He cheated on me.

  • EdoardoBaeux

    Posts: 38

    Sep 07, 2013 3:05 PM GMT
    “Earthquakes just happen. Tornadoes just happen. Your tongue does not just happen to fall into somebody elses mouth!” Get yourselves a cup of tea before reading all this! I guess I got no more option than to ask for a word on here since all things I find on the internet are about "straight relationships". It's been exactly a week since I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. I had confronted him and we have been talking through a lot this past few days but there is something still stuck on my head... He just turned 21, I just turned 29 and we have been together for one year and 7 months. Me and my bf went over France to visit his family and friends, before this point I never ever checked on him or had a reason to think he was not trust worth it. Whereas, one night out, we were drunk at his friends house he took out one of his two iphones to show them photos and shit... (One of them is the one he uses in Mex, the other one is the one from FR),and I couldnt help myself but to quickly check what programs he used recently; To my surprise? I found that bloody Grindr. Few months ago he asked me several times to delete all kinds of profiles, apps and accounts including this one cuz that would make him feel more secure. I explained him hundred times and I reasure you guys I never ever gave him a reason to feel insecure. However I complied and did so.
    In that moment I had no other feeling than boiling anger inside of me, but I did nothing, I shutted my mouth, I stayed quiet and deleted the app on his iphone and pretended none of this happened. By the time we got back home (mid July) just few days after, he had to rush to work and I woke up and found his facebook account open on the screen, I couldn’t help myself and I felt so bad when doing so but something just drove me in. I scroll through the window, browse things and just to find he had 2 conversations with 2 different guys, one of them actually trade pics with and found even a screen shot of Manhunt and the other with a conversation not suited for someone with a relationship.. you know what I mean?
    We talked thru within a week and I decided to move on. Some other events with no importance happened but I think the biggest and the most shocking one was this shitty cheating thing. My bfs parents went back to France on Thursday morning after spending 21 days here with us. On that same day, the first night my bf let me know he would be going out with his queer friends , Mr. P from Scotland and his ex-roommate Mr. Y (I knew very well what had happened between his friend “Y” and him; However I always knew this was over. Just to add some details, “Y” is your kinda typical slut gay guy, with a bf, cheating on him and shagging as much as he can like if the world was coming to an end and with no ethics or moral for anything or anyone whatsoever), Fine, so He went out with his fellows and I had to stay home and sleep early cuz I had to get up early the next day for work. What was only a “sushi night” became a night out with no single call, sms or any kind of message, so by midnight I decided to get to bed and sleep tight. Once again, I was not even worry cuz the few times he had been out I knew where exactly where he was, what was he doing and he spends almost 96% of his time with me. Suddenly I woke up to see he aint on his side of the bed, and my cellphone said 04:48 am! Ran to the living room and no sign of him and the door still unlocked, no trace of the car… NO-THING. Thinking this aint normal I called him to find out where he was, but the phone call didn’t go thru. First things first, I get dressed and go all the way to the street where all the night clubs are, just after I have called the police thinking he might have an accident with the car, maybe he was in a hospital, maybe he was locked up.. who knows, but no, this wasn’t the case, so I had to go club by club looking for him, when I finally went into this club called Pallazzo and I thought seeing him with his friend “Y” on a table laughing and drinking… Im not the drama queen type so as I saw he was fine I went back home and got back to bed.
    He got back home almost by 07:00 am! He was still drunk, he slept, we had sex and then chatted. We didn’t argue at all, we just talked and you know, typical thing to do: “if you are going out just let me know… text me, cuz when I disappear for 1 hour you call me 100 times so don’t expect me to do the same thing but just let me know your plans” After all being said, he apologized and actually told me he wasn’t in the club where I thought I saw him, and randomly said he was in a different place. Two days after , I randomly found a friend and his gf who works in that place (who happens to be the brother of “Y”) and he literally tells me “no one is in that place til 5 am, everyone gets kicked out by 4, but even so.. where was he from 4 to 7” and that was the bucket of cold water. I went back home trying to put my ideas together and thinking how to approach my teenager bf, however not a single word came out… I waited for the right moment but when it came he was gone to walmart. The only thing I had to do know was to jump on bed and check the ipad and all its content. Certainly, as I type this I feel lyk my heart is gonna explode, I can feel my heart rate to raise… Certainly I didn’t expect to find what I found. Just a conversation with his scotish friend saying that he kinda felt bad cuz I was that night out going everywhere looking for him but that I was not mad at him; “If only he knew we didn’t do anything on that street, we even didn’t go there at all, we had to go to a motel very far away” MOTEL, M O T E L , MO-TEL. Shit! I almost passed out. Imagine the rest, crying, discussion. I love you, I was drunk, blab la blah blah… To the end of this matter his only excuse was that he had to end this with him and he never had a chance. So I figured he still has/had some sexual tension with him or something going on there. He was always the kind of guy trying to appear to be well mannered, following his own words, telling me “the only thing I wont forgive you will be if you ever cheat on me” and sort of. This past week it has been a nightmare cuz I don’t really know what to do, I KNOW WHAT TO DO, I THINK I DO. But in some way, something tells me what we have is real, Im only sharing this shitty episode but we have a lot of good moments together. He has shown me his support several times he has been with me always, he has introduced me to his family, friends, and I know he does as much as he can to please me. There is nothing he wouldn’t do to make me happy. He has said to me “I love you” more times than what I have said to him.
    However I just feel something aint right here. Days after this situation came up, some other followed, he reassures me this was the only time, but now I go nuts when Im not with him. We went to a resort far away from town to spend a night/day and to have a chance to talk about this, he opened his phones and ipads to me and all I found was he was still using all this apps I was not suppose to use, photos of guys he got to trade pics with and conversations with his friends about all his sexual fantasies. I feel like I don’t know him, He talks about support and being “there” for me but last night he just goes ape shit cuz he doesn’t want to talk about it, he only wants to go out with his friends, have a beer and forget about it. Then this next morning he is apologizing again. I don’t wanna dump him, but it gets to my nerves when He cant comply with just a simple chat I ask for… how long before I stop talking about it? How to over come this? I know it is stupid and no mature of my part but there is only one thing I have asked him, only one thing Not to contact, talk or keep any kind of net to this guy “Y”. Advices and wisdom words welcome.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2013 3:11 PM GMT
    ( 0_0 )

    Too Long!
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Sep 07, 2013 3:59 PM GMT
    (PR runs away from the wall of text) icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2013 4:22 PM GMT
    So he is young and he want to play around the field,obviously he is not into the relationship thing that you would have imagine.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2013 4:57 PM GMT
    It really depends on you..

    You have to be sure you are capable of working through the anger and resentment.

    ..Something tells me you are a highly reactive guy..so YOU have to dig deep..and ask yourself honestly..

    Can you let all of this go..build..move on and up?

    I hate to say this..but, It's so toxic already..
    Instead of being a boyfriend..you are now a detective.

    I'm all about preserving relationships..BUT.. This is toxic and not the best situation you should be in... icon_sad.gif


    I think you should start beating him. icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2013 5:01 PM GMT
    People cheat. It's one of the harsh realities of life. From what you've written (yes, I actually did read that whole wall of text), it sounds like he doesn't live by the rules he makes for you. If I had to bet, I'd bet that he'll cheat on you again. Only you can decide if that's something you're willing to tolerate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2013 5:02 PM GMT
    Anocxu saidI think you should start beating him. icon_eek.gif


    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Sep 07, 2013 6:13 PM GMT
    At what point are gay men going to learn that monogamy isn't a requirement to a relationship?