How to make friends.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2013 11:01 PM GMT
    I have Asperger syndrome and social anxiety comes with that. How can I be more sociable? Socializing too much gives me a headache sometimes.
  • Drift

    Posts: 217

    Sep 04, 2013 11:10 PM GMT
    What kind of socialising do you want to do?
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    Sep 04, 2013 11:15 PM GMT
    Drift saidWhat kind of socialising do you want to do?
    I don't know. Anything really.
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    Sep 04, 2013 11:22 PM GMT
    Do you go to the gym?
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    Sep 04, 2013 11:23 PM GMT
    JohnSpotter saidDo you go to the gym?
    Nah, but I should. I get most of my workouts done at home.
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    Sep 05, 2013 12:46 AM GMT
    Then there you go.
    At the gym you can socialize in short bursts as you work out.
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    Sep 05, 2013 12:49 AM GMT
    JohnSpotter saidThen there you go.
    At the gym you can socialize in short bursts as you work out.

    sounds like a good strategy

  • Sep 05, 2013 2:01 AM GMT
    Yuck, working out at home:X
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    Sep 05, 2013 2:08 AM GMT
    Go find a community for the things you love to do. Commonalities are a great way of finding people who you feel comfortable with. In any social situation just be yourself, relax and enjoy your time icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 05, 2013 2:14 AM GMT
    You basically need to force to put yourself out there. It will get easier with time, and your anxiety with social situations will probably decrease. Join a sports club or some other common activity that puts you in a group where you can meet people with similar interests.
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    Sep 05, 2013 2:18 AM GMT
    I read an article once (but can't find it right now) that said you have to talk to 5 or 6 people a day to ever have success at relationships, platonic or otherwise. I have to say, it works!

    I just got back from the grocery store. I made a point of talking to 5 people, all total strangers. All it takes is saying hi, or a simple comment. I complimented a man on his messenger bag. He was in the next checkout line later and he smiled at me when I grabbed a sea salt caramel as an impulse while checking out. We walked out together and chatted, discovering we're going to the same event next week. "I'll see you there!"

    It was a nice way to end my day. Whether anything happens is not relevant. It's just all part of the process of connecting with other people.
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    Sep 05, 2013 2:22 AM GMT
    I like how you start off by saying what you are dealing with. Just two nights ago, finishing up my laps, a young kid in the pool starts to chat me up. Real nice kid, not a bad swimmer but kept his head above water. I was thinking he was practicing a lifesaving crawl where you keep your eye on the victim. But turns out he's just some kid in town swimming. I'm going to guess mid to late teens. Very good looking, gonna break some hearts one day.

    And one of the first things he says to me is that he has autism. Just threw that right into the conversation. So I said, oh not a problem, I'm completely neurotic.

    I was very impressed with how well he communicates, knowing that's a struggle for him. Lots of good energy in this kid, great outlook, had interesting things to say. I had chatted with him and as long as someone is polite and doesn't get snotty with me I'm as patient as anyone. But knowing his condition, of course, I was extra careful to make sure our communication was proper and clearly understood. At one point he faded away like he was never there but then came back and I didn't hesitate at all.

    Not knowing his condition, that might have thrown me or someone else off. World consciousness used to be that people thought you should hide psychological conditions from others. That to say something would have made things awkward. But humanity is progressing and we are becoming more open about who we really are--not that there isn't still a crapload of deceit out there but the opportunity to be real exists more--such that it becomes less awkward, more comfortable for others when you're honest about yourself.

    So when you need a break be honest about that too. As you make friends let them know that you enjoy being with them but there will be times when you'll need to go off by yourself. Even without a specific syndrome, people sometimes just need a cooling off period, some sanctuary, before reconnecting to the outside world.
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    Sep 05, 2013 5:27 AM GMT
    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQwjyLI57OKBNZBCq2vur4

    just go with the flow.
  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3755

    Sep 05, 2013 1:21 PM GMT
    new+friends.jpg

    Just go up to people, join a gym, and stuff like that.
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    Sep 05, 2013 2:12 PM GMT
    d56mike saidI read an article once (but can't find it right now) that said you have to talk to 5 or 6 people a day to ever have success at relationships, platonic or otherwise. I have to say, it works!

    I just got back from the grocery store. I made a point of talking to 5 people, all total strangers. All it takes is saying hi, or a simple comment. I complimented a man on his messenger bag. He was in the next checkout line later and he smiled at me when I grabbed a sea salt caramel as an impulse while checking out. We walked out together and chatted, discovering we're going to the same event next week. "I'll see you there!"

    It was a nice way to end my day. Whether anything happens is not relevant. It's just all part of the process of connecting with other people.


    This guy gets it!
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    Sep 05, 2013 2:46 PM GMT
    Sometimes I talk too much about things that I shouldn't have said or boring stuffs. And another point I ask too much questions. This freaks them out.icon_neutral.gif
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    Sep 05, 2013 3:02 PM GMT
    i don't know about the other guys on here, but i really don't like socializing in the gym. it's just not the place to talk in my opinion.

    there's social media, volunteer organizations--- even college classes or any kind of classes in general that would be much better for meeting people.

    i wouldn't know what it feels like to have Asperger Syndrome, but I'm a horrible introvert. Socializing wears me out, though I never get anxiety from it. I make friends easily just from being open to all sorts of people. Don't prejudge. Keep a smile on your face. Remember, everyone has a story to tell.

    Good luck!
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    Sep 05, 2013 3:02 PM GMT


    remember Dolphins? icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 05, 2013 4:03 PM GMT
    d56mike saidI read an article once (but can't find it right now) that said you have to talk to 5 or 6 people a day to ever have success at relationships, platonic or otherwise. I have to say, it works....


    Oh, so you're the guy holding up the line, chatting with the cashier (kidding).

    I don't believe it is a score-carded number, the idea being to not avoid contact so that you're open to and initiate encounters.

    But you still want to be discriminating on where you engage. Don't chat up the person heading from the parking lot to the curb because they're concentrating on not getting hit. At the cashier if the person can multitask then you're free to chat but if you see them slowing down cut it short and in the aisles I'm very chatty with people: hey you, get the fuck off that phone and move your damned cart. You're in between me and those chocolate cookies.
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    Sep 05, 2013 4:10 PM GMT
    theantijock saidI like how you start off by saying what you are dealing with.

    ...and then...

    theantijock saidSo when you need a break be honest about that too. As you make friends let them know that you enjoy being with them but there will be times when you'll need to go off by yourself.

    A very thoughtful and well-stated response. icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 05, 2013 5:02 PM GMT
    MovingRightAlong said
    A very thoughtful and well-stated response. icon_smile.gif


    Thank you, your comment is appreciated, though I'd have preferred sex.

    See, now that's how you make friends. You offer them sex.
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    Sep 05, 2013 5:18 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    d56mike saidI read an article once (but can't find it right now) that said you have to talk to 5 or 6 people a day to ever have success at relationships, platonic or otherwise. I have to say, it works....


    Oh, so you're the guy holding up the line, chatting with the cashier (kidding).

    I don't believe it is a score-carded number, the idea being to not avoid contact so that you're open to and initiate encounters.

    But you still want to be discriminating on where you engage. Don't chat up the person heading from the parking lot to the curb because they're concentrating on not getting hit. At the cashier if the person can multitask then you're free to chat but if you see them slowing down cut it short and in the aisles I'm very chatty with people: hey you, get the fuck off that phone and move your damned cart. You're in between me and those chocolate cookies.


    So you're that guy! LOL

    I agree, the number isn't relevant. Just talk to people. Make eye contact. Smile! Who knows who you'll meet?
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    Sep 05, 2013 5:21 PM GMT
    MCB17 said
    d56mike said
    This guy gets it!


    Thanks, man!
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    Sep 05, 2013 5:22 PM GMT
    Cooper87 saidimages?q=tbn:ANd9GcQwjyLI57OKBNZBCq2vur4

    just go with the flow.


    +1

    icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 05, 2013 8:42 PM GMT
    can't i just d/l an app that does this for me..

    why do i have to actually try...