40s-50s+ guys: what did getting older look like when you were 25?

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    Sep 11, 2013 3:57 AM GMT
    The "Okay, 18-24 year old posters, your thoughts about getting older" thread inspired me to start one for my fellow chronologically endowed RJ members. icon_smile.gif

    Some of the posters to that thread speak of being completely depressed at the thought of turning 25. WTF?? icon_eek.gif And I'm not dissing these guys -- in fact, my heart kinda goes out to them. Bummed out about 25? Really?? Like your life is really over when you stop being a kid?

    So, my question for you 40- and 50-somethings is: did you feel this way when you were approaching your mid-20s? Did you feel a sense of loss -- or one of gain? What did you envision your 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond holding for you?

    Okay, that's actually three questions. But I will start the ball rolling. My teens and 20s were turbulent, so I couldn't wait for them to be done. I looked younger than my age, and wanted more than anything to be a grown-up -- and to be taken seriously in the grown-up world. I wanted to get on with my life. So I was actually happy when I turned 30. The fact that I didn't begin to come out until 29 only added to this feeling.

    And you?? icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 11, 2013 4:01 AM GMT
    My 30s came out pretty much how I predicted it when I was in my 20s. icon_lol.gificon_neutral.gif

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    Sep 11, 2013 4:36 AM GMT
    Logans-Run-photo-2.jpg
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    Sep 11, 2013 4:38 AM GMT
    mindgarden saidLogans-Run-photo-2.jpg

    LOL! I considered posting something from that film to the other thread, but a) I didn't want to be the old guy thread-crasher, and b) probably no one would have gotten the reference. icon_smile.gif

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  • 24hourguy

    Posts: 364

    Sep 11, 2013 4:48 AM GMT
    I feel like I spent my 20's creating a mess. My 30's cleaning up my mess. Now in my 40's and appreciate the lack of drama in my life.
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    Sep 11, 2013 4:51 AM GMT
    It's been a long time but I'm going to guess Logan's Run? Very funny.

    I started as one of those so-called old souls, a slow learner, more accurately--at least that's what others called me, among other things--often hanging out with my elders but I grew into Peter Pan. So age has always confused me. I can be in a group of 30something year olds and think to myself, who are all these old fucks? Where are the kids my age?

    I missed 30 entirely, like an elevator without a 13th floor. I was with my bi bud then and life was a party. So for the next five until he died, a date that's marked me since, I never really knew how old I was and I still have to think about it to be sure. Though the arthritis in my hands clues me in.

    I never felt I wasn't old enough or stuck in an age or loss at moving on and I never really considered my aging before. And it's a good thing to because with how my life has unfurled, no matter what I might have guessed for my future, I'd have been wrong.

    So I continue to have no idea what my 60s through 90s might have in store. But keep in touch: I'll let you know when I get there.
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    Sep 11, 2013 4:55 AM GMT
    MovingRightAlong said But I will start the ball rolling. My teens and 20s were turbulent, so I couldn't wait for them to be done. I looked younger than my age, and wanted more than anything to be a grown-up -- and to be taken seriously in the grown-up world. I wanted to get on with my life. So I was actually happy when I turned 30."
    And you?? icon_smile.gif


    Yep, pretty much similar experiences here.

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    Sep 11, 2013 4:58 AM GMT
    Seriously, I was in grad school. I just wanted the nightmare to end before I was 30.
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    Sep 11, 2013 5:05 AM GMT
    Aristoshark saidI was old in my 20s. I've been getting younger ever since.

    Bob Dylan felt the same way. icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 11, 2013 5:06 AM GMT

    More of the same!
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    Sep 11, 2013 5:12 AM GMT
    theantijock saidSo age has always confused me. I can be in a group of 30something year olds and think to myself, who are all these old fucks? Where are the kids my age?

    [snip]

    I never felt I wasn't old enough or stuck in an age or loss at moving on and I never really considered my aging before. And it's a good thing to because with how my life has unfurled, no matter what I might have guessed for my future, I'd have been wrong.

    So I continue to have no idea what my 60s through 90s might have in store. But keep in touch: I'll let you know when I get there.

    Great post! I've never quite felt my age either. Even now, being 54 just doesn't compute for me. Living the life of a musician has no doubt played a big part in that. I don't live, think, or act like a lot of my contemporaries. I went to my 35 year high school reunion and thought, "Who the hell are all these old people?"

    And, like you, I could not have predicted the life I have now, nor would I attempt to predict what it will be like if/when I reach my 60s and beyond.

    And yes, it was "Logan's Run." icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 11, 2013 5:17 AM GMT
    Aristoshark saidWell, by 27 I had two small childrens already. It forces you to be an adult. Now they's all grown up and don't need me, so I can be as infantile as I wanna.

    This is great. I like this. icon_smile.gif

    Dylan reference, in the interest of clarity:
    "I was so much older then. I'm younger than that now."
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    Sep 11, 2013 8:11 AM GMT
    25 was never a problem for me. I had to stop and think about what was going on then; that's when I got out of the Navy. I was too busy whoring around and never thought about getting old at that point.

    Turning 30 is when I got upset about getting old. At that point I felt like I was no longer a "young man" and just a "man." Around that time the AIDS shit hit the fan and I donned the shroud of celibacy and stopped worrying about being good looking and how old I was.

    Getting off the "worrying about being attractive" train was quite a relief.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 11, 2013 1:23 PM GMT
    The "older" I become, the younger I become (when compared to most other guys my age), the more secure I become in my own self image, the better life has become!

    Looking forward to my 60's, when I am early retired, financially secure....and flirting with and enjoying guys in their 40's, who, judging by surface attractions, think that I am one of them.
  • in_this_corne...

    Posts: 704

    Sep 11, 2013 1:46 PM GMT
    Man, I don't know what going through some minds as guys pass 25. For me every year has gotten better. In my 20s I didn't dread my 30s. Professionally speaking things got better as I got older.

    This Friday I'll be 39. My 30s have been an amazing time. I just wish more guys thought better of themselves as they get older. So many people let themselves fall apart or they give up or have the "it's all downhill from here" attitude...try again, this is your life.
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    Sep 11, 2013 2:18 PM GMT
    When I was in my 20s all I saw was the future. I never considered it getting old. When I turned 30 I was another chapter. I was becoming more of an adult. My 40s were amazing.
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    Sep 11, 2013 2:39 PM GMT
    Never thought about age much then and still don't. There are guys in their 20s who look and act like old men and guys in their 70s who are active and have a youthful spirit. I have good friends who range in age from mid 20s up to 70, and I find it's more about personality and attitude than chronological age.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 11, 2013 2:49 PM GMT
    I find it amazing how many people look at numbers (about age) and make judgement calls. How many profiles do you read when a guy puts age restrictions on who they would be interested. Pretty stupid. Reality is, we all age differently.

    I remember my mother (a stunningly beautiful woman) making a statement about her haircut when she turned 40. "Women over 40 shouldn't have long hair", she said, somehow inferring that a woman of that age would look like a witch if she had long hair.

    The reality, I feel great in my 40's, I look good, probably better than the early part of my 20's, since I work out, so I'm very happy. I say, be who you are for now and no judgement calls on "age numbers"......
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    Sep 11, 2013 2:59 PM GMT
    MovingRightAlong said...I've never quite felt my age either. Even now, being 54 just doesn't compute for me. Living the life of a musician has no doubt played a big part in that. I don't live, think, or act like a lot of my contemporaries. I went to my 35 year high school reunion and thought, "Who the hell are all these old people?"

    And, like you, I could not have predicted the life I have now, nor would I attempt to predict what it will be like if/when I reach my 60s and beyond....


    Yep, if the music biz doesn't kill you, it will keep you young. I did the 30-year. Don't think we had a 35, a lot of us were dealing with a lot of crap by then. But I spent much of my time with one of our musician friends. What's interesting about her, besides how very talented she always was, is that she also works in a hospital and also raised two kids but she never lost the kid inside. Still very fun to be around.

    Just this weekend I was with another one of my grade school friends who was such a goof off in school but now he seems twice my age--looks it too, and he's commented about that more than a few times, nearly every time we're together--a high stakes business guy, raised two kids, super serious about life.

    A lot of this is attitude. After the ol'man died, though mom had many friends, I'd be her fill in date, especially after Alzheimer's kicked in more and the fake friends dropped off. So we'd be going from one of our regular haunts, Max's Grille over to the theaters, hand in hand, when she'd start skipping through Mizner Park, a somewhat uppity outdoor shopping mall. You just don't skip there.

    That woman rarely acted her age and until the end she didn't look it either.

    I skimmed that thread you referenced. These kids who worry about aging, they're going to fuck themselves up. They won't be as happy as they could otherwise be. I asked my mom one time what it was like to get older. I honestly don't recall exactly what she answered. I remember her looking at me as if I was speaking a foreign language.

    If it wasn't for arthritis, the death of loved ones, the betrayal of life long friends marking my time, I would have no idea how old I am either.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Sep 11, 2013 3:00 PM GMT
    I've always pretty much lived in the present. I highly recommend it. Can't say there was any period I regret.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 11, 2013 3:10 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI find it amazing how many people look at numbers (about age) and make judgement calls. How many profiles do you read when a guy puts age restrictions on who they would be interested....



    Yup! This is the reason why I jokingly listed my age at "99" a couple of years ago here.




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    Sep 11, 2013 3:16 PM GMT
    When I was 25, the idea of being 40 or 45 was scary, but now that I'm 44, that fear is not here. In fact, I feel much younger than 44 and when I see people that I went to school with, I'm shocked by how old they look.
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    Sep 11, 2013 3:17 PM GMT
    MovingRightAlong saidThe "Okay, 18-24 year old posters, your thoughts about getting older" thread inspired me to start one for my fellow chronologically endowed RJ members. icon_smile.gif

    Some of the posters to that thread speak of being completely depressed at the thought of turning 25. WTF?? icon_eek.gif And I'm not dissing these guys -- in fact, my heart kinda goes out to them. Bummed out about 25? Really?? Like your life is really over when you stop being a kid?

    So, my question for you 40- and 50-somethings is: did you feel this way when you were approaching your mid-20s? Did you feel a sense of loss -- or one of gain? What did you envision your 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond holding for you?

    Okay, that's actually three questions. But I will start the ball rolling. My teens and 20s were turbulent, so I couldn't wait for them to be done. I looked younger than my age, and wanted more than anything to be a grown-up -- and to be taken seriously in the grown-up world. I wanted to get on with my life. So I was actually happy when I turned 30. The fact that I didn't begin to come out until 29 only added to this feeling.

    And you?? icon_smile.gif


    "fellow chronologically endowed RJ members"

    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    I think I felt my oldest at 25 and fixed that by rounding my age up to the next year (which I still do) to ease the trauma of the next birthday. That's worked wonders as I have felt better every year since.

    True, it's a little rough right now due to taking care of a mother with Alzheimer's, but I stay busy, stay very active physically, keep a positive attitude and spend much time with my friends.

    My friends, and especially what I would consider my bookends of friends, my two best buds, one age 19 and the other 79 and everyone in between have been hugely important to a happy fulfilling life.
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    Sep 11, 2013 3:23 PM GMT
    theantijock saidI started as one of those so-called old souls, a slow learner, more accurately--at least that's what others called me, among other things--often hanging out with my elders but I grew into Peter Pan.

    I can relate to that - I was one of those precocious kids who woke up one day in his late teens to discover his emotional development arrested and everyone else evolved, explaining why I still felt more comfortable around adults. So because I always related more to adults I was always fine with the idea of getting older, never fretting about youth slipping away or wasted opportunity. In fact, my 30th birthday was my best ever - I was done with clubbing and on my honeymoon, right on schedule, and my 50th was my second-best because I wasn't expected to make it. I suppose that's why at 50 I still routinely pass for my early thirties, something I never expected at 25.
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    Sep 11, 2013 3:54 PM GMT
    I was so busy with my life , that i jumped from the 20's to the 50's with one big jump ...lol..