Falling For The Straight Guy. . .

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2013 4:53 AM GMT
    Ok so there is this Really hot European guy in my college class with curly hair, he is really fit and Terribly genuinely nice.

    He talks to Everybody! Ask their names and has conversations with them. The girls get all giggly when he says a few words.. even I think I overreacted when he first talked to me, I think I smiled way too hard and spoke way to loud and I think he thought I was making fun of him a little because he told me he went to class too early so I said well why didn't you ask me I was right here! with awkward loud laughter in the library... and he said something that ended with no big deal =[ .Then we were quiet but he spoke to me again later just as friendly as before.

    Truthfully he is just a cute guy, I am Not falling for him, he is nice and all but nothing more, also he seems to be just a few notches up from typical boring straight guys when it comes to humor.

    But I do feel kind of bad slightly flirting (badly) with a guy I am 99% Sure is straight... It reminds me of my past when I felt I could spend my life with guys who were likely straight and it makes me feel kind of disgusting.. First of all even if he was gay I doubt he would go for someone like me and secondly I doubt any straight guy wants another guy flirting with them. I know I am not a fan when girls have done t to me.

    Does anyone else feel bad for flirting with the straight guy? Wasting so much time praying he is gay or will turn for you? Possibly making him uncomfortable...

    icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2013 4:57 AM GMT
    I do "pretend gay" flirting with my straight friends all the time. I have no intent of converting them either. As long as you keep it that way, I don't see why you should feel guilty flirting. Waiters/waitresses flirt with people they aren't interested in at all to get tips, for example. Everyone does it. Be thankful that he's comfortable enough with his sexuality to not have an issue with your flirting, and don't make it awkward. That's my two cents
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2013 5:03 AM GMT
    juvenescences saidI do "pretend gay" flirting with my straight friends all the time. I have no intent of converting them either. As long as you keep it that way, I don't see why you should feel guilty flirting. Waiters/waitresses flirt with people they aren't interested in at all to get tips, for example. Everyone does it. Be thankful that he's comfortable enough with his sexuality to not have an issue with your flirting, and don't make it awkward. That's my two cents


    Im not doing the purposeful flirt haha, I am just babbling and making a fool out of myself by accident and were aren't even really friends yet... I don't know if I can stop doing what I am doing either icon_neutral.gif I'm just trying to ignore him a little, I hate doing it to people but it helps me feel "safer" in the long run I believe
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 29, 2013 5:23 AM GMT
    You just head fucking yourself .... stop it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2013 6:57 AM GMT
    No one should feel bad for developing feelings for someone who is of different sexual orientation/gender/age/social status/etc. Becoming attracted to someone is as natural as feeling thirsty/hungry, or wanting to rest. And feelings like that are harmless as long as they are tamed and expressed in a manner that is respectful to everyone (including yourself).

    You shouldn't be too hard on yourself about this. It's natural to feel attracted to another person, regardless of their sexual orientation. As long as you accept the more-likely possibility that he is straight and not cause yourself more pain by creating false reality around him, you are good.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2013 7:04 AM GMT
    That should be the plot to your porno.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Aug 29, 2013 7:06 AM GMT
    I think you know the answer to that question. I do not flirt with guys because unlike most I figure they are all straight until proven otherwise. Plus, I usually go to straight establishments so do not usually see any one gay there unless they are obviously gay. when i say that mean they usually are the type that wants to let everyone know that they are gay but cool
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2013 7:08 AM GMT
    You can just ask him... or you can check his Facebook for anything that tells if he's gay. A lot of young people have one.

    If he is really straight, you need to move on and learn to separate emotions from logic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2013 7:45 AM GMT
    We all been there. i think im sort of in a same dilemma. Recently i was driving my grandfather to his machenic to check for his car. when we got there, i saw this hot for hotness guy *that guy can be a model anyday*, his tall, has blue eyes and he seems like an all rounded nice guy. I couldnt help myself i flirted up the storm with with. Unfortunetly his engaged. But still. Side note * this dude is white and i always thought i was not into white guys, i guess i was wrong*. God ill swim into that glass of cold milk any day.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2013 9:33 AM GMT
    Flirting: To deal playfully, triflingly, or superficially with.

    I flirt with Men, Women, Children and Cute Animals.

    ..The modern definition of flirting connotes sex.
    In this case I'll stick to gay men.


  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Aug 29, 2013 3:07 PM GMT
    TheRece25 saidFirst of all even if he was gay I doubt he would go for someone like me and secondly I doubt any straight guy wants another guy flirting with them. I know I am not a fan when girls have done t to me.


    Why? Unless you're in a relationship where it's outlawed, there is no harm in flirting that's not going to lead anywhere as long as both parties recognize it as such. Striaght friends even flirt with it each other, it's homoerotic...and harmless.

    As long as you don't start chasing pavements by thinking of him as anything more than a straight friend, have at it, yeah? but you need to be honest with yourself on whether or not you can do that.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Aug 29, 2013 3:19 PM GMT
    All these hot, gay bros around and you want something you can't get anyway...Reality is a great place...come visit sometime.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2013 3:19 PM GMT
    One of the things you said is my concern too. If I'm talking to a straight guy who I'm attracted to, I have to hold back from over reacting to every little thing he says.
    I can fall in love or infatuation so quickly. There is a cute guy (of many) at my gym that I've been admiring for a year. He never speaks to anyone. Someone like that is hard to strike up a conversation with but you never know. Sometimes you can tell they want to be left alone and sometimes they're so happy somebody's talking to them.
    Two days ago we ended up sharing some equipment and talking to each other. He was really friendly. He even helped me adjust my equipment when I moved it which is unusual for someone I just met. We had a good conversation and I made sure we ran into each other as we were both leaving so we could talk in the parking lot a little.
    After a few small conversations I feel like I'm in love with him and can't wait to see him again. It's ridiculous the effect a handsome well built young man can have on me. He had a nice personality and a good speaking voice too which reals me even faster.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2013 3:22 PM GMT
    mybud saidAll these hot, gay bros around and you want something you can't get anyway...Reality is a great place...come visit sometime.

    Around where?
    (I'm asking seriously)
    Most people here really don't want to meet anyone.
    There have been threads on it.
    I've asked about a hundred gymrats here if they want to get together, work out with me, go for coffee. Nobody responds.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Aug 29, 2013 3:26 PM GMT
    JohnSpotter said
    mybud saidAll these hot, gay bros around and you want something you can't get anyway...Reality is a great place...come visit sometime.

    Around where?
    (I'm asking seriously)
    Most people here really don't want to meet anyone.
    There have been threads on it.
    I've asked about a hundred gymrats here if they want to get together, work out with me, go for coffee. Nobody responds.
    Here's one for ya...Let them ask...Pushy is a bone kill...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2013 3:50 PM GMT
    That makes no sense. If it's not okay for me to ask why is it okay for them to ask?
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Aug 29, 2013 4:01 PM GMT
    JohnSpotter saidThat makes no sense. If it's not okay for me to ask why is it okay for them to ask?
    Did ya feel a gust of wind whistling through your hair? That was my comment that went over your head.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2013 4:07 PM GMT
    The OP and I are looking for serious advice and you're just clowning around. It's so hard to open up here because of people like you.
  • Aodhan

    Posts: 3828

    Aug 29, 2013 4:11 PM GMT
    I hate when that happens! Damn those attractive straight guys, sometimes you can't help but flirt a little!

    But OP he sounds like a nice guy, make friends with him and you could find out more about him and see if he is i fact gay or straight.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Aug 29, 2013 4:20 PM GMT
    JohnSpotter saidThe OP and I are looking for serious advice and you're just clowning around. It's so hard to open up here because of people like you.
    I'll break it down for ya...If ...YOU...act like a troll at your gym asking everybody you come into contact with to " go out for coffee" you're gonna turn off all that go there...Instead...wait...let the guy make the first move and ask you...Now...I gave ya great advice...I opened up for you...Later
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 29, 2013 4:23 PM GMT
    Here is the thing ... flirting with someone on initial contact is sort of acceptable (except with some straight guys) however if your initial flirting in no reciprocated and you continue to do so then you become an annoyance. You are looked at as a perv or your flirting can be viewed as sexual harassment. Look at it this way, put yourself in a similar position where some specific person is flirting with you and for what ever reason you find him unattractive. If he persists even after you have thwarted his advances, then how does that make you feel? Uncomfortable? Creeped out? A little afraid? So respect others, especially straight guys who are not comfortable with advances from gay men. It is harrassment and it not socially acceptable in any form.
  • BillandChuck

    Posts: 2024

    Aug 29, 2013 4:27 PM GMT
    Seems like we went from "I'm sure this guy is straight, should I flirt with him anyway?" to "What's wrong with me that I invite every guy I enjoy looking at from my gym to coffee and none go?" Quite different issues/circumstances.

    To the OP: best advice here is make friends with him WITHOUT THE EXPECTATION that you'll off-chance find him to be gay and receptive. If it turns out that way, be open to it, if you find you've enjoyed getting to know him. Otherwise, you're flirting with disaster.

    On the gym-based invitation pool: if you've talked to and invited many, you might have a rep. Be very selective and only offer the invitation if you perceive some interest through some more innocuous contact first; i.e., raise your stock so that if/when you make that move again, someone might be receptive as opposed to "recognizing" that you're a common approacher.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2013 4:28 PM GMT
    mybud said
    JohnSpotter saidThe OP and I are looking for serious advice and you're just clowning around. It's so hard to open up here because of people like you.
    I'll break it down for ya...If ...YOU...act like a troll at your gym asking everybody you come into contact with to " go out for coffee" you're gonna turn off all that go there...Instead...wait...let the guy make the first move and ask you...Now...I gave ya great advice...I opened up for you...Later

    I was talking about RJ. I do fine with the guys at the gym. But thank you for the good advice given in a less than friendly way.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4434

    Aug 29, 2013 4:30 PM GMT
    You're over-thinking it. I promise, you'll be surrounded by straight guys all your life. And girls, too. Don't put yourself in a gay ghetto. Just be friendly to people who are friendly to you. If they like you, don't worry about how you come across. They like you the way you are! Relax, man. (And Euro guys can put off a vibe that feels different from what you're used to. Just enjoy the exposure to a new culture.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2013 4:43 PM GMT
    I might talk to guys and very subtly flirt with them but if I get any sign he isn't interested, whether because he's not gay or because he just isn't interested, I stop. It's a lot less trouble if you just pursue someone you already know is gay or bi. I stopped playing the role of an investigator a long time ago.