    Sorry, I think you're missing the point. I'm completely fine having a long-distance relationship (if convenience is the issue, consider how convenient it is to access people online. I don't see an issue with distance, as I do have the means to travel thousands of miles and create that "physical" connection). I don't mean to make that an issue, just saying I personally am okay with how I've approached things.

  • Aug 29, 2013 1:43 AM GMT
    Thanks for the comments guys. Resurrection10, I agree with you, I should go explore - and he has no problem with that at all. Thanks for letting me realize that this is within my capability - tbh, I think I would've eventually shut myself out from searching, and that would be a true shame! icon_sad.gif

    socalx10 - thanks for the information! I'm definitely going to look into those! (Assuming I get a car/ride AND I'm not overridden by bone-crushing workloads!!! icon_razz.gif )

    Suetonius - you noted I'm "not turned on by him." To be fair, I have had sexual thoughts about him - just not to the degree I'd expect for a relationship. Is it fair to say that not all relationships start out as an intense love affair (on both sides), but can progress towards it over time? LOL, what I mean to say is these things fluctuate. For me, it's hard to firmly believe that I will find "the one," and that same "one" will have thought he's found "the one" - me - at the same time. Maybe I'm pessimistic, but isn't that reality?
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    Aug 29, 2013 3:17 AM GMT
    tobedetermined said
    unckabasa said
    LoveAndPeace saidI don't quite understand why you are talking to a guy in fucking China lol. You live in California right(judging from your profile)Long distance relationships dont work its a fact (unless you are willing to travel a thousand miles to meet this one guy).Move on and find some guy in California...which isn't too hard to find considering there are tons of gays


    +20 billion

    I don't see an issue with distance....



    Oh you will my friend.....you will. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 29, 2013 11:53 PM GMT
    socalx10 saidI don't understand people who do skype/online/chat relationship with guys like from the other side of the world. icon_razz.gificon_redface.gificon_lol.gif

    *raises hand* If they don't meet, he might not get a broken heart from this.
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    Aug 30, 2013 9:27 PM GMT
    Macaque said
    socalx10 saidI don't understand people who do skype/online/chat relationship with guys like from the other side of the world. icon_razz.gificon_redface.gificon_lol.gif

    *raises hand* If they don't meet, he might not get a broken heart from this.


    Or a recipe for a Catfish story !! icon_neutral.gificon_eek.gif
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    Aug 31, 2013 6:33 AM GMT
    You don't even sound to be truly into him.. stop wasting both of you guys' time and move on...

    Tell Him of course.. you can still be friends if you want

    Who knows, maybe something will come out of t in the future but you cant date a laptop...

    icon_confused.gif

  • Jan 10, 2014 10:34 PM GMT
    I decided to reply as an update...since everyone wants a sequel!

    About 6 months down the line, I've still kept with him and also asked to be his boyfriend. We met for the first time about 2 months ago; I had a radical change of plans that allowed me to travel to China (for 2 months!) and visit my boyfriend on weekends. I met many of his friends who were extremely welcoming (even surprised us with balloons), and I can say the whole experience was very smooth and better than expected.

    That said, I still have a strong case of yellow fever and find he was not as attractive as I expected. This I've realized is a small price to pay for an otherwise great guy. It still bothers him and me to some degree, but I can't say it's a problem. Right now, I'm fine.

    Has anyone else felt this way? Thanks

  • Jan 11, 2014 1:21 AM GMT
    woodsmen saidHe will be one among many boyfriends. Don't sweat it. If you are not attracted, your eyes will move to the next target.


    hmmm...do you say this from personal experience?

    Idk, maybe I'm just not experienced, but breaking up with someone just because they're not picture-perfect seems to go against all good advice, at least the advice media gives icon_confused.gif Maybe for some people, finding the perfect partner really just means finding a guy they're happy with.

    Plus, it's not like we haven't enjoyed great sex icon_razz.gif


  • Jan 11, 2014 1:46 AM GMT
    woodsmen saidExperience life and sex diversely but safely. You are young. And such experiences will be rewarding to you and your future husband


    Those words touch me. Thanks