He's Bi and I'm the first guy hes ever felt something thats more than just sexual. advice?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2013 2:43 PM GMT
    I've been seeing this guy for a little over a month now. He claims to be bi and still likes girls sexually as well. We met initially as a hook-up but we really hit it off. No lack of conversation, insane chemistry, and prob the best sex ive ever had. In the last 30 days we've seen each other at least 20 of those days. every time falling asleep in each other's arms. He says it's strange to him because he has never had any emotional feelings towards a guy, always been a pure fuck and chuck sexual thing. We are very open and honest with how we feel about each other even when the feelings are confusion. He's a great guy and I really don't ever meet guys I could see myself being with in a ltr. Now I do. Am I just asking for a heartache? icon_confused.gif
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    Sep 19, 2013 2:51 PM GMT
    yep, if you say the word heartache, you are looking for a longterm with one guy, and a bi guy...well that implies 2 others not one.
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    Sep 19, 2013 3:00 PM GMT
    Disclaimer: I am Gay.

    Don't count the guy out by default. That action simply reinforces the stereotyping and stigma which bisexuals already experience ESPECIALLY from the Gay Community which is supposed to be all about "Equality" (at least in words).

    I suggest that it's time to start a series of adult conversations if BOTH of you are willing to talk through what this means/doesn't mean for each of you. Be prepared to state your position, and more importantly your interests behind your position.

    If you really love the guy and he really loves you, then make the effort to make this work. Who knows what kind of mutually beneficial agreement and arrangement which you may come up with.

    What do you have to lose? A potentially amazing life partner.

    Because as we all grow older, love gets harder to find.

    Give bisexuals a chance.
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    Sep 19, 2013 3:27 PM GMT
    Apparition saidyep, if you say the word heartache, you are looking for a longterm with one guy, and a bi guy...well that implies 2 others not one.


    Nah, sexuality does not define him not being loyal. Apparition, You are [...censerod...]. I lost respect for you.

    First of all, I am in a ltr with my lovely bf. and I am bi.

    It does not mean that I want to have sex with someone else (girls/guys) on a side, it is such a hurtful stereotype. Or worse, that I will break someone's heart only because of my sexuality that I did not choose. If I am bisexual then what? I can't be in a relationship???


    To OP:
    Bisexuality does not state that he cannot be in ltr with you.
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    Sep 19, 2013 3:57 PM GMT
    Thanks guys, and i agree i def want to give it a chance. He makes me pretty happy. I think as long as we keep the communication open and honest it will work out icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 19, 2013 4:01 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]Okajuurou said
    Nah, sexuality does not define him not being loyal.

    First of all, I am in a ltr with my lovely bf. and I am bi.

    It does not mean that I want to have sex with someone else (girls/guys) on a side, it is such a hurtful stereotype. Or worse, that I will break someone's heart only because of my sexuality that I did not choose. If I am bisexual then what? I can't be in a relationship???


    To OP:
    Bisexuality does not state that he cannot be in ltr with you.[/quote]

    Bingo.
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    Sep 19, 2013 4:09 PM GMT
    StevieRokx saidThanks guys, and i agree i def want to give it a chance. He makes me pretty happy. I think as long as we keep the communication open and honest it will work out icon_smile.gif


    And, be open minded to agreements in your relationship which may be a stretch for both of you.
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Sep 19, 2013 5:19 PM GMT
    I don't think you're setting yourself up for heartbreak any more than you would be if he was just gay. People cheat regardless of sexual orientation. Str8 guys drop their GFs/wives for other women all the time, and plenty of gay guys leave their BFs for other men (if that makes you feel any better). icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 19, 2013 6:03 PM GMT
    Just take it slow, man, or at least shift into a lower gear. You do not know someone well at all after "a little over a month." Why race to the jeweler to pick out engagement rings? Roll with things as they are for a bit. Keep no strings attached for a while and then have a conversation about seeing each other exclusively. Spend an entire weekend together to test the waters about sharing the same address after some more time passes. Even if you were older than you are, it's not like the biological clock is ticking. All the more reason to let time be your friend instead of feeling like you have to have everything decisively concluded RIGHT NOW.

    BTW, no mention of the other guy's age or how the hook-up came to pass. Dr Oko needs more info to work with.
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    Sep 19, 2013 7:57 PM GMT
    okonomiyaki saidJust take it slow, man, or at least shift into a lower gear. You do not know someone well at all after "a little over a month." Why race to the jeweler to pick out engagement rings? Roll with things as they are for a bit. Keep no strings attached for a while and then have a conversation about seeing each other exclusively. Spend an entire weekend together to test the waters about sharing the same address after some more time passes. Even if you were older than you are, it's not like the biological clock is ticking. All the more reason to let time be your friend instead of feeling like you have to have everything decisively concluded RIGHT NOW.

    BTW, no mention of the other guy's age or how the hook-up came to pass. Dr Oko needs more info to work with.


    lol hes 28 we met on adam4adam
  • Artique

    Posts: 14

    Sep 27, 2013 2:39 PM GMT
    Oh! This is going to end bad for you sweet and naïve heart icon_cry.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2013 5:04 PM GMT
    Since bisexuals don't really exist, why not date a unicorn? Confused men are fun to bang a couple of times, but don't use your real name or give him your cell number.
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    Sep 27, 2013 5:39 PM GMT
    StevieRokx saidI've been seeing this guy for a little over a month now. He claims to be bi and still likes girls sexually as well. We met initially as a hook-up but we really hit it off. No lack of conversation, insane chemistry, and prob the best sex ive ever had. In the last 30 days we've seen each other at least 20 of those days. every time falling asleep in each other's arms. He says it's strange to him because he has never had any emotional feelings towards a guy, always been a pure fuck and chuck sexual thing. We are very open and honest with how we feel about each other even when the feelings are confusion. He's a great guy and I really don't ever meet guys I could see myself being with in a ltr. Now I do. Am I just asking for a heartache? icon_confused.gif

    Whatever people say about bisexuals is not true, i started off with my bf just like you and we've been together for almost 4 years. Heartbreak is a chance you have to take with gays or bi.
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    Sep 27, 2013 10:30 PM GMT
    Straight, Gay, Bi all labels, the more you allow yourself to be defined by them and to define others the more you are at their mercy!

    He's a guy, definitely info you and your a guy info him, build on that!

    A close friend of mine who is gay (not into woman at all) has been with his partner for 20 years, and his partner still describes himself as a "bi" man. As my friend said to me months ago when I was considering a relationship with a bi man, "what does it matter if they choose to be with you" .

    Enjoy the moment, go deep emotionally, and make sure your relationship is far more than physical as that alone will not be enough for a lasting relationship.

    I hope this guy is the one for you!
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 27, 2013 11:50 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidDisclaimer: I am Gay.

    Don't count the guy out by default. That action simply reinforces the stereotyping and stigma which bisexuals already experience ESPECIALLY from the Gay Community which is supposed to be all about "Equality" (at least in words).

    I suggest that it's time to start a series of adult conversations if BOTH of you are willing to talk through what this means/doesn't mean for each of you. Be prepared to state your position, and more importantly your interests behind your position.

    If you really love the guy and he really loves you, then make the effort to make this work. Who knows what kind of mutually beneficial agreement and arrangement which you may come up with.

    What do you have to lose? A potentially amazing life partner.

    Because as we all grow older, love gets harder to find.

    Give bisexuals a chance.


    I agree. Just because one may have an attraction to someone else doesn't mean they must act on it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2013 12:47 AM GMT
    leo23 saidI am bi. N I never carried two relationships parallely. Its always been one at a time either guy or girl.

    This, mostly because it makes no sense. You date a "bi" you get this sort of confused logic and lack of style.
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    Sep 30, 2013 7:17 AM GMT
    If you really like him, I definitely think it's worth giving it a chance. That being said - be aware of your/his feelings and the significant possibility of getting hurt. I dated a bi guy for about a year and a half - things were really great - sex, humor, romance etc. Definitely best, most stable relationship I've been in. He dumped me really surprisingly, and the reason was because even though he said he was in love with me, he wanted to get married to a girl eventually and ended it because he knew that we were serious and would be moving in the marriage direction as time went on. He even would have been down to continue seeing each other as long as i knew that he would eventually end it to find a girl, but I was obviously not gonna do that. Same deal where he had never been romantically interested in a guy before we met - and he emphasized over and over at the breakup that he never thought he would fall in love with or date a guy but only because he thought I and what we had was so great did it get so far. Earlier on in the relationship, I had asked if he could see himself settling down with a guy and he said he thought he could and didn't think it was an issue.

    Obviously not every bi guy is going to do what he did, and obviously a gay guy could break up with you for some other arbitrary reason, but it is something to be aware of that you're risking going into it with someone who wasn't looking to date a guy in the first place.
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    Sep 30, 2013 9:40 AM GMT
    We should not overlook the fact that this guy has made you happy for the last month just to give you a "Beware speech"..

    Personally I have dated a Bi guy..the issue for us was not his sexuality..It was maturity.

    .. I hope you will have the ability to nurture this beginning into something lasting.

    The sex was that good huh?.. Dayumm!!

    Y9hSN.gif
    ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
    That's my sex life.. Look at me giggling and thinking about... ham
  • spemat

    Posts: 44

    Oct 28, 2013 3:37 AM GMT
    I am bisexual and am currently in a same sex relationship with a bisexual in Germany and just be careful.

    The type of people that are the stereotype sadly have a place among bisexuals. None of my friends or I have the slightest bit of respect for those two timing, lying, types.... they do exist and they lie or are just in some really weird thing that is better described a questioning or just plain slut. I have had my heart broken by that type myself, go SLOW and be safe with that type sexually.

    I only date bisexual men and women out of respect, Because of that scum, we have a bad rap. I know I just fall in love, I came out at 13 and my lesbian mom was much worse than my stepdad about it... one day a year or two before she died, she said one day, "fuck, I guess it isn't a phase. I believe in long term monogamous relationships and my boyfriend and I call ourselves bisexual regardless. Those scumbag types usually sell lies.... "I am attracted to both but only fall for men" and with women they are "straight" and they never date bisexuals because we see through that shit.

    With that said, don't let the doubt ruin the fact that he may be genuine.
  • Amelorn

    Posts: 231

    Oct 30, 2013 2:58 PM GMT
    spemat saidI am bisexual and am currently in a same sex relationship with a bisexual in Germany and just be careful.

    The type of people that are the stereotype sadly have a place among bisexuals. None of my friends or I have the slightest bit of respect for those two timing, lying, types.... they do exist and they lie or are just in some really weird thing that is better described a questioning or just plain slut. I have had my heart broken by that type myself, go SLOW and be safe with that type sexually.

    I only date bisexual men and women out of respect, Because of that scum, we have a bad rap. I know I just fall in love, I came out at 13 and my lesbian mom was much worse than my stepdad about it... one day a year or two before she died, she said one day, "fuck, I guess it isn't a phase. I believe in long term monogamous relationships and my boyfriend and I call ourselves bisexual regardless. Those scumbag types usually sell lies.... "I am attracted to both but only fall for men" and with women they are "straight" and they never date bisexuals because we see through that shit.

    With that said, don't let the doubt ruin the fact that he may be genuine.


    Good post.

    Speaking as another bi guy, I will second the above advice and add to proceed with caution.

    There are two huge, disqualifying red flags for bi men:

    1. Is he in a relationship with a woman? If he is, then leave. Life is too short to be the secret mistress.

    2. Is he out? There's a world of difference between bi men who are out vs in the closet. I find the ones who are out to be the more honest, reliable ones.

    If he is not attached to a woman and is out & honest about who/what he is, then your chances are no worse than with a gay guy.
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    Oct 30, 2013 3:55 PM GMT
    postalkwk saidIf you really like him, I definitely think it's worth giving it a chance. That being said - be aware of your/his feelings and the significant possibility of getting hurt. I dated a bi guy for about a year and a half - things were really great - sex, humor, romance etc. Definitely best, most stable relationship I've been in. He dumped me really surprisingly, and the reason was because even though he said he was in love with me, he wanted to get married to a girl eventually and ended it because he knew that we were serious and would be moving in the marriage direction as time went on. He even would have been down to continue seeing each other as long as i knew that he would eventually end it to find a girl, but I was obviously not gonna do that. Same deal where he had never been romantically interested in a guy before we met - and he emphasized over and over at the breakup that he never thought he would fall in love with or date a guy but only because he thought I and what we had was so great did it get so far. Earlier on in the relationship, I had asked if he could see himself settling down with a guy and he said he thought he could and didn't think it was an issue.

    Obviously not every bi guy is going to do what he did, and obviously a gay guy could break up with you for some other arbitrary reason, but it is something to be aware of that you're risking going into it with someone who wasn't looking to date a guy in the first place.


    This is pretty much what my ex did to me. The reassurances are what hurt the most. He selfishly lied to me and told me he wasn't going to abandon me to become straight and lead a, "normal" life. Now all of a sudden he feels God will send him to hell for being gay and left me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2013 4:02 PM GMT
    Amelorn said
    spemat saidI am bisexual and am currently in a same sex relationship with a bisexual in Germany and just be careful.

    The type of people that are the stereotype sadly have a place among bisexuals. None of my friends or I have the slightest bit of respect for those two timing, lying, types.... they do exist and they lie or are just in some really weird thing that is better described a questioning or just plain slut. I have had my heart broken by that type myself, go SLOW and be safe with that type sexually.

    I only date bisexual men and women out of respect, Because of that scum, we have a bad rap. I know I just fall in love, I came out at 13 and my lesbian mom was much worse than my stepdad about it... one day a year or two before she died, she said one day, "fuck, I guess it isn't a phase. I believe in long term monogamous relationships and my boyfriend and I call ourselves bisexual regardless. Those scumbag types usually sell lies.... "I am attracted to both but only fall for men" and with women they are "straight" and they never date bisexuals because we see through that shit.

    With that said, don't let the doubt ruin the fact that he may be genuine.


    Good post.

    Speaking as another bi guy, I will second the above advice and add to proceed with caution.

    There are two huge, disqualifying red flags for bi men:

    1. Is he in a relationship with a woman? If he is, then leave. Life is too short to be the secret mistress.

    2. Is he out? There's a world of difference between bi men who are out vs in the closet. I find the ones who are out to be the more honest, reliable ones.

    If he is not attached to a woman and is out & honest about who/what he is, then your chances are no worse than with a gay guy.


    I broke this rule and trusted a closeted bisexual who promised me he wouldn't leave me and wanted to marry me. Every time i told him I felt he would be happier with a woman he convinced me that i was being unfair and that he truly loved me. Less than a week ago he became a born again Christian and left me. I honestly feel that had he been gay he wouldn't have done that. The allure of being, "normal was too much."
  • helloandgoodb...

    Posts: 620

    Oct 30, 2013 5:20 PM GMT
    ignore labels, but if he is "Bi" because he is afraid to be "out" and embarrassed to be public about his attraction to men, this will end badly for you.