I'm the original starter of this thread. This is something I'm still struggling with, unfortunately. I know it shouldn't stop me from getting out there and meeting someone, but I just can't stop thinking about the fact that I feel like I will have a half-assed (no pun intended) sex life no matter what.
This is the original e-mail that my surgeon sent me in regards to me asking him about having receptive anal sex with the surgery I had:Anthony,
I do remember you, and I am really glad that you have done well from your surgery. Please do not be embarrassed by your question – it is a quite common one. Unfortunately, my answer is that any anal penetration following the surgery that you had is not advisable, either for you or for your partner. For you, there could be damage to the connection between the pouch and the bottom, as well as to the underlying sphincter muscles, and could potentially even ultimately lead to the need for a permanent ileostomy. I advise all of my patients not even to allow any physician to do a rectal exam, unless the physician is an expert in the type of surgery that you had (either a GI or a surgeon who does this). And for any partner, there is the potential for penile injury, as there are staples in the area, which could potentially scratch, cut or otherwise injure the penis. My advice is that you try your best to limit your sexual activities to those which do not involve you as an anal receptive partner.
I hope that this is a helpful (if not the desired) answer to your question. Please feel free to call me or to come and see me any time.
I've been wondering if there's some type of surgery that can be done in the future that can help with this problem (I asked the surgeon this after his e-mail, and he said he's not aware of anything like that). I know my surgeon probably didn't know I was gay when he operated on me when I was 16 (I didn't really know for sure either lol), but I kind of wish I would have known about this beforehand.