Small town problems

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 13, 2013 10:58 PM GMT
    I live in a town of about 40k people in Oklahoma, an hour from the Tulsa metro. For a city its size, there's almost no gay life to speak of. I'm busy with college so I don't wany anything serious, just a regular fuck buddy who is local so I don't have to drive an hour just to find a decently attractive guy.

    Seriously, the apps provide nothing but unattractive men or fems (Jack'd, Grindr, Scruff, etc), only people from Tulsa respond to Craigslist ads even if I say "NO ONE FROM TULSA", no active guys here on RJ from my area, nor on LifeOut/Manhunt/Adam4Adam.

    Masturbating 5x/day is old. Can anyone relate? #smalltownproblems
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    Sep 13, 2013 11:16 PM GMT
    Knock a couple of zeros off that population number before you start whining about "small town" problems icon_rolleyes.gif
    In a college town there have to be guys somewhere.

    Generally, I won't drive to the city unless I have four or five things to do there, to justify the trip. But yeah, once or twice a month is not enough.




    Now that I think about it... (There are some pretty heavy stalactites crusted over those ancient neurons...) The few times that I made it with athletic or at least non-flamer college guys, they were more in the just-starting-to-get-curious phase. Not "out" at all. Of course this was long before the internet era, but I doubt that they would have been advertising themselves on-line if such things had existed.

    Anyhow, FWIW, the guys I met at that age all started out as guys to go camping with or on SCUBA trips. Then late at night, in the tent, or the motel room... stuff happened. I later found out that at least one of them approached me to go diving in the first place because he had seen me talking to a couple of known flamers and figured I was "with" them.

    I dunno. Maybe young guys are more direct these days. But it's possible that they might be out there quietly looking at your profile, ready to meet, but not ready to go straight for the hook-up.

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    Sep 13, 2013 11:29 PM GMT
    mindgarden saidKnock a couple of zeros off that population number before you start whining about "small town" problems icon_rolleyes.gif
    In a college town there have to be guys somewhere.

    Generally, I won't drive to the city unless I have four or five things to do there, to justify the trip. But yeah, once or twice a month is not enough.






    The thing is it isn't a college town. We have two community college campuses, and a private Native American university. 40 miles to the east is a stereotypical 'college town'.
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    Sep 13, 2013 11:34 PM GMT
    Being in a bigger city with more gays doesn't necessarily mean you'll get more action. I live in a big city that is swarming with gay men. And yet, I too wank off 5x a day like you. There's nothing wrong with it. Your immune system and future husband will thank you for it. icon_wink.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Sep 13, 2013 11:41 PM GMT
    As I see it, and from my own experience, you have to move to a much larger city. Otherwise, this "small town problem" will be with you for the rest of your life.

    I went from a town of less than 12,000 people, to San Francisco.
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    Sep 14, 2013 12:00 AM GMT
    elektrisk564 said
    mindgarden saidKnock a couple of zeros off that population number before you start whining about "small town" problems icon_rolleyes.gif
    In a college town there have to be guys somewhere.

    Generally, I won't drive to the city unless I have four or five things to do there, to justify the trip. But yeah, once or twice a month is not enough.






    The thing is it isn't a college town. We have two community college campuses, and a private Native American university. 40 miles to the east is a stereotypical 'college town'.


    D'oh! Assumptions!
    Still... where I live, 40 miles isn't much more than a trip to the supermarket. I put the search radius (for any app) on "50 miles" and it comes up with... the same six or seven guys. Three old & fat, three or four way too young.

    Except... sometimes in the winter, one can turn on "grindr" and suddenly there are a dozen or more never-before-seen hot guys only 22 miles away!!! And then they're gone. It took me a while to realize that they must be at one of the ski areas up on Mt. Hood - 22 miles as the crow flies but a lot farther by road.
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    Sep 14, 2013 12:19 AM GMT
    mindgarden said
    elektrisk564 said
    mindgarden saidKnock a couple of zeros off that population number before you start whining about "small town" problems icon_rolleyes.gif
    In a college town there have to be guys somewhere.

    Generally, I won't drive to the city unless I have four or five things to do there, to justify the trip. But yeah, once or twice a month is not enough.






    The thing is it isn't a college town. We have two community college campuses, and a private Native American university. 40 miles to the east is a stereotypical 'college town'.


    D'oh! Assumptions!
    Still... where I live, 40 miles isn't much more than a trip to the supermarket. I put the search radius (for any app) on "50 miles" and it comes up with... the same six or seven guys. Three old & fat, three or four way too young.

    Except... sometimes in the winter, one can turn on "grindr" and suddenly there are a dozen or more never-before-seen hot guys only 22 miles away!!! And then they're gone. It took me a while to realize that they must be at one of the ski areas up on Mt. Hood - 22 miles as the crow flies but a lot farther by road.


    This is how it is during the winter/summer for me. College kids come home for breaks, and young guys come back from wherever they fled to to visit family. Also I have decided if an attractive guy is within 20 miles, he's ust passing through.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Sep 15, 2013 4:29 PM GMT
    How about trying to meet someone online and actually become friends? Or more? If you make a real connection, you won't mind driving an hour to see him. If you masturbate five times a day, you need to get a life or a therapist.
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    Sep 15, 2013 4:47 PM GMT
    gta5iscomingin2days said
    Destinharbor saidHow about trying to meet someone online and actually become friends? Or more? If you make a real connection, you won't mind driving an hour to see him. If you masturbate five times a day, you need to get a life or a therapist.


    really dude? what's wrong with masturbating five times a day? icon_mad.gif


    For real though! You'll look back fondly when you're lucky to nut twice within 24 hours. icon_lol.gif
    But seriously folks, the man really does have a problem. And it's also true that living in a major city and/or gayborhood doesn't necessarily change that. 'cause when there are lots of "fish in the sea" everybody holds out for the next guy who might be more "at-TRACK-tive." icon_rolleyes.gif
    It's a damn shame the art of hitchhiking is dead. Ditto for stall wall graffiti, it seems. So much for the Internet making things easier.
    Another sad thing about the "youth of today" is that they're wise to what "curious" might actually mean and are paranoid over it. It used to be that in the morning your surprise hookup would dismiss it as "I was so wasted" or "Don't tell anybody, I just wanted to try." Now they get all guilty n' shit and you never get them in bed. icon_sad.gif We're only halfway from denying same-sex "action" and love exist to being completely cool with it. Being a part of history can sometimes suck like that.
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    Sep 15, 2013 4:50 PM GMT
    gta5iscomingin2days said
    Destinharbor saidHow about trying to meet someone online and actually become friends? Or more? If you make a real connection, you won't mind driving an hour to see him. If you masturbate five times a day, you need to get a life or a therapist.


    really dude? what's wrong with masturbating five times a day? icon_mad.gif


    5x/day....jealous.....icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 15, 2013 4:54 PM GMT
    I live in a town with a population of 12,000 and every other person is a Southern Baptist.

    I understand your pain! What's a brutha gotta do to hookup around here?
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    Sep 15, 2013 5:07 PM GMT
    Must be doing it wrong.
    It's all in the marketing.
    My experience, especially in small town bible belt, is there's tons of "discreet" sex to be had.

  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Sep 15, 2013 5:14 PM GMT
    elektrisk564 saidI live in a town of about 40k people in Oklahoma, an hour from the Tulsa metro. For a city its size, there's almost no gay life to speak of. I'm busy with college so I don't wany anything serious, just a regular fuck buddy who is local so I don't have to drive an hour just to find a decently attractive guy.

    Seriously, the apps provide nothing but unattractive men or fems (Jack'd, Grindr, Scruff, etc), only people from Tulsa respond to Craigslist ads even if I say "NO ONE FROM TULSA", no active guys here on RJ from my area, nor on LifeOut/Manhunt/Adam4Adam.

    Masturbating 5x/day is old. Can anyone relate? #smalltownproblems


    Your problem is obvious from your post. "No one from Tulsa", "no unattractive men", "no fems". I suggest you look in the mirror.

  • Sep 15, 2013 5:32 PM GMT
    Just remember, the grass is never greener. Being gay is a complex thing. The bigger the city, the more ruthless and rude the gay men are, because they figure they can always get someone better and are obsessed with having the best of everything - be it a condo, job or boyfriend. They take for granted what they have. Those who are nice guys and are comfortable with being gay, many never find anyone at all, and this is after living in a very large city with large gay populations for decades. It might seem like 'there's nothing' in a smaller city but when you arrive in a larger one it's not going to be any different. Most of the gay guys there will walk right past you looking for someone better, or after six weeks, are already thinking about who else they can meet. Quality has never been something most gay men have looked for, quantity has, and no amount of passing gay marriage laws will change that. All it does is make some people feel better while the majority of us have no idea where to meet anyone, where/how to date, what kinds of men to look (out) for, and why nothing's happening.

    The shitty reality is this: gay men only make up 2-5% of the male population whether you're in Grand Forks, ND or New York. Of course, in a larger city you'll have more gay men, but that doesn't change what kind of experiences they came from and how that shapes them as adults. Most don't know or what a relationship and don't care about other gay men they hurt or infect. Hate to say it like this but sometimes sticking to your fantasies and keeping it to yourself is the best way. Until gay people learn, very early in life, how to date and respect each other the same way that non-gay men do (the things we do to other gay men would be seen as completely unacceptable if straight men treated women that way) we will, for the most part, spend the majority of our lives alone no matter what size city we end up in.
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    Sep 15, 2013 5:32 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidMust be doing it wrong.
    It's all in the marketing.
    My experience, especially in small town bible belt, is there's tons of "discreet" sex to be had.



    Write a how-to manual and I'll help you get rich.
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    Sep 15, 2013 5:34 PM GMT
    Depending on what you look like and what you're looking for, you may very well need a city with a population of over 1.000.000.

    In my travels I have experienced this pattern. It applies worldwide!

    - Guys from beach cities (like Florianópolis in Brazil (where I live), Nice in France or Miami) tend to reject me because of my pale skin
    - Guys from smaller towns, with around 300.000 people (like Florianópolis or Nice) tend to reject me because I'm too thin for them
    - I have the most success in big metro areas that don't have any beach culture (Paris, São Paulo) Only in these large cities the 0.00001% of guys who are my type and happen to like my type are in sufficient numbers to exist. I spend most of my days, most of my years, with no kisses, no hugs, no sex, no contact at all because these things depend on a degree of diversity of taste that small cities never offer.

    So, if you're not muscular and you're not looking for thin, obese or much younger or older guys than you, you're pretty much obliged to leave your small town.
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    Sep 15, 2013 5:40 PM GMT
    [edit] Oh, you're 19. Dude...

    No offense. But, ask yourself: am I attractive enough to motivate a gay man to drive an hour, especially on any day except Sunday?

    I had that epiphany and hired a personal trainer twice a week. Try living halfway between WeHo and Palm Springs in the LA area (3 hours apart with no traffic)

    No one knocks flying solo. It's the safest option. Decades ago, we didn't have the online porn resources you have. You'll be glad later on as now, there are STDs worse than HIV.

    Ultimately, a lot of guys just give up and try to survive in San Francisco. The feedback is it isn't any easier. You just get ignored by a lot more guys.
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    Sep 15, 2013 7:16 PM GMT
    RobertF64 said[edit] Oh, you're 19. Dude...

    No offense. But, ask yourself: am I attractive enough to motivate a gay man to drive an hour, especially on any day except Sunday?


    Plenty of guys have offered this. But, here's the thing.. I want a regular, local buddy. Not someone who has to schedule a meeting a week in advance and get a hotel just to have some fun.

    waccamatt said

    Your problem is obvious from your post. "No one from Tulsa", "no unattractive men", "no fems". I suggest you look in the mirror.


    No one from Tulsa - Already stated, I don't want to drive an hour for sex
    No unattractive men - Are you kidding me? So I should lower my standards and sleep with men I don't find attractive? #usofunny
    No fems - I don't like feminine guys. So?

    I have found in the gay world that guys try to act all politically correct and pretend they don't have preferences. Well, guess what.. we all do. Just some of us have the balls to openly state them.

    Look in the mirror? lol. I know I'm attractive, and I know I'm not feminine. So I don't get where you were going with that.

    Destinharbor saidHow about trying to meet someone online and actually become friends? Or more? If you make a real connection, you won't mind driving an hour to see him. If you masturbate five times a day, you need to get a life or a therapist.


    Honestly, do you not think it'd be shitty for me to 'become friends' with someone just with the intent to have sex with them? I don't have time to make new friends who live an hour away while I'm in nursing school. I barely have enough time to hang with the friends I already have. Anyway, I sense jealousy. I've talked to other students and it's pretty common to masturbate during breaks from studying. Just saying.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 15, 2013 7:21 PM GMT
    When one is picky, I can absolutely understand the options being limited, but barring moving to a larger city (Tulsa isn't that bad), I think you have to kind of accept the situation .. or develop "friendships" elsewhere and visit
    occasionally. I've often noticed that the options in Wichita are somewhat limited to say the least.
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    Sep 15, 2013 8:03 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidWhen one is picky, I can absolutely understand the options being limited, but barring moving to a larger city (Tulsa isn't that bad), I think you have to kind of accept the situation .. or develop "friendships" elsewhere and visit
    occasionally. I've often noticed that the options in Wichita are somewhat limited to say the least.


    Yeah, I have pretty much accepted it. I mean like I said, I'm not going to lower my standards, so I'll deal with my Tumblr porn and erotica stories, and pray my imagination doesn't suddenly disappear.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Sep 15, 2013 8:18 PM GMT
    elektrisk564 said
    RobertF64 said[edit] Oh, you're 19. Dude...

    No offense. But, ask yourself: am I attractive enough to motivate a gay man to drive an hour, especially on any day except Sunday?


    Plenty of guys have offered this. But, here's the thing.. I want a regular, local buddy. Not someone who has to schedule a meeting a week in advance and get a hotel just to have some fun.

    waccamatt said

    Your problem is obvious from your post. "No one from Tulsa", "no unattractive men", "no fems". I suggest you look in the mirror.


    No one from Tulsa - Already stated, I don't want to drive an hour for sex
    No unattractive men - Are you kidding me? So I should lower my standards and sleep with men I don't find attractive? #usofunny
    No fems - I don't like feminine guys. So?

    I have found in the gay world that guys try to act all politically correct and pretend they don't have preferences. Well, guess what.. we all do. Just some of us have the balls to openly state them.

    Look in the mirror? lol. I know I'm attractive, and I know I'm not feminine. So I don't get where you were going with that.

    Destinharbor saidHow about trying to meet someone online and actually become friends? Or more? If you make a real connection, you won't mind driving an hour to see him. If you masturbate five times a day, you need to get a life or a therapist.


    Honestly, do you not think it'd be shitty for me to 'become friends' with someone just with the intent to have sex with them? I don't have time to make new friends who live an hour away while I'm in nursing school. I barely have enough time to hang with the friends I already have. Anyway, I sense jealousy. I've talked to other students and it's pretty common to masturbate during breaks from studying. Just saying.

    lol. So you just want a quick fuck. You don't actually care if there is a human being on the other end of your fuck. Someone you might like. You're going to make a really compassionate nurse. I hope you only work in the ER. And jealousy? That's a laugh. I have a life and a love.
  • isuflyboy

    Posts: 363

    Sep 15, 2013 8:54 PM GMT
    Try a town of 300 them we will talk...
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    Sep 15, 2013 9:50 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    lol. So you just want a quick fuck. You don't actually care if there is a human being on the other end of your fuck. Someone you might like. You're going to make a really compassionate nurse. I hope you only work in the ER. And jealousy? That's a laugh. I have a life and a love.


    Please read the topic again. I am looking for a local fuck partner. If I were looking for a boyfriend, I'd say so.

    I'm real confused how you think my sexual desires affect my ability to be compassionate in my profession. You have no idea what you are talking about. I am baffled.. honestly baffled, that a 55-year old man came to such a conclusion. I would like a detailed account of your life experiences so I know what to avoid so I don't end up with such a warped thought process.

    Anyway, why are you judging how often I masturbate? This is a long shot.. but do you remember what it is like to be a teenager? If I didn't have other things to do, I could lay in bed with my phone, watch porn, and masturbate all day and still be shooting cum. Don't see why it matters.
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    Sep 15, 2013 9:56 PM GMT
    40,000 and you're complaining?

    Oooh, child...
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    Sep 16, 2013 12:42 AM GMT