Just need some advice

  • Papadopoulos

    Posts: 65

    Sep 25, 2013 10:25 PM GMT
    Hey guys,

    I'm 24 and don't really have any experience in gay relationships so bear with me haha. Sorry if it's long.

    I was working abroad in Argentina for a year and about 3 months before leaving went out to a gay club with some friends. The gay nightlife there is amazing and the club was packed with several hundred people. I was talking to the friends I was with up at the bar when I notice an incredibly attractive Argentine guy around there. I go up and start talking to him and we hit it off. I like to be modest but I am decently attractive and a foreigner who speaks fluent Spanish so he is intrigued. We go to the dance floor and he kisses me first but then tells me his friends are leaving and has to go, but leaves me his facebook contact.

    The next day he facebooks me and sends me messages every couple of days for the next month or so. We finally meet up and walk around the park for a few hours and he invites me back to his place. He seems like a nice guy, he's 21 or 22 or something and in college. He makes me some drinks and we hang out for a while. Then we go to his room and he asks me to kiss him. He tells me that I'm hot and we take off our clothes and we do things. The next morning we hang out and talk a little but he has to go to school, so he says will do something sometime. I text him a couple days later and he says he's just hanging out with friends that night, so I say we should do something that weekend. I hit him up that weekend and he doesn't respond. The weekend after I message him again and he says we'll do something and replies "Beso grande" at the end (big kiss). We never do anything though. It isn't until a week or two (can't remember exactly) later that he messages me out of the blue and invites me to a club, just me and him. We stay out until 7am or so and go back to his place, but I'm too tired to hook up. At this point he knows I only have 2 weeks left in the country but he asks me if I want to see him again and I say yes, he said if he ever came to the US he wants to visit me.
    I message him the next weekend and he doesn't respond, so I give it one more shot (I'm not the person to send messages to someone who doesn't respond either). It is my last weekend there and he responds with "all good"? And when I reply and say yea everything is fine he doesn't reply back so I just stop sending him messages.
    I have been away from Argentina for more than 4 months now and have heard nothing from him but I really liked him even though I didn't get to know him well. I responded to a comment on facebook once and wished him a happy birthday a week ago and no likes or response either. I don't like his photos nor do I want to send him more messages because I don't want to come off as easy, but I still would like to get him to at least talk to me.


    Has anyone else had this experience with flaky, hot-cold guys? Is this the entire gay community pretty much?

    Thank you for taking the time to read this haha. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 25, 2013 10:34 PM GMT
    It appears gay men seem to cross both cultural and national borders in this regard.

    But we've all been there. It's annoying and cowardly. But you've gotta shake it off and move on to the next guy. Don't even give this ass a second thought at this point. Congrats on making your first step into the gay dating world. I feel as though you should get a complementary gift basket. It's just a fact of dating I'm sorry to say.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 25, 2013 10:34 PM GMT
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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 25, 2013 10:42 PM GMT
    So that is what gay men are like. They dont want serious relationships... a bit sad really. At the outset just say if you want an open relationship or a serious one.
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    Sep 25, 2013 10:47 PM GMT
    oh please, he's 21, in college and lives in a different country, get over it
  • Papadopoulos

    Posts: 65

    Sep 25, 2013 11:33 PM GMT
    somersault saidoh please, he's 21, in college and lives in a different country, get over it


    He's actually 22 and I'm 24 not that it really matters but it's hard to meet someone you really like in the gay world, there's not really anything to "get over" since we didn't get to know each other too well, I just wanted to know if everyone else has experienced this kind of flakiness because it seems to be common.
  • Papadopoulos

    Posts: 65

    Sep 25, 2013 11:35 PM GMT
    JasFriedman saidSo that is what gay men are like. They dont want serious relationships... a bit sad really. At the outset just say if you want an open relationship or a serious one.



    I've always heard this but find it kind of hard to understand. Don't gay guys get lonely never having anyone serious? I know I do.

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    Sep 25, 2013 11:38 PM GMT
    Papadopoulos said
    somersault saidoh please, he's 21, in college and lives in a different country, get over it


    He's actually 22 and I'm 24 not that it really matters but it's hard to meet someone you really like in the gay world, there's not really anything to "get over" since we didn't get to know each other too well, I just wanted to know if everyone else has experienced this kind of flakiness because it seems to be common.


    there's nothing different in what straight and gay kids do, they just do it with different genders
  • Papadopoulos

    Posts: 65

    Sep 25, 2013 11:46 PM GMT
    somersault said
    Papadopoulos said
    somersault saidoh please, he's 21, in college and lives in a different country, get over it


    He's actually 22 and I'm 24 not that it really matters but it's hard to meet someone you really like in the gay world, there's not really anything to "get over" since we didn't get to know each other too well, I just wanted to know if everyone else has experienced this kind of flakiness because it seems to be common.


    there's nothing different in what straight and gay kids do, they just do it with different genders


    True on some levels but there definitely is a different dynamic in gay dating. Gay people just don't respect each other as much it seems. Maybe it's all in my head and that's not actually true but in my experience it is.
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    Sep 25, 2013 11:52 PM GMT
    Papadopoulos said
    JasFriedman saidSo that is what gay men are like. They dont want serious relationships... a bit sad really. At the outset just say if you want an open relationship or a serious one.



    I've always heard this but find it kind of hard to understand. Don't gay guys get lonely never having anyone serious? I know I do.



    Exactly. I want to have a long term relationship. Serious relationship.
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    Sep 25, 2013 11:53 PM GMT
    I always say that you should be friends first before your feelings go haywire. At least there is more respect when things don't work out after a hookup.
  • Papadopoulos

    Posts: 65

    Sep 26, 2013 12:02 AM GMT
    IceBuckets saidI always say that you should be friends first before your feelings go haywire. At least there is more respect when things don't work out after a hookup.



    This is true, but he was really adamant about hooking up with me, I just can't understand people who can hook up with someone and just never speak to them again for no good reason.

    somersaultoh please, he's 21, in college and lives in a different country, get over it


    I know people who keep in touch after meeting/hooking up when so and so goes back to their home country. My brother met a beautiful girl from Sweden, was hooking up with her for like a week or so before she left and they still talk. Especially if you travel a lot you have the opportunity to see that person again.

  • Papadopoulos

    Posts: 65

    Sep 26, 2013 12:33 AM GMT
    IceBuckets said But you've gotta shake it off and move on to the next guy. Don't even give this ass a second thought at this point.


    Absolutely, I'm moving to SF soon which should help me take my mind off him. I feel like I shouldn't give him a second chance since we haven't talked in 4 months or so, but I have yet to meet a gay guy like him, although I'm sure many more are our there so I'm not too upset about it. (He did smoke and wasn't totally hygienic which is a huge turnoff)
  • donnygg

    Posts: 19

    Sep 26, 2013 5:07 PM GMT
    Good luck with SF! Flakiness doesn't get any better there.
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    Sep 26, 2013 5:20 PM GMT
    Flakes are pretty common. While I've never dated, I've had the experience of talking to a few guys who didn't think I was worth their time.

    Just accept it and move on. Chances are you will encounter a few more of them.
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Sep 26, 2013 5:45 PM GMT
    JasFriedman saidSo that is what gay men are like. They dont want serious relationships... a bit sad really. At the outset just say if you want an open relationship or a serious one.


    That is a very general statement - so it's not true of every gay man, but it is true of enough of them so it's seems like it's the case with all of them.

    I'd stay away from talking about wanting a relationship or they type of relationship you want when you first meet a guy - that's a turn off for many guys. Just get to know someone.

    A lot of guys are looking to hook-up, so if that's not what you're looking for, then tell them that up front. If he's interested in getting to know you he'll stick around, if not, then he's gone and you haven't lost anything.

    Gay men like sex, nothing wrong with that, and gay men in their 20's are more likely to be looking for sex and not to settle down. Again, not true of every guy - but a lot of them. If this is your first real experience with meeting a guy you like and hanging out, having sex, etc, then it's easy to start to feel closer to them then you should at the beginning - and it hurts when they don't respond the same way. And, it's going to happen again, you can be sure, just guard your heart so you don't get caught up so quickly.

    Most guys start to think more in terms of having a relationship as they mature. Be patient. Gay men don't have the pressure to settle down and have a family like straight guys do.

    If you're more of the relationship type of guy, then don't hop in bed right away, get to know him, and he'll stick around if he's feeling the same way you do.
  • Papadopoulos

    Posts: 65

    Sep 27, 2013 5:29 AM GMT
    WaytoDawn saidFlakes are pretty common. While I've never dated, I've had the experience of talking to a few guys who didn't think I was worth their time.


    The weird part is after meeting him he messaged me for the whole month before I saw him again. He was more into me than vice versa

    I think he really just wanted to have sex and nothing else though, and that kind of sucks.

    I wish he would at least talk to me, even though we are now in different countries. Although facebook sucks in terms of communicating with people, sometimes my own good friends are bad at responding, myself included.