SO embarrassed!

  • lostboy101

    Posts: 24

    Oct 01, 2013 2:19 PM GMT
    Ok, so every time I go to the bank I see this ridiculously attractive guy working there. I go in today and I'm praying in my head please don't let me get called to his desk. Its him and his colleague working and the colleague is with this one customer for ages. The girl in front gets called but the stupid bitch forgot her bank card so he wraps up with her in literally a minute. F***! I get called to his desk and I can barely look at him. I give him the bill to pay and stare down at his hands or out the window. Anything just to not have to make eye contact. He apologizes his computer is taking so long. It felt like forever. I get so nervous just looking at him from a distance let alone stood right in front of him. Finally its all done and I get to leave. It felt amazing just to get out of there and that situation. Within minutes of leaving I realize I'm sweating. Not just a little bit, a hell of a lot icon_redface.gificon_cry.gif

    If I can't even handle something like that I don't see how I'm ever gonna get the guts to actually talk to a guy. I get so nervous its a joke. Then start sweating and get even more nervous. Having anxiety doesn't help. How do you guys deal with being around attractive guys. Have any of you been able to overcome crippling shyness and nerves? I go to counselling for my anxiety but just wondered if any of you could share your input.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2013 2:40 PM GMT
    Everyone gets nervous from time to time. Meditation can help. Be mindful what you are feeling at the moment. For example. If I feel sad I think I feel sad.
    Why do I feel sad? Something didn't happen the way it was supposed to but it is fleeting. Feelings can change. Anxiety can change. Turn anxiety into something positive.

    If you are anxious, think about your heartbeat. Feel your surroundings. Feelings come and go. Anxiety can be fleeting.

    Focus on the feeling of anxiety.
  • Onemoresummer

    Posts: 106

    Oct 01, 2013 2:58 PM GMT
    Start with a "hey..whats up" to slice any tension and then just try to make conversation and stay cool.
    If that fails..Xanax.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Oct 01, 2013 3:43 PM GMT
    When I was your age (and younger) I was very shy. Not as shy as you, apparently, but shy enough that I often felt very uncomfortable in the presence of a guy I found attractive.

    I spent quite a few years in therapy in my mid to late 20s dealing with all kinds of messed up stuff in my head -- shyness just being one of them. It is complicated and what is true for me may have nothing to do with you.

    First thing for me is to notice I'm feeling anxious or shy. Second thing is to practice some deep breathing and muscle relaxing. Third thing is to think it through in my brain: "Ok, that guy is really hot and I'm going to be close to him. BUT he doesn't know what I'm thinking or how I feel. He's just a guy. He may or may not be gay. And even if he is, he may or may not find me attractive. But all that is kind of irrelevant. The point is, he is just another guy and all I have to do is be polite and friendly and not act all tense and weird, if I can." Etc. So, after getting this 'straight' in my head, I try to relax *emotionally*. Then *maybe* I have enough courage to say "Hi, how are you today?"

    LOL... yes it is a lot of work. But it *does* get easier over time. For me as I got older all this was sort of 'automatic'... I don't even think about it any more. I mean, I'm still shy but I automatically go through the routine very quickly (a second or two) and get to the 'just relax' part.

    Hope that helps.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2013 4:04 PM GMT
    I think you are better off getting advice from your counseling than from us and certainly it's not a good idea to take medication for anxiety just because someone here suggests it.

    That said: Just accept that your first couple attempts at talking to a guy you like will be awkward but the more you do it, the easier it will get.
  • lostboy101

    Posts: 24

    Oct 02, 2013 12:42 PM GMT
    Thank you all for taking the time to reply. Given me some stuff to think about.

    MikeW said
    LOL... yes it is a lot of work. But it *does* get easier over time. For me as I got older all this was sort of 'automatic'...

    That's the reason I envy older people seriously. They all just seem so much more secure.

    I think the reason I freak out might come down to two things, besides obvious nerves;

    1. Low self esteem. I think the guy will look down on me or insult me because I still have this stupid belief attractive guys are super confident and mean, horrible people to less attractive guys.

    2. I love control. I can't control how its gonna go when I talk to someone new. I have no control over how that person's gonna react and I guess it kinda scares me.