Would you change so that people will like you?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2013 2:13 AM GMT
    I know most people judge us based on our looks or maybe sometimes, its just us feeling inferior all the time when in public.

    But did you ever feel like changing to maybe feel better about yourself or to make people like you. Especially guys you like who just ignore you because youre not "hot" enough.

    Is it worth it?

    I honestly feel like this. I want to change. Start working out, I wanna cut my hair, shop for nicer clothes, and transform myself from an awkward introverted 22 year old to a cooler version of myself. Seeing hot guys who are just super comfortable in their own skin makes me jealous and I want to have the same confidence as well.

    Is it bad to have these motives? You know, start working out and transforming believing that it will help me have more friends and maybe end up with someone i like and not someone who likes me.

    I know how the saying goes, "dont change for other people, change for yourself" but i wanna know, especially from those people who had the same motives as I have now, when you finally reached your goals (to be a better version of yourself) was it worth it? did anything change for the better? did it make your life easier? did those guys who ignore you finally noticed you?

    Is it worth it at all to change because you feel like it help make you feel accepted in this society?



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    Sep 06, 2013 2:58 AM GMT
    Speaking from my personal experience...
    No, don't do it!
    It may feel better but it's not, I use to do that when I was younger than 18-19, the truth is that you'll lose your individuality when you begin to change for others.

    you have to think carefully on what to change & what not to change. Change only for the things which is harmful to you or your people or to anyone and any animal ...don't change where you have to lose something good in you for the sake of gaining something artificial from others.
    give a lot of though to it.
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    Sep 06, 2013 3:08 AM GMT
    ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
    Lovely Harry... icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 06, 2013 3:11 AM GMT
    Harry7785 saidSpeaking from my personal experience...
    No, don't do it!
    It may feel better but it's not, I use to do that when I was younger than 18-19, the truth is that you'll lose your individuality when you begin to change for others.

    you have to think carefully on what to change & what not to change. Change only for the things which is harmful to you or your people or to anyone and any animal ...don't change where you have to lose something good in you for the sake of gaining something artificial from others.
    give a lot of though to it.


    yea. i really try. but this is more of a physical aspect kind of change. i want to see myself in the mirror and like what i see. i wanna see 6 pack abs. i wanna see muscle. i dont wanna see a thin weak guy. i really want to look better to feel better about myself but when i see guys who look great i cant help myself but get jealous... i dont necessarily wanna be with them, i wanna look as good as them. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2013 3:53 AM GMT
    Well.. if you look in the mirror and feel the need to change a few things..

    Do it.. as long as your'e doing it for you..
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    Sep 06, 2013 4:07 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidDo it.. as long as your'e doing it for you..

    It's not always easy to distinguish. For example, I'll start liking some style of clothing not realizing it's because I'm seeing it a lot. Pants and shorts with cargo pockets being the latest example.
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    Sep 06, 2013 4:22 AM GMT
    As I said, don't do it because others are doing.
    do it for yourself.
    Jealousy is very dangerous, it always leads to frustration and anger. Shun it whenever that though arises.
    Don't think "I want to be like them"
    think "I can be like them, but not for attention, but I can do something useful for others with it"
    had I made it clear?, I think so.
    remember that you can do it only if you work hard.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2013 5:56 AM GMT
    I change because I want to be the best "me" that I can be. I do it for "me" first and just so happens that others like it too.
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    Sep 06, 2013 9:56 AM GMT
    Harry7785 saidAs I said, don't do it because others are doing.
    do it for yourself.
    Jealousy is very dangerous, it always leads to frustration and anger. Shun it whenever that though arises.
    Don't think "I want to be like them"
    think "I can be like them, but not for attention, but I can do something useful for others with it"
    had I made it clear?, I think so.
    remember that you can do it only if you work hard.


    Gotcha. Thanks for this ""I can be like them, but not for attention, but I can do something useful for others with it""
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    Sep 06, 2013 9:56 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidI change because I want to be the best "me" that I can be. I do it for "me" first and just so happens that others like it too.


    Thats great! icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 06, 2013 1:03 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    Anocxu saidDo it.. as long as your'e doing it for you..

    It's not always easy to distinguish. For example, I'll start liking some style of clothing not realizing it's because I'm seeing it a lot. Pants and shorts with cargo pockets being the latest example.


    Understood..
    Trends are trends..

    Jantherman Saidyea. i really try. but this is more of a physical aspect kind of change. i want to see myself in the mirror and like what i see.

    ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
    This is what I was responding to..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2013 1:07 PM GMT
    No, I wouldn't. And that's why nobody likes me. icon_sad.gif
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    Sep 06, 2013 1:51 PM GMT
    No
  • e2ksj3355

    Posts: 110

    Sep 06, 2013 1:52 PM GMT
    Speaking from a guy that use to be really skinny to some what fit now...I gets a little more attention now, but a lot of the guys (not all) are mostly flakes and shady. It's not like genuine friends. I think genuine friends would accept you for who you are no matter what you look like. Those are the type of friends and partners you want. icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 06, 2013 7:20 PM GMT
    This is a good motive!

    "Seeing hot guys who are just super comfortable in their own skin .....and I want to have the same confidence as well."

    I see nothing wrong with it. But any underlying feeling won't automatically go away. You may just end with muscles AND still be socially awkward. That will probably go away with life experiences even without going to the gym.


    ...... and maybe end up with someone i like and not someone who likes me."
    I hope you won't settle now.
    I know we are supposed to like and love people on their own merits, not physical traits. But who are we kidding!
    When I was 19 I said "If you want to beat 'em, join 'em!" They (the muscle boys) seemed like a rarefied group: they were the envy of others (me!) and seemed untouchable. Nearly 40 years later, I am and always was on the fringe anyway, but trust me their problems still exist!

    Go to the gym, it won't be the panacea to everything. But it will be good for you. You will learn a lot anyway, all in good time grasshopper!
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    Sep 07, 2013 12:01 AM GMT
    unckabasa said

    Go to the gym, it won't be the panacea to everything. But it will be good for you. You will learn a lot anyway, all in good time grasshopper!


    Thank you! icon_smile.gif

    I dont know... Things are just so complicated right now. like things just dont seem to go my way. i wanna go to places but i dont fully know how to drive yet. i wanna drive but i dont have a car of my own. i wanna move out do be able to do what i want, i cant because i dont have a car and if i move out and buy a car, id be broke. i wanna work out but i live very far away from the city and again i dont know how to drive yet. i wanna shop for nice clothes but we dont have a TOPMAN store her which is the only store i love and even if there is, i cant go to the mall cuz i dont have a car and i dont know how to drive. i wanna jog but again i live in the woods/country side, where the roads dont even have bike lanes. everything is too far.

    huhuhu

    whew. earlier today i was in the car with my mom (shes driving of course) and i saw this guy he was jogging. i wondered what it would be like to be able to do things you want to do. like right now i feel like im stuck at home. and i feel like a loser.

    sorry... its just everything right now is all so weird. im really trying my best to stay positive. i hope one day everything will fall into perfect place and i can start the change i want to see in me... icon_smile.gif


    Thanks guys! sorry for whining... please dont get mad
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2013 12:26 AM GMT
    No. If people cannot accept me for who I am, too bad for them.
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    Sep 07, 2013 8:16 AM GMT
    Jantheman said
    unckabasa said

    Go to the gym, it won't be the panacea to everything. But it will be good for you. You will learn a lot anyway, all in good time grasshopper!


    Thank you! icon_smile.gif

    I dont know... Things are just so complicated right now. like things just dont seem to go my way. i wanna go to places but i dont fully know how to drive yet. i wanna drive but i dont have a car of my own. i wanna move out do be able to do what i want, i cant because i dont have a car and if i move out and buy a car, id be broke. i wanna work out but i live very far away from the city and again i dont know how to drive yet. i wanna shop for nice clothes but we dont have a TOPMAN store her which is the only store i love and even if there is, i cant go to the mall cuz i dont have a car and i dont know how to drive. i wanna jog but again i live in the woods/country side, where the roads dont even have bike lanes. everything is too far.

    huhuhu

    whew. earlier today i was in the car with my mom (shes driving of course) and i saw this guy he was jogging. i wondered what it would be like to be able to do things you want to do. like right now i feel like im stuck at home. and i feel like a loser.

    sorry... its just everything right now is all so weird. im really trying my best to stay positive. i hope one day everything will fall into perfect place and i can start the change i want to see in me... icon_smile.gif


    Thanks guys! sorry for whining... please dont get mad


    There are a lot of resistance exercises you can do without a gym or even weights....or using a car to get there!
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    Sep 07, 2013 8:57 AM GMT
    I think the only major thing I need to do at this point...is finish my dental work so I can have a better smile.

    Other than that...I don't feel like I need to change anything, I used to be very skinny,I have worked my way into a semi-muscular/toned body which does get me plenty of attention. Perhaps a 6-pack for me would be a huge accomplishment but it's not a necessity though I am trying so hard to work toward that goal.

    At this point in my life, I feel like I am pass that stage of trying to impress anyone, I am happily partnered ( 3 and a half years and counting), if he didn't like me for who I was by now..then where would I be?
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    Sep 07, 2013 8:39 PM GMT
    I guess I could stop being an aggressive dick, but it's who I am. Plus, my friends who love me, do so because they get me. To change anything at this point would be dishonest.
    Not too mention, being an aggressive dick scares away the girly men.
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    Sep 07, 2013 10:37 PM GMT
    Change for yourself. For example, if I want to change my hairstyle, I will. That is different from a guy turning me down because he doesn't like my hair, so I go and get it cut.

    I work out because I like the health benefits it provides, looking better, and being stronger. I don't workout because I'm trying to attract a certain type of guy.
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    Sep 08, 2013 12:40 AM GMT
    elektrisk564 saidChange for yourself. For example, if I want to change my hairstyle, I will. That is different from a guy turning me down because he doesn't like my hair, so I go and get it cut.

    I work out because I like the health benefits it provides, looking better, and being stronger. I don't workout because I'm trying to attract a certain type of guy.


    yea i feel like that sometimes. i know i shouldnt. sometimes i feel like i want to change, grow muscles and all that so that i could attract masc gay guys since im attracted to them. for some reason, i feel like i should because they always seem to want the same type of guys, into sports, into body building and fitness.

    i feel like they want it because theyve worked so hard to be and look like what they are now, 6 pack abs and all so i guess it would be stupid for them to settle for someone who is undeveloped or someone less in terms of physical beauty. also having a nice body means youre disciplined. and discipline is sexy.

    so yea thats why i want to change. but im scared that once i have achieved my goal i would feel it was not worth it and i regret it because i might still feel the same after all the changes. awkward and all
  • BloodFlame

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    Sep 15, 2013 9:22 PM GMT
    Hi there Jan. To answer your question, I won't lie, I did try to change myself when I was 18. Not so much my personal style but my attitude/mannerisms. You see, I'm not a "straight acting" (as a lot of men put it) or the ideal masculine man and I could see that this fact alone turned off a lot of men I tried to talk to. So, for a few months, I tried to act a bit more masculine (pathetic I know lol). You know, like pretending to like football when really I don't care for it much (I was more into baseball really lol)or try to act like I didn't care about much things.

    Anyway, I quickly noticed that I felt like I was wearing a mask. All those things I did made me feel not true to myself. And just around the year after I turned 18, I realized I didn't want to be someone I'm not. So I regressed back to my "true" self who's not stereotypically masculine in the slightest. It still sucks to feel like I'll never be good enough for a guy but I love my freedom of identity/individuality and being myself even if no one liked me for it although I did meet a man who actually liked the way I was. It didn't last but it gave me wonderment that maybe, not every guy will despise who I am. The point is, I changed for the wrong reason. The only change I did keep was exercising/working out daily and that was because I found some enjoyment in the activity.

    The thing is, change isn't necessarily bad but you have to remember to keep the real you. I'm not saying you that you should stay thin, workout if you want to, but don't do it only for the sole purpose of attracting people because 8/10 times, guys who do this still end up feeling empty or still have problems dealing with themselves.

    Sorry this post was kind of long but I hope it helps in some way. Good luck. icon_smile.gif
  • BloodFlame

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    Sep 15, 2013 9:33 PM GMT
    Jantheman said
    so yea thats why i want to change. but im scared that once i have achieved my goal i would feel it was not worth it and i regret it because i might still feel the same after all the changes. awkward and all


    Well this is where you have to ask yourself this. Do YOU really want to look like the guys that you are attracted to?
    You see, I'm not sure how you feel but I felt the same way too. I have a big attraction to muscular/bodybuilder type of guys and yes, they certainly are very disciplined to get to where they are, who doesn't like that? And again, I agree, most of them like guys like themselves and it's totally understandable.

    But here's my little outlook. While I do find myself very attracted to those types, I have no desire to have a body like theirs. I like being small and lithe. And while most of the aforementioned guys didn't like me for my stature, I have talked to a couple of those types who to my surprise, liked the way I look (opposites of themselves). The second guy I ever had a long fwb type thing was an ex-bodybuilder, he was like twice my size and I found it so hard to believe someone like him found attraction to someone not like him. Even though it didn't last, it made me realize that not all these guys are the same.

    But anyway. Again, you have to ask yourself if you truly want to look like the guys or not so that way when you do reach your goal, you won't feel like it was for naught.
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    Sep 15, 2013 10:48 PM GMT
    Nirvana_Fan1991 saidHi there Jan. To answer your question, I won't lie, I did try to change myself when I was 18. Not so much my personal style but my attitude/mannerisms. You see, I'm not a "straight acting" (as a lot of men put it) or the ideal masculine man and I could see that this fact alone turned off a lot of men I tried to talk to. So, for a few months, I tried to act a bit more masculine (pathetic I know lol). You know, like pretending to like football when really I don't care for it much (I was more into baseball really lol)or try to act like I didn't care about much things.

    Anyway, I quickly noticed that I felt like I was wearing a mask. All those things I did made me feel not true to myself. And just around the year after I turned 18, I realized I didn't want to be someone I'm not. So I regressed back to my "true" self who's not stereotypically masculine in the slightest. It still sucks to feel like I'll never be good enough for a guy but I love my freedom of identity/individuality and being myself even if no one liked me for it although I did meet a man who actually liked the way I was. It didn't last but it gave me wonderment that maybe, not every guy will despise who I am. The point is, I changed for the wrong reason. The only change I did keep was exercising/working out daily and that was because I found some enjoyment in the activity.

    The thing is, change isn't necessarily bad but you have to remember to keep the real you. I'm not saying you that you should stay thin, workout if you want to, but don't do it only for the sole purpose of attracting people because 8/10 times, guys who do this still end up feeling empty or still have problems dealing with themselves.

    Sorry this post was kind of long but I hope it helps in some way. Good luck. icon_smile.gif


    Oh no. not at all. I loved your response. I dont mind it being long. I appreciate how you actually shared your personal experience on this. Thank you. It really made me feel better.

    I have that tendency too. I am not straight acting but I am not super feminine either. Im kind of in the middle.

    Being on Rj, I learned a few things. I realized now that maybe, just maybe when I finally get those 6 pack abs or a better physique, some guys may still not like me after all. So yea, as much as I can, I will try to do this for myself.

    But yea I also want to work out because for now, I want to see what my body is capable of looking. I want to be my best self and I want to feel good of myself. Sometimes its just so hard to lose focus or stay motivated for the right reasons. but I am working so hard to think more mature.

    Again, Thank you so much. Im so happy that you actually found that guy. Gives me so much hope. icon_smile.gif Also, be yourself!!! I love the way you look btw. icon_smile.gif