How to not care so much?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2013 3:30 PM GMT
    So I'm writing this as I'm getting ready to leave head so I apologize if there are mistakes I don't much time to edit.

    I was just wondering what you personally do to get over people you feel pretty strong for when you feel like it's not being reciprocated or felt by the person you're madly interested in? Whether it's online, or meeting for a date or someone from work, school etc etc.

    For me I don't really know how I deal with it, I wait it out usually but that seems about all I can do. I'm extremely selective when it comes to people I've liked both male and female, and I can honestly say I've really fell for maybe 4 people in my life none of which I dated. I have had maybe 3 or 4 situations online where I have really liked someone after talking. This leads me to believe due to my selective nature that those I fall for truly mean something making me desiring to have them badly.

    But when this happens I go a bit overboard and my feelings tend to go wild. To the point where I can't think of anything else and emotionally I become drained and ultimately very weak for a period of time. I am hyper romantic and I will sit and fantasize about situations I madly want over and over again until I make some sort of drastic change in my life to separate the anxiety.

    Anyways I'm writing this because it's happening a little a bit now and I really could use some advice on what I can do just to put myself at ease. Normally telling myself it will never happen helps, but only if I have closure on the person.

    I apologize for any lack of details missing in what I wrote, I wrote this in probably 5 minutes. Also If there's a hundred topics like this, sorry again. Just don't have time to look through em right now. Thanks for any replies but I won't be surprised if this topic hits the dumps for it being another "I'm crazy obsessed with a boy" topics.

    Haha anyways thanks boys

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2013 3:37 PM GMT
    Scruff saidI wait it out usually but that seems about all I can do.

    That's all I ever could do about it. I had one really bad crush in 1988 that took three or four months to get over. It sucked. Try to find something that absorbs all your attention. If you're still in college, a hard semester of course work should do the trick.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 27, 2013 4:18 PM GMT
    Stop seeing them.
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    Aug 27, 2013 4:20 PM GMT
    Always follow the NC (no contact rule), focus on hobbies/interests, hang out with close friends, roll with the emotions (cry when you feel like it, scream when you feel like it - but just don't dwell on them), and do your own thing for a while.

    I don't think your case is anything particular new. You can do it, man, but you have to be willing to have some will-power and show some self-worth. Are you really wanting to waste your precious time on Earth chasing people who don't want to give you time of day?

    Take care, bud.

    Josh
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Aug 27, 2013 4:33 PM GMT
    I hear you and fell you, Scruff. I become the same way as you when I truly care about someone romantically--they become a tiring, draining obsession to the point I can't care or put much energy into anything else in life.

    Currently, I'm seeing two men who each, I feel, could be boyfriend material.. but who are just fuckbuddies. I'm trying my darnest not to let my romantic tendencies ruin these two friendly connections. I chased after another fuckbuddy recently who could've been a boyfriend and it ended badly with him stopping all contact with me after telling me I gave him an STD. I don't want to risk another ignominious end, so I'm not sweating these current guys.

    My strategy will be to be busy with work, career and my personal pursuit of filmmaking. I will do anything in my power to bring the focus back to me, including the practice of meditation. I'm just not going to chase after any guy anymore unless he's worth it and I've become very astute at knowing when to pursue and when not to pursue. This is my advice to you. If they don't obviously show signs that they want something strongly romantic with you, do anything in your power not to pursue. Don't be rude.. but just don't pursue. Don't contact. Don't call. Don't text. Don't do nothing. And focus on yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2013 10:32 PM GMT
    JumpMan_Josh saidAlways follow the NC (no contact rule), focus on hobbies/interests, hang out with close friends, roll with the emotions (cry when you feel like it, scream when you feel like it - but just don't dwell on them), and do your own thing for a while.

    I don't think your case is anything particular new. You can do it, man, but you have to be willing to have some will-power and show some self-worth. Are you really wanting to waste your precious time on Earth chasing people who don't want to give you time of day?

    Take care, bud.

    Josh


    I totally know what you mean and respect where coming from completely. I'll get more specific first off

    I've talked to this guy a few times and we had some conversations and it went pretty well. I met him on another site and we've been passing messages back and forth for a few weeks, he just hasn't gotten back to me since then. Also He lives sort of far ish away, not really too far maybe like a half day drive away so that could contribute to why he probably isn't taking me too seriously.

    I also haven't even told him about my feelings since this happened pretty suddenly for me. i usually don't get this stricken by someone or it takes a few more conversations but with him I'm already really impressed by him. He seems like a great, extremely nice and non douchey guy despite him being super attractive.

    I want to tell him how I feel but i don't want to freak the kid out cause we've only talked a few times. I'd be willing to travel or even relocate if I met someone which is annoying cause it looks needy, which I'm not I just have pretty high expectations for mates. Also i wanna travel around to where he lives anyways cause he happens to live somewhere I've always wanted to travel to as kid.(also I find people from other countries very appealing because I have an open mind to other cultures/ways of living).

    Also you're totally right this isn't new for me. But unless someone knows how I feel and I know it will never happen I hold on to hope.

    So my question now is how do I express how I feel without looking irrational? I guess I have to just talk more with him and see if he wants to pursuit getting to know each other more...it's just hard cause it's been a week since I messaged him maybe he just forgot to reply or something, or maybe he is ignoring me? I don't wanna look clingy but i wanna get this off my chest too. His profile is pretty elaborate on what he wants and I fit mostly all of it.

    Okay lol fuck Sorry for these short stories thank you for your feedback much love guys.
  • Rhi_Bran

    Posts: 904

    Aug 27, 2013 11:01 PM GMT
    I just went through this, Scruff (...good thing the guy in question deleted his account on this site icon_lol.gif ). No matter how much your mind tells your heart that it's not worth it to dwell on them, the heart is never so willing to accept what the mind sees as perfectly logical. It will hurt. But the pain will pass and you will find somebody else. Try going out with friends to bars (preferably tame ones) and score a date. If you spend all your time obsessing on one guy, your future boyfriend might just pass you by.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2013 11:21 PM GMT
    Sometimes it pays to be shallow.