Why are so many gay men out for sex only instead of relationships?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2007 5:58 PM GMT
    Yet another highly charged topic.
  • atxclimber

    Posts: 480

    Mar 20, 2007 7:31 PM GMT
    I dunno, I think this one is pretty straightforward. Sex drives are really strong. Even for people where anonymous sex is not that fulfilling, it can take some serious willingness (which usually just has to come from knowledge of past mistakes, or whatever) to overwhelm that sexual energy with self-restraint.

    The Buddha said that sexual energy is the most powerful energy in the world, and went so far as to say that if there were even *two* such energies, if there were one other energy as strong as sexual energy, nobody would ever reach enlightenment, himself included.

    Even if you're not a Buddhist, it's no secret that sexual energy is really, really compelling.
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    Mar 20, 2007 7:37 PM GMT
    Some guys consider sex to be an athletic pursuit that may be a separate thing from love.

    I think E.L. Doctorow wrote something about this. Among many others, I'm sure.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Mar 20, 2007 8:49 PM GMT
    Addiction. People like endorphins, sex releases them. People feel good, people stop caring.

    Plus, it's easier to find a trick than it is to find someone decent. The main reason my bf continued to talk to me when we first started dating was BECAUSE I didn't fuck him on the first date.
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    Mar 20, 2007 8:57 PM GMT
    Let's get real.

    Much of this anonymous sex, no repeat tricks, can't talk to you in the morning is about being head fucked as a gay man. A deep dislike for oneself. Physch 101 on this one, Baby.

    Lots of gay guys / bi guys are afraid to feel / endorse / accept the way they are. They bury all that package in faceless torso pics on the Net, anonymous sex, discreet, paranoia, bi, etc.

    If you don't like yourself, it's hard to get other to like you, and nearly impossible to be in a meaningful relationship.

    Lots of guys bounce from trick to trick, incapable of "feeling" and embracing who they are.

    It's sad, but, the truth.
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    Mar 21, 2007 4:37 AM GMT
    Maybe they're not ready to commit yet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2007 3:34 PM GMT
    It has nothing to do with being gay or not... Men are men - sexually charged...

    The only difference is that straight men have women to deal with. If women were just as sexually driven as men, straight people would be fucking all over the place the same as gay men. Why is there the joke about lesbians getting the U-Haul after the second date? - because women are the ones focused on relationships, gay or straight.

    Women provide a balance to mens sexual desires, which creates a false impression that straight people are better at maintaining relationships. Gay men are capable of relationships just as much as straight men are - its just that when you have two men together, who is going to say 'no' to sex?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2007 4:05 PM GMT
    I think it's based on two causes, one primary one and one "new" event...

    Guys are sexually driven in the basist sense - women have been bitchin' about it since the dawn of time. However, now it seems even women have gotten much more sexually charged.
    The event to "promote" sex over relationship, is the internet. Sex is freely and easily available, we see it in advertising, (sites like this one), and have become more open to sex/sexuality and are exposed to images more and more - TV, Magazines, Internet. Hell just 15 years ago we would all be "working" at this time of day, but the average person is, instead, on the internet (right now) and they ain't just checking March Madness Stats ;)
    ...not to mention the majority of gay and bi men were in the closet 15 years ago(outta sight, outta mind)

    The higher the exposure the greater the availabilty = the there for the wanting and taking!

    No get your ass back to work! {:D
    If only I got paid to surf the net, not to mention surf the hot guys on this site! I'd be one rich bastard.
  • christomax

    Posts: 30

    Mar 23, 2007 3:51 PM GMT
    Why are so many gay men out for sex only instead of relationships? Hmm.. I would have to chalk this up to monogamy being a behavior that is partly learned, and partly instinctive. However, strict monogamy is probably due mostly to social forces. Last time I checked, humans were actually polygamous for most of our history. Monogamy is a recent development(relatively speaking.) Nature shows us that there are types of monogamy, however, that is not necessarily about sexual monogamy, but about forming a social partnership for nurturing children. Biologically speaking, the male instinct is to reproduce in as many places as possible and is what causes guys to want multiple partners...
  • UStriathlete

    Posts: 320

    Mar 23, 2007 4:16 PM GMT
    max617...you must be morman?

    studies have shown as well, that it's genetic. some men have the relationship gene, you know the one's that have been married or committed relationship for 30 years... and there's one's that have mulitipul relationships. I also think it has to do with past lifes, karma...etc.

  • christomax

    Posts: 30

    Mar 27, 2007 12:45 AM GMT
    Mormon? Uh..no. I study a lot of science, I'm pre-med.

    I'd really be interested if you could site a source for your information, that doesn't sound at all accurate.
  • christomax

    Posts: 30

    Mar 27, 2007 12:55 AM GMT
    What I mean to say is that, in the beginning it had to do with the recources required to provide for a mate and offspring, then it became a cultural issue. It's not as simple as a "relationship" gene. That's like saying it's as easy as it being a "gay" gene. It's not.

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    Mar 27, 2007 1:48 AM GMT
    Ever try the 40 day 40 night no release thing? You end up just having a wet dream. Might as well share it with someone.. NSA or otherwise both guys have fun blowing off some steam.
  • trainerbry

    Posts: 4

    Mar 29, 2007 9:21 PM GMT
    This is the million dollar question...I would love the answer to this one myself!!

    To me, it is much hotter having sex with someone that I am in love with, and feel a connection with...call me crazy, but that's the way I feel!!

    But some guys who say they want sex and romance...they may WANT it..but they want it WITHOUT any emotional involvement.

    Maybe one day we will all find a guy who wants a relationship over sex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2007 9:43 PM GMT
    Its random sex which equals not being responsible for your action
    Out of site out of mine
    who cares who you hurt as long as your ok
    right ?

    Sorry but the above piss's me off
    careless acts for your own enjoyment

    thank god Im single

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Apr 08, 2007 12:29 PM GMT
    I don't think they are as mutually intertwined as you think...
    sex to be great doesn't require that you're in a relationship...
    but conversely for a healthy relationship to be good the sex better be too :)
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    Apr 08, 2007 6:32 PM GMT
    Well idmalestudent, I'm not sure that this is such a highly charged topic. I'm not convinced that most gay men are after only sex and not a relationship. I'm willing to bet that most guys, outside of those in their "kick my heels" early 20s, really crave having a relationship. I know I did/do.

    However, we are also up to having sex in the meantime, right? In this respect, I don't think gay men are any different from straights.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 08, 2007 6:52 PM GMT
    Maybe it's just laziness! ;)

    But seriously, getting laid is easy to come by, but developing a relationship requires a lot of emotional work, and in our age of instant gratification, some guys don't want to put in the effort.
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    Apr 13, 2007 8:37 PM GMT
    Well in the south it's the other way around. Most guys want to know how many guys you have sleep with and will look down apon you if it's a large number. I think guys don't know how to treat a relationship because we are all closeted when we are young in the beginning. So we are pretty new to it once we start dating someone in our adulthood.

    What happen to guys trying to impress you? Or atleast act like they are not sleeping around.That's why it's better to meet a guy in person. You meet them online you already know they are lookin to sleep around lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2007 9:07 PM GMT
    Most men not all don't want the commitment. They don't want to be tied down with one guy for many reasons..One being they are closeted to the point that if someone sees them with the same guy they might be discovered that they are Gay. Some take the open relationship approach. Commitment, but can play with others at the same time. they they hot 35-40 and they grow up....Then they look ahead and don't want to be alone they rest of their lives..
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    Apr 14, 2007 1:21 AM GMT
    Well if you look at the differance between men and women in hetro relationships, Men's number one need is SEX and a women's number one need is AFFECTION. Men tend to see SEX as affection and women tend to see affection as SEX.

    So most men gay, hetro, bi, tri - whatever, have a basic need for sex and many see the sexual act as affection.

    I think the behaviour to have different partners or many partners is also a fear of being tied down in a way. It can also be an ego booster for some who are insecure.

    I think there are many men out there who would love to have a relationship but for one reason or another has not found Mr. Right. You have to remember that generally men don't change. What you see is what you get! I think gay men are more difficult to please, they want perfection in a partner: looks, physique, success, and the list goes on.

    Just read some of these forums and you will see what really is important to a gay guy. Image is big, very few discuss values or deeper issues. So really, what do you expect? Didn't you know that you must screw many before finding Mr. Right!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2007 1:32 AM GMT
    Well here comes my unpopular opinion, but this question sounds a little self loathing. Most of the respondents in this thread seem to categorize sex into things that it is, and things that it isn't, which basically defeats the scientific purpose of our primal urges and instincts. Forget religion and everything it preaches. Be careful that we as gay men don't begin chasing the typical fantasies of a heterosexual woman. Chicks are always saying things like, "We need to talk." "Are we in a relationship or not?"

    Two men can have a very powerful bond with sex and leave it at that. When they want to pair off they will know it when they feel it, they should be allowed to do whatever they want, and not follow anybody else's rules for a relationship. We should not be constantly thinking ahead and scheming for every connection to turn into our next husband, otherwise, you'll find yourself stranded without enough real friends asking yourself this question every friday night.
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    Apr 14, 2007 3:17 AM GMT

    Whoever posted this question has a very strong bias...

    It reads like a complaint.

  • DrStorm

    Posts: 185

    Apr 14, 2007 4:14 AM GMT
    Let me tell you now, that it is no different among straight men. It's not a "gay" thing but a "man" thing. Period.
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    Apr 14, 2007 6:43 AM GMT
    sex usually always feels good and can bring instant happiness/pleasure. relationships don't always end up that way and involve work.