Experiencing homophobia.

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    Sep 29, 2013 12:22 AM GMT
    Before yesterday I was already somewhat bullied at a party due to my sexuality however it wasn't THAT bad.
    Yesterday though I was completely speechless. I was outside my boyfriend's house and we were simply talking not even holding hands or anything just talking and this asshole on the other side of the street started walking towards us yelling at us the most horrible stuff I've ever heard things like you guys are disguting or saying that we should die or that we are sick. He kept repeating the "JUST FUCKING DIE YOU FAGS!" and he kept shouting it. Fortunately (not even sure if I should say that word) he walked by without hurting us physically not even when he was in front of us. Finally we took a cab as fast as possible and headed somewhere else not without having to keep listening to all the hatred in his voice.
    My boyfriend and I were both shocked, we didn't know what to do or how to react. And now, after being somewhat comfortable holding hands in public, we're just scared to go out. It sucks that now I feel like I have to live in fear just because it happenes that I love someone who society would dissprove.
    Anyways, just needed to let it out somewhere.
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    Sep 29, 2013 12:31 AM GMT
    Why didnt you do something instead of standing there helpless??? Gotta stop being the victim and DO something about it. In situations like this using your fists is a must, you do that and that fucker wont tease you ever again.
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    Sep 29, 2013 12:36 AM GMT
    David3000 saidOK why didnt you do something instead of standing there helpless??? Gotta stop being the victim and do something about it. In situations like this using your fists is a must, specially if you do it in a public place like the street, you do that and that fucker wont tease you ever again.


    Is responding to violence with more violence, really the answer? I honestly don't think so.

    Plus, honestly I was just paralyzed in the moment. Sometimes I thought what would I do if.... But this time it was no if it was happening and trust me, it is a completely different story for example I don't know if that crazy asshole has a knife or some shit (I wouldn't be surprised). Why would I risk my life for that?
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    Sep 29, 2013 12:39 AM GMT
    You handled the situation perfectly I think. As appealing as punching them in the face sounds, I think in the same situation I'd just want to remove myself from it.

    I'm sorry you went through this, but you and your boyfriend are really adorable together and we're all here supporting you. You are so brave to live your life going against society norms, and you guys should be proud of that no matter what!
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    Sep 29, 2013 12:40 AM GMT
    Dude that's horrible. Sucks your boyfriend and you had to deal with that.

    But in the end the world is full of arseholes. If not him then someone else.

    I would say just ignore it, if you don't react at all they soon realise they can't get a rise out of you and give up. He's just one small minded individual so put it out of your mind and move on.
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    Sep 29, 2013 12:40 AM GMT


    We lived next to people like that. We and they owned our homes, so we couldn't just leave. We had to sell and they acted up every time a buyer came over. Still makes my skin crawl thinking of how trapped we felt then.
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    Sep 29, 2013 12:41 AM GMT
    I would have punched him out. I aint no Mother Teressa, if homophic assholes feel comfortable yelling at gays because they think we fags dont have have what it takes to defend ourselves, I surely would prove them wrong in a couple of seconds.


    Violence may not be the answer but if I punch his face in I suppose he'll think twice before he tries that again?
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    Sep 29, 2013 12:42 AM GMT
    David3000 saidOK why didnt you do something instead of standing there helpless??? Gotta stop being the victim and do something about it. In situations like this using your fists is a must, you do that and that fucker wont tease you ever again.

    Sorry, but that is very bad advice. Violence is not the answer.

    So sorry, you guys experienced something like that. He probably hasn't gotten laid in a very long time and all his girlfriends leave him for other women. I don't have any advice about what you could have done better. Any defiance could have escalated the situation.

    Start talking to the neighbors and see what they think about asshole. Maybe he's the neighborhood loony and nobody takes him seriously.

    In case of a repeat-performance you could put headphones on and drown him out with Brittney or whatever you listen to.
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    Sep 29, 2013 12:44 AM GMT
    Marsu said
    David3000 saidOK why didnt you do something instead of standing there helpless??? Gotta stop being the victim and do something about it. In situations like this using your fists is a must, specially if you do it in a public place like the street, you do that and that fucker wont tease you ever again.


    Is responding to violence with more violence, really the answer? I honestly don't think so.

    Plus, honestly I was just paralyzed in the moment. Sometimes I thought what would I do if.... But this time it was no if it was happening and trust me, it is a completely different story for example I don't know if that crazy asshole has a knife or some shit (I wouldn't be surprised). Why would I risk my life for that?


    Well this is how society works. If you dont show that guy you can fuck him up in a way HE can understand then he wont respect you and change his behavior. To his eyes you acted weak and next time he sees you he's probably gonna do the same again because he knows you stood there pissing your pants being afraid he had a knife (Im 99% sure he didn't have a knife). If you want homophobic men to respect you you gotta play by their rules and not expect them to play by yours (Is responding to violence with more violence, really the answer? I honestly don't think so) and I know what Im talking about I work in the construction field.
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    Sep 29, 2013 12:52 AM GMT
    Thanks for the support guys, I appretiate it.

    And as for the people who think I should've punched the guy well I beleive that someone needs to stop this hate vicious circle. And no, I was not "pissing my pants" like david3000 said I was just shocked and I think I'm smarter than using my fists as my main weapon.
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    Sep 29, 2013 12:57 AM GMT
    charlitos saidI would have punched him out. I aint no Mother Teressa, if homophic assholes feel comfortable yelling at gays because they think we fags dont have have what it takes to defend our themselves, I surely would prove them wrong in a couple of seconds.


    Violence may not be the answer but if I punch his face in I suppose he'll think twice before he tries that again.

    I think it's only a temporary solution...
    Because, it's very likely that it'll turn him very violent the next time when he encounters someone who is gay.

    To OP & to others who're dealing with this...Sorry to hear this *hugs*
    as bhp91126 suggested esquire about him if possible.
  • killercliche

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    Sep 29, 2013 12:58 AM GMT
    Marsu saidThanks for the support guys, I appretiate it.

    And as for the people who think I should've punched the guy well I beleive that someone needs to stop this hate vicious circle. And no, I was not "pissing my pants" like david3000 said I was just shocked and I think I'm smarter than using my fists as my main weapon.


    I would not advice violence, but it is worth pointing out that from how you described how you felt in the situation you do sort of come from a "victim space." Bullies prey on this.

    Life isn't always fun or fair, and while your actions were perfectly acceptable and prudent, I might recommend you take steps (martial arts, self defense training) that would leave you feeling more confident in such a situation. Even if no action was the appropriate action, it should be one you chose and not one you found yourself forced into out of "shock" as you put it.
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    Sep 29, 2013 1:02 AM GMT
    killercliche said

    while your actions were perfectly acceptable and prudent, I might recommend you take steps (martial arts, self defense training) that would leave you feeling more confident in such a situation.


    I've been practicing martial arts for about 8 years now. So my problem is not whether he wants to attack or not, my problem is why the fuck is there so much hate. You know?
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    Sep 29, 2013 1:05 AM GMT
    That story was really horrible for me to read, and I feel so bad for you and your boyfriend. If you didn't want to react violently, you should have at least responded by yelling back at him.

    If I were in your situation, I would have been like "you wanna fuck with me on my own fucking property, then come here and do something about it, but if you cross that line I'm gonna fuck you up." At the end of the day the guy would have come onto your property and you'd have the right to defend yourselves because clearly he was extremely violent/offensive.

    Just sitting there then leaving wasn't the best thing to do. I understand where you're coming from, but in a situation like that where you had the advantage (it was you and your boyfriend against him) it would have been best to stand up to him, even if it was just verbally.

    I totally agree that violence isn't the answer, but you should have at least stood your ground and defended yourselves, even if it was verbal. Don't get me wrong, there are situations when you should just leave, but this one was not one of them.
  • killercliche

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    Sep 29, 2013 1:07 AM GMT
    Marsu said
    killercliche said

    while your actions were perfectly acceptable and prudent, I might recommend you take steps (martial arts, self defense training) that would leave you feeling more confident in such a situation.


    I've been practicing martial arts for about 8 years now. So my problem is not whether he wants to attack or not, my problem is why the fuck is there so much hate. You know?


    There are many more reasons than I could think of. Most of them stem from fear though. It sucks to have to experience it, but it helps to keep in mind that on some level the perpetrator is more scared than you are.
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    Sep 29, 2013 1:16 AM GMT
    Marsu said
    killercliche said

    while your actions were perfectly acceptable and prudent, I might recommend you take steps (martial arts, self defense training) that would leave you feeling more confident in such a situation.


    I've been practicing martial arts for about 8 years now. So my problem is not whether he wants to attack or not, my problem is why the fuck is there so much hate. You know?


    You wanna do things your own ideal way then fine, but don't complain about it. And what Killercliche said is true, bullies prey on guys acting like you did and its likely he will do that again.
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    Sep 29, 2013 1:21 AM GMT
    MarsuI've been practicing martial arts for about 8 years now. So my problem is not whether he wants to attack or not, my problem is why the fuck is there so much hate. You know?


    The reason for Homophobia...I posted this in another thread in reply to fellow RJ'er who asked the same question as you

    many causes can me said...
    conservatism
    phobia
    Religion
    unfamiliarity
    etc, etc.
    But one thing is common in all of them...false knowledge & in some cases it's the lack of enough knowledge on homosexuality and homosexuals.
  • Bicuriouscool

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    Sep 29, 2013 2:07 AM GMT
    I don't understand. There was one of him and two of you. Why be scared?
  • MikeW

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    Sep 29, 2013 2:09 AM GMT
    Sorry this happened to you, OP. Some people are just nuts. I generally agree that not escalating the confrontation is the way to go. But, you have a cell phone, right? Nothing wrong with pulling it out and dialing 911 and/or taking a picture of the guy. Maybe even a video of his verbal assault.
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    Sep 29, 2013 2:23 AM GMT
    MikeW saidSorry this happened to you, OP. Some people are just nuts. I generally agree that not escalating the confrontation is the way to go. But, you have a cell phone, right? Nothing wrong with pulling it out and dialing 911 and/or taking a picture of the guy. Maybe even a video of his verbal assault.

    First thing I asked when I read this was where's the youtube?

    Big hugs man.

    What happened at the party?

    Was this the first time in public, because, yeah your a little shocked the first time and I won't pretend to know how things are in Mexico.
    It's happen twice to us, but obviously not to the extent you describe or I'd be in prison.
    The first: Bf started it and held his own.
    The second: all I had to do was stand up to have the guy running to his car.
    Hate to say it, but the reason hubby won't hold my hand in public is because he's afraid I'd kill any one that said anything.
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    Sep 29, 2013 2:51 AM GMT
    Marsu saidThanks for the support guys, I appretiate it.

    And as for the people who think I should've punched the guy well I beleive that someone needs to stop this hate vicious circle. And no, I was not "pissing my pants" like david3000 said I was just shocked and I think I'm smarter than using my fists as my main weapon.


    Im definitely not smart when people irritate me. I still think you should have knocked him out.
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    Sep 29, 2013 3:28 AM GMT
    Wait.....there were two of you against one and you did nothing? This is why gay men get picked on. They behave like helpless females and wonder why they're at everyone's mercy. Dude, I agree that you shouldn't have to engage in violence but this is not a perfect world. It's like others have said above, this will continue to happen to you until you stand up for yourselves. This ain't a Disneyland.
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    Sep 29, 2013 3:33 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidWait.....there were two of you against one and you did nothing? This is why gay men get picked on. They behave like helpless females and wonder why they're at everyone's mercy. Dude, I agree that you shouldn't have to engage in violence but this is not a perfect world. It's like others have said above, this will continue to happen to you until you stand up for yourselves. This ain't a perfect world.



    I know right. I havent gotten into a fight since frigging highschool so Im not a violent person but if this would have happened to me I wouldnt just sit there being "shocked". Ever wondered why white people think twice before saying the n word to a black guy in the street?
  • great_scott

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    Sep 29, 2013 3:38 AM GMT
    The gym is for more than just looking pretty, guys. Sometimes you have to meet folks at their level. No way around it.
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    Sep 29, 2013 3:38 AM GMT
    charlitos said
    Scruffypup saidWait.....there were two of you against one and you did nothing? This is why gay men get picked on. They behave like helpless females and wonder why they're at everyone's mercy. Dude, I agree that you shouldn't have to engage in violence but this is not a perfect world. It's like others have said above, this will continue to happen to you until you stand up for yourselves. This ain't a perfect world.



    I know right. I havent gotten into a fight since frigging highschool so Im not a violent person but if this would have happened to me I wouldnt just sit there being "shocked". Ever wondered why do white people think twice before saying the word n word to a black guy in the street?


    yeah Im not a violent person either but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, even if its not politically correct.