Never want sex with my partner anymore, what is wrong with me?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2013 1:16 AM GMT
    I have been with my partner for over two years. I love him dearly and he is my best mate. 6 months ago we opened up the relationship, as we concluded our sexual compatibility was not that great. But he still wants to have sex, but I have no desire, and when he tries to get me into the mood I avoid it. Everything else about our relationship is great. I have some fun with other guys and it is great, but just wish that desire would come back.
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    Sep 28, 2013 2:07 AM GMT
    some of the downsides of opening up a relationship..
    .. Your post translates..
    "I love having sex with everyone except my boyfriend"

    .. I mean in reality..how do you come back from this?

    .Successful open relationships are very very rare.. Your actions should reflect your priority..If your boyfriend is the one you "feel" you should desire.. Spend the time.. Do the work!
    .. I hope it works out.
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  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Sep 28, 2013 6:39 AM GMT
    maybe you should just be best matesicon_idea.gif

    If you have zero sexual desire for him you are not in an open relationship you are in no relationship, especially that it has been only 2 yrs??? Let him go another will want to have sex with him..maybe. I haven't seen him.
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    Sep 28, 2013 3:58 PM GMT
    Anocxu saidsome of the downsides of opening up a relationship..
    .. Your post translates..
    "I love having sex with everyone except my boyfriend"

    .. I mean in reality..how do you come back from this?

    .Successful open relationships are very very rare.. Your actions should reflect your priority..If your boyfriend is the one you "feel" you should desire.. Spend the time.. Do the work!
    .. I hope it works out.
    icon_smile.gif



    true!
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    Jun 25, 2014 7:51 AM GMT
    I feel you buddy. This has happened to me and my partner too. We are great in everything else but the desire has gone. I think because sex with him is predictable and routine may be one of the reasons.
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    Jun 25, 2014 3:24 PM GMT
    are you sure, if you found another partner, that in two years you will behave the same as with your current? Consider your partner an extension of your own body.
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    Jun 25, 2014 3:36 PM GMT
    Nothing wrong with you...you just lost your sexual desire with your partner. I think you two should break up, you should date and try other men. Or you can try more open relationship guys on the side. Lol, sound to me you're not ready to settle down. Sex is important to keep the spark alive. Once it's gone, it's gone. I broke up with my ex bc I lost all sexual interest in him and other reasons.
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    Jun 25, 2014 3:42 PM GMT
    84ozguy saidI have been with my partner for over two years. I love him dearly and he is my best mate. 6 months ago we opened up the relationship, as we concluded our sexual compatibility was not that great. But he still wants to have sex, but I have no desire, and when he tries to get me into the mood I avoid it. Everything else about our relationship is great. I have some fun with other guys and it is great, but just wish that desire would come back.


    You have no sexual desire for him - it's over. Consider it done and move on.

    Same thing happened to me with an ex. I work up one morning and simply didn't want to have sex with him any more. Best decision I made getting out of the relationship.
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    Jun 25, 2014 4:23 PM GMT
    Blondizgd saidYou have no sexual desire for him - it's over. Consider it done and move on.
    Same thing happened to me with an ex. I work up one morning and simply didn't want to have sex with him any more. Best decision I made getting out of the relationship.

    First this is a post from 2013.

    Second, worst advice I've ever seen. Sex is not the foundation of a relationship. If you 'woke' up and simply didn't want sex so you walked out you're fooling yourself by what the issues really were. No one walks away from a relationship simply because of sex. 95% of your time with someone is outside of the bedroom. You socialize together, you eat together, you enjoy activities together, you cuddle, talk and touch together, all without sex. Those are the foundation of a good relationship.

    To tell someone to dump a guy because you're not finding your sexual needs fulfilled is lame, irresponsible and ignorant at best. Poor advice, very poor advice to anyone.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jun 25, 2014 4:36 PM GMT
    I totally agree with eb925. Anyone who would bolt a good two year relationship because the sex has gotten stale has never actually been in a good, loving relationship. Though not all two year relationships are keepers, either. There's an old saying that when sex is good, it's 5% of a relationship. When it's not good, it becomes 95% of the relationship. I think there's some truth to that but it is a sign of commitment that you are willing to cling to that 5% tenaciously and push through until things get back to great. And sometimes the sex just becomes less important and more a way of expressing love than feeling fireworks.
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1167

    Jun 26, 2014 1:19 AM GMT
    Open relationships are rarely anything other than a phased break-up.
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    Jun 26, 2014 2:08 AM GMT
    I'd have to say that it sounds like you're not BF material.

    In my opinion, this is a HUGE part of a relationship.

    It's not a rash decision, this is something persisting over 6 months. I don't believe relationships should ever be built on Settling.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 26, 2014 2:21 AM GMT
    eb925guy said
    Blondizgd saidYou have no sexual desire for him - it's over. Consider it done and move on.
    Same thing happened to me with an ex. I work up one morning and simply didn't want to have sex with him any more. Best decision I made getting out of the relationship.

    First this is a post from 2013.

    Second, worst advice I've ever seen. Sex is not the foundation of a relationship. If you 'woke' up and simply didn't want sex so you walked out you're fooling yourself by what the issues really were. No one walks away from a relationship simply because of sex. 95% of your time with someone is outside of the bedroom. You socialize together, you eat together, you enjoy activities together, you cuddle, talk and touch together, all without sex. Those are the foundation of a good relationship.

    To tell someone to dump a guy because you're not finding your sexual needs fulfilled is lame, irresponsible and ignorant at best. Poor advice, very poor advice to anyone.

    But would that just be a relationship of convenience ... you're either all in or not ... I wouldn't keep a relationship with really hot just for the sake of looking at him and having him pitch in half the rent ... that's just best friends and nothing more. Understandably, sometimes that's all you need until the right one comes along or better then nothing if that don't, but you sure shouldn't put yourself on the shelf waiting.
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    Jun 26, 2014 2:31 AM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier saidI'd have to say that it sounds like you're not BF material.

    In my opinion, this is a HUGE part of a relationship.

    It's not a rash decision, this is something persisting over 6 months. I don't believe relationships should ever be built on Settling.


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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 26, 2014 2:36 PM GMT
    eb925guy said
    Blondizgd saidYou have no sexual desire for him - it's over. Consider it done and move on.
    Same thing happened to me with an ex. I work up one morning and simply didn't want to have sex with him any more. Best decision I made getting out of the relationship.

    First this is a post from 2013.

    Second, worst advice I've ever seen. Sex is not the foundation of a relationship. If you 'woke' up and simply didn't want sex so you walked out you're fooling yourself by what the issues really were. No one walks away from a relationship simply because of sex. 95% of your time with someone is outside of the bedroom. You socialize together, you eat together, you enjoy activities together, you cuddle, talk and touch together, all without sex. Those are the foundation of a good relationship.

    To tell someone to dump a guy because you're not finding your sexual needs fulfilled is lame, irresponsible and ignorant at best. Poor advice, very poor advice to anyone.


    This is one of the dumbest thing I have seen. No matter how you try to dress it up, you are talking about a room mate situation or having an open relationship. What's the bloody point of either of them? If you can't pay the rent or the mortgage by yourself, by all means stay. Open relationships are not relationships.

  • Kjonyou

    Posts: 93

    Jun 29, 2014 11:18 AM GMT
    Open relationships early on in the day are basically an exit plan. If you were together say 20 years and having this problem, it would be different.

    If you really have no sexual interest for him at all now, you probably never were really attracted to him. Probably just caught up in the moment.

    It sounds like you are just friends. Lots of gay men start friendships that way. Sex as a hook up or date, then not compatible or into it, then just friends.

    Lets look at it another way. When you are really attracted to and connected to someone you just met, the last thing you want to do is share them with someone else. 2 years is way to short to be board with each other.
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    Jun 29, 2014 4:17 PM GMT
    A month without sex is a magic pill in your situation
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    Jun 29, 2014 4:20 PM GMT
    kjonyou saidOpen relationships early on in the day are basically an exit plan. If you were together say 20 years and having this problem, it would be different.

    If you really have no sexual interest for him at all now, you probably never were really attracted to him. Probably just caught up in the moment.

    It sounds like you are just friends. Lots of gay men start friendships that way. Sex as a hook up or date, then not compatible or into it, then just friends.

    Lets look at it another way. When you are really attracted to and connected to someone you just met, the last thing you want to do is share them with someone else. 2 years is way to short to be bored with each other.


    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2014 11:09 PM GMT
    My partner of 21+ years is also my best mate. But if our relationship became an open one the the first few years, I'm sure we would never of made it this fare, and this is also why neither of us are a common sight on the Melbourne gay meat market. I feel the longer you continue, the less chances you have of remaining mates, as it seems you are willing to have sex with anyone but your other half. May peace be with you both.