Feeling Like a Loser *CAUTION: DEPRESSING RANT*

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2013 12:06 AM GMT
    Basically, I'm 23 years old and I've never been in a relationship with anyone. I'm a virgin, and I've never even so much as kissed anyone. It makes me feel like a complete outcast, loser and social freak.

    I've spent most of my life struggling with my sexuality, and I've only just started to accept myself (I still feel like I have such a long way to go though). I was always more attracted to boys/men growing up, but always had this slight attraction toward women. As I'm getting older, I'm becoming more attracted to women but I'm still attracted to men. It's just so confusing and I really just hate myself sometimes.

    When I hear other people talking about their boyfriends/girlfriends and even just random hookups, I feel like such a loser because I'm 23 and I've never experienced any of that before. I know a lot of people will suggest just "getting out there" and hooking up with a random person, but that's not really me. It sucks, but I'm very picky about the people who I am attracted to sexually. I'm just afraid that with my picky-ness, confusion and lack of experience at my age that I'll be alone and lost forever. icon_sad.gif Sometimes I even feel like my life isn't worth living anymore.

    Anyone else ever been in this boat or have any advice they can give? I'm open to hearing whatever anyone has to say, even if I may not like it. Thanks ahead of time for anyone who can contribute.
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    Sep 04, 2013 12:43 AM GMT
    What you're experiencing is natural, and you're not a loser. So let that "negative self-talk" be gone.

    Consider some of the following options:
    1. Seek out a "Dating Skills" meetup group in your area. You will meet guys and you will learn more about how to meet the kind of guys you seek.
    2. Seek out a therapist/counselor to work one-on-one to help you sort out your own thoughts and feelings, and to help you set your own goals with a plan to achieve.
    3. Seek out any local "rap groups" that may be affiliated with your local HIV/AIDS services organization, LGBT community centers, or other healthy community resources.

    Dating and meeting guys is a two-way street. You've got to make the effort, and so do other guys. You have to meet in the middle.

    Good luck!

    Aloha and Be Well!
    Alan
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    Sep 04, 2013 12:45 AM GMT
    Aristoshark saidTurn that frown upside down!


    OP does have a great smile in his pics, eh?
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    Sep 04, 2013 12:46 AM GMT
    youre young and there are plentu of fishes in the sea, youll find a guy you feel comfotable with. just creating an account here is a big step, dont worry about it and things just will come n the right time
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    Sep 04, 2013 1:14 AM GMT
    Anthony,

    You're glamorizing relationships and hookups. Neither of which should be. I said this today already buuuut...you like the idea of a relationship/hookup. But you need to learn how to be okay with being on your own.

    I know - you're sick of being alone and a loner. But you need to be okay with it. You need to be able to say that you're alone but you're happy regardless. Happiness is an attractive quality. I wouldn't go looking for partners and I wouldn't go off and have random hookups either. Especially since you're inexperienced and you want someone who actually cares about you and your needs.

    And you aren't picky - you have standards. You wouldn't want someone JUST because they applied. You wanna like them too and for it to be fun. Seriously - you're 23 years old. You're life is just starting - you don't get to say "alone and lost forever".

    Take a moment to smell the flowers. And enjoy your singleness. Too many guys think they need someone else to make them happy. We all know that isn't nor should it be the case.
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    Sep 04, 2013 1:38 AM GMT
    No one has ever been arrested for NoT Hooking up or dating!

    .. I have massive respect for you because ..you feel and know that you are NOT 'ready' and you have the balls to admit it..Plus ..your behavior reflects the above.

    ..The self inflicted turmoil is what concerns me.
    At the end of the day YOU have to face yourself.. What is so wrong about abstaining?

    ..I totally respect you for being true to yourself and not falling for everything trendy.

    Ps.. I waited till two months before my 25th..
    No regrets.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2013 2:20 AM GMT
    I know it feels like it'll never happen, but you'll find someone eventually, especially with that incredibly cute smile!
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    Sep 04, 2013 11:35 AM GMT
    Blakes7 saidI know it feels like it'll never happen, but you'll find someone eventually, especially with that incredibly cute smile!


    Aw, thanks.

    And thanks to everyone else for the advice/compliments. They're all very appreciated.

    I recently came out to my best friend and she accepted me, as I expected she would. I also told another one of our friends who is completely okay with it as well. I guess I'm just worried about telling some of my straight guy friends and my family. I feel like I won't find someone or even begin dating, until I come out (for whatever reason I feel that way, I'm not sure).
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    Sep 04, 2013 10:50 PM GMT
    Each time I told someone, I was shocked at their positive reaction. It is a lot easier today than, say, Aristoshark's day, when large boats had lots of oars sticking out both sides.
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    Sep 05, 2013 12:20 AM GMT
    WHITE!.. wait there is No Way you are just White or white at all. That a Joke.. ( 0_0)

    You are cute but the Tannest white guy ever if you are serious
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    Sep 05, 2013 12:23 AM GMT
    Also I feel you also, I feel like a loser at times to. we are basically the same except I went the hook-up route (bad route).

    What is worse than hearing about your friends in relationships is hearing your Entire family going through them.. including the 5 yr olds and up...

    Yeah.. icon_sad.gif
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    Sep 07, 2013 7:11 PM GMT
    TheRece25 saidWHITE!.. wait there is No Way you are just White or white at all. That a Joke.. ( 0_0)

    You are cute but the Tannest white guy ever if you are serious


    I am white. My background is Italian. My Mom's parents are from southern Italy which is why I have more of an olive skin tone lol.
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Sep 07, 2013 8:08 PM GMT
    You just have to get out there and start, it's never too late and you are never too old