It depends the context and the tone in which words are being used, also the level and trust within the person you're interacting with. We say all of these "words" are horrible but then sometimes someone will use these words in a certain situation, in comedy, with trusted friends etc and people find it funny and/or acceptable. We as a whole contradict ourselves quite often
There's an incredibly fine line between being sinister and ironic. Although it should be acceptable for you to say something controversial to someone Only
if they KNOW for a fact that the other will find it humorous and they have consented an agreement permitting that kind of vocabulary/behaviour. People who use this vocabulary without consent are ignorant not necessarily because they used the word, but because they used it without consent with whom they are speaking with and denied and neglected their feelings/values/beliefs etc. Although if you genuinely use a controversial words or phrase and mean it whole heartedly then yeah there's something wrong with you. I just think that there's several kinds of ingorance, one involves deliberately being small minded and saying hurtful things in conviction, another involves copying another person's ironic joke in hopes of trying to recreate the appeal at a completely inappropriate time.
Also, is it okay for anyone to inflict intentional pain on someone? 90% of the time no, but if someone's into kink and they both consent on exactly what they want done, what rules to follow and when the lines are crossed, then it's okay and you can't do much about it.
Hm.... maybe this why that blurred lines song is popular...