0 to sex in no time at all!!! Whatever happened to date and then sex?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2008 9:32 PM GMT
    I came into this with a traditional mindset of date first and if I'm feeling the person eventually sex.

    Say that to some guys and I'm looked at like I have 3 heads on my shoulders. I'm no angel and have had sex without really knowing or dating the person but those occasions are few and far between.

    Sex is the most intimate physical act, so why do it with someone you may not even be inclined to loan a dollar to?

    In my experience, sex first usually leads to minimal interest in the person afterwards. But go on a couple of dates first and it makes all the difference.

    Or does this tactic work anymore?

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    Nov 24, 2008 9:34 PM GMT
    Whatever works, works. With some guys I've done your dating drill, with others we went right to the main event. It's all very situational in my view.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 24, 2008 10:15 PM GMT
    Remember when your mother used to tell your sisters
    ... why should he buy the cow when he could get the milk for free

    Well... there's another white liquid that comes out of the Steers icon_biggrin.gif
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Nov 24, 2008 10:16 PM GMT
    I have had both experiences.... usually a date is a follow up on meeting somewhere, talking for a while and then planing the date, Sometimes the 1st date included sex sometimes not. There seems to be no difference in outcome either way,
  • Thirdbeach

    Posts: 1364

    Nov 24, 2008 10:20 PM GMT
    I have to know some one for at least 10 years before I will have sex with him.
    Don't want people to think I rush into things like some tramp.

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    Nov 24, 2008 10:38 PM GMT
    funny pictures
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2008 10:41 PM GMT
    10 years lol

    with me, I had sex with first bf, after him I didnt for a year.

    then I had another bf, after him two years.

    Sure Im a guy I want sex, but I want something more so I dont give them what they want till i know them enough.

    Beating off all day helps a lot.

    On the plus side, Im never tempted to fuck up and do something.
    It happend once when I got drunk and was cheated on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2008 10:59 PM GMT
    onslaught said ...Sure Im a guy I want sex, but I want something more so I dont give them what they want till i know them enough...


    When I was single and wanted sex I didn't have a lot of preconditions. A nice upscale bathhouse could do just fine, where all the others wanted mindless, anonymous physical sex just like I did.

    No guilt, no philosophizing and second guessing, just fun. And always safe with me, but a sexual banquet all the same, that was glorious if exhausting.

    And when I'm partnered it stops. Not the sex, just the promiscuity. It's a simple approach that works for me, I guess because I am supremely comfortable and confident being a gay man.

    I also looked for BFs and meaningful relationships, and that's how I met my late and present partners. But I could distinguish and separate serious relationships and great sex, and have one without the other. When I could have both with one and the same man, that was partnership material.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2008 11:02 PM GMT
    first off, i think the whole "sex is the most intimate physcial act" thing is pretty outmoded. that is part of a value system that simply doesn't hold true for many people anymore.

    if you prefer getting to know someone first b/c you feel sex is something more important than it actually is, that's fine; however, sex is just sex, so don't get upset when other people treat it as such.

    simply be glad to know so quickly that you're not compatible with the person in question, so that you don't bother wasting your time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2008 11:45 PM GMT
    I believe you can learn a lot about a man from how he behaves the morning after a wild impromptu sexcapade. No two relationships survive on the same merits, so who's to say they have to start on them?
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    Nov 24, 2008 11:47 PM GMT
    Haha I would like to just have a date I heard there nice involve a movie and dinnericon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2008 11:54 PM GMT
    Photobucket....................................Photobucket

    .............Well, if there is a mutual attraction, why not speed things up?

    ............................................

    ............................................

    As usual, do what you want to do. you don't sound like someone who would let a guy pressure him into sex. That is great. I should hope this post isn't meant as a complaint....why aren't more guys like you? Hey, you are you, if everyone was like you, life would be boring. However, some men are like you....good news?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2008 11:57 PM GMT
    Found where that traditional mindset went: http://dallas.craigslist.org/m4m/.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2008 12:02 AM GMT
    I'm from the old school as well I guess. My first LTR we waited a year before even doing oral we were together 3 years. Now that I've been single for about the same amount of time I'm finding it more difficult for a dude that wants to wait. It seems to me that way too much of the thrill and challenge is gone if I give in too early.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2008 12:04 AM GMT
    Call me Old Fashioned, but I'm much more of a go-on-a-couple-of-dates-first sorta guy.

    I agree, it's pretty darned intimate - and today's "sex is just sex" attitudes just don't fit my mindset.

    I don't see a point in flaming people who do go hook up a bunch - they probably get more than I do ...

    ...but what I have means more to ME, and that's really what's important.

    Speaking of, I'm off to take a handsome man to dinner and a movie. We do exist, getfitrick!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2008 12:18 AM GMT
    I think its part of evolution and traditions being lost. Im sure this will continue changing as years go by.

    What happened to, Sex till being married? pretty much the same. The choice is up to you and you even said it yourself "I came with a Traditional mind set" Whats non-traditional for ya?
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    Nov 25, 2008 12:30 AM GMT
    dancerjack saidif you prefer getting to know someone first b/c you feel sex is something more important than it actually is, that's fine; however, sex is just sex, so don't get upset when other people treat it as such.


    I don't think it's up to any one individual to decide whether a subjective issue is legitimately important or unimportant - just because it might be unimportant to you does not mean that anyone who does regard it as important is seeing it as "something more important than it actually is." There is no "actually" or "fact" on this kind of issue - there are plenty of people who hold sex in intimate high regard and plenty of people that don't - both deserve respect because it's totally in the eye of the individual.
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    Nov 25, 2008 12:48 AM GMT
    I haven't had a lot of dating experience, nor have I had a lot of sexual experience. But ideally, I would go on several dates, get to know the guy well, then actually probably initiate a relationship before going into sex. To me, sex is something that should be held in high regard. Not something that should be thrown around. I realize this goes against what a lot of the previous posters think, but I just think that people jump into things too quickly nowadays. And to me, sex is not the ultimate goal of dating a guy. Call me crazy, but I actually like to think that there is more to a guy than his penis. icon_neutral.gif
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Nov 25, 2008 12:53 AM GMT
    I've made some of my best firends by having sex first!!..LOL....Just been my experiance, get trhe curiosity out of the way.......icon_eek.gif
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    Nov 25, 2008 2:16 AM GMT
    Sex is great, but I am usually hungry first, which is why i thought u do dinner then sex....am i wrong?
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Nov 25, 2008 2:20 AM GMT
    It's easier to have sex with someone than it is to get know him, and yourself in the process.
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    Nov 25, 2008 2:21 AM GMT
    hahaha nice trocks. yes that just makes sense logically. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2008 2:53 AM GMT
    I'd rather date, and connect first. I'm in absolutely no hurry to jump in the sack.

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    Nov 25, 2008 5:07 AM GMT
    dancerjack saidfirst off, i think the whole "sex is the most intimate physcial act" thing is pretty outmoded. that is part of a value system that simply doesn't hold true for many people anymore.

    if you prefer getting to know someone first b/c you feel sex is something more important than it actually is, that's fine; however, sex is just sex, so don't get upset when other people treat it as such.

    simply be glad to know so quickly that you're not compatible with the person in question, so that you don't bother wasting your time.


    Can't say that I get upset when others treat or view sex as just sex but then value systems seem to be going down the drain these days anyway which I think is sad.

    But then if sex is just sex, I guess people with that mindset don't really mind if they have or had a significant other go and have sex with someone else. It's just sex right? Or is it?

    Also nice to see via the posts that there are still some guys that don't think it's outmoded to find interest on other levels besides the physical.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2008 5:56 AM GMT
    dancerjack saidfirst off, i think the whole "sex is the most intimate physcial act" thing is pretty outmoded. that is part of a value system that simply doesn't hold true for many people anymore.

    if you prefer getting to know someone first b/c you feel sex is something more important than it actually is, that's fine; however, sex is just sex, so don't get upset when other people treat it as such.

    simply be glad to know so quickly that you're not compatible with the person in question, so that you don't bother wasting your time.


    That's a very partial, on your part, and judgemental comment. I agree, sex is sex, but the person you are having sex with is what makes it different. As such, sex does mean more to some people. It's not your place to tell people they are foolish for making it an emotionally intimate act as well as a physically intimate act.

    You're not considering the different types of people out there and compatibility as more than a sexual issue. For me, and plenty others, compatibility comes before sex (the Top, Bottom, and Versatile issue has already been discussed as well). Compatibility doesn't have to be decided while some guy's dick is thinking about it instead of his heart and mind. SSguy69 wasn't asking for other guys to be like him, he just wanted to know why he, like I, get the "what the hell is wrong with you" look when sex isn't the first step.

    Excuse us for hoping for more out of our fellow man...we'll send the guys that just think with their dick your way, since you don't mind. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Anyways, the answer to your question, ssguy69, can be interpreted by Dancerjack's judgement!