Rejecting a creepy bar advance in a funny way

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    Sep 01, 2013 11:01 PM GMT
    I was at a gay bar two nights ago talking to my friend while we're both seated across a table. An older guy ( 50s - 60s) enters through a door nearby and spots my face and just stops and stares... and begins to smile with a lost dreamy look. I briefly looked at him and then back to my friend to keep talking.

    'What the hell does he want?' I thought.

    I figured he'd move on, so my friend and I kept talking without addressing this creeper. Not even 10 seconds later, the guy, who's clearly drunk, turns at me again and starts eyeing me with a weird smile, his mouth is partly open, basically oogling at me.

    This time, I was annoyed and just abruptly announced to him, "Take a picture, it'll last longer!"

    The guy snaps out of his daze and looks confused. He leans in, surprised I spoke at him.

    "TAKE A PICTURE - IT'LL LAST LONGER." He looks almost offended this time.

    "You were staring at me." Now he catches my drift, his eyes get big, and he mumbles to himself as if I just insulted him. "oh, well excuse me..." and just walks away (and leaves me alone the rest of the night).

    My friend, who had been watching the whole thing, just gives me one nod of satisfaction. It felt pretty good. We just laughed it off afterwards, but I couldn't help but wonder why he gave me that look of being insulted after. I didn't even say anything mean. I mean, I just pointed out that he was staring at me, and implied he should stop.

    What are your thoughts on this? Do you think I handled myself well? Or (for older guys) could I have been a little more polite?
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    Sep 01, 2013 11:07 PM GMT
    RickFL said
    What are your thoughts on this? Do you think I handled myself well? Or (for older guys) could I have been a little more polite?

    Maybe he wasn't expecting a Pee Wee Herman line.

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    Sep 01, 2013 11:09 PM GMT
    Lol Guy.. You are so funny.. icon_lol.gif

    You were a little catty.. Yes.. but very old guys do weird things sometimes.. So maybe you should have started off a little nicer with him...like "Yes?, Is there something you want to say to me", Then if he flirts it up with you say "Sorry I am not looking for anyone right now"

    THEN, if he is persistent, tell him he is not your type or get lost...
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    Sep 01, 2013 11:11 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    RickFL said
    What are your thoughts on this? Do you think I handled myself well? Or (for older guys) could I have been a little more polite?

    Maybe he wasn't expecting a Pee Wee Herman line.



    Pee Wee.. ALWAYS Creeped me the Fuck Out!!

    But That was funny.. icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 01, 2013 11:14 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    Maybe he wasn't expecting a Pee Wee Herman line.


    hahaha fair enough
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    Sep 01, 2013 11:14 PM GMT
    I think you did handle yourself well.

    Could you have been a little nicer? Yes, but staring at someone (unless you're having a convo with them) is really rude too. You had every right to speak up.
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    Sep 01, 2013 11:15 PM GMT
    TheRece25 saidLol Guy.. You are so funny.. icon_lol.gif

    You were a little catty.. Yes.. but very old guys do weird things sometimes.. So maybe you should have started off a little nicer with him...like "Yes?, Is there something you want to say to me", Then if he flirts it up with you say "Sorry I am not looking for anyone right now"

    THEN, if he is persistent, tell him he is not your type or get lost...

    Just a little haha. At least it was quick. I didn't have much patience for that kind of thing that night.
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    Sep 01, 2013 11:17 PM GMT
    Slim2010 saidI think you did handle yourself well.

    Could you have been a little nicer? Yes, but staring at someone (unless you're having a convo with them) is really rude too. You had every right to speak up.


    My thoughts exactly. Thank you.
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    Sep 01, 2013 11:22 PM GMT
    Doesn't get hit on much, so creates a thread where he was rude to someone admiring him. Must make you feel a lot better. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Sep 01, 2013 11:32 PM GMT
    Aristoshark saidSo let's see, you felt that it was rude of the guy to stare at you. Last time I looked, there were no etiquette rules about that. But okay, you decided it was rude. So then you thought it was a good idea to add to the sum total of rudeness in the world and then giggle with your friend like a couple of teenage girls.

    Yeah, you're a prize.


    I don't think that "take a picture, it'll last longer", is really a rude line.

    Staring at someone has always been considered rude.
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    Sep 01, 2013 11:32 PM GMT
    Us old creepers get nostalgic. We see someone that reminds us of an old trick and forget ourselves, lost in the moment, staring at your faces reminded of, but not pretending, you're someone else.
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    Sep 01, 2013 11:34 PM GMT
    Slim2010 said
    Aristoshark saidSo let's see, you felt that it was rude of the guy to stare at you. Last time I looked, there were no etiquette rules about that. But okay, you decided it was rude. So then you thought it was a good idea to add to the sum total of rudeness in the world and then giggle with your friend like a couple of teenage girls.

    Yeah, you're a prize.


    I don't think that "take a picture, it'll last longer", is really a rude line.

    Staring at someone has always been considered rude.



    Maybe not the phrase itself but with its context it's quite rude. There are tons of other ways to handle a situation like that, and that's certainly something I wouldn't do.

    Make an effort to handle things a bit more mature OP.
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    Sep 01, 2013 11:37 PM GMT
    JumpMan_Josh said



    Maybe not the phrase itself but with its context it's quite rude. There are tons of other ways to handle a situation like that, and that's certainly something I wouldn't do.

    Make an effort to handle things a bit more mature OP.


    Agreed, it couldve been handled differently, but that's why he's asking for advice.
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    Sep 01, 2013 11:44 PM GMT
    Karma can be a bitch.
  • killercliche

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    Sep 02, 2013 12:09 AM GMT
    Aristoshark saidSo let's see, you felt that it was rude of the guy to stare at you. Last time I looked, there were no etiquette rules about that. But okay, you decided it was rude.


    staring is, actually, considered rude. most people are taught as much by the age of 5 by their mothers.
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    Sep 02, 2013 12:14 AM GMT
    I'll never forget the creepy, socially awkward, and very unattractive guy in a bar on South Beach a few years ago. He was going up to everyone and asking the same question: "Do you want to have sex?"

    Well, after being politely rejected by several other people, he made his way to me and asked the same thing..."do you want to have sex?"

    I said "yes."

    Then he said "you can come back to my place; I have a pool."

    I looked at him and said "I said I want to have sex, but not with you."

    He started crying and left. Then the bartender high-fived me cause apparently he'd been in there all night annoying everyone with that same question. icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 02, 2013 12:18 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidI'll never forget the creepy, socially awkward, and very unattractive guy in a bar on South Beach a few years ago. He was going up to everyone and asking the same question: "Do you want to have sex?"

    Well, after being politely rejected by several other people, he made his way to me and asked the same thing..."do you want to have sex?"

    I said "yes."

    Then he said "you can come back to my place; I have a pool."

    I looked at him and said "I said I want to have sex, but not with you."

    He started crying and left. Then the bartender high-fived me cause apparently he'd been in there all night annoying everyone with that same question. icon_lol.gif


    icon_sad.gif

    Awe.. I still feel kind of bad for him... he did leave Crying

    Obviously more to his story than anyone there would have though
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    Sep 02, 2013 12:34 AM GMT
    RickFL saidI was at a gay bar two nights ago talking to my friend while we're both seated across a table. An older guy ( 50s - 60s) enters through a door nearby and spots my face and just stops and stares... and begins to smile with a lost dreamy look. I briefly looked at him and then back to my friend to keep talking.

    'What the hell does he want?' I thought.

    I figured he'd move on, so my friend and I kept talking without addressing this creeper. Not even 10 seconds later, the guy, who's clearly drunk, turns at me again and starts eyeing me with a weird smile, his mouth is partly open, basically oogling at me.

    This time, I was annoyed and just abruptly announced to him, "Take a picture, it'll last longer!"

    The guy snaps out of his daze and looks confused. He leans in, surprised I spoke at him.

    "TAKE A PICTURE - IT'LL LAST LONGER." He looks almost offended this time.

    "You were staring at me." Now he catches my drift, his eyes get big, and he mumbles to himself as if I just insulted him. "oh, well excuse me..." and just walks away (and leaves me alone the rest of the night).

    My friend, who had been watching the whole thing, just gives me one nod of satisfaction. It felt pretty good. We just laughed it off afterwards, but I couldn't help but wonder why he gave me that look of being insulted after. I didn't even say anything mean. I mean, I just pointed out that he was staring at me, and implied he should stop.

    What are your thoughts on this? Do you think I handled myself well? Or (for older guys) could I have been a little more polite?
    Are you sure he was staring at you? He was drunk, right? Maybe he was totally plastered and was just gazing in whatever direction his head was pointing. Even if he was trying to hit on you, the classy thing to do would be to just ignore him.
  • AMoonHawk

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    Sep 02, 2013 12:41 AM GMT
    Next time you start getting drunk ... remember this moment

    Maybe next time you shouldn't look back ... what were you doing looking at him in the first place ... obviously something intrigued you that you looked at him to begin with.

    There you go ... now how does it feel?
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    Sep 02, 2013 1:26 AM GMT
    Hah. I was in a gay bar just last night. Yeah, I discreetly (I hope) checked out a few guys. (And caught a couple of others staring at me. Dunno why.) But most of the young guys in there were clearly dressed to attract attention. I figure if they're decked out like slutty peacocks, they're begging to be stared at in the first place.

    $.02
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    Sep 02, 2013 1:41 AM GMT
    Slim2010 said
    Aristoshark saidSo let's see, you felt that it was rude of the guy to stare at you. Last time I looked, there were no etiquette rules about that. But okay, you decided it was rude. So then you thought it was a good idea to add to the sum total of rudeness in the world and then giggle with your friend like a couple of teenage girls.

    Yeah, you're a prize.


    I don't think that "take a picture, it'll last longer", is really a rude line.

    Staring at someone has always been considered rude.


    It IS rude to stare at somebody especially if the interest is clearly not welcome.
    The OP's response was mild considering the range of other possibilities.

    I recall someone not only staring but planting himself directly in my line of sight throughout an entire evening despite lots of evasive maneuvers. I was 25, drunk, and highly unsure of myself so finally I said "Don't you have any self-respect?"
    Decades later I'm still remorseful for doing it, and awaiting some awful karmic payback.
    But it IS rude to stare.
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    Sep 02, 2013 1:50 AM GMT
    xrichx saidAre you sure he was staring at you? He was drunk, right? Maybe he was totally plastered and was just gazing in whatever direction his head was pointing. Even if he was trying to hit on you, the classy thing to do would be to just ignore him.

    That had occurred to me, especially because most gay bars will have TVs, and a guy may be in your line of sight as you're watching it, giving the misimpression you're watching him instead. But I think the OP's description of events may eliminate that answer.

    But another explanation, compatible with the older guy being drunk, and having a "lost dreamy look", was that he was simply daydreaming, his mind not fully engaged with what his eyes were seeing. His eyes may have initially been drawn to the sight of a younger man, but then his mind just wandered off into space.

    And hence his shock when the OP's words made him "snap out of his daze" and look confused as he returned to his surroundings. Because he wouldn't have realized he'd been staring. All being consistent with a daydreaming episode, helped by alcohol. I think that could be a likely scenario here.
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    Sep 02, 2013 1:54 AM GMT
    xrichx said
    Are you sure he was staring at you? He was drunk, right? Maybe he was totally plastered and was just gazing in whatever direction his head was pointing. Even if he was trying to hit on you, the classy thing to do would be to just ignore him.


    Oh I'm positive he was staring at me. Now I see that that doesn't bother everyone on here, but I found the staring to be rude considering I couldn't really ignore him while talking to my friend. This wasn't a casual eye contact thing. It was more of a 'I'm going to stand in this guy's line of sight and eye him up and down to let him know I'm interested' kind of thing.

    I did ignore him the first time, but when he didn't get the hint I realized he was going to keep up with this eye sex directed at me, hence my comment.
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    Sep 02, 2013 1:54 AM GMT
    Not for nutt'n
    But he was watching the game on the flat screen above you.

    and now he's dead, he O.D. on Ambian, because it was his first time out after his LTR died.

    Could have been worse.
    Could have been the first straight buddy you've made in months, checking your junk and grabbing your ass at the urinal.
    --he wasn't into water sports.
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    Sep 02, 2013 2:32 AM GMT
    Can't help but notice the OP made it a point to state the guys age and make a point to say he was "older." If the guy had been an unattractive 20 year old, behaving the same exact way, we all know this thread wouldn't exist. Ageism is a festering boil on the face of the gay community, and no one can see it until they wake up one day and it's them who's being called a "creeper." I personally believe it's even more prevalent than racism.