Gayful lack of integrity

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 23, 2008 4:34 AM GMT
    Today, we, the roomie and I, ran into a thing where some guy here on this site has some serious mental issues. Now, I'm a big boy, and so is the roommate, but, I wonder if some of you others haven't run into what I'm going to describe.

    Guy 1 was stalking someone (online) I didn't know (Guy 2). My roommate has chatted with the guy (guy2) a few times, but, not to much beyond, that.

    The Guy2 had been on my hot list for a while, and we'd exchanged less than 10 words, via email mentioning my roommate had mentioned him. Today, after I'd made some posts (that were very reasonable), immediately after Guy2 adds me and the roomie to his hot list and buddy list, Guy 1 send us nasty emails (we have the copies as does Guy2). Apparently Guy1 has been stalking Guy2 for some time now.

    Guy1 goes on to tell a whole handful of lies, and, then, when he saw he was making a behind out of himself, he asks why everyone can't get along (he was the one that blast at least of us hateful emails, in weird fits of jealousy).

    Clearly, Guy 1 has deep mental problems. Telling him, of course, drove a denial.

    The roomie, and I, have a "hater', Guy 3, who always come along (he stalks me as best as he can, in the virtual way, and always take an antogonistic viewpoint), and Guy 1 goes into a complete denial and lying routine.

    At first, I thought Guy1 was going through a deep depression but as he throw and personal attacks and fibs and imagined wrongs that we had been bad-mouthing him and such and such (complete falsehoods), it became apparent this kid wasn't just depressed but is deeply mentally ill. The roommate wrote an email to the management here, but, I'm baffled as to how folks with these disorders actually believe the crap that they say.

    Clinically, the name for it is, generally, borderline personality disorder.

    I'm not concerned that this guy can do me any real harm from Denver (guy 1) but, clearly he needs intervention and therapy.

    I feel sorry for the guy. I know I can't help him.

    I'm amazed at these folks that are such amazing liars.

    I usually get as far away, as fast a I can. This guy was going along and stalking guy 2, and then sending email to anyone Guy 2 had added, in fits of jealousy.

    Guy 1 also went off in a convoluted rant about how Guy 2 had somehow engages us in a conspiracy against him, which was completely crazy.

    Then, Guy 1, goes off in another rant about me attacking me online, etc.

    Clearly, a screw is loose someplace.

    Anyone else dealt with these individuals who are incapable of truth and honesty at any level and who are extremely paranoid (beyond belief).?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 23, 2008 6:33 AM GMT
    Your really sad Chucky.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 23, 2008 6:47 AM GMT
    Not really. We spent the evening watching 1080p...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 23, 2008 12:35 PM GMT
    Someone on RJ is mentally ill? What a shock!icon_eek.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 23, 2008 12:56 PM GMT
    To be frank, I can't judge the truth or accuracy of your specific claims about these others on RJ (and is Guy 3 also on RJ?). So I won't attempt to comment on these incidents directly, and the individuals involved.

    But I can confirm that I've encountered nut cases online before elsewhere, especially when I was an AOL reggie. And their behavior included the patterns you've described in this case.

    Plus other forms of demented behavior I won't bother to list here. I've often wondered if the virtual online world isn't a bit like the actual park benches where unemployed loonies sit and mumble incoherent madness at passersby all day long.

    I hasten to note that my own 24-hour computer access is a result of retirement due to physical disability, not mental instability (you'll have to trust me on that - LOL!). Though I suspect a fair number of online junkies are indeed unemployable due to mental problems.

    And so I think we have to understand this, and learn to "walk by" them online, just like we ignore and keep walking past the unfortunates who occupy some of our park benches. You can't talk sense to them, and their problems are serious enough that only professionals can help them, despite our desire to intervene.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 23, 2008 1:02 PM GMT
    Not surprising that there are nutcases out there on the web
    That's a given

    What worries me is that you're buyin' into it Chucky

    Remember the Old Adage ... When a Tree Falls in a Gay Online Forest.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 23, 2008 1:08 PM GMT
    GQjock saidRemember the Old Adage ... When a Tree Falls in a Gay Online Forest.....


    Ummm... not sure I understand that. Unless "tree" is a metaphor for a woody.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Nov 23, 2008 2:04 PM GMT
    chuckystud3 said
    Anyone else dealt with these individuals who are incapable of truth and honesty at any level and who are extremely paranoid (beyond belief).?


    I know one. He fantasises about young men begging him for sex icon_lol.gif

    And now he is also fantasising about women wanting him bad icon_rolleyes.gif

    Oh, and his roomie is starting to have those fantasises also.

    He calls him his roomie now, because I suggested he was a sugar daddy icon_lol.gif

    You really have to wonder who really needs professional help icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 23, 2008 6:53 PM GMT
    The more illuminating question you should be asking yourself is this: having full well known the dynamics and personalities of RealJock when you departed, and knowing that some things wouldn't change, what prompted you to come back? And what need do you have to repeatedly pose such banal questions that serve no purpose but to incite and antagonize folks? Really -- I see stupidity or 'issue-prone' behavior every day. Do I dwell on it? No. Fixating on it would mean I just might have an unresolved issue or two in need of addressing myself. 'Least, that's how I see it. I'm not picking on you, Chucky...just pointing out that the drama 'round here is self-perpetuating. Don't like it? Shut up. Like I'm gonna do right now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 24, 2008 1:13 AM GMT
    uhhh my head hurts now. I'm not used to drama. lol. If I stalk myself does that make me both Guy 1 and Guy 2? Seriously though, try not to diagnose those who are bothering you with mental illnesses. Does he really have one? well my full name does not end with the letters M.D. or Ph.D. yet and i have not heard his side yet. ignore him though... can you block ppl on this site?

    Good luck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 24, 2008 1:21 AM GMT
    I posted this at the end of the post that this topic is addressing, but I'm going to pop it in here too.

    "Labeling someone with mental illness is not something to be done lightly. There is a reason that clinical psychologists require, at the very least a Master's degree, and usually a PhD, in psychology. The factors that contribute to mental illness are both complex and numerous; posting in a discussion forum on a fitness website for gay men does not merit an unprofessional diagnoses of mental disorder.

    Labels are dangerous things; as gay men, I think many of us are aware of how damaging they can be. Labeling someone with mental illness is avoided by professionals, so for the people here who feel fit to make such judgments based on their observations and interpretations of a situation, give it a rest; no one gave you a doctoral degree and made you boss.

    Advising someone to visit a mental health professional after you have gone to great lengths to make public their private matters is a slap in the face. Don't mask true intent in the cloak of kindness; it is incredibly dishonest."

    I hope this makes my point clear - you have no right to diagnose "Guy 1" with borderline personality disorder, or with anything else for that matter. You are not a psychologist or a psychiatrist; if it were as simple as going online and matching symptoms, then it would be a lot easier to make these diagnoses.

    And just some quick facts: approximately 2% of the population suffers from BPD - and 75% of those suffering from it are women (DSM IV - Borderline Personality Disorder). That isn't to say men cannot develop this disorder, but it is highly unlikely.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 24, 2008 1:51 AM GMT


    I was talking to myself and said , "Self don't go away." and no sooner did I turn around from the mirror there I was, gone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 24, 2008 1:56 AM GMT
    Is this an SAT question?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 24, 2008 2:31 AM GMT
    surfsdown saidI posted this at the end of the post that this topic is addressing, but I'm going to pop it in here too.

    "Labeling someone with mental illness is not something to be done lightly. There is a reason that clinical psychologists require, at the very least a Master's degree, and usually a PhD, in psychology. The factors that contribute to mental illness are both complex and numerous; posting in a discussion forum on a fitness website for gay men does not merit an unprofessional diagnoses of mental disorder.

    Labels are dangerous things; as gay men, I think many of us are aware of how damaging they can be. Labeling someone with mental illness is avoided by professionals, so for the people here who feel fit to make such judgments based on their observations and interpretations of a situation, give it a rest; no one gave you a doctoral degree and made you boss.

    Advising someone to visit a mental health professional after you have gone to great lengths to make public their private matters is a slap in the face. Don't mask true intent in the cloak of kindness; it is incredibly dishonest."

    I hope this makes my point clear - you have no right to diagnose "Guy 1" with borderline personality disorder, or with anything else for that matter. You are not a psychologist or a psychiatrist; if it were as simple as going online and matching symptoms, then it would be a lot easier to make these diagnoses.

    And just some quick facts: approximately 2% of the population suffers from BPD - and 75% of those suffering from it are women (DSM IV - Borderline Personality Disorder). That isn't to say men cannot develop this disorder, but it is highly unlikely.


    Yep, I agree 100%.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 24, 2008 3:02 AM GMT
    1. There private matters were made public by Guy 1. Read the forums.
    2. Paranoid emails were sent to us, within minutes of the guy2 adding us to his hot list. That's certainly not normal. Those were posted online, after his rant that we were somehow persecuting him.
    3. Guy 1 doctored his images extensively
    4. Guy 1 lied extensively.
    5. Guy 1 lashed out, based only upon the fact Guy 2 had added us to his list. He lashed out in both email and online, prior to us making any mention of it. He mentioned it himself, FIRST.
    6. Guy 1 has gone all over the place on his position.

    About borderline:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality

    You don't have to be a doctor, or even a doctor wannabe', to see the symptoms. When someone has the flu, it's easy to spot. We saved all his emails, because they were unsolicited, and it was well beyond apparent that guy1 was stalking guy2 and is extremely paranoid.

    While he may not have borderline, when someone exhibits many of the symptoms, and the scope of the evidence is clearly that which a lay person cannot treat it would be NEGLIGENT NOT TO ADVISE THE PERSON TO SEE A PROFESSIONAL. Clearly, and I agree, whole-heartedly, this guy does need to see a pro, and that's all there is to it. I'd MUCH RATHER ADVISE A PERSON TO SEE A PRO, rather than not, if I feel they are in trouble.

    Guy 1 has exhibited, threw many posts: depression, dishonesty, paranoia, and a general sense of persecution.

    As a professional myself, I will tell my client, you need to talk to your accountant, your lawyer, etc. In this case, to say anything other than to see a mental health pro would have been a huge disservice to guy 1. Whatever his issue, he clearly needs a pro to look into it and a lay person is NOT qualified to make a clinical diagnosis. That being said, he does exhibit many trait of BPD. That being said, a professional is the very best option and telling him so was the right thing to do.

    Part of being a pro, is knowing when to bring in the other pros. I've worked in the professional world long enough to know that. Youthful inexperience may error on the side of pleasantry, but, a true pro earns his spot by calling them right. I am affirmed of my advice as I've watched it unfold.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 24, 2008 3:05 AM GMT
    Why don't we just let "guy-whoever" go about his merry way. If problems persist, contact the administrator
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 24, 2008 3:08 AM GMT
    He asked. LOL.

    He wanted pity.
    He wanted folks to buy into his poor me thing.

    He got way more than he bargained for.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Nov 24, 2008 3:10 AM GMT
    Oh dear, Guy Chucky has it bad.

    Jealousy is a bitch.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Nov 24, 2008 3:12 AM GMT
    chuckystud3 saidHe asked. LOL.

    He wanted pity.
    He wanted folks to buy into his poor me thing.

    He got way more than he bargained for.


    Well I guess he didn't bargain on you and the poodle making complete fools out of yourselves.

    Jealousy is a bitch.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 24, 2008 3:16 AM GMT
    funny pictures ... why are we supposed to care about this?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 24, 2008 3:43 AM GMT
    My dad and stepmom did foster child care for a two years, the kids were 16-18 and every one of them exhibited severe borderline personality. None of them were diagnosed, but it didn't take a specialist to pick up on it.

    The disorder is startlingly complex on the surface, but once you've had exposure to an individual who has it, it's frequently the easiest disorder to spot.

    I can hardly describe what an individual with borderline is like in a few words: they're exceedingly insecure, paranoid, and have a nasty habit of lying about literally everything. They'll steal anything and claim it's either there's or that it wasn't their fault. They also have an excuse for everything, hence, nothing is their fault, and, as an apparent rule, leads to them "playing the victim" in nearly every instance where they're put on the spot.

    They're incredibly lazy, professional mooches, and incredibly ungrateful--you'll never hear a "thank you" out of them--and when they're confronted about it, they break down and lash out violently.

    Ironically, they also have an affinity for conflict. So much so as to cause drama just for the sake of causing it, especially if they feel they aren't receiving enough attention, and they will continue unhealthy, sometimes dangerous, relationships with people they frequently fight with just for the sake of attention.

    Individuals with borderline are also unforgiving perfectionists and any mistakes on their part or anyone else's are intolerable.

    Most people with borderline also exhibit unreasonable, illogical, and sometimes outrageous beliefs usually in attempt to understand the environment around them. This behavior is exemplified in their beliefs that everyone is out to get them, not to mention their low self-expectations because if they screw up once, they're imperfect and thus unacceptable.

    Individuals with borderline personality also exhibit uncontrolled, exaggerated emotional expression that is frequently histrionic and narcissistic in nature. Panic attacks are also commonplace as well as over-the-top temper tantrums. They're also very compulsive and have binge habits comparable to an individual with manic-depressive or bipolar disorders.

    I've had many professionals describe to me that individual with borderline personality disorder "are stuck in a 13-year-old's mind" and I've had to use this piece of advice for my own sanity for years as my mother is also severely borderline. The kids my parents had in the house were usually not there for longer than three months at a time as they would either run away or get themselves hooked on hard drugs. Their behavior would be so erratic you couldn't tell if you should keep them locked up in their room or even let them outside the house. They never responded to discipline, and honestly seemed incapable of understanding it.

    The single most remarkable thing I've seen in borderline personality is it doesn't matter if the individual is 50 or 15, the behavior set is nearly identical.

    Don't let yourself get in an intimate relationship with someone who has borderline. I've dated two guys who've had it and it makes for a really rough ride: I just got out of therapy last December for one I saw for a few months two years ago. The single best thing you can do for yourself if you know someone who has it, regardless of your relationship with them, is to get yourself as far away from them as you can.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 24, 2008 5:21 AM GMT
    No need to beat a dead hose even more for shit sake....dudes, it's hard to read any emotion with in all the words. I take it all at face value unless we have a RJ convention (IN SO BE MIAMI) to discuss the issues in more detail.

    Kick back...take a deep breath...relax and go about your masturbation!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 24, 2008 5:32 AM GMT
    Even us professionals differ on our opinions. A diagnosis is an opinion, and with all that you've stated so far, I don't have enough information to attach a label.

    Yet more importantly, how will a label help? Knowing the name of something doesn't mean you understand the thing itself. I remind myself of that one every time I put a diagnosis on paper.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 24, 2008 5:52 AM GMT
    Why should any of us care about this? Keep your private business just that. It just seems like you want attention.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 24, 2008 10:52 AM GMT
    For Red Vespa ....

    The Philosophy 101 statement of
    If a tree falls in the forest and there is nobody around
    does it make a sound?