My friend is leaving

  • isuflyboy

    Posts: 363

    Oct 01, 2013 2:54 PM GMT
    So I just found out that my friend whom I've had feelings for before and previously "dated" is leaving the college I attend. He came out to his parents and they have withdrew him from the university because they think that bringing him home will cute him. They've taken him to a psychologist trying to pray the gay away, and he "claimed" it worked but then he just got tired of pretending... I feel so bad and I don't want him to leave. I just wish there was something I can do
  • Onemoresummer

    Posts: 106

    Oct 01, 2013 2:56 PM GMT
    Why does he have to leave?
    Are his parents funding his college?
    I don't think it's worth it for him to go back to his parents.

    Surely he needs to tell them to get stuffed...
  • isuflyboy

    Posts: 363

    Oct 01, 2013 2:58 PM GMT
    Onemoresummer saidWhy does he have to leave?
    Are his parents funding his college?
    I don't think it's worth it for him to go back to his parents.

    Surely he needs to tell them to get stuffed...


    His parents pay for school but they're sending him to whatever school he wants to go to but not here...and they think that doing this he will become straight
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    Oct 01, 2013 2:58 PM GMT
    Your friend needs to grow some balls and tell his parents to get fucked. If he's of college age, he can make it on his own. No amount of money is worth your dignity. His parents should be thrown in jail for emotional abuse.
  • isuflyboy

    Posts: 363

    Oct 01, 2013 3:00 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidYour friend needs to grow some balls and tell his parents to get fucked. If he's of college age, he can make it on his own. No amount of money is worth your dignity. His parents should be thrown in jail for emotional abuse.


    He's told the, that no matter where he goes he's gonna be gay anywhere, his whole family has turned away from him and idk...
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    Oct 01, 2013 3:01 PM GMT
    That's a bad choice!
    Is it expensive to study in a college?
    Is it possible to gain support from your college administration and students? I mean, someone who can convince his parents...something like that.
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    Oct 01, 2013 3:03 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidYour friend needs to grow some balls and tell his parents to get fucked. If he's of college age, he can make it on his own. No amount of money is worth your dignity. His parents should be thrown in jail for emotional abuse.

    icon_eek.gif
  • isuflyboy

    Posts: 363

    Oct 01, 2013 3:05 PM GMT
    Harry7785 saidThat's a bad choice!
    Is it expensive to study in a college?
    Is it possible to gain support from your college administration and students? I mean, someone who can convince his parents...something like that.


    Wel we are studying aviation and it's really expensive it's 38,600 for just this year

    His parents won't listen to anyone
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    Oct 01, 2013 3:06 PM GMT
    My family tried that shit with me and I reversed it on their asses. I disowned THEM. They suddenly changed their tune real quick.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Oct 01, 2013 3:11 PM GMT
    I grew up gay in Indiana w/ fundy parents. It sucks. It was a different generation, though, and no way was I coming out to any of them. Ever!

    In your friend's case that horse is out of the barn. If he wants to stay at the college he's in now, first thing I'd suggest is he see what counseling services are available at the school. Can he reduce his class load, get a job, etc? Beyond that I don't quite know what to suggest... I found living with my family a total nightmare and I wasn't even out to them... so I just got away as soon as I could. Once I moved here to California I seldom went back even to visit. That may be a bit extreme but it was absolutely necessary for me. Every time I went back there even for a short visit I found myself going crazy again... something I don't feel when I'm on my own.
  • isuflyboy

    Posts: 363

    Oct 01, 2013 3:13 PM GMT
    MikeW saidI grew up gay in Indiana w/ fundy parents. It sucks. It was a different generation, though, and no way was I coming out to any of them. Ever!

    In your friend's case that horse is out of the barn. If he wants to stay at the college he's in now, first thing I'd suggest is he see what counseling services are available at the school. Can he reduce his class load, get a job, etc? Beyond that I don't quite know what to suggest... I found living with my family a total nightmare and I wasn't even out to them... so I just got away as soon as I could. Once I moved here to California I seldom went back even to visit. That may be a bit extreme but it was absolutely necessary for me. Every time I went back there even for a short visit I found myself going crazy again... something I don't feel when I'm on my own.


    He has a job and already has reduced his class load but he can't afford his rent and school
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Oct 01, 2013 3:14 PM GMT
    Harry7785 said
    Scruffypup saidYour friend needs to grow some balls and tell his parents to get fucked. If he's of college age, he can make it on his own. No amount of money is worth your dignity. His parents should be thrown in jail for emotional abuse.

    icon_eek.gif

    Why the shock, Harry? I feel the same way. Emotional abuse is just as bad if not worse than physical abuse. It leaves scars, too, they just aren't as easy to see to the untrained eye.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Oct 01, 2013 3:16 PM GMT
    isuflyboy saidHe has a job and already has reduced his class load but he can't afford his rent and school

    Well, if I had to choose, I'd choose rent. Anything but go back to the parents. Anything. But, every situation is different. So... they want to take him out of *this* school and put him in a different one because of *you*??
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    Oct 01, 2013 3:17 PM GMT
    isuflyboy said
    Harry7785 said


    Wel we are studying aviation and it's really expensive it's 38,600 for just this year

    His parents won't listen to anyone

    It's his choice, is he ready to lie to his parents out of fear from losing support and security and probably live a miserable life by facing its consequences or can choose 'the road not taken'
    The decision rests with him...
    May be he knows what he's doing.
  • isuflyboy

    Posts: 363

    Oct 01, 2013 3:19 PM GMT
    Thanks for the advice guys. I just really needed to talk to someone
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    Oct 01, 2013 3:33 PM GMT
    MikeW said
    Harry7785 said
    Scruffypup saidYour friend needs to grow some balls and tell his parents to get fucked. If he's of college age, he can make it on his own. No amount of money is worth your dignity. His parents should be thrown in jail for emotional abuse.

    icon_eek.gif

    Why the shock, Harry? I feel the same way. Emotional abuse is just as bad if not worse than physical abuse. It leaves scars, too, they just aren't as easy to see to the untrained eye.

    It's not exactly shock! I was a bit surprised to see someone suggesting to put parents in jail!
    I know it's a subjective opinion based on personal experience. My surprise is also subjective for I pictured his parents differently, like they're doing it because they love their son. (not in an abusive way)
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    Oct 01, 2013 3:48 PM GMT
    isuflyboy said
    MikeW saidI grew up gay in Indiana w/ fundy parents. It sucks. It was a different generation, though, and no way was I coming out to any of them. Ever!

    In your friend's case that horse is out of the barn. If he wants to stay at the college he's in now, first thing I'd suggest is he see what counseling services are available at the school. Can he reduce his class load, get a job, etc? Beyond that I don't quite know what to suggest... I found living with my family a total nightmare and I wasn't even out to them... so I just got away as soon as I could. Once I moved here to California I seldom went back even to visit. That may be a bit extreme but it was absolutely necessary for me. Every time I went back there even for a short visit I found myself going crazy again... something I don't feel when I'm on my own.


    He has a job and already has reduced his class load but he can't afford his rent and school



    Then he needs to quite school and get a job. I hate to say that, but his parents have abandoned him and left him no other (healthy) choice. If he goes through this bullshit "therapy" with his parents, he will be emotionally damaged for life. You must stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life. Even college is not worth that.
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    Oct 01, 2013 3:50 PM GMT
    Harry7785 said
    MikeW said
    Harry7785 said
    Scruffypup saidYour friend needs to grow some balls and tell his parents to get fucked. If he's of college age, he can make it on his own. No amount of money is worth your dignity. His parents should be thrown in jail for emotional abuse.

    icon_eek.gif

    Why the shock, Harry? I feel the same way. Emotional abuse is just as bad if not worse than physical abuse. It leaves scars, too, they just aren't as easy to see to the untrained eye.

    It's not exactly shock! I was a bit surprised to see someone suggesting to put parents in jail!
    I know it's a subjective opinion based on personal experience. My surprise is also subjective for I pictured his parents differently, like they're doing it because they love their son. (not in an abusive way)



    There is no love in not accepting your child for who he/she is. What they're doing is criminal (or should be.) Loving parents are accepting parents.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Oct 01, 2013 3:54 PM GMT
    Harry7785 said
    MikeW said
    Harry7785 said
    Scruffypup saidYour friend needs to grow some balls and tell his parents to get fucked. If he's of college age, he can make it on his own. No amount of money is worth your dignity. His parents should be thrown in jail for emotional abuse.

    icon_eek.gif

    Why the shock, Harry? I feel the same way. Emotional abuse is just as bad if not worse than physical abuse. It leaves scars, too, they just aren't as easy to see to the untrained eye.

    It's not exactly shock! I was a bit surprised to see someone suggesting to put parents in jail!
    I know it's a subjective opinion based on personal experience. My surprise is also subjective for I pictured his parents differently, like they're doing it because they love their son. (not in an abusive way)

    Abusing someone "for their own good" is no excuse. It is societal ignorance, pure and simple. No different from Chinese Foot Binding. I'm sure the parents of those little girls thought they were doing it because they loved them. They were lying to themselves... just as isuflyboy's friend's parents are lying to themselves. They aren't bigots because they love their son, they are bigots because they are ignorant and more interested in 'saving face', 'looking good' in the eyes of their family, friends and church, etc. They're willing to sacrifice any genuine relationship with their son to their obedience to an idea -- an utterly false idea -- that says 'being gay is fundamentally evil.' icon_rolleyes.gif
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Oct 01, 2013 6:24 PM GMT
    Hey, here's the way to go... Sorry, can't embed video:

    http://offtheedgehumorpics.blogspot.ca/2013/03/son-comes-home-from-college-with-love.html
  • isuflyboy

    Posts: 363

    Oct 01, 2013 7:54 PM GMT
    Thanks guys, he has a job and I think he could probably pay his rent but idk.. Thanks for all the advice
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    Oct 01, 2013 8:06 PM GMT
    Off the wall and probably bizarre suggestion, but he could join the Air Force. That would solve the money issues. And he could save up for college while in the Air Force.

    I agree with disowning the parents. My mother is a rabid born again Christian and I have nothing to do with her.
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    Oct 02, 2013 3:17 AM GMT
    ScruffypupThere is no love in not accepting your child for who he/she is. What they're doing is criminal (or should be.) Loving parents are accepting parents.

    It's much more complicated. Many-times we need time to accept the truth, it always takes time to accept anything which we don't like or against our interests...sometimes it takes minutes and sometimes even decades. During that period we do many experiments to change them as we like/desire and often face failure and when nothing works we start to think about it and slowly we begin to accept. No one can accept instantly what they don't like or fear of. And sadly sometimes they never understand and die in struggle.
    First of all I would rather consider the psychologist as a criminal for instead of convincing/educating the parents he tries to teach(falsehood) the kid sexual orientation for money! and coming to the parents, I will not go to a conclusion i.e. whether they are abusive or not without knowing much about them as OP didn't speak about them in detail.

    MikeWAbusing someone "for their own good" is no excuse. It is societal ignorance, pure and simple. No different from Chinese Foot Binding. I'm sure the parents of those little girls thought they were doing it because they loved them. They were lying to themselves... just as isuflyboy's friend's parents are lying to themselves. They aren't bigots because they love their son, they are bigots because they are ignorant and more interested in 'saving face', 'looking good' in the eyes of their family, friends and church, etc. They're willing to sacrifice any genuine relationship with their son to their obedience to an idea -- an utterly false idea -- that says 'being gay is fundamentally evil.' icon_rolleyes.gif

    Not everyone works for themselves, there are people who don't care about their prestige.
    As I said(pls see abv) I will not come to conclusion without knowing the other-side, it doesn't matter how bad it appears to be the other side is, I still would like to hear their part and how they acted upon it before I 'judge' them.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Oct 02, 2013 6:05 PM GMT
    Harry7785 said
    ScruffypupThere is no love in not accepting your child for who he/she is.

    It's much more complicated.

    Actually, no, it isn't. Yeah, I understand historical and cultural contexts. That is still all just 'thought', crap in people's heads. NOT the truth of the heart which is quite simple and not the least bit complicated.
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    Oct 02, 2013 6:48 PM GMT
    MikeW said
    Harry7785 said
    ScruffypupThere is no love in not accepting your child for who he/she is.

    It's much more complicated.

    Actually, no, it isn't. Yeah, I understand historical and cultural contexts. That is still all just 'thought', crap in people's heads. NOT the truth of the heart which is quite simple and not the least bit complicated.

    Isn't the same I said earlier?
    It's complicated because all the external forces influences one's thoughts...and after doing all the experiments which were originated from these external forces, when everything every effort fails, these forces will weaken and thus the outer layers wither away and there comes the ageless truth revealing itself face to face with the observer, until then it's complicated.
    only when these external forces(ego, false knowledge, ignorance, etc.) stops influencing the soul...life simplifies itself, until then, you may agree or not, it's complicated.
    A man should constantly fight and struggle with these external forces at every opportunity he gets and should work himself out to simplify himself and everything.

    I could explain more, but I'm on the phone...difficult to type icon_neutral.gif, sorry!