No time for Love, Dr. Jones

• PR_GMR
  
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  Oct 05, 2013 12:23 AM GMT

  So my latest involvement just ended. And I'm here processing it. I don't want advice. I just want to vent a bit. It lasted 6-7 weeks. It almost.. almost.. got to the next level, but no dice.
  
  His name was Matt. Hot, bearded thirty-something bartender and graduate student. Super hot--and he's not aware of it--and just an amazing bottom. I thought I had hit the sex lottery, it was so good. He was also a swell guy: Had ambitions, was pursuing a graduate degree, had a job, and was.. *gasp*.. communicative, for a chance.
  
  I thought I had hit that lottery. We saw each other several times. No dates.. but amazing sex.. and it seemed he was opened to dating and he said so. Unfortunately, he's schedule was just too busy: School, Internship and a job just took most of his time. The rest of his time has to go to studying. I tried my darnest to be understanding.. as I work hard too and my time is limited.
  
  I thought we were gonna work at finding time to get together. I made my best effort.. but it became clear as the weeks passed he had no time. No time on weekdays. No time on Friday nights.. No time on Saturdays.. No time on Sundays. Damn it!!
  
  Then I saw him log on Scruff (that's how I met him) and brushed it off. Today, I saw him there again (I kept myself off the app for many weeks as I was seeing him and I stopped dating others).. When I saw him on it today, I just couldn't held back anymore and asked him how he felt. I wanted a direct response. Told him to let me down easily.
  
  His response: His priority was school and internship. He simply had no time to juggle me.
  
  And just like that *poof* over! I don 't know how to feel. I'm just processing it. I guess it's better for it to end here before it got heavier.. but damn if the sex wasn't fucking fantastic. Damn it, why couldn't I have met him when he was done with damn school!
  
  Now, I move on. The perfect was perfectable amicable but I blocked him on Scruff so I could forge forward. I don't think I want to keep a friendship going, either. It's just gonna be a painful.. and he didn't quite get into the things I like (films, art, video games, etc).
  
  Ok.. Enough venting.. Time to move on with life.

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• PR_GMR
  
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  Oct 05, 2013 12:33 AM GMT

  Ugh. I meant for this to go in 'Dating And Relationships'. Please move it, admin.

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• PR_GMR
  
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  Oct 05, 2013 1:00 PM GMT

  woodsmen saidLife is filled with risks and opportunities. Glad you took the chance. Do again!

  
  
  Thanks.
  
  It's the morning after. Feeling only marginally better. I made the mistake of sending him a hot text in the middle of the night.. Sex with him was just unreal.. I don't expect a response to the text and I almost want to send another to apologize for it.

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  Oct 05, 2013 3:21 PM GMT

  
  
  PR I sure can relate. This happened to me a few times way back in the day. Then I got tired of sex first.
  In the heat of that last disappointment I realized that there were couples all over the world that found a happy relationship made excellent respite from work/ed and also inspired the work/ed, as there was someone else who was cheering them on and supporting them in small ways (nothing like coming home and finding dinner set and a fresh bed for a little R & R later, lol), and there were new goals, like forging a successful life together.
  At that point I thought I'd just been hearing excuses all along because really they just weren't romantically interested, which interestingly was a lot easier to take.
  
  *a hug*
  
  

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• PR_GMR
  
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  Oct 05, 2013 3:25 PM GMT

  meninlove said
  
  PR I sure can relate. This happened to me a few times way back in the day. Then I got tired of sex first.
  In the heat of that last disappointment I realized that there were couples all over the world that found a happy relationship made excellent respite from work/ed and also inspired the work/ed, as there was someone else who was cheering them on and supporting them in small ways (nothing like coming home and finding dinner set and a fresh bed for a little R & R later, lol), and there were new goals, like forging a successful life together.
  At that point I thought I'd just been hearing excuses all along because really they just weren't romantically interested, which interestingly was a lot easier to take.
  
  *a hug*
  
  

  
  
  Thank you, meninlove. I think you speak the truth. I don't think it had anything to do with him too busy. He just had no feelings for me. I need to accept that.

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  Oct 05, 2013 3:46 PM GMT

  TheGuyNextDoor said
  
  I dated my guy for a month (Ok... so, we fucked every single day for a month) and one night, we were in the kitchen at a party and some guy was trying to flirt with my guy and he kept moving closer and closer to me.
  He then put his arm around me and the other guy said..
  Oh, I'm sorry, are you guys a couple?
  When he said YES.. It was as if you slipped the ring on my finger.
  
  All very easy and natural. No bended knee or drama.
  Just a simple "I Do" in the form of a YES.
  
  Later he moved in with me and we've been together ever since. The best relationships usually start with someone coming to you and never leaving.
  
  Let it happen naturally. He's out there.
  Let him come to you. You'll know when he's yours...

  
  
  I love that!

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• PR_GMR
  
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  Oct 05, 2013 3:54 PM GMT

  TheGuyNextDoor saidCourtship is a slippery slope.
  Taking things to the next level- has to just happen naturally. It cannot be forced, expected or desired.
  It has to just happen.
  
  I dated my guy for a month (Ok... so, we fucked every single day for a month) and one night, we were in the kitchen at a party and some guy was trying to flirt with my guy and he kept moving closer and closer to me.
  He then put his arm around me and the other guy said..
  Oh, I'm sorry, are you guys a couple?
  When he said YES.. It was as if you slipped the ring on my finger.
  
  All very easy and natural. No bended knee or drama.
  Just a simple "I Do" in the form of a YES.
  
  Later he moved in with me and we've been together ever since. The best relationships usually start with someone coming to you and never leaving.
  
  Let it happen naturally. He's out there.
  Let him come to you. You'll know when he's yours...

  
  
  I hear you, GuyNextDoor.. and I love your story. Yes.. this is the way it should happen. And damn, this is the way I was hoping it was gonna happen with him.
  
  I'm now angry. Angry that I fell for the usual NSA bullshit that 95% of all gay men pull. Angry at myself for going along with it for 6 weeks. Angry that he turned out just the same as others: Back on the fucking hookup app looking for 'greener grass' instead of texting me and working on developing something with me.
  
  I don't know now when I will have sex again. I now only want to date.. and future men will pay for the damage I've undergone because now I don't want to give any new guy one inch to use me or hurt me. I moved very cautiously here.. and I still feel burned.
  
  I also know I did it upon myself. I could see the signs that he was gonna be just like the others.. The anger I feel towards myself is the worst part.

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  Oct 05, 2013 3:58 PM GMT

  I was once on the other side in a relationship like that. We had met in a bathhouse and were fucking like rabbits for a couple of weeks. But when he asked me about "the next step" I had to admit not having feelings for him. The sex was fantastic, I had a good time, but there was no spark there for me.
  
  He ended it that evening and we never hooked up again.
  
  You can't force things and either the interest is there or not. So, the best thing for you is to purge him from your life. No what ifs and couldabeens. Case closed.

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• PR_GMR
  
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  Oct 05, 2013 4:00 PM GMT

  bhp91126 saidI was once on the other side in a relationship like that. We had met in a bathhouse and were fucking like rabbits for a couple of weeks. But when he asked me about "the next step" I had to admit not having feelings for him. The sex was fantastic, I had a good time, but there was no spark there for me.
  
  He ended it that evening and we never hooked up again.
  
  You can't force things and either the interest is there or not. So, the best thing for you is to purge him from your life. No what ifs and couldabeens. Case closed.

  
  
  Thank you, bhp. This is what I will do.

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  Oct 05, 2013 4:05 PM GMT

  PR_GMR said

  bhp91126 saidI was once on the other side in a relationship like that. We had met in a bathhouse and were fucking like rabbits for a couple of weeks. But when he asked me about "the next step" I had to admit not having feelings for him. The sex was fantastic, I had a good time, but there was no spark there for me.
  
  He ended it that evening and we never hooked up again.
  
  You can't force things and either the interest is there or not. So, the best thing for you is to purge him from your life. No what ifs and couldabeens. Case closed.

  
  
  Thank you, bhp. This is what I will do.

  
  
  And don't be angry with yourself. Instead, look in a mirror, grin at yourself and be pleased that you can fall for someone (like he couldn't), give yourself an entirely self loving wink and say, "Onwards and upwards, old chap!". Lord knows I did that enough times, lol!
  
  

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  Oct 05, 2013 4:10 PM GMT

  PR_GMR said

  bhp91126 saidI was once on the other side in a relationship like that. We had met in a bathhouse and were fucking like rabbits for a couple of weeks. But when he asked me about "the next step" I had to admit not having feelings for him. The sex was fantastic, I had a good time, but there was no spark there for me.
  
  He ended it that evening and we never hooked up again.
  
  You can't force things and either the interest is there or not. So, the best thing for you is to purge him from your life. No what ifs and couldabeens. Case closed.

  
  
  Thank you, bhp. This is what I will do.

  
  Oh and btw, I was single when I met this guy and REALLY hankering for a boyfriend. So it is very possible that your guy didn't deceive you, he just didn't fall for you. I think you don't need to hate yourself for what transpired. You met someone, fell for him, made yourself vulnerable and were disappointed. But without being vulnerable you can't fall in love.

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• PR_GMR
  
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  Oct 05, 2013 4:11 PM GMT

  meninlove said

  PR_GMR said

  bhp91126 saidI was once on the other side in a relationship like that. We had met in a bathhouse and were fucking like rabbits for a couple of weeks. But when he asked me about "the next step" I had to admit not having feelings for him. The sex was fantastic, I had a good time, but there was no spark there for me.
  
  He ended it that evening and we never hooked up again.
  
  You can't force things and either the interest is there or not. So, the best thing for you is to purge him from your life. No what ifs and couldabeens. Case closed.

  
  
  Thank you, bhp. This is what I will do.

  
  
  And don't be angry with yourself. Instead, look in a mirror, grin at yourself and be pleased that you can fall for someone (like he couldn't), give yourself an entirely self loving wink and say, "Onwards and upwards, old chap!". Lord knows I did that enough times, lol!
  
  

  
  
  I know, I know, meninlove.. At least, I can fall for someone. I think many gay men lose that ability after constant hookups. Someone even warned me about that sometime ago--that if you keep hooking up you lose the ability to connect. I remember his advice to me to this day. It's just so tricky finding someone that wants to build something other than just one night stands.

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  Oct 05, 2013 4:13 PM GMT

  
  PR said, "It's just so tricky finding someone that wants to build something other than just one night stands."
  
  This shows things haven't changed since I came out in '75.

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  Oct 05, 2013 4:17 PM GMT

  Perhaps it's better to seek out guys with a lot more spare time on their hands, but then again, they aren't always that sensible, so that doesn't work sometimes. At least was honest with you when asked, some guys would have strung it along just to have a good time here and there.

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