How to tackle insecurities about your own looks?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2013 2:52 PM GMT
    This isn't something I talk about openly to people. I'm a sort of man who just finds nearly everything in life ridiculously hilarious. Honestly nearly everything makes me laugh and giggle. People therefore describe me as hyper-active and bubbly and always happy. They don't know infact....I hate the way I am born regarding looks. Even after losing 84lbs....i now weight 162...whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I look fat. Ever since I was 13 I always hated the way I look. I know for a fact insecurities is a big-turn off for guys. That's the main reason why I never had a bf or been with a guy, they don't detect i'm insecure, but nearly everything single gay guy I have come across in life have been beautiful, and the first thing which comes into my head is "omg he won't ever talk to me, he's way to beautiful for me" and I end up just smiling saying hello and then walk away. I don't want to me insecure....I'm not fishing for compliments...I just want help from guys who have been in similar situations and how they have managed to come across this matter.

    Many Thanks

    Shaz =)
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Sep 09, 2013 3:16 PM GMT
    until you drop that image of being overweight, you'll never be happy with how you look. It will take a lot of work but if you need to, do a before and after photo. Then realize that you're in the now. It's not easy, but this should help.

    If it makes you feel any better, I don't like that my nose is crooked, but... most people don't notice it until I tell them. I also don't enjoy that I've had love handles (not big ones but they are there) since forever.

    Once you learn to accept some of the things you can't change, (without serious or costly dedication)then things will be nice.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Sep 09, 2013 3:17 PM GMT
    I always thought I was not great looking. And my body was only sort-of OK. Until I started working out and getting some results. Now I feel better about myself and have a bit of pride that I've done the work and maybe my body is a bit better than average for my age. Gives me confidence. Give that a try. I'd also recommend you shave off the facial hair. Guys who grow that are advertising insecurity. About something. Always.
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    Sep 09, 2013 3:26 PM GMT
    A) What do you hate about yourself?
    B) What do you see when you look in the mirror?

    C) What would you like to see when you look in the mirror?

    D) Based on your height, weight, build and features..

    Height: 5' 10''
    Weight: 168 lbs
    Waist: 32 inches
    Chest: 36 inches
    Hair color: Black
    Eye color: Hazel
    Ethnicity: South Asian

    ^ ^ ^ ^
    Post a pic of a guy with all these features that YOU think is attractive..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2013 3:41 PM GMT
    stratavos saidOnce you learn to accept some of the things you can't change, (without serious or costly dedication)then things will be nice.

    ^This,
    I was about to say the same!
    Accept yourself, that's all you need to do.
    How?
    Perhaps, you can start with a smile,
    Always have a smile on your face, If you smile at one then 10 people will feel happy and smile at you.
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    Sep 09, 2013 4:10 PM GMT
    I grew up very insecure about who I was and continually found ways to hide those insecurities from others but not myself. Part of my insecurities was being gay but not understanding that then and part were based on some features I had that I felt made me unattractive.

    I dealt with this by surrounding myself with popular and good looking people, being active and successful in groups during school. I pushed myself to be 'liked' but in the end, I always felt like I was isolated and never truly a part of 'the group'.

    It took my adult years to finally quit forcing myself to try and be a part of someone else's life. I meet, I interact, I enjoy but if they don't make an effort to continue the interaction, I now let it go. It's still very hard sometimes but I'm getting better at loving me for a change.
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    Sep 09, 2013 4:13 PM GMT
    Harry7785 saidPerhaps, you can start with a smile,
    Always have a smile on your face, If you smile at one then 10 people will feel happy and smile at you.

    This actually made me smile. I worked in the office during my free high school time and when I graduated, a secretary to the principal wrote only one short comment in my yearbook. "Keep Smiling". I've never forgotten that, it actually meant a lot to me because I knew that she actually noticed.
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    Sep 09, 2013 4:14 PM GMT
    Quick and easy approach, just stop being insecure. That should cure everything.
    It's about choices, insecure people make insecure choices. Stop it and you will see that those choices were based on insecurity and not logic or reality.
  • Bevan1235

    Posts: 3

    Sep 09, 2013 4:19 PM GMT
    This is so about me. I am totally insecure about my looks
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    Sep 09, 2013 4:32 PM GMT
    lol, I think you'll find that there are very, very few people that have not felt at one time, or are not, insecure about something about themselves.

    So, stop worrying about feeling insecure and you'll find it easier to deal with. Remember when you look in that mirror that we are our own worst critics. Consider that if someone is attracted to you and says hi they are doing it because just perhaps, they see something that you don't, which is fine. You'll find that now and then another person is a better mirror than the critical one in your mind's eye. icon_wink.gif

    ...and you're perfectly handsome, so remember that.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Sep 09, 2013 4:34 PM GMT
    SharpX saidThis isn't something I talk about openly to people. I'm a sort of man who just finds nearly everything in life ridiculously hilarious. Honestly nearly everything makes me laugh and giggle. People therefore describe me as hyper-active and bubbly and always happy. They don't know infact....I hate the way I am born regarding looks. Even after losing 84lbs....i now weight 162...whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I look fat. Ever since I was 13 I always hated the way I look. I know for a fact insecurities is a big-turn off for guys. That's the main reason why I never had a bf or been with a guy, they don't detect i'm insecure, but nearly everything single gay guy I have come across in life have been beautiful, and the first thing which comes into my head is "omg he won't ever talk to me, he's way to beautiful for me" and I end up just smiling saying hello and then walk away. I don't want to me insecure....I'm not fishing for compliments...I just want help from guys who have been in similar situations and how they have managed to come across this matter.

    Many Thanks

    Shaz =)
    this just means you need therapy. if you still see yourself as fat than its mental and you need to seek out therapy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2013 4:55 PM GMT
    If you pretend you aren't insecure, then you aren't insecure, so start pretending.
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    Sep 09, 2013 5:11 PM GMT
    I understand you, I am like the class clown.. Just laugh everything of but there is nothing wrong with you, you are handsome

    It s not because you can't get over the previous weight drop it is because you have to get used to being You

    I don't see your flaws but I see mine and I know Exactly what I would change..

    Hm... I relate to you so much I am not sure what exactly I should say, I haven't helped myself much with it and I am usually good with advice

    But if you don't learn to love yourself there will always be something else you want to change
  • metta

    Posts: 39089

    Sep 09, 2013 5:40 PM GMT
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    Sep 09, 2013 5:57 PM GMT
    I am always a little insecure about my looks even though im told i dint need to be. I really dont think anybody is totally secure anyway. The ones who appear to be just dont call attention to it. Its a mental block that im trying to break
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2013 6:25 PM GMT
    Get a fat suit, and walk around in public in it a few days.

    After being that ugly for a while, you'll feel much better about yourself when you take the thing off and live normally.

    Tyra did it:

    tbanks.jpg

    tyra-banks-fat-suit_l.jpg
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    Sep 09, 2013 6:26 PM GMT
    Aristoshark saidMy advice:

    You know that thing you always do?
    Stop doing it.

    Oh, so I guess I won't go blind either then….problem solved! icon_eek.gif
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    Sep 09, 2013 6:42 PM GMT
    tumblr_lrknbwrlpB1qimgqxo1_500.gif

    Keep reminding urself...

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR14XDe1WVo9MXM06lKxV-
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    Sep 09, 2013 6:55 PM GMT
    For starters, don't listen to others' opinions stated as absolute fact concerning facial hair -- or any other aspect of your appearance. Particularly when your post was not a request for critiques of the way you look.

    You might consider seeking professional guidance on what you're dealing with here. Body image issues (your post was about feeling fat) are very real, and telling you to just get the hell over it is not going to be helpful. What's important is finding a way to address what you perceive when you see yourself -- not what other people see or theorize about why you feel the way you do.

    Nonetheless, I will still say that I think you look fine the way you are. Now, it's just a matter of getting you to the point where you think so too. icon_smile.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Sep 09, 2013 8:52 PM GMT
    MovingRightAlong saidFor starters, don't listen to others' opinions stated as absolute fact concerning facial hair -- or any other aspect of your appearance. Particularly when your post was not a request for critiques of the way you look.

    You might consider seeking professional guidance on what you're dealing with here. Body image issues (your post was about feeling fat) are very real, and telling you to just get the hell over it is not going to be helpful. What's important is finding a way to address what you perceive when you see yourself -- not what other people see or theorize about why you feel the way you do.

    Nonetheless, I will still say that I think you look fine the way you are. Now, it's just a matter of getting you to the point where you think so too. icon_smile.gif

    And secondly, don't listen to people who's advice is to go ask someone else for advice. Some people can't seem to think and work things out without running to a therapist. Sad. The facial hair thing was just my personal thoughts on the matter that I thought you might find of value. Though it is considered a truism in my circle.
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    Sep 09, 2013 9:00 PM GMT
    I think a lot of us were insecure about our bodies and our total look back when were were adolescents. I know I was one of those guys who was too tall and too skinny. In winter I was also too pale, almost like an Albino. I rode my bike and ran a lot, but those activities didn't help me bulk up. Finally I met a water polo coach while in high school and he helped me with an intense weight training and swimming work out schedule that put some weight and muscle on my skinny frame. When I began to see results - pretty damn quickly - I then felt very secure about myself, my look, my abilities in school and in the pool. I was a new person. (Getting rid of my zits by eliminating junk food helped too!)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2013 9:24 PM GMT
    MovingRightAlong saidFor starters, don't listen to others' opinions stated as absolute fact concerning facial hair -- or any other aspect of your appearance. Particularly when your post was not a request for critiques of the way you look.

    You might consider seeking professional guidance on what you're dealing with here. Body image issues (your post was about feeling fat) are very real, and telling you to just get the hell over it is not going to be helpful. What's important is finding a way to address what you perceive when you see yourself -- not what other people see or theorize about why you feel the way you do.

    Nonetheless, I will still say that I think you look fine the way you are. Now, it's just a matter of getting you to the point where you think so too. icon_smile.gif


    This is a really good advice.
    I used professional guidance at my Uni, helped me a lot :3
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2013 9:59 PM GMT
    Sing it girl!
    "Crack is whack"

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    Sep 09, 2013 10:04 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI always thought I was not great looking. And my body was only sort-of OK. Until I started working out and getting some results. Now I feel better about myself and have a bit of pride that I've done the work and maybe my body is a bit better than average for my age. Gives me confidence. Give that a try. I'd also recommend you shave off the facial hair. Guys who grow that are advertising insecurity. About something. Always.

    These plain generalization makes your advice pretty worthless.
    So every shaved guy is secure and every unshaved guy is insecure. Just because something doesn't appeal to you doesn't mean you have to degrade it to make yourself feel better.
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    Sep 09, 2013 10:33 PM GMT
    SharpX saidThis isn't something I talk about openly to people. I'm a sort of man who just finds nearly everything in life ridiculously hilarious. Honestly nearly everything makes me laugh and giggle. People therefore describe me as hyper-active and bubbly and always happy. They don't know infact....I hate the way I am born regarding looks. Even after losing 84lbs....i now weight 162...whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I look fat. Ever since I was 13 I always hated the way I look. I know for a fact insecurities is a big-turn off for guys. That's the main reason why I never had a bf or been with a guy, they don't detect i'm insecure, but nearly everything single gay guy I have come across in life have been beautiful, and the first thing which comes into my head is "omg he won't ever talk to me, he's way to beautiful for me" and I end up just smiling saying hello and then walk away. I don't want to me insecure....I'm not fishing for compliments...I just want help from guys who have been in similar situations and how they have managed to come across this matter.

    Many Thanks

    Shaz =)


    I am so glad that you posted something like this, because this is something that I've struggled with for a really long time as well, and I hope others can find a way to help solve the problem. I've posted a few posts on here, but apparently I went about it the wrong way.

    One guy said to stop doing things that make you insecure, but what would those be defined as? When you've been insecure your whole life about things, you don't really know what you do that makes you insecure.

    I just wanted to let you know, I think you're stunning and congratulations (being a loser of over 50 lbs as well, I know the struggle you're going through) It was really difficult for me to realize that I wasn't fat anymore. What I started doing was buying clothes that fit me. That made me much more confident to know that I can wear a EX small in shirts now as opposed to the 1x I used to wear.

    I'm sure one day it'll click for you. Just know you're not the only guy struggling, there are others struggling with you!