How to Handle Being Called Out, 101

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    Sep 02, 2013 4:05 AM GMT
    In order to get called out, you must first Eff It Up.

    How to Eff It Up:
    "Acting towards other beings in ways that I wouldn't want them to act toward me, not upholding or adhering to my own principles, not practicing what I preach, not walking my talk, etc." [1]

    How to Handle Being Called Out:
    Just because "it's just an opinion" doesn't mean it won't be offensive. The point of calling out is to help you change to become a better person. There're probably oppressive thoughts in your mind (conscious or not) that you absorbed unknowingly through growing up in an oppressive society. Be happy that there is someone willing to help you identify and unlearn the oppressive behavior. Now, what do you do once you get called out?

    1. Don't tone police. It is NOT your right to dictate how someone should feel and react to your Eff Up.
    2. Don’t demand a detailed explanation. Asking for an explanation is not always harmful. Sometimes, getting more information will help you understand better. However, you’re basically asking the person to justify their call out. It’s exhausting, many resources are available, and often this is just a way to try and derail, start an argument, or discredit the other person. Do your own background research if you really want to know.
    3. Don’t get defensive. When someone points out your Eff Up, it’s about their needs and how they’re feeling hurt. A call out is not all about you as a person.
    4. Don’t take it personally. Calling out is not a personal attack. If someone calls you out, they’re trying help you learn. Calling out is a way for people to educate others on an individual level.
    5. Don’t attack the person who’s calling you out. That's just Effed Up.
    6. Don’t assume the person calling you out is just “looking to get offended”. Calling out isn't fun. To call someone out, people often have to mentally prepare for serious repercussions. Calling someone out might mean starting an argument, which is exhausting.
    7. Understand that being oppressive is not the same as being offensive or hurting feelings. Although those things may come hand-in-hand, the damage you’re perpetuating is part of a larger system of oppression.
    8. Realize that your intent is irrelevant. Even if you intended no harm, people's feelings are affected and their emotions are valid.
    9. Listen. Don't derail. Don't use fallacies. Pay attention.

    What to do After Being Called Out:
    1. Acknowledge you Effed It Up. If you don't realize you Effed Up, and you don't learn how it was Effed Up, then you're probably going to Eff It Up again, resulting in another exhausting call out. And that's no fun for anyone.
    2. Apologize. Apologizing shows empathy. It shows you care for another human being! Give a genuine apology. If you cannot give an honest apology, then don't.
    3. Make amends if necessary. Sometimes, putting the effort in thinking about how you Effed It Up and making a sincere acknowledgement/apology is enough. But if it isn't, you might need to make extra amends.
    4. Change your actions. If you know you Effed It Up, and you are sincerely sorry for Effing It Up, then the next step is to change the way you behave in the future. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.



    Sources/Further reading:
    1. http://portlytruestories.blogspot.com/2007/11/how-to-fuck-up.html
    2. http://tooyoungforthelivingdead.tumblr.com/called-out
    3. http://thinkanddiethinking.tumblr.com/post/38480374534/how-to-deal-with-being-called-out-from-the
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2013 4:08 AM GMT
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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2013 4:13 AM GMT
    I don't get it. What event inspired the creation of this thread?
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    Sep 02, 2013 4:14 AM GMT
    He actually did it. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2013 4:16 AM GMT
    xrichx saidI don't get it. What event inspired the creation of this thread?
    Ov5x refusing to believe that him saying I "look like a Vietnamese migrant" is racist and offensive. Saying it's "just his opinion" for making "just a statement" "without racial judgment" based on my appearance.
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Sep 02, 2013 4:28 AM GMT
    Thanks, Neight for dedicating a thread to me.
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    Sep 02, 2013 7:50 AM GMT
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