For me my Dad has passed. My Step Mom has alzheimer's. My sister takes care of her at home for her own personal reasons, and asked everyone to help her when she isn't able but she is overwhelmed. I have decided to help only when I can.
Well, that's not a good situation.
Mom should have professional care since she needs 24 hour care.
If it is affordable, it should be done that way, allowing your sister or stepsister as much visitation as she'd like.
If it is not affordable, how bad is the lack of quality care for institutions that take in people who cannot afford better? Is that what your sister trying to avoid--the sense of disposing a mother to poor quality care?
Even with my dad, the king's ransom my middle class family paid, I walked into a hospital and my mom was complaining that: "No, you're not going to treat him like that. He is still a human being. You're not going to neglect him like that." He had vomited and it hardened on his face and on the pajamas my mom brought for him. That's how she found him when she came to visit.
I have another sibling I've discovered I don't really get along with.
True. Just because a former caregiver has gotten to their last phase of life does not mean everyone naturally gets along. So, you learn to be a professional brother. About 18-20 years ago, my brother and I found the limits of our natural ability to behave well together. I HAD to take the upper road and be a professional brother, leaving the heart and optimism out of how I'd wish it would be.
Try it: forget about being real: just be dutiful. That way, they don't hurt your feelings, break your heart, make you angry. You command respect.
You HOPE TO GOD your homosexuality will give you a brother that you wish you had. But bisexual and gay men more often than not do not see the opportunity to be the knight in shining armor or just human enough. Dysfunctional brother? Great: I'll be your brother and your lover. I got this. I'll help you with the balance of power in family politics.
How many heroes are here on RJ being Iron Man for yah?
How many of them are geographically desirable?
How many men in the real world are your brother and your lover?
How many have a face picture, bradomo, and a filled out profile?
So bisexual gay culture castrates you. And when community leaders tell you adults are needed for the Big Brother Big Sister program, or some such program, you sometimes volunteer and sometimes you don't.
So I have only another oldest that I can talk to about life, problems, etc. I've heard that losing touch with your sisters and brothers is common with everyone and some even sue each other over money, etc.
Remember don't have a free-for-all with your sibling and relatives. You don't know what's below deep still waters. A lot of deep stuff can come up at this time. Be a hero against dysfunction.
On the other hand, it is important to be true and discover what's going on in this life experience.
The best way to serve is from a place of being functional as oppose to being dysfunctional.
Oh, yea: there are temporary and permanent relationship breakdowns at this time. There was a time my brother whispered some angry cuss words at me and I repeated them at conversational level and we risked getting thrown out of the hospital. I told him what I said was a fair inquiry and it was a valuable question. You're not going to belittle me as I inquire about my parent's health. (I'm born in the year of the tiger and he's born in the year of the dog: a barking dog and a tiger can create a scene unless they agree to be chivalrous and professional in their sibling relationship. His heaven sign is earth and mine is water, so we don't really get along all that well. However, Dogs and Tigers are helpful to one another in that we're part of the Horse-Dog-Tiger trine.)
He didn't invite me to his house after my father died, partly because his daughter thought she could get away with using cuss words directed towards me and I wasn't having it.
So, the relationship with my sibling as my dad was passing and after my dad pass went through some temporary negotiations but we're making the best of life.