Can't bottom...no real sex life for me? :(

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2013 11:28 PM GMT
    Well, here's the story. I'm 23 and I'm a virgin. But I've always imagined myself as a bottom.

    Well I just recently found out for sure that I can't bottom due to surgeries that I had for an intestinal illness I had when I was in high school. I asked the surgeon who performed my operation, and he advised me that it would be extremely unsafe.

    I've been extremely depressed about this because I feel like my sex life is over before it even began. I'm not sure how to deal with this...
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 28, 2013 11:29 PM GMT
    learn how to be an awesome top and give great head
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2013 12:09 AM GMT
    your sex life isn't over. Bottoming kinda hurts anyway. I personally try to avoid anal sex in general, top or bottom. And my sex life isn't over. My favorite thing is makign out, arms around each other, cocks grinding, rolling around together. its hot and feels really intimate. You can always top, give oral, etc. It's really not over at all lol
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    Sep 29, 2013 1:59 PM GMT
    IRFire66 saidyour sex life isn't over. Bottoming kinda hurts anyway. I personally try to avoid anal sex in general, top or bottom. And my sex life isn't over. My favorite thing is makign out, arms around each other, cocks grinding, rolling around together. its hot and feels really intimate. You can always top, give oral, etc. It's really not over at all lol



    TRUE!
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 29, 2013 2:31 PM GMT
    Timbales saidlearn how to be an awesome top and give great head




    This solution seems quite obvious to me. My ex bf/FWB/whatever-the-hell-he-is convinced me he is a much better top than I ever could be.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 29, 2013 3:08 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidSorry to hear so hugs. Bottoming is one of the incredible gay experiences. It is an ultimate sacrifice in the act of love.




    I hardly call bttming a "sacrifice" icon_exclaim.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2013 7:26 PM GMT
    you will always have your mouth
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2013 9:34 PM GMT
    Get a second opinion.

    Learn how to give great head and frot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2013 9:57 PM GMT
    I'm not into anal at all and I've had a very fun sex life including enjoyment of long term relationships. I never once considered my not being into anal any sort of deficit and I even allow for that in a relationship whereby I'd have no jealousies if a partner went out of the relationship to satisfy that preference as long as he was emotionally loyal to us.

    We're so limited in our numbers as a percentage of the population that I think it asinine to pigeonhole ourselves.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2013 9:58 PM GMT
    IRFire66 saidyour sex life isn't over. Bottoming kinda hurts anyway. I personally try to avoid anal sex in general, top or bottom. And my sex life isn't over. My favorite thing is makign out, arms around each other, cocks grinding, rolling around together. its hot and feels really intimate. You can always top, give oral, etc. It's really not over at all lol


    I am poking through my boxer briefs right now....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2013 12:33 PM GMT
    theantijock saidI'm not into anal at all and I've had a very fun sex life including enjoyment of long term relationships. I never once considered my not being into anal any sort of deficit and I even allow for that in a relationship whereby I'd have no jealousies if a partner went out of the relationship to satisfy that preference as long as he was emotionally loyal to us.

    We're so limited in our numbers as a percentage of the population that I think it asinine to pigeonhole ourselves.


    I figured there are plenty of gay men out there who aren't into anal, but it's just something I've always imagined being part of my sex life. I guess everything happens for a reason though...it's just depressing to know that I will never be able to go there with a partner.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2013 1:12 PM GMT
    From my limited experience in the marketplace, I understand you can not purchase yourself a vagina.
  • Persival

    Posts: 15

    Oct 04, 2013 2:22 AM GMT
    IRFire66 saidI personally try to avoid anal sex in general, top or bottom. And my sex life isn't over. My favorite thing is makign out, arms around each other, cocks grinding, rolling around together. its hot and feels really intimate.


    It's very rare to meet someone not have anal sex. I always thought I'm the only one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2013 1:21 PM GMT
    Persival said
    IRFire66 saidI personally try to avoid anal sex in general, top or bottom. And my sex life isn't over. My favorite thing is makign out, arms around each other, cocks grinding, rolling around together. its hot and feels really intimate.


    It's very rare to meet someone not have anal sex. I always thought I'm the only one.

    What? What about the tops
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2013 2:56 PM GMT
    I don't enjoy bottoming at all either, I can't stand assplay in any way when it's being done to me :/. It's weird, I have the characteristics of being a bottom (like being the more submissive one during foreplay) yet when the anal sex happens all of a sudden it flips and I am the top! ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2013 3:54 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidSorry to hear so hugs. Bottoming is one of the incredible gay experiences. It is an ultimate sacrifice in the act of love.


    I am sorry I giggled reading at the sacrifice part lol icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2013 4:57 PM GMT
    Find out why it would be dangerous. If it's girth stretching or depth poking, get a 'toy' that would avoid the danger part. Being active with a partner and using toys combined with other sexual activity that does not include anal penetration by another person can be very satisfying. You have many options, don't give up quite yet! icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 30, 2015 12:48 PM GMT
    I'm the original starter of this thread. This is something I'm still struggling with, unfortunately. I know it shouldn't stop me from getting out there and meeting someone, but I just can't stop thinking about the fact that I feel like I will have a half-assed (no pun intended) sex life no matter what.

    This is the original e-mail that my surgeon sent me in regards to me asking him about having receptive anal sex with the surgery I had:

    Anthony,

    I do remember you, and I am really glad that you have done well from your surgery. Please do not be embarrassed by your question – it is a quite common one. Unfortunately, my answer is that any anal penetration following the surgery that you had is not advisable, either for you or for your partner. For you, there could be damage to the connection between the pouch and the bottom, as well as to the underlying sphincter muscles, and could potentially even ultimately lead to the need for a permanent ileostomy. I advise all of my patients not even to allow any physician to do a rectal exam, unless the physician is an expert in the type of surgery that you had (either a GI or a surgeon who does this). And for any partner, there is the potential for penile injury, as there are staples in the area, which could potentially scratch, cut or otherwise injure the penis. My advice is that you try your best to limit your sexual activities to those which do not involve you as an anal receptive partner.

    I hope that this is a helpful (if not the desired) answer to your question. Please feel free to call me or to come and see me any time.

    Best,

    MH


    I've been wondering if there's some type of surgery that can be done in the future that can help with this problem (I asked the surgeon this after his e-mail, and he said he's not aware of anything like that). I know my surgeon probably didn't know I was gay when he operated on me when I was 16 (I didn't really know for sure either lol), but I kind of wish I would have known about this beforehand. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2015 3:36 PM GMT
    Talk to other surgeons. It seems unlikely that there's no way to fix the problem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2015 5:13 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidTalk to other surgeons. It seems unlikely that there's no way to fix the problem.


    It's just awkard lol. When I call to schedule an appointment what am I supposed to say? "Hey I wanted to see Dr. So and so to see if he can operate on me so I can take it up the ass"? Lol.
  • CX838

    Posts: 100

    Apr 30, 2015 5:52 PM GMT
    Find someone 3 inches hard then. I met a frankfurter and surprised me turns out he is smaller than a gherkin.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2015 11:50 PM GMT
    there is a helluva lot more to any relationship, including an overnite hookup, than getting it hidden up your ass....seriously, while I feel for your situation, you are really confining your future to a very small and somewhat silly part.....it's like saying that you can't eat cheesecake therefore there is no sense in going out for dinner....

    darling, there is a lot more on the menu, and especially to life than taking it up the ass....meet a guy, fall in love and put the silly worries behind you....you'll soon see that your worries are pretty small in the scope of things. good luck, it'll work out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2015 6:21 PM GMT
    2452North saidthere is a helluva lot more to any relationship, including an overnite hookup, than getting it hidden up your ass....seriously, while I feel for your situation, you are really confining your future to a very small and somewhat silly part.....it's like saying that you can't eat cheesecake therefore there is no sense in going out for dinner....

    darling, there is a lot more on the menu, and especially to life than taking it up the ass....meet a guy, fall in love and put the silly worries behind you....you'll soon see that your worries are pretty small in the scope of things. good luck, it'll work out.


    This made me feel better. Thanks. icon_smile.gif

    I just feel like a majority of guys that I'm attracted to (whether it's a random hookup or something more serious) are gonna want to do anal on me at some point, and I dread having to explain it to every guy I meet. Although I haven't really gotten out there and met anyone yet, so I guess I really don't know for sure.

    Thanks again.