Do you think its OK to request your bf to give up the use of his dick in the name of love?

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    Sep 10, 2013 12:54 PM GMT
    I was having this conversation with someone the other day; imagine there is a gay couple in a steady relationship and the top requests the bottom to stop touching his dick during sex in order to achieve anal orgasms only (which he's done in the past several times). But the bottom doesn't have a very positive attitude towards it. Do you think asking that is not fair for the bottom in any way? Or would it be something the bottom should do for the sake of the relationship? Just like someone who was requested to stop smoking or to change their attitude to make a relationship better.
    What do you think?
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Sep 10, 2013 1:08 PM GMT
    It's good for couples to be GGG - good, giving, and game - in the bedroom. Meaning, willing to go along with their partner in sexual requests that the other may have - as long as it's not a deal breaker activity. They may not get much, or anything, out of the activity, but participate to please the partner.

    Having said that, if you're asking your partner to keep his hands off his dick while you're fucking him with the goal of his achieving a hand's free orgasm, I'd think that your partner should be willing to go along with you - as long as you're not asking him to do this every time you fuck.

    If you don't want him to ever touch his dick, then you're trying to control him and that is asking too much.

    So, yeah, every now and then is fine, but you also have to be GGG and do some things he likes that you're not as into.
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    Sep 10, 2013 1:27 PM GMT
    Hothouse saidIt's good for couples to be GGG - good, giving, and game - in the bedroom. Meaning, willing to go along with their partner in sexual requests that the other may have - as long as it's not a deal breaker activity. They may not get much, or anything, out of the activity, but participate to please the partner.

    Having said that, if you're asking your partner to keep his hands off his dick while you're fucking him with the goal of his achieving a hand's free orgasm, I'd think that your partner should be willing to go along with you - as long as you're not asking him to do this every time you fuck.

    If you don't want him to ever touch his dick, then you're trying to control him and that is asking too much.

    So, yeah, every now and then is fine, but you also have to be GGG and do some things he likes that you're not as into.

    +1

    Same answer I would give. And I've been in these situations, I think we all have. Among those I didn't like, but played along as best I could, were "talk dirty to me" and elaborate role playing.

    I don't have a filthy mouth, I don't even think filthy, really don't know what I should be saying, so the whole thing is a distasteful sham to me. Plus it distracts me, not good at multi-tasking anymore, trying to think of suitable dirty phrases I'd never use otherwise. He needs to be content with passionate grunts, gasps & sighs, those I can manage. LOL! But I'll still try if he asks.

    But role playing is the worst. I had one BF, a professional actor himself not surprisingly, who'd practically script our encounters. They usually involved a pretend locker room, me the guy just coming from the (real) shower wrapped in a towel, him in gym attire who starts a conversation as I dry off and (try to) dress as he comments on my junk. But he was also the scene's director, and get all mad if I didn't deliver my "lines" right, really too much controlling hassle for me.

    BTW, love that GGG - good, giving & game. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Hothouse

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    Sep 10, 2013 1:30 PM GMT
    Credit Dan Savage with "GGG".
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Sep 10, 2013 2:25 PM GMT
    Contrary to what gay porn propaganda has taught us, not very bttm can experience hands free jazzing, every time, during sex.



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    Sep 10, 2013 2:40 PM GMT
    rnch saidContrary to what gay porn propaganda has taught us, not very bttm can experience hands free jazzing, every time, during sex.

    icon_idea.gif

    The worst thing you can do is use gay porn as an instruction manual. What they're doing as actors is largely visual for the audience behind the camera lens.

    What YOU do, for HIS pleasure and for YOURS, may be totally different.

    Gay porn may give you some tips, but you should be trying to give each other tactile physical & mental stimulation, not visual excitement as seen from across the room where a camera is.

    I use my eyes less and my ears more, when I'm pleasing my man. In fact, I often close my eyes and fly blind. The sounds he makes tell me what I'm doing right, or wrong. I let his voice lead me.

    He knows what he wants better than I do, my job is merely to supply it. And that may change, day to day, or moment to moment. I play him like a violin, and the sounds he makes are music to my ears. icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 10, 2013 3:13 PM GMT


    lol, wut? O.o
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    Sep 10, 2013 3:14 PM GMT
    What if your partner wants you to sniff and eat pussy while you blow him? Obligation? What if your partner wants to do it underwater and you can't swim, or in a roller coaster that nauseates you? Or in a parking lot where you might "get caught" because the excitement turns you on.

    Why didn't you marry as virgins? Why did you test the water first? What if anal sex grosses him out? What if you only get off while robbing a bank?



  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Sep 10, 2013 3:20 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said...I use my eyes less and my ears more, when I'm pleasing my man. In fact, I often close my eyes and fly blind. The sounds he makes tell me what I'm doing right, or wrong. I let his voice lead me.

    He knows what he wants better than I do, my job is merely to supply it. And that may change, day to day, or moment to moment. I play him like a violin, and the sounds he makes are music to my ears. icon_wink.gif




    Quite Right!

    My ex-bf/FWB/Whatever-the-hell-we-are-nowdays is an emotionally repressed, stoic, "first responder syndrome" challenged man.

    When we are "together" and he closes his eyes, quietly groans, sofly moans out my name and involuntarily starts to tremble & wiggle....I know that I AM doing something right with/for/to him.


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    Sep 10, 2013 3:22 PM GMT
    It sounds like another fucked-up relationship.
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    Sep 10, 2013 3:26 PM GMT
    theantijock saidWhat if your partner wants you to sniff and eat pussy while you blow him? Obligation? What if your partner wants to do it underwater and you can't swim, or in a roller coaster that nauseates you? Or in a parking lot where you might "get caught" because the excitement turns you on.

    Why didn't you marry as virgins? Why did you test the water first? What if anal sex grosses him out? What if you only get off while robbing a bank?

    I have in fact gotten invites to car sex in the parking lot of a gay bar. I asked why there? Come back to my place for more comfortable sex.

    No, these guys liked the idea of a BJ in a parking lot. And THEN he'd come home with me, which was the really odd part.

    Well, they didn't get the car BJ, nor did they come home with me.

    I guess it's like guys who prefer sex in highway rest stops, because I suppose that's where they first had gay sex. And even when they're offered a bed in a nice home, they still go for the glory hole and potential arrest. I'll never understand it, and neither will I go along with it.
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    Sep 10, 2013 3:31 PM GMT
    Ok i didnt say it was my relationship, and I know not everyone can get that kinda orgasm, but what if you know that person can (because hes done that before and you know how to get him do that). I think he should do it in order to keep his partner happy, after all hes having fun too
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    Sep 10, 2013 3:33 PM GMT
    rnch said
    ART_DECO said...I use my eyes less and my ears more, when I'm pleasing my man. In fact, I often close my eyes and fly blind. The sounds he makes tell me what I'm doing right, or wrong. I let his voice lead me.

    He knows what he wants better than I do, my job is merely to supply it. And that may change, day to day, or moment to moment. I play him like a violin, and the sounds he makes are music to my ears. icon_wink.gif

    Quite Right!

    My ex-bf/FWB/Whatever-the-hell-we-are-nowdays is an emotionally repressed, stoic, "first responder syndrome" challenged man.

    When we are "together" and he closes his eyes, quietly groans, sofly moans out my name and involuntarily starts to tremble & wiggle....I know that I AM doing something right with/for/to him.

    icon_biggrin.gif

    icon_twisted.gif

    I say again, you play your man's body like a violin, to produce the sweetest sounds. When you understand that HIS music is YOUR music, you will be well on your way to a sound relationship.
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    Sep 10, 2013 3:34 PM GMT
    Who died and made the top a the man of that relationship? oooh wait why is the bottom being a pussy? These two should end the relationship. This is an abomination!!!!!!!
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    Sep 10, 2013 3:41 PM GMT
    SKM2 saidWho died and made the top a the man of that relationship?


    Pretty much this. Why does the top in the relationship get to decide how the bottom will experience orgasm?
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    Sep 10, 2013 3:50 PM GMT
    unfounded7 said
    SKM2 saidWho died and made the top a the man of that relationship?


    Pretty much this. Why does the top in the relationship get to decide how the bottom will experience orgasm?

    Because hes the one giving it to him
  • Hothouse

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    Sep 10, 2013 3:56 PM GMT
    No one is required to do anything and everything his partner asks him to do.
    Being GGG doesn't mean that you don't have boundaries. A guy has to let his partner know what his boundaires are. A man has no right to suggest his partner do something that he knows the partner does not want to do. He can, however, ask his partner to do something that the partner may not find a turn-on, but is not adverse to giving a go for the partner's benefit.
    I wouldn't agree to anything that might risk breaking the law or causing physical damage - so it's assumed that some acts are off the table.

    As far as the "top" determining how the "bottom" will get off - a GGG bottom could let the top have his way every now and then for the sake of having varied sexual experiences. Of course, the bottom could then have his say in how the top gets off the next time around.
    There are, however, true submissive men that might be totally fine with the Top having his way all the time, and that's what gets the bottom off as well.
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    Sep 10, 2013 4:02 PM GMT
    Ummmmmmmmm? lol

    Why does this "random" top want his bottom to orgasm the way he sees best all the times? Shouldn't the bottom decide what makes him feel best or at least at a given time? What works for him one day may not be what he wants the next.

    Does the top want to prove something to his bottom and/or to himself? Because maybe the top is being selfish if they feel this is some Huge thing. Dictating how his partner should cum.

    I believe it is no big deal, as long as both the top and bottom can put out and satisfy each other enough so each is content then don't make such a fuss over it. Let everyone chose what works the best for them and don't feel discouraged just because your significant other doesn't want to do the same thing every time...

    But the top should be proud knowing he is able to make your bottom anal orgasm is an Amazing ability.. just don't let it go to his head...
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    Sep 10, 2013 4:12 PM GMT
    Also.. kind of sounds like this Top maybe has been with women before.. and Maybe wants his boy to be his women in bed and pretend the boys ass is a pussy...

    Meaning the Top wants the bottom to play the role of a women, and women can only orgasm from their pussy so I think the top should understand the difference between the 2 and guys can cum 2 ways... 3 if the bottom is verse lol.. guys Rock! icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 10, 2013 4:13 PM GMT
    David3000 said
    unfounded7 said
    SKM2 saidWho died and made the top a the man of that relationship?


    Pretty much this. Why does the top in the relationship get to decide how the bottom will experience orgasm?

    Because hes the one giving it to him!


    I think this "hypothetical" top needs to seek therapy for his control issues. Or, the bottom should just dump his ass.
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    Sep 10, 2013 4:13 PM GMT
    David3000 said
    unfounded7 said
    SKM2 saidWho died and made the top a the man of that relationship?


    Pretty much this. Why does the top in the relationship get to decide how the bottom will experience orgasm?

    Because hes the one giving it to him!

    He wants to be the one giving it to him, and he's trying to force his partner to not orgasm on his own. I agree with unfounded7: the top needs therapy.
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    Sep 10, 2013 4:22 PM GMT
    Philibuster said
    David3000 said
    unfounded7 said
    SKM2 saidWho died and made the top a the man of that relationship?


    Pretty much this. Why does the top in the relationship get to decide how the bottom will experience orgasm?

    Because hes the one giving it to him!

    He wants to be the one giving it to him, and he's trying to force his partner to not orgasm on his own. I agree with unfounded7: the top needs therapy.


    I think you guys are taking it Way too far. He just wants to be the one to pleasure his bottom and possibly prove to himself he Always can Fully and completely Satisfy him on his own.. it is kind of sweet actually, he is coming from a good place... it is just the top has to learn a thing or two about gay relationships... We All Do... Don't we?

    No Biggy icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Sep 10, 2013 4:37 PM GMT
    TheRece25 saidI think you guys are taking it Way too far. He just wants to be the one to pleasure his bottom and possibly prove to himself he Always can Fully and completely Satisfy him on his own.. it is kind of sweet actually, he is coming from a good place.


    And I think you are being naive.
  • rnch

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    Sep 10, 2013 4:46 PM GMT
    unfounded7 said
    TheRece25 saidI think you guys are taking it Way too far. He just wants to be the one to pleasure his bottom and possibly prove to himself he Always can Fully and completely Satisfy him on his own.. it is kind of sweet actually, he is coming from a good place.


    And I think you are being naive.




    IMO, the "top" in this relationship is TRYING to be a dominant "control Freak".




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    Sep 10, 2013 4:48 PM GMT
    unfounded7 said
    TheRece25 saidI think you guys are taking it Way too far. He just wants to be the one to pleasure his bottom and possibly prove to himself he Always can Fully and completely Satisfy him on his own.. it is kind of sweet actually, he is coming from a good place.


    And I think you are being naive.


    But did you Think of reading the rest of my post and seeing how it All worked together? Hmmmmmmmmmmm?

    Cause I am not