WHEN DID YOU REALISE THAT YOU WERE GAY?

  • ScRaPiNgLoVe

    Posts: 42

    Sep 12, 2013 6:24 PM GMT
    EXPECT WEIRD AND NORMAL REPLIES
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2013 6:47 PM GMT
    Five and Half..to Six
    ^ ^ ^ ^
    Age..not size folks.. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2013 6:57 PM GMT
    Like, for real, real Gay?

    -When he kissed me.

    Till then, kissing just seamed mechanical, something you were supposed to do; some sort of fake affection, rendering me a sociopath, because it meant nothing.
  • ScRaPiNgLoVe

    Posts: 42

    Sep 12, 2013 6:58 PM GMT
    At 5 nd half, didnt know what 'gay' was, not even heard about it.icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2013 6:58 PM GMT
    When I was in the third grade ....
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Sep 12, 2013 7:09 PM GMT
    Around 16 I finally admitted to myself - "yup, I'm gay."
    Up until then I was highly suspicious.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2013 7:17 PM GMT
    when i developed feelings for a friend at age 17; that was rough. Goodness
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2013 7:18 PM GMT
    15. I decided I wanted to be gay so I went to my doctor for treatment to make me gay.

    I'm thinking about having it reversed though...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2013 7:19 PM GMT
    I think when I had another mans penis in my mouth. icon_lol.gif

    Edit: 19 icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2013 7:40 PM GMT
    I realized I liked guys kinda late (I was 23), but I think I had some hints before that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2013 7:41 PM GMT
    10- when I was trying hard to look down a classmates new hair trail down his ass crack. But earlier at 6 when I was playing at my Black neighbor girl's house, and her Catholic Mom went screaming out of the room to my Dad that I was holding a doll with her daughter. I mean screaming! I was kicked out of the house fast.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2013 10:56 PM GMT
    I was very young. maybe around 6 or so? or 6-8 somewhere in there. Didn't know what "gay" was but new I like the male form more than the female form. seeing hot shirtless guys on MTV later confirmed it lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2013 12:00 AM GMT
    vishal_menon saidAt 5 nd half, didnt know what 'gay' was, not even heard about it.icon_biggrin.gif


    Same here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2013 12:04 AM GMT
    Aristoshark saidWhen I was 4.
    I had a crush on an older man of 7.
    It didn't work out. We were just in too different places in our lives.
    After it ended, I started hitting the bottle. Hard. Diluted apple juice.
    I drank to forget.


    Oh my god I lol'd! Hahahahaha!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2013 12:12 AM GMT
    WHEN DID YOU REALISE THAT YOU WERE GAY?

    Thursday, March 16, 1995, at around 11 AM, age 45.

    And not being facetious, it was the exact moment, I'll never forget it. I now celebrate the following day, March 17 (St. Patrick's Day), as my second birthday. The day I attended my first gay gala, and formally came out in public. icon_biggrin.gif
  • ScRaPiNgLoVe

    Posts: 42

    Sep 13, 2013 1:53 PM GMT
    "
    Thursday, March 16, 1995, at around 11 AM, age 45.

    And not being facetious, it was the exact moment, I'll never forget it. I now celebrate the following day, March 17 (St. Patrick's Day), as my second birthday. The day I attended my first gay gala, and formally came out in public."



    Bit confused about the time of realisation and the time of 'coming out'.
    Realisation at 45 is tooooooo late!!!!
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Sep 13, 2013 2:06 PM GMT
    Art, you maybe old, but your memory is sharp as a tack.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2013 2:50 PM GMT
    vishal_menon said
    "Thursday, March 16, 1995, at around 11 AM, age 45.

    And not being facetious, it was the exact moment, I'll never forget it. I now celebrate the following day, March 17 (St. Patrick's Day), as my second birthday. The day I attended my first gay gala, and formally came out in public."

    Bit confused about the time of realisation and the time of 'coming out'.
    Realisation at 45 is tooooooo late!!!!

    It is indeed too late, the greatest regret in my life. And why I endorse a society where young people aren't discouraged & penalized for learning about their orientation at an early age, and where being gay isn't denounced, degraded & misrepresented.

    I honestly thought I was straight all those years, because of the false gay stereotypes I learned in the 1950s & 60s. Gays were portrayed as effeminate, limp-wristed, lisping cross dressers. Whereas I was outdoorsy, camping, hunting & fishing, rode motorcycles, and began an Army career at 20. How could that be gay? I had the proof that I was straight, I never dreamt I was gay.

    Of course I knew I was attracted to men before I was a teen, but I dismissed that as a personal quirk, the only thing out of place in my straight self-image. And my lack of attraction to women I also rationalized, into a perceived advantage that made me stronger than other more "susceptible" and easily distracted men. When I finally did date women, at 26, it was a calculated decision to satisfy my nagging parents, with which I was never happy nor comfortable, and also to help my Officer's career.

    It was the realization in March, 1995 that gays could also be all the things I already was, they don't have to fit the stereotypical model I was brought up to believe, that broke down my denial mechanism. As a guy (and my future gay mentor), said to me: "At its core, gay is simply about sexual attraction, and not about outward appearance & behavior."

    And he gave me examples of all the gay men who are as butch as any man alive. Literally in a flash I realized, and accepted, that I was gay, too.

    For the first hour this thunderbolt hit me I was in turmoil. For one thing, gays were mostly despised & mocked in the US, even illegal in some places. And I'd been told all my life how they were freaks, perverts, evil people. I didn't like the idea of being associated with that, a badge of scorn & shame.

    But then I got a hold of myself, and said wait a minute, I'm 45, and I've never been any of those awful things. And I'm not now. Therefore, maybe those things are also part of this false stereotypical image. Maybe gays have been getting a bad rap. icon_idea.gif

    Well, I determined to find out without delay, not something I was going to brood about. By lucky coincidence the biggest annual gay gala in Seattle was the very next night, as I'd learned from my gay online friend. So I went to their local BBS site and made a reservation, indicating for the first time my orientation as "gay".

    I attended with a little trepidation, not knowing what to expect from over 1000 gay men in the same hotel ball room. Although my greatest concern was that I'd be wearing an appropriate outfit, proof right there that I'm gay. LOL!

    It was a night that changed the course of my life for the better, one of the best decisions I ever made in attending, hence my "second birthday" that I celebrate each year. I laughed, I cried with happiness, I got hit on quite a lot (guess I wore the right outfit, though I wasn't knowledgeable enough to go home with anyone yet). And I've been out ever since, trying to make up for all those "lost" years of living straight, happier now than I've ever been in my life. icon_biggrin.gif

    (BTW your post doubled, sometimes happens here. You may want to delete one, I know you're brand new to this site)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2013 2:53 PM GMT
    Hothouse saidArt, you maybe old, but your memory is sharp as a tack.

    Thanks! And no "maybe" about either of those things. Despite my indisputable advanced age, and issues that have given me a faulty short-term memory, my long-term memory is almost photographic, and reaching back to an incredibly early age.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2013 3:16 PM GMT
    Pre-K. Still recall a crush I had back then on an older boy who rejected me, setting me up for a lifetime of self esteem issues. So by 1st grade I was already in therapy, figuring out myself and the world.

    Well, it was pre-K and I did have that crush. I wouldn't describe it as a realization though. Like, when did you first realize that you had arms and legs? Because I didn't realize I've hands until they got arthritis in my 40s. For as long as I can recall, I was aware that I had hands but they didn't become significant until they started causing me pain.

    My being gay started causing me pain probably back in grade school when I would overhear what people said, not about me personally, but about me inside. So my realization was never that I'm gay; rather, my realization was that other people were not. I don't know precisely when that started as there was no specific incident to latch onto. And I'm not even sure if that realization is yet complete or if it is an awareness that I will always at least in some sense grapple with during my time in this world.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2013 3:22 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    vishal_menon said
    "Thursday, March 16, 1995, at around 11 AM, age 45.

    And not being facetious, it was the exact moment, I'll never forget it. I now celebrate the following day, March 17 (St. Patrick's Day), as my second birthday. The day I attended my first gay gala, and formally came out in public."

    Bit confused about the time of realisation and the time of 'coming out'.
    Realisation at 45 is tooooooo late!!!!

    It is indeed too late, the greatest regret in my life....
    ..............
    ..............
    ..............
    It was a night that changed the course of my life for the better, one of the best decisions I ever made in attending, hence my "second birthday" that I celebrate each year. I laughed, I cried with happiness, I got hit on quite a lot (guess I wore the right outfit, though I wasn't knowledgeable enough to go home with anyone yet). And I've been out ever since, trying to make up for all those "lost" years of living straight, happier now than I've ever been in my life.

    O, That's quite late...anyhow
    To make you feel any better
    "Being late is way better than never"

    It's nice to hear that at the end, you're happy! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2013 3:46 PM GMT
    Harry7785 said
    O, That's quite late...anyhow
    To make you feel any better
    "Being late is way better than never"

    It's nice to hear that at the end, you're happy! icon_smile.gif

    Thanks. And yeah, that's how I view it. No way I can turn back the clock, gotta play the hand you're dealt. But at least I got into the game.

    I get some criticism for being TOO gay, for having too much focus on the gay community, for immersing myself so totally in everything gay. And if I had come out earlier when I should have, and spent over 40 years as an out gay man, I might have a lower profile today like other gays do.

    But when at 45 I realized I'd lost around 30 years, and didn't have very many good years left (especially in the gay chronology), I made a 10-year plan for myself. I know, I'm so regimented military it sometimes even scares me, too. icon_redface.gif

    My assumption was I'd have until around 55 before my health & looks would suddenly tank, just like my parents both experienced, a matter of genetics. So for 10 years I would try to compress those 30 years I had missed, burning the gay candle at both ends.

    And it worked, I had a great time, more fun & partying than in all my previous years combined. And maybe also did some good things for my new community, giving back a little for all the enjoyment I was having, and for their generous acceptance of me as a late bloomer. And I was actually able to hang on until about 57, just long enough to snag my second husband, before my body went to pieces. But now he's stuck with me. icon_wink.gif

  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Sep 13, 2013 3:55 PM GMT
    gta5iscomingin4days saidweird enough, to add on to what i said yesterday, my black ass realized that i might be gay at 12. however, i got scared at that moment and jumped right into the closet. was in denial for 12 years and did everything possible to become straight. today exactly marks two years since i basically gave up the fight, questioned my sexuality, and with some help from some lgbtq groups online acknowledged that i was gay. thought about it this morning and it made me feel sick. guess that's still denial working. i acknowledge it BUT a part of me still wants to fight it and be in denial. hell, i'll admit that at times i really feel like falling back to where i was 2 years and remain in denial. i felt a whole lot better than i do now because i feel as if shit got way worse. there's nothing to gain from this shit.

    i was told by others that acknowledging who i was would make me feel "happier" and "that i'll feel better about myself". i feel as if they lied to me about that shit. i enter into a world which seems to be worse than the one that i left. at least with straight people, they were in touch with reality and kept it real. being around gay people such as this forum, others and gay bars, it seems as if folks are out of touch with reality. you basically tell them WHERE you're coming from, what you're dealing with and how you're trying to survive and fuckers are all concerned about who they're gonna fuck next, how "pretty" they look, basically self centered as all hell thinking it's all about them and everyone has to move how they move or see the world like how they do. i notice how a lot of gay folks have this mentality and that probably explains why although many are successful, have money or whatever the fuck, they look like sore thumbs that even IF society became tolerant of gay people, they would still be rejected because their mentalities are fucked up. i guess when you surround yourself with people that detach themselves from society and push their mentality for so long, THEY lose touch with reality. i mean.. with that said, i don't even know at this point. feel like handing in my gay card and going back to the way things were.


    You seem awfully unhappy since you came out of the cloest. If you think you'd be happier denying what you know to be the truth, then why not go back in? You can drop off your gay card at the reception desk.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2013 4:02 PM GMT
    gta5iscomingin4days said
    feel like handing in my gay card and going back to the way things were.

    Have you visited this PFLAG site? You can also become a member. Part of their mission is to help people understand & become comfortable with their orientation. Sounds like just what you need. Check out Support and other links in the left sidebar, and elsewhere.

    http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2
  • ScRaPiNgLoVe

    Posts: 42

    Sep 13, 2013 4:24 PM GMT
    Dear ART, Really interesting and i express my heartful thanks for sharing the most valuable moments of your life.

    I really appreciate you for being 'out' even at a later age but soon after your realisation.

    Beauty always lies in small proportions and the beauty of your life is also small but real. You are living your life meaningful as i could understand from your posts.

    I am 25 and i realised about my behaviour when i was 13 or 14, but the realisation of being 'GAY' happened to me at 21 when the term 'gay' got popularity in the country while decriminalising gay sex in 2009. But unfortunately, i remain as a closeted guy fearing about acceptance from family, relatives and friends. I daily dream of having a day for me too to unload the heavy weight from my head through coming out. I am sure it will happen at a later stage in a more safe and secured manner.