I'm the bad guy! Advice please!!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2013 11:17 PM GMT
    LONG

    Hey guys, I'd really appreciate any advice you can give or let me know I'm a douchebag so I stop considering what I've been wanting to do.

    I have been in a relationship for a year and a half, which is a big thing for me. My last "relationships", if you'd call them that, lasted no more than two months. I am only 20 and a junior in college, so at this point in my life I kind of feel like i'm 60 and a lot more held down than I thought I'd be. The sex has not been really satisfying for either of us. We are both tops, so sex is never great.. Lately I've been teasing him about finding a bottom and having a threesome. He thinks I'm somewhat joking, but i'm completely wanting him to be interested. He is strongly against it. He has traditional values and we are from Texas, so his parents raised him a certain way. I guess better than mine.. I also have started to get crushes on guys again in the past two months. I don't think I would act on it, but I am also very sexually frustrated. I can't even get him to jack off with me anymore without basically begging and killing what little of a mood there is. My 'sex' drive has always been larger than his, so I do kind of feel like I am addicted to sex. I jack off at least once a day. It helps me go to sleep at night so I don't sit there for hours. I do love him. But if the opportunity came with someone that had my attention, I'm afraid I would take it.

    I'm not looking for validation, I just want to know your opinions. Maybe if you can relate. I do feel like I am that 'bad' guy that I've always judged. All of our friends are mutual, so I can't really talk about this to anyone. Maybe i'm just trying to vent, I'm not sure.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Sep 18, 2013 11:31 PM GMT
    He sounds needy and you sound like a slut ( I mean that in a nice way icon_biggrin.gif )... dump him (and be nice about it) and move on with your life ... he'll be crushed at first, but it really is best for him because he is too weak to do it himself. He'll get over it in about a month and he'll move on with his life too and find some other needy person.
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    Sep 18, 2013 11:58 PM GMT
    Amoonhawk- He really is such a sweetheart that I couldn't do that to him. Everyone that meets him loves him. I'd like to attempt to figure something out, or lay it all on the line before I break up with him. I've tried to bottom, but there's only one position I can remotely stand. I face him and sit on it. Maybe I need to just figure out what's so pleasurable...icon_confused.gif

    Letsgetreadyt...-I know! Knowing about all that I haven't experienced and being curious about it has really gotten to me. I'm just being me! icon_smile.gif
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Sep 19, 2013 12:49 AM GMT
    Can you live without this guy? If so then leave him.
    If you're having these kind of problems this far into the relationship then it's most likely going to continue. Are you fine with not having sex this much? If so then stay. Put your sexual frustration away and just love this shit out of this guy.
    It doesn't sound like he would be open to letting you sleep with anyone else. So I guess that is not an option
    Why continue being in a relationship if you're unhappy? Try to fix it if doesn't work then move on. You will find some gay guy that will want to have sex as much as you do or even more.
    My mother always said,"If you won't do it for your man than there will always be someone out there who will."
    I'm single but it's some good advice. Good luck. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 19, 2013 2:57 AM GMT
    Close to the two yeah mark, where the make or break seems to come--can I spend the rest of my life with this person?
    It was around the two year mark that we had the "come to Jesus" fight or rather discussion; basically I had to threaten to leave before he opened up to what he needed.
    Frankly I'm surprised you last this long, as I never made it more than two months with another top.
    I feel sexual compatibility is really the foundation of gay relationship; whether it be two guys that are more emo or two hyper sexual. If you can't even meet in the middle you're doomed--someone gona cheat; emotionally or physically.
    -you love this guy...talk to him, if you cant stand to see him cry or get upset, then compose a letter.

    http://www.newnownext.com/ask-the-sexpert-how-do-you-navigate-an-open-relationship/05/2013/
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    Sep 19, 2013 4:21 AM GMT
    Thank you all for the heartfelt responses and wisdom. He is home from work so I have to try to make this short and sweet, even though i'd like to respond to you each. Thank you for the responses, the article, and the video. I did read/watch them. Hearing all of your input and getting to vent was a load off. I'm not going to throw this all away. I will try tonight to make some ground with Dillon. I am pushing for the open relationship or even just one threesome. Then i'm going to try and tell him I'd like to be with him in the long run, which is really true.
    Yall are awesome.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2013 7:31 AM GMT
    Maybe you both can learn to bottom for each other?
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    Sep 19, 2013 1:21 PM GMT
    MattNeedsAdvicePlease saidI will try tonight to make some ground with Dillon. I am pushing for the open relationship or even just one threesome. Then i'm going to try and tell him I'd like to be with him in the long run, which is really true.
    Yall are awesome.

    Is that the 2 of you in your RJ main pic? If so you're both adorable, and make a lovely couple. icon_biggrin.gif

    Now where I have heard that before? Oh yeah, regarding me and some other BFs over the years, with whom I eventually broke up. Or never even really got started. I hope you're not judging the superficial aspects, but more substantial things involving personality, shared interests, and above all, shared love.

    I've known & met some guys who got together in their college years, and are still together, 20, 30, 40 years later, even 50+ (at that point we stick 'em in a convertible and parade 'em in Wilton Manors for Pride - LOL!). One guy I know is an RJ member right here, you'll see his posts. So it can & does happen.

    At the same time, 20 gives you plenty of time to try again, if necessary. Don't be acting out of a false sense of desperation. Once you leave college your horizons will continue to expand, and along with them all your opportunities, on many fronts. But I realize a hallmark of youth is impatience with the seeming slow pace of life, whereas in old age it becomes the dread of life moving along too quickly.

    As to sexual compatibility, that can be a real stumbling block. Not only bottom vs. top, but differences in drive. All men, young or old, can see their sex drives rise or fall (forgive the pun) based on many external factors, including the stress of college studies, demands of work, and maybe with some hard partying mixed in. I had a relationship myself become strained on this problem of conflicting sex drives.

    Regarding bottoming, the pleasure mostly comes from stimulation of the prostate gland, a few inches inside the rectum against the anterior (front) wall. Some men get great pleasure from its stimulation, some feel nothing at all, a few even feel pain (which may indicate a medical problem).

    Your own prostate may not be built to give pleasurable sensations - not all do. Or, because you bottom infrequently, you're still feeling "background" sensations of discomfort or even pain, which mask the pleasure your prostate will eventually give you. And maybe you guys haven't gotten your technique down yet. Only time, practice, and lots of lube will tell (and don't omit the condoms). And don't overlook that another flavor is the top/bottom versatile, like I am.

    Best wishes, and please keep us informed as needed. I think some of us here have a sentimental interest in seeing 2 cuties remain together. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 20, 2013 3:42 AM GMT


    "Best wishes, and please keep us informed as needed. I think some of us here have a sentimental interest in seeing 2 cuties remain together."

    Thank you for the concern! I wouldn't say it went badly, but I respect what he had to say. We are both going to try to become more versatile and I am going to cool it down in bed. (I have a tendency to "jackhammer", as he says, because It's been a long while. Then he gets a rip and hates bottoming even more.) We flipped a bunch today while having sex, which made it more pleasurable that we both got to do what we like and were both in the mood!