Lost. Don't know what to do with my relationship.

  • badjame

    Posts: 3

    Sep 09, 2013 7:48 AM GMT
    Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 yrs now. Lately we are having a lot of trouble, I mean a lot. I know he loves me and I too love him a lot and only this has taken us this far. We fight over so many things. Incidence that happened right now : We went out to a eatery but they didn't had what we wanted to eat so I asked him if he would rather chose something, after I suggested something he agreed even though we didn't really liked that idea so much and we were hungry. There was a misunderstanding in what he wanted among those 2 things as he wanted us to have a bit of both and I was unaware of it, he got angry when I gave him one and took one for myself, later on when I realized I forcibly made us to eat like he wanted and it all started there he said after that he wants to go home and stuff even though there was no such plans as we both were free tomorrow and today. While leaving he said he feels so measurable because he dont want to come to my place nor does he wants to go to his house. I asked him to come to my place he disagreed I didn't force him much because earlier he had given me a reason for him wanting to go to his house. He leaves and calls me from middle of his way crying and shouting at me saying I don't care. I want to get rid of him that's why I didn't stop him. I have no emotions. But I don't know what could I say, seriously I am feeling so sad in my heart that I make him feel like that and to make him feel that I dont care. I once in a while think I should not continue but I know he wont be able to take it I am afraid that he might do something wrong. Its not that I dont love him enough its just that sometimes I feel like when we so much problem with so many thing, is it really worth. almost every second day we have problem and we get sad anyways. It really is killing me. I also have asperger's syndrome, which we both are aware of. Please say put your views.
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    Sep 09, 2013 8:17 AM GMT
    I can relate to this...I've had experienced a similar situation.
    I think he loves you, but I strongly believe(from your description) that he's also extremely jealous.
    Talk to him, tell him its not working unless he changes his attitude, he surely needs sometime to figure things out.
    (If you like him, you can also add...'I like you but you're not seeing it', something like that)

    If you don't like to be with him, I don't see why you posted this.
    Anyways, if you're not willing to speak face-to-face, you can write a letter.
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    Sep 09, 2013 9:55 AM GMT
    How did you two survive for three years? You said love..
    It all sounds Petty, Sticky and incredibly complicated.

    So the problem here is really "Impracticality" and lack of "Strategic Diffusion".

    *By now you must be aware that if your man does not get 'His Way'.. There's a storm coming.

    *By now you should be aware that he does not say what he means.

    This kind of immaturity will ruin you two, so it's time you took the upper hand.

    Revolutionize the relationship!
    Now or never.. Face to face.. Hash it out!
    If you agree with what I posted above.. Tell him.
    The pushing buttons and puppy love phase is Ova'

    EG..
    You Said I asked him to come to my place he disagreed I didn't force him ,earlier he gave me a reason for him wanting to go to his house. He leaves,calls,crying and shouting at me saying I don't care. I want to get rid of him that's why I didn't stop him.


    Your response should have been
    "I need you to say what you mean".. End of argument.

    If you continue to 'pitch' your personality to accommodate his erratic behavior.. You will out grow him very soon.


    You saidWe went out to a eatery, they didn't have what we wanted ,I asked him if he would rather chose something,I suggested something he agreed even though we didn't really liked that idea so much and we were hungry. There was a misunderstanding in what he wanted among those 2 things as he wanted us to have a bit of both and I was unaware of it, he got angry when I gave him one and took one for myself, later on when I realized I forcibly made us to eat like he wanted and it all started there.


    ^ ^ ^ ^
    Come on!
    How did this get so bad so fast?? This is really petty..once again he went erratic, and you went after him!

    Conclusion (TLDR)
    Your guy has you wrapped around his fingers!
    He is Immature, Controlling and manipulative.

    He knows that all he has to do is Scream, Stomp and Pout..and you'll run right over with a bottle of milk!

    Talk it out and see if you two can move on and move up!

    Hugz






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    Sep 09, 2013 2:56 PM GMT
    badjame saidI also have asperger's syndrome, which we both are aware of.


    You should have started by saying that. I am not sure how to advice you on this , sorry. Maybe go to a therapist?
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    Sep 09, 2013 3:28 PM GMT
    there was a song that ms lyrnn hill wrote about such situation. I think u have two options walk away and stop feeling sorry for a grown man or stay and be unhappy. It up to u.
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    Sep 09, 2013 5:07 PM GMT
    SKM2 saidthere was a song that ms lyrnn hill wrote about such situation. I think u have two options walk away and stop feeling sorry for a grown man or stay and be unhappy. It up to u.


    Either this

    OR

    Something Big to him recently happened and you have to figure it out, it wasn't I your story.. so think back further
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    Sep 10, 2013 10:47 PM GMT


    badjame saidalmost every second day we have problem and we get sad anyways. It really is killing me. I also have asperger's syndrome, which we both are aware of. Please say put your views.


    Y'all need to just call it quits. Yall are too young, and don't know how to handle things like mature adults.

    Just think about it. You're fighting every 2nd day? That's taxing on your well-being. You're not even living your full potential of life because of this relationship. When it starts becoming a burden, just let it go:

    "Sometimes love, can work out right
    Sometimes you'll never know
    But if it brings you pain in your life
    Don't be afraid to let it gooooooooooooo"


    -TB

  • badjame

    Posts: 3

    Sep 11, 2013 6:46 PM GMT
    I am so pleased to see so many replies. Anocxu special thanks.

    The moment I think of breaking this relationship I get this empty feeling in my heart and just the thought of it makes me feel real bad. The fact that I know he really loves me makes it really difficult to break this relationship.

    And I really feel sorry for him too.

    I'm sorry to sound like someone looking for pity but I really feel this way now.
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    Sep 11, 2013 6:55 PM GMT
    badjame said
    The moment I think of breaking this relationship I get this empty feeling in my heart and just the thought of it makes me feel real bad. The fact that I know he really loves me makes it really difficult to break this relationship.


    That's natural to feel that way. You're going to feel a little empty because you're so used to having him around.

    I haven't really had any 'breakups' recently (fuck, there isn't shit out here to date to break anything)...but I did let go a good friend who was stressing me out nearly every weekend for a good year and a half. The benefits just weren't outweighing the stress, and I would have rather had no friends than him. Eventually I reconnected with other friends so it wasn't hard.

    Atleast try to take a break, experience life without the person for a month...and then re-visit it. Alot of times when you do that, you realize you don't care to deal with the bullshit anymore. Shit gets old after awhile. I mean, if you can work thru it...you can, but don't sell yourself short for someone who isn't trying to make things better on their end either.