Dating an undertaker

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    Sep 14, 2007 11:56 PM GMT
    Well, I don't know whether i could. I mean what about all those bodies buried under the patio (I think the Golden Girls called it the Lanai).

    And all that heavy make-up they use on the dead bodies. I could never use it myself.

    What would guys say at parties? "Yes, he dates an undertaker. "

    Americans obviously have a different word for undertaker. Heavenly worker or something.
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    Sep 15, 2007 4:00 AM GMT
    In response to the (only) question, I once shouted at a party "Yes, Kyle's an undertaker. His dancing IS a bit stiff."
    I was swiftly reprimanded by my date, not for critiqueing his dancing or for shouting out his occupation, but because I hadn't used the correct job title. "I'm a 'funeral services director', get it straight!"

    Awesome guy he was.... lived in the attic of a downtown Toronto funeral home when we were dating.... oh, the things I learned from knowing him...

    Did you know that when the Coroner rings up in the middle of the night, requiring the transport of a corpse that has only been discovered after weeks of putrefaction, (s)he announces "We have a HUMMER for you guys".
    ('cos the body actually hums when its rank with maggots).

    HAWT, eh?

    Loosen up redhead, go ahead, everyone should date a stiff!
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    Sep 15, 2007 4:19 AM GMT
    lol,
    as long as he doesn't bring his work home. The one on six feet under was a cute guy
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    Sep 15, 2007 4:25 AM GMT
    I suppose a 'funeral services director' is more appropriate since they don't really take-you-under do they -- moi has visions of someone coming, taking you by the hand and guiding you into the next life.

    You still stuck on the Golden Girls red? I've always thought of a lanai as sort an outdoor area, usually tiled, where you havd a stove or grill and cooked, ate and lounged around out there. Maybe I'm completely off, but I wouldn't call a lanai the same as a patio.
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    Sep 15, 2007 5:27 AM GMT
    Lanai - noun, plural -na·is. Hawaiian: A veranda or roofed patio esp. a fully furnished one used as a living room.

    Origin: 1865–70; Hawaiian lānai roofed structure with open sides, porch]
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Sep 15, 2007 10:54 AM GMT
    Yeah...undertaker isn't very PC these days
    funeral services director seems to be the acceptable terminology
    I don't see anything wrong with it
    unless he REALLY gets into his job
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    Sep 15, 2007 1:14 PM GMT
    I think I'm missing an inside joke here with this thread ;) I'll go along though...

    A friend of mine worked in a funeral home. He wasn't the director; he was the make-up artist. He liked working there, but I think he just did it while he was in school - now he's a music director/organist for a church.

    Would I date someone who worked in a funeral home? Sure! Who cares? A job is a job.

    I once was asked out on a date by a guy in medical school; he asked me if I wanted to sneak into the lab with him where they have all the dead bodies used for dissection and anatomy. As much as I wanted to say yes, I was already seeing someone at the time.
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    Sep 15, 2007 2:24 PM GMT
    I used to hang out with an undertaker who was also a country-western singer. He was so masc.
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    Sep 15, 2007 2:47 PM GMT
    interesting Doc. Was he also drop-dead gorgeous? Did guys fall for him all the time?
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    Sep 15, 2007 2:49 PM GMT
    Oh doc obscene, I forgot to ask, was he "to die for?"
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    Sep 15, 2007 3:14 PM GMT
    My undertaker was also 'musical'. The first time I went to his place (he lived above the funeral palour) I was taken on a complete tour of the place.
    I was thrilled that it was his idea; I was dying to ask but didn't want to appear macabre!
    Basement first, with step-by-step commentary, ending with a peek into the 'coolroom'. Seven corpes on gurnies (sp?), most of them with opaque white makeup on their faces -- THAT was spooky -- a Chinese custom that I wasn't aware of before.
    On our way up to his attic lodgings he led me into one of the parlours.
    Another white-faced chinese woman was 'resting in peace' in an open coffin under one single dimmed spotlight with nothing else in the room except for an organ. My undertaker wanted to dazzle me with some Bach!

    We finally made it all the way up to the attic and settled in to watch a movie.
    He had rented 'Blair Witch Project'!
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    Sep 15, 2007 3:29 PM GMT
    Yep. Hot-blooded stud when the suit came off. Actually more of a werewolf -- lol -- he had actually shaved his forearms for our second date. It was impossible not to notice when he reached for the menu in the crassly-lit chinese restaurant.

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    Sep 15, 2007 3:31 PM GMT
    "interesting Doc. Was he also drop-dead gorgeous? Did guys fall for him all the time?"

    "What if he had been really buff but spoke with a lisp? Would that have been enough to counteract the smell of formaldehyde?"



    Stoppit. You guys are killing me!

    I did not date him, geez. I am not fond of country-western music, although I did have a subscription to "Casket and Sunnyside" for a couple of years -- a gift from him.

    Years ago, I was on assignment in New Roads, Louisiana, to do a story on a drive-in funeral home. Big fun. The funeral director was a woman who wore nothing but bathrobes and padded around the corpses in her scuffy slippers. I waited two weeks before someone's family paid to have their "loved one" displayed in the drive-through window. I had to spend fucking Thanksgiving there!
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    Sep 15, 2007 3:33 PM GMT
    LOL!!! Mine gave me a one-year Martha Stewart Living subscription!
    He makes chocolates and wedding cakes these days!
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Sep 15, 2007 4:02 PM GMT
    Would that have been enough to counteract the smell of formaldehyde?

    Maybe you should date OW, since he use those embalment liquid to preserve his look. Thats why he look 24 eventhough in reality he is 88.

    Dating a undertaker. What a gruesome ideas. I once date a doctor who perform autopsy on dead bodies. He once jokingly warn me not to cheat on him, or I might find my bodypart in different bottle.
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    Sep 15, 2007 4:28 PM GMT
    yes, that's where I got my original beauty secret -- moisturizing with embalming fluid mixed with the preseminal fluid of a 20-year-old.
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    Sep 15, 2007 4:33 PM GMT
    Funny. That's also an ancient Chinese chicken marinade recipe.
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    Sep 15, 2007 4:55 PM GMT
    Oh, shit... Call the kettle black -- call them undertakers! Lots of good jokes you could make about being stiff! LOLOLOLOLOLOL

    Guys, found a good internet raido station. It's a gay radio station. It's called DeeGay -- Italian. I get so hot when I hear Italian -- remainds me of the first guy I had a crush on in high school - Mark Rizzo. Totally hot - first guy in the class to have body hair. Incredible body.

    I digress...
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    Sep 15, 2007 5:28 PM GMT
    I didn't realise Americans could do irony AND parody. Wow! You lot better watch out, people will start calling you a bit EUROPEAN!!!!
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    Sep 15, 2007 6:36 PM GMT
    readhead, btw...

    The Golden Girls had a good ol' fashioned spanish PATIO!
    Lanai...Pffa! Which pretententious Hawaiian real-estate queen dubbed that roofless outdoor livingroom a lanai? And how much extra did Blanche pay to have the only non-lanai in Florida?

    Aloha, mi amigo.
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    Sep 15, 2007 7:50 PM GMT
    One of my favorite clients is an undertaker. Great guy. Does zombie makeup for hollywood once in a while, and is a GOOD man to know at Halloween. Tremendous sense of humor.

    My partner wanted to be one, but his father squelched the idea. So he basically said "fuck you" and became a florist. ;)

    J.
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    Sep 15, 2007 9:45 PM GMT
    "I didn't realise Americans could do irony AND parody. Wow! You lot better watch out, people will start calling you a bit EUROPEAN!!!!"

    Actually we learned our funereal irony from your Evelyn Waugh and his "The Loved One: An Anglo-American Tragedy."
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    Sep 16, 2007 1:36 AM GMT
    Doc Obscene
    Stoppit. You guys are killing me!

    Well you might have a date with the undertaker sooner than you think!

    I did not date him, geez. I am not fond of country-western music, although I did have a subscription to "Casket and Sunnyside" for a couple of years -- a gift from him.


    Oh so now you are saying you wouldn't be caught dead with him.

    red: I didn't realise Americans could do irony AND parody. Wow! You lot better watch out, people will start calling you a bit EUROPEAN!!!!

    Well red I have to confess, it was Benny Hill who opened my eyes to the true occupation of a psycho-therapist when he altered a sign on an office door from

    "Therapist" to "The rapist"
  • art_smass

    Posts: 960

    Sep 16, 2007 1:46 AM GMT
    The first married guy I ever screwed around with was married to a girl who was becoming a funeral director. He told me that she would tease him with gruesome stories because he was squeamish. He would tell me stories about her vagina, so I knew how he felt.
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    Sep 16, 2007 2:54 AM GMT
    For OW:

    "People in Los Angeles speak entirely of their own pleasure -- and they never expect you to listen."

    "Have you seen the cranberry sauce?"

    Read at the funeral:

    They told me, Francis Hensley,
    They told me you were hung ---
    With large protruding eyeballs,
    And black protruding tongue.

    I wept as I remembered,
    How one day you and I
    Had laughed about Los Angeles,
    And yet, 'tis here you lie.

    Laid out like a