The Just Friends Speech, Too Soon? Or No? But Maybe It's OK??

  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Sep 24, 2013 5:16 AM GMT
    BACK STORY-
    I been talking to this guy since the end of Aug and he has been awesome. We haven't met yet and he was in Phoenix but we didn't get to meet before he went back to Vegas. He just got out of a 13 year LTR and clearly stated he was just looking to build a friendship and meet and go from there, so I was cool with that. We txted and talked on phone and have been doing so and lots of flirting and it has been ALMOST, but not quite everyday.

    I asked him today about if when we meet, what happens if we like each other more than friends? He responded by saying that he feels like we would have already clicked if that were meant to be. He is 32 and I am 23 and he didn't say it was a problem but he said it was today. He said he is attracted to me and we do connect but not on the level he wants. He feels like he is meant to be a guide or a teacher like figure to me. It's just confusing cuz we flirted and he said things that were pretty sweet and that friends might not say to each other.

    I told him we haven't even met yet, so how could he know? He never used words like, "we will never date, etc" he just started phrases with, "I don't feel..." and "I don't think that...." So it wasn't like it was impossible and I don't think it's impossible, especially someday down the road. I guess we will be good friends. He made it clear that he will be there for me as a good friend, even for life.

    I guess I am kinda bummed and mainly confused due to our previous convos being heavy and not so friendly like LOL (not sexual though) I think I'll get over it but I can't help just feeling like we NEED to me and he said things won't magically change when we meet BUT I do feel like meeting does change the field a little.

    In conclusion, maybe he is right and we are meant to be in each others lives as good friends and to help each other out, or maybe one day we will realize we can try to be more than friends. Who knows I guess? Just some thoughts
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2013 5:19 AM GMT
    Sounds like this guy is conflicted. Only way to find out what he thinks of you is to meet. Chemistry should dictate your relationship with him, not his preconceived picture of how you two will be.

    Que será será.
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    Sep 24, 2013 5:22 AM GMT
    He sounds like an idiot to rule you out without even meeting you in person first. I would back way the fuck off and see what happens.
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    Sep 24, 2013 5:26 AM GMT
    In other words.. He's not over his ex. I mean, it's not like he or anyone can just forget about 13 years. Keep him as a friend, but look for romance elsewhere.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Sep 24, 2013 5:29 AM GMT
    MCB_ saidSounds like this guy is conflicted. Only way to find out what he thinks of you is to meet. Chemistry should dictate your relationship with him, not his preconceived picture of how you two will be.

    Que será será.



    I can see that and I am gonna step back and let things really play out, although, I am gonna be honest and say that I can't guarantee the flirting goes away LOL it's just who I am sometimes

    But I always felt that if it went too far, too early, I'd feel like a rebound, which sucks

    I just thought it was unusual to say such things before we ever met, despite age or anything. He said he knows himself and his intuition but I felt otherwise
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2013 5:36 AM GMT
    simple math
    -long time to be locked out of the candy store, especially during your best sampling years.
    Let someone else be "rebound" guy.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Sep 29, 2013 5:13 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidHe sounds like an idiot to rule you out without even meeting you in person first. I would back way the fuck off and see what happens.


    That's what I am doing now. I haven't talked to him since Thursday. I am gonna let us cool off I guess and see how he is in a week-since this will be the longest amount of time we haven't talked to each other

    I guess he has been hanging out with a guy and has been on several dates with him. The guy is 33 so I guess the age thing was something he didn't like, even though he never expressed it earlier when I even brought it up. I assumed we were talking and meeting as friends. Didn't even think he was processing all that so fast before we met. I did like him and it kinda hurt and maybe was unfair of him to go on about this guy he met only a day or so after he gave me the friends speech

    I am not being ridiculous right?
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    Sep 29, 2013 5:31 PM GMT
    I don't think you're being ridiculous in feeling hurt. You thought something was there that either wasn't or that he didn't feel like was there. We've all been there. And it's perfectly normal. Thankfully, the fact that he did give you the just friends speech and that it will never happen will probably make the healing process just a bit faster because it will force you to move on rather then entertain the idea that "maybe eventually he'll come around". And I'd be thankful that he didn't just drop off the face of the Earth to avoid awkwardness.

    However...the fact that he is confiding with you about this other guy is a sign that he does consider you a friend and wants to keep you around. Does he know you had feelings for him or did you play yourself off this entire time as "I'm interested but not necessarily have FEELINGS yet"?

    Also, you really don't know for a fact that it was an age thing unless he said it outright "you're too young for me". Age =/= experience and it sounds like he was more turned off by the lack of experience I guess. ALSO there was the fact that there was this other guy in the picture the entire time so he wasn't even considering you in that regard.

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    Sep 29, 2013 5:34 PM GMT
    i guess he still hung up on his ex, u were just an unexpected good this happened while he was waitin for the other guy. but i have a feeling that he likes u back, he just not ready for an LTR, as u will put it. Juust my thoughts
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Oct 01, 2013 3:08 AM GMT
    I guess the confiding is a good thing

    I also told him that when we meet I think it will clear everything up. I will get it all out and see how he is in real life and he will do the same for me. I think, for some reason, meeting someone you've talked to for a while thru the phone in person kind of "settles" things. The high flirtation and the expectations go away somehow and you start to level off. And of course, you can easily determine that, "yah I wanna be friends with this go, or maybe more or not"