Why are most gay guys ashamed of being bottom???

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    Sep 15, 2013 11:44 AM GMT
    does being a bottom requires you, to come out twice. Hey im gay and im the top, then or im versitile and the im a bottom. Why does being a bottom have such a negetive stigma amoungst out gay communities.
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    Sep 15, 2013 11:48 AM GMT
    Most of my friends are bottoms and none of them seem to be "ashamed". Where did you get that idea from?
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    Sep 15, 2013 11:55 AM GMT
    I know, right? It's not like they have to sit at the back of the bus, or wait behind a velvet rope while tops get waved through the door. icon_rolleyes.gif

    As far as I'm concerned it'd be nice if guys assumed I wasn't only a top sometimes. Viva versatility!
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    Sep 15, 2013 12:02 PM GMT
    Slim2010 saidMost of my friends are bottoms and none of them seem to be "ashamed". Where did you get that idea from?


    well it the truth, most guys prefer to be manly, masculane and the whole nine yards. It like the are still in the closet living as a fake strict top.
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    Sep 15, 2013 12:03 PM GMT
    When searching, you tend to find more bttms than tops.
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    Sep 15, 2013 12:08 PM GMT
    SKM2 said
    Slim2010 saidMost of my friends are bottoms and none of them seem to be "ashamed". Where did you get that idea from?


    well it the truth, most guys prefer to be manly, masculane and the whole nine yards. It like the are still in the closet living as a fake strict top.


    No, that's not the truth. You pretty much just categorized all tops as masculine and all bottoms as the opposite, which isn't true.
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    Sep 15, 2013 12:11 PM GMT
    rapture-America-Daad.jpg?quality=0.7
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    Sep 15, 2013 12:15 PM GMT
    the bottoms I have known perceived bottoming as both a talent and a practised skill. The OP just doesn't know the right people.
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    Sep 15, 2013 12:20 PM GMT
    tumblr_mj1nt3ktop1rsn2sio1_500.gif

    ask willam.
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    Sep 15, 2013 12:29 PM GMT
    Upper_Cdn saidthe bottoms I have known perceived bottoming as both a talent and a practised skill. The OP just doesn't know the right people.

    The OP also lives in South Africa, and different cultures seem to view this issue differently. Some (and I'm not an expert on SA) associate bottom with passive femininity, and top with aggressive masculinity, more the traditional and superior male role in the minds of some.

    Maybe the OP can tell us if he feels this could be a factor in South Africa. As for myself, I'm versatile, and have no qualms about being a bottom. I just get more physical pleasure as a top, and will usually chose it first. But with another vers guy we can switch places all night. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 15, 2013 1:02 PM GMT
    Slim2010 said
    SKM2 said
    Slim2010 saidMost of my friends are bottoms and none of them seem to be "ashamed". Where did you get that idea from?


    well it the truth, most guys prefer to be manly, masculane and the whole nine yards. It like the are still in the closet living as a fake strict top.


    No, that's not the truth. You pretty much just categorized all tops as masculine and all bottoms as the opposite, which isn't true.


    But that not what im saying at all, the question im trying to ask is, why is that bottoms tend to be cast as a lower cast of the gay community then the tops. This question is based on the community we live in and some from this site as well.
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    Sep 15, 2013 1:03 PM GMT
    Upper_Cdn saidthe bottoms I have known perceived bottoming as both a talent and a practised skill. The OP just doesn't know the right people.


    And that is a great thing!!!!
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    Sep 15, 2013 1:16 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    Upper_Cdn saidthe bottoms I have known perceived bottoming as both a talent and a practised skill. The OP just doesn't know the right people.

    The OP also lives in South Africa, and different cultures seem to view this issue differently. Some (and I'm not an expert on SA) associate bottom with passive femininity, and top with aggressive masculinity, more the traditional and superior male role in the minds of some.

    Maybe the OP can tell us if he feels this could be a factor in South Africa. As for myself, I'm versatile, and have no qualms about being a bottom. I just get more physical pleasure as a top, and will usually chose it first. But with another vers guy we can switch places all night. icon_biggrin.gif


    as for masculinity i think is the same every where. South african is not that far behind the western countries and roles couples take in their households have changed, even between straight couples.

    But it has been my view that most gay guy who prefer to bottom, take a long time to accept and be comfortable with the notion of being bottoms, for the fear of stigma and being categorized as feminine.

    Why is that? Maybe im wrong
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    Sep 15, 2013 1:21 PM GMT
    SKM2 said
    But that not what im saying at all, the question im trying to ask is, why is that bottoms tend to be cast as a lower cast of the gay community then the tops. This question is based on the community we live in and some from this site as well.


    They're not.
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    Sep 15, 2013 1:29 PM GMT
    SKM2 said
    ART_DECO said
    Upper_Cdn saidthe bottoms I have known perceived bottoming as both a talent and a practised skill. The OP just doesn't know the right people.

    The OP also lives in South Africa, and different cultures seem to view this issue differently. Some (and I'm not an expert on SA) associate bottom with passive femininity, and top with aggressive masculinity, more the traditional and superior male role in the minds of some.

    Maybe the OP can tell us if he feels this could be a factor in South Africa. As for myself, I'm versatile, and have no qualms about being a bottom. I just get more physical pleasure as a top, and will usually chose it first. But with another vers guy we can switch places all night. icon_biggrin.gif

    as for masculinity i think is the same every where. South african is not that far behind the western countries and roles couples take in their households have changed, even between straight couples.

    But it has been my view that most gay guy who prefer to bottom, take a long time to accept and be comfortable with the notion of being bottoms, for the fear of stigma and being categorized as feminine.

    Why is that? Maybe im wrong

    I didn't imply SA was "behind" other countries in this regard (no pun), just different perhaps. And you seem to be endorsing my thought that some cultures view the bottom as the woman or "wife" which would naturally not be a prideful situation for the bottom in many cases.

    Some people, straights and even gays themselves, still cling to the idea that a gay couple must conform to straight couple patterns & norms. So that one must be the wife, the other the husband, and along with it those traditional gender roles.

    But with every gay couple I know they are both the husband, as my own partner & I are. There is no wife. And the one who's the bottom is no less the husband than the other one, assuming they aren't 50/50 versatile anyway. It's just a matter of sexual preference & pleasure, no male-female gender roles assigned or applicable.
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    Sep 15, 2013 1:39 PM GMT
    think about it from the straight community....whenever someone is trying to put you down for being gay, they always refer you as the bottom,

    you never hear someone say, "hey you put your dick in other guys asses, so you must be gay"....instead it always is referenced as "you take cocks up the ass, so you're gay".

    the straight community (in the negative light) always insinuates being gay with being a bottom.
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    Sep 15, 2013 1:41 PM GMT
    WTF? I'm vers and not ashamed to say that I know how to ride cock "like I stole it". When I bottom, I can be anything from a tender, submissive bottom to a sport-fucking power-bottom.

    Being hot in the sack has nothing to do with what "position" you play during any act in an encounter.

    Anybody who is "ashamed" needs to consider getting the help of a therapist to determine the root cause of their feelings so that they can "get over it", live life, and have fun.
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    Sep 15, 2013 2:03 PM GMT
    Slim2010 said
    SKM2 said
    But that not what im saying at all, the question im trying to ask is, why is that bottoms tend to be cast as a lower cast of the gay community then the tops. This question is based on the community we live in and some from this site as well.


    They're not.


    And im not saying they are!!!
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    Sep 15, 2013 2:16 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    SKM2 said
    ART_DECO said
    Upper_Cdn saidthe bottoms I have known perceived bottoming as both a talent and a practised skill. The OP just doesn't know the right people.

    The OP also lives in South Africa, and different cultures seem to view this issue differently. Some (and I'm not an expert on SA) associate bottom with passive femininity, and top with aggressive masculinity, more the traditional and superior male role in the minds of some.

    Maybe the OP can tell us if he feels this could be a factor in South Africa. As for myself, I'm versatile, and have no qualms about being a bottom. I just get more physical pleasure as a top, and will usually chose it first. But with another vers guy we can switch places all night. icon_biggrin.gif

    as for masculinity i think is the same every where. South african is not that far behind the western countries and roles couples take in their households have changed, even between straight couples.

    But it has been my view that most gay guy who prefer to bottom, take a long time to accept and be comfortable with the notion of being bottoms, for the fear of stigma and being categorized as feminine.

    Why is that? Maybe im wrong

    I didn't imply SA was "behind" other countries in this regard (no pun), just different perhaps. And you seem to be endorsing my thought that some cultures view the bottom as the woman or "wife" which would naturally not be a prideful situation for the bottom in many cases.

    Some people, straights and even gays themselves, still cling to the idea that a gay couple must conform to straight couple patterns & norms. So that one must be the wife, the other the husband, and along with it those traditional gender roles.

    But with every gay couple I know they are both the husband, as my own partner & I are. There is no wife. And the one who's the bottom is no less the husband than the other one, assuming they aren't 50/50 versatile anyway. It's just a matter of sexual preference & pleasure, no male-female gender roles assigned or applicable.


    And i fully support the equal partnership, between u and your husband. I do get where u were coming from. Dnt worry about i wasnt offended.

    u have answered some of my questions. That is came from the traditional ideology, that one partner must be a husband and the other a wife. Which bottoms usually take the role of the wife, who is viewed as a weaker partner by the sexist. the one expected to be submissive and vulnerable. I get u