Seeing people from Realjock in real life: protocol???

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2013 12:16 AM GMT
    This has been happening more and more to me lately. We've viewed each others profile...maybe even chatted briefly...am I supposed to say hello? I'm torn between feeling like I'm rude for not saying it as a common courtesy, and feeling like I'm being creepy or crossing a boundary or being intrusive if i do say it. Or...that it will be taken as anything but a platonic, courtesy gesture.

    Thoughts?

    As an aside...this is not about being shy, or outgoing, and I'm not saying this in reference to any specific person (so nobody get creeped out) or any personality characteristic...really just wondering about the etiquette of it all.
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    Sep 23, 2013 12:35 AM GMT
    From my experience, people get freaked out if you say Hi or introduce yourself to them in public. Or sometimes the guy has a boyfriend and the boyfriend doesn't know about the RJ profile. So when you wave or smile, jealousy/suspicion ensues.

    So my protocol is, if I see an RJ member in public I don't do anything. If their profile seems pretty friendly and inviting, I might send a quick message and mention that I saw him at so-and-so place. Most of the time that turns out fine. But occasionally, even doing that will freak a guy out.

    It just makes me wonder why guys even have a profile if they're so paranoid about bumping into guys in real life.
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    Sep 23, 2013 12:39 AM GMT
    letsgetreadytosuckit said
    Blue_Maverick saidok...i hear ya...and I would agree, that viewing someone's profile doesn't create any kind of social obligation, and I promise I dont spend a lot of time worrying about this...but if someone repeatedly views your profile...and you see him routinely...dont you find it a bit weird? world's colliding? no?


    naw.... doesn't mean anything.


    haha...you are a fast responder! i tried to retract that..missed the second part of your initial response.

    what you say makes perfect sense to me, and that's how i've treated it. curious about other opinions though.
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    Sep 23, 2013 12:41 AM GMT
    I've met quite a few RJ guys, all but one prearranged. The single accidental encounter, if that's your meaning, was with the former TropicalMark in Key West, who recognized me first.

    There was one RJer who claimed he'd recognized me here in Wilton Manors, but didn't approach me. I was disappointed to learn of it when he posted about it here.

    But then that's me, and I think the response you'd get if you approached a guy cold will differ with the individual, everyone different. Personally I'd do it, and if he didn't like it, well, then don't have a good pic of yourself in your RJ profile.
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    Sep 23, 2013 12:42 AM GMT
    xrichx said

    It just makes me wonder why guys even have a profile if they're so paranoid about bumping into guys in real life.



    I can kind of understand why people might be wary of this...you never know what people's intentions are...and let's be honest...people send a lot of creepy messages on here...could easily turn awkward fast
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    Sep 23, 2013 12:43 AM GMT


    Wouldn't you just message the guy on RJ and ask if you should say hello if you ever see him? icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2013 12:44 AM GMT
    Blue_Maverick said
    xrichx said

    It just makes me wonder why guys even have a profile if they're so paranoid about bumping into guys in real life.



    I can kind of understand why people might be wary of this...you never know what people's intentions are...and let's be honest...people send a lot of creepy messages on here...could easily turn awkward fast
    I think only hot guys have that problem. Thank goodness no one has any interest in me. icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 23, 2013 12:46 AM GMT
    meninlove said

    Wouldn't you just message the guy on RJ and ask if you should say hello if you ever see him? icon_wink.gif


    welp...cant argue with that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2013 1:20 AM GMT
    This is why "meetups" are so much less stressful. You can meet other RJrs in a fun, open atmosphere without any expectation that anything has to happen after the activity or event. And, if you do meet somebody with whom you "connect", you can trade numbers and take it from there.

    Start an RJ Meetup group in your area. We had a great Meetup hike today. There were a couple of guys who were already on RJ, and another who is joining RJ because of the meetup. Everybody wins.

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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2013 3:56 AM GMT
    Blue_Maverick said
    meninlove said

    Wouldn't you just message the guy on RJ and ask if you should say hello if you ever see him? icon_wink.gif


    welp...cant argue with that.


    Well its kinda easy to argue that it would create an awkward situation. Im sort of reminded of that scene from Hannibal, where the patient meets the therapist at a public venue. Act like you met for the first time or something haha
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    Sep 27, 2013 4:10 AM GMT
    xrichx saidFrom my experience, people get freaked out if you say Hi or introduce yourself to them in public. Or sometimes the guy has a boyfriend and the boyfriend doesn't know about the RJ profile. So when you wave or smile, jealousy/suspicion ensues.

    So my protocol is, if I see an RJ member in public I don't do anything. If their profile seems pretty friendly and inviting, I might send a quick message and mention that I saw him at so-and-so place. Most of the time that turns out fine. But occasionally, even doing that will freak a guy out.

    It just makes me wonder why guys even have a profile if they're so paranoid about bumping into guys in real life.


    I didn't think of this angle. I'm just about the friendliest guy around so hell ya I'd say hi, but after reading / thinking about what you just wrote, I'd only do it if they were alone. Still thought, it'd be pretty safe as no one in their right mind would get jealous of me .... I'm really that old!!!!
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    Sep 27, 2013 4:13 AM GMT
    ART_DECO saidI've met quite a few RJ guys, all but one prearranged. The single accidental encounter, if that's your meaning, was with the former TropicalMark in Key West, who recognized me first.

    There was one RJer who claimed he'd recognized me here in Wilton Manors, but didn't approach me. I was disappointed to learn of it when he posted about it here.

    But then that's me, and I think the response you'd get if you approached a guy cold will differ with the individual, everyone different. Personally I'd do it, and if he didn't like it, well, then don't have a good pic of yourself in your RJ profile.


    I for damn sure would come up and introduce myself to you .... and hope I wouldn't spoil your dinner or drive you to drinkin.

    icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2013 5:41 AM GMT
    I always find it a bit odd at first when you realize you recognize someone from online right in front of your eyes. Though if I've talked to them briefly I always say hello if it seems like a friendly character!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2013 6:25 AM GMT
    Between the two of us, my s.o. and I have met and spent quality time with a bunch of R.J. guys. What we found is there are a lot of great guys here. Intelligent, friendly, clean living, highly focused on career, business & health - along with athletics & fitness........guys to know for life.
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    Sep 27, 2013 7:33 AM GMT
    freedomisntfree said
    xrichx saidFrom my experience, people get freaked out if you say Hi or introduce yourself to them in public. Or sometimes the guy has a boyfriend and the boyfriend doesn't know about the RJ profile. So when you wave or smile, jealousy/suspicion ensues.

    So my protocol is, if I see an RJ member in public I don't do anything. If their profile seems pretty friendly and inviting, I might send a quick message and mention that I saw him at so-and-so place. Most of the time that turns out fine. But occasionally, even doing that will freak a guy out.

    It just makes me wonder why guys even have a profile if they're so paranoid about bumping into guys in real life.


    I didn't think of this angle. I'm just about the friendliest guy around so hell ya I'd say hi, but after reading / thinking about what you just wrote, I'd only do it if they were alone. Still thought, it'd be pretty safe as no one in their right mind would get jealous of me .... I'm really that old!!!!
    Well, it's not so much about how you look. It's the fact that the guy has a profile online, and didn't tell his boyfriend. It was an awkward situation. Even after the guy dragged his boyfriend over, introduced me, and explained everything, it was obvious he was pissed.
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    Sep 27, 2013 2:40 PM GMT
    xrichx said
    freedomisntfree said
    xrichx saidFrom my experience, people get freaked out if you say Hi or introduce yourself to them in public. Or sometimes the guy has a boyfriend and the boyfriend doesn't know about the RJ profile. So when you wave or smile, jealousy/suspicion ensues.

    So my protocol is, if I see an RJ member in public I don't do anything. If their profile seems pretty friendly and inviting, I might send a quick message and mention that I saw him at so-and-so place. Most of the time that turns out fine. But occasionally, even doing that will freak a guy out.

    It just makes me wonder why guys even have a profile if they're so paranoid about bumping into guys in real life.


    I didn't think of this angle. I'm just about the friendliest guy around so hell ya I'd say hi, but after reading / thinking about what you just wrote, I'd only do it if they were alone. Still thought, it'd be pretty safe as no one in their right mind would get jealous of me .... I'm really that old!!!!
    Well, it's not so much about how you look. It's the fact that the guy has a profile online, and didn't tell his boyfriend. It was an awkward situation. Even after the guy dragged his boyfriend over, introduced me, and explained everything, it was obvious he was pissed.


    I just didn't think about that. We do have one RJer who is inactive here, but one of the very few homosexuals at my gym, and I see him almost every day, but other than him I haven't see anyone from RJ. After reading this, if it ever happens I'll be more careful than I would have.
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Sep 27, 2013 2:43 PM GMT
    If they're hot say hi. If they're not hide.
  • Chainers

    Posts: 375

    Sep 27, 2013 2:44 PM GMT
    Some people have come up to me about it. I feel awkward when they do...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2013 2:50 PM GMT
    Unless someone is wearing the same clothes in the pic that they just took and have as their profile pic I probably will not recognize them. Between all of the apps and online social sites, 2 dimensional faces really do not leave a lasting impression.

    However with that being said, if I do recognize someone I will give a minimum of a head nod and a hello and let it go from there. If the person wishes to engage then I will leave that up to them. If they freak out then all I invested was a head nod and a hello.

    What I find more uncomfortable is knowing people in real life who are also on here and feeling obligated to say hello on here which for some reason I rarely do. meh.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2013 3:33 PM GMT
    Dunno where these pockets of friendly RJ'ers are, 'cause as big of a city as I'm in there sure doesn't seem to be one. Then again...with Boston having worldwide notoriety for its attitude queens I've probably answered my own question. icon_rolleyes.gif

    But I've gotten to be good friends with some people from City-Data, have met them by prior arrangement, and had a ball. icon_biggrin.gif In fact THE coolest person I've connected with in real life this year is a Gay guy from C-D.

    As far as RJ is concerned, it's not like you're outing someone for anything bizarre exactly. If they're closeted or on the low you probably already knew that and, I hope, would act appropriately if you saw him somewhere. Not telling the bf about being here would be his problem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2013 3:34 PM GMT
    Chainers saidSome people have come up to me about it. I feel awkward when they do...


    That's the price of being a celebrity! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2013 4:46 PM GMT
    Chainers saidSome people have come up to me about it. I feel awkward when they do...


    Well, look who the cat drug in. Where's your tens of thousands of posts bruv?
  • Just_Tim

    Posts: 1723

    Sep 27, 2013 5:03 PM GMT
    So far I've just made out with everyone I've met from here. Protocol?
  • Chainers

    Posts: 375

    Sep 27, 2013 5:05 PM GMT
    Just_Tim saidSo far I've just made out with everyone I've met from here. Protocol?


    Use protection, only protocol I can think of.
  • Just_Tim

    Posts: 1723

    Sep 27, 2013 5:24 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Just_Tim saidSo far I've just made out with everyone I've met from here. Protocol?


    Use protection, only protocol I can think of.


    What? Like Certs?