Gestures of Public Affection? Tell.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2013 11:17 PM GMT
    ?
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    Oct 05, 2013 11:26 PM GMT
    This is in Seattle? I was able to hold hands in public and kiss guys there 15 years ago. Have things changed?
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    Oct 05, 2013 11:43 PM GMT
    Husbands the same way as you, more so seeing how I react or reacted when someone said something once.
    Best I can get away with is my hand on his ass when no ones looking.
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    Oct 06, 2013 3:17 AM GMT
    Affection and I dont mix. Im very cold when it comes to that. icon_sad.gif I cant be touched because I get all tense but I guess its because my step dad was abusive icon_sad.gif
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    Oct 06, 2013 4:52 AM GMT
    Your fears are rational. Train your husband to assess the risks beforehand, and then trust him to display affection publicly only when it is safe.
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    Oct 06, 2013 11:58 AM GMT

    Don't see the point of PDA, no matter what the orientation of the couple. You're really just giving the appearance that you're too young/cheap/stupid/etc. to get a room. Trust me, nobody else wants to see that. Nobody. Gay or straight.

    Would rather store all that up for behind closed doors. And then let it erupt like a volcano. icon_twisted.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Oct 06, 2013 12:10 PM GMT
    Not quite three years ago my doctor started me on a quick acting diabetes med. He cautioned me to make sure I ate a snack/small meal when taking this new med. I took his advice with a grain of salt.

    Standing in a long, slow moving line for a Halloween show aptly name "The House Of Shock", I started to feel strange. I gradually became light headed, slurring my speech and trembling & weaving where I stood, sweating profusely. All this from 2 sips of a weak adult beverage! I was bewildered as to how I became so drunk from so little alcohol intake.

    My long term bf at that time, a man still in my life to a lesser intensity today, a RN and EMS veteran, gradually noticed my symptoms and correctly diagnosed my diabetic crash.

    After several attempts to get a reply from me, he took charge.

    With his arm firmly & tightly around my waist (to keep me from falling), he slowly pulled/dragged/guided me out of the long, poorly organized waiting entrance line and back to his car, with me staggering, weaving & trembling/shaking quite severely. It was quite a harrowing walk thru the crowded mass of happy Halloween revelers, some not quite sober. He kept bending his head close to mine, with lips close to my ear, reassuring me that I was going to be all right and that he wasn't leaving me and that I would be ok. Along the route back to the car he paid an insane price for a candy bar and Pepsi from 2 people in the crowd and almost had to force-feed the sugary stuff to me.

    We received several comments and jeers from some of the toolboxes in the crowd.

    If I had been alone, I prolly would had lost consciousness and fell to the ground, perhaps slipping farther into a life threatening diabetic coma, to be ignored by the more than a few intoxicated crowd members.

    I am convinced that his quick recognition of my diabetic crash and his PDA saved my life.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1118

    Oct 06, 2013 12:26 PM GMT
    rnch saidNot quite three years ago my doctor started me on a quick acting diabetes med. He cautioned me to make sure I ate a snack/small meal when taking this new med. I took his advice with a grain of salt.

    Standing in a long, slow moving line for a Halloween show aptly name "The House Of Shock", I started to feel strange. I gradually became light headed, slurring my speech and trembling & weaving where I stood, sweating profusely. All this from 2 sips of a weak adult beverage! I was bewildered as to how I became so drunk from so little alcohol intake.

    My long term bf at that time, a man still in my life to a lesser intensity today, a RN and EMS veteran, gradually noticed my symptoms and correctly diagnosed my diabetic crash.

    After several attempts to get a reply from me, he took charge.

    With his arm firmly & tightly around my waist (to keep me from falling), he slowly pulled/dragged/guided my out of the long, poorly organized waiting entrance line and back to his car, with me staggering, weaving & trembling/shaking quite severely. It was quite a harrowing walk thru the crowded mass of happy Halloween revelers, some not quite sober. He kept bending his head & lips close to my ear, reassuring me that I would be all right and that he wasn't leaving me and that I would be ok.

    We received several comments and jeers from some of the toolboxes in the crowd.

    If I had been alone, I prolly would had lost consciousness and fell to the ground, perhaps slipping farther into a life threatening diabetic coma, to be ignored by the partly intoxicated crowd.

    I am convinced that his quick recognition of my diabetic crash and his PDA saved my life.


    Dear mch you just melted my heart! what a beautiful real life story to share, thank you sweetie.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1118

    Oct 06, 2013 12:42 PM GMT

    shortbutsweet saidYour fears are rational. Train your husband to assess the risks beforehand, and then trust him to display affection publicly only when it is safe.


    I agree! although I could understand Woodsmen point and concern! there are certain kinds of PDA, and that goes for any kind of sexual orientation, that are best shared in private; as they may draw the attention of a hateful and bitter crowd, not to mention some to being very inappropriate to be express in the presence of children. That said my boyfriend and I do express public display of affection by holding hands or walking real close by one another, but rarely by kissing in public.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Oct 06, 2013 12:42 PM GMT
    LEANDRO_NJ said.....
    Dear mch you just melted my heart! what a beautiful real life story to share, thank you sweetie.




    Such a strange, quirky, "abby-normal" man he is! He gets all flustered & embarrassed if/when I mention this example of his long term devotion/affection for me.
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    Oct 06, 2013 1:18 PM GMT
    rnch said
    I am convinced that his quick recognition of my diabetic crash and his PDA saved my life.

    That must have been a stressful experience for you both, glad you had immediate and qualified attention. But not sure if that's a PDA as we're discussing it here.

    But I did experience something similar, though I wasn't the victim. My former BF & I were spending over a week in the Minneapolis area, and attended the outdoor summer Renaissance Festival (aka the Ren Faire), with people all in costumes, having jousts, singing madrigals, minstrels playing lutes, jugglers, drinking tankards of ale, etc.

    http://renaissancefest.com

    We were walking the grounds in the hot noon sun when he became disoriented and zombie-like, and stopped responding to my voice. Suddenly he began to stumble forward quickly, and before I could catch him he crashed into a vendor booth, knocking down a clothing rack in front of it.

    He was passed out completely on the grass, and the vendor got angry at the damage, assuming my BF had gotten drunk on too much ale. But I knew that wasn't the case, likely a medical emergency, and asked for people to fetch medical help. I'd seen a first aid tent earlier, and said my friend may have had a seizure. I couldn't know that for certain, but I needed to put some name on this that would get quick attention, anything but having it written off to drunkenness.

    I stayed with him, checking his pulse, respiration, his eyes, tonus, etc, and briefed the medics when they arrived. They placed him on a canvas stretcher, and then onto their little electric ambulance cart, that I ran behind on the lawn as it rode to their tent.

    We'd been dating barely a month, and I wondered if he had hidden medical problems he hadn't told me about, that I in turn wouldn't be able to share with the medical people. Or if they'd even allow me to participate, not being a family member. So I told them we were domestic partners, without anything to back my claim. But they did let me stay with him, I suppose as much because I was the only one who could speak for this semi-conscious stranger at that moment.

    Inside he began to recover fairly steadily, and it was felt he had suffered a spell of low blood sugar, from eating too much sugar at breakfast that spiked his insulin, then hiking over the many acres in the hot sun that caused a sugar crash.

    I thought it might be more than that, but accepted the diagnosis because he didn't want to be taken to a hospital, with a busy week scheduled ahead of us. We immediately had a good lunch and actually stayed a few more hours, but taking it more easy, and having snacks the whole time. I drove his car back to our hotel.

    I persuaded him to see a doctor when we got back home, and as I suspected he did have some other issues, complications of a risky quick-loss weight diet he'd been on beginning several months prior. Under the doctor's care he improved and never had another of those episodes.

    I let slip I had portrayed us as partners, which angered him because he was closeted, and he had some vague recollection of all the people surrounding him on the ground, and thought he heard some disproving remarks about our assumed gay relationship. There are accepted ways straight men behave with each other, and I guess mine violated that, a little too intimate if not PDAs as I would define them, with lots of hand holding, wiping his brow, gentle words in his ear, and so forth. And I've always been told my eyes give away my true feelings for a man I care about, even in ordinary circumstances.

    But I told him not to be upset, we had been far from home and nobody knew us, his secret would remain safe from family & friends. And interesting that you & I had similar incidents with similar symptoms at an event, though you on the receiving end and me the responder.
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    Oct 06, 2013 2:12 PM GMT
    rnch saidNot quite three years ago my doctor started me on a quick acting diabetes med. He cautioned me to make sure I ate a snack/small meal when taking this new med. I took his advice with a grain of salt.

    Standing in a long, slow moving line for a Halloween show aptly name "The House Of Shock", I started to feel strange. I gradually became light headed, slurring my speech and trembling & weaving where I stood, sweating profusely. All this from 2 sips of a weak adult beverage! I was bewildered as to how I became so drunk from so little alcohol intake.

    My long term bf at that time, a man still in my life to a lesser intensity today, a RN and EMS veteran, gradually noticed my symptoms and correctly diagnosed my diabetic crash.

    After several attempts to get a reply from me, he took charge.

    With his arm firmly & tightly around my waist (to keep me from falling), he slowly pulled/dragged/guided me out of the long, poorly organized waiting entrance line and back to his car, with me staggering, weaving & trembling/shaking quite severely. It was quite a harrowing walk thru the crowded mass of happy Halloween revelers, some not quite sober. He kept bending his head close to mine, with lips close to my ear, reassuring me that I was going to be all right and that he wasn't leaving me and that I would be ok. Along the route back to the car he paid an insane price for a candy bar and Pepsi from 2 people in the crowd and almost had to force-feed the sugary stuff to me.

    We received several comments and jeers from some of the toolboxes in the crowd.

    If I had been alone, I prolly would had lost consciousness and fell to the ground, perhaps slipping farther into a life threatening diabetic coma, to be ignored by the more than a few intoxicated crowd members.

    I am convinced that his quick recognition of my diabetic crash and his PDA saved my life.


    I'm glad that he was there with you!

    The only public place I'd be comfortable with showing some affection in at this point would be a gay bar.
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    Oct 06, 2013 2:22 PM GMT
    It seems like he has the right timing.. sneaking a kiss before the elevator door opens..its cute
    I hold hands even lay on my bf during movies but that's cause its dark and feels more private..also what I do is purposely bump into him in public lol
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    Oct 06, 2013 2:41 PM GMT
    numero1 saidIt seems like he has the right timing.. sneaking a kiss before the elevator door opens..its cute
    I hold hands even lay on my bf during movies but that's cause its dark and feels more private..also what I do is purposely bump into him in public lol

    I had a BF who belonged to the same gym as me. If no one else was in the open gang shower with us, he'd sneak a kiss, with us standing there naked, or even cope a quick feel. Problem for me was I could start plumping from this, with no way to hide it when another guy would eventually enter the shower.

    Yet this was the same closeted guy who would panic if we walked in public together too closely. And who scolded me at straight social events, for glancing at him "too lovingly" which he thought other people would notice. He not only wouldn't allow me any kind of Public Display of Affection with him, but not even a Public Display of Attention. icon_sad.gif
  • pandx970

    Posts: 357

    Oct 06, 2013 4:38 PM GMT
    I'm all for and about PDAs. But, within the bounds of safety and security. I'm not going to be publically displaying any affection to someone when I'm in a new neighborhood especially at night at bar o'clock. This is definitely something that my straight friends don't have to think about, but I do. :-P
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Oct 06, 2013 5:07 PM GMT
    You two sound exactly like us. Except sometimes I make it overt. Like a quick kiss goodbye at the airport, by the open car door, etc. Basically I demand the right to be publicly affectionate exactly to a reasonable degree as straight couples always have. I'm not playing games. I'm expressing my love. Well, sometimes I'm just feeling frisky.
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    Oct 06, 2013 6:41 PM GMT
    rnch said
    LEANDRO_NJ said.....
    Dear mch you just melted my heart! what a beautiful real life story to share, thank you sweetie.


    Such a strange, quirky, "abby-normal" man he is! He gets all flustered & embarrassed if/when I mention this example of his long term devotion/affection for me.


    He sounds lovely.
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Oct 06, 2013 7:40 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidI like holding hands in the movies too. Feels romantic.
    Don't knock it till you tried it.


    We do the movie thing. Also will hold hands in certain quarters of NYC on the street.

    I see straights holding hands and pecking in public and damn it I want to also!
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    Oct 06, 2013 7:49 PM GMT
    I do things like squeeze their knees between mine underneath a table or put a hand on their back or maybe somewhere else ahem after a few drinks. I never get any grief that can't be sorted out with a glance because I inherited an angry Irish face from my dad.
  • biYguy

    Posts: 46

    Oct 06, 2013 7:55 PM GMT
    For me, there is nothing hotter than two guys publicly displaying affection. I love discreet displays of affection …a light kiss… holding hands…an arm around the shoulder…a hand on the lower back or buttocks.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Oct 06, 2013 9:22 PM GMT
    shortbutsweet said
    rnch said
    LEANDRO_NJ said.....
    Dear mch you just melted my heart! what a beautiful real life story to share, thank you sweetie.


    Such a strange, quirky, "abby-normal" man he is! He gets all flustered & embarrassed if/when I mention this example of his long term devotion/affection for me.


    He sounds lovely.




    Some/most of the time he is.

    NOT all of the time, though. Dealing with "The First Responder Syndrome" has it's rough moments sometimes.
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Oct 06, 2013 9:52 PM GMT
    An arm around the shoulder is cool. I think I'd feel silly walking around holding another grown man's hand though. When you see heteros holding hands, guarantee you the female initiated it most times. I've seen a good amount of male couples in downtown DC but don't think I've ever seen two guys actually holding hands.
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    Oct 06, 2013 9:59 PM GMT
    my hubby and I commute into work together, several years ago on the Boston Green line, I arrived at my stop and my husband and I kissed goodbye. A homeless man saw this and start talking....my husband I both look at him and realized what he really was saying "wish I had someone like that to kiss me"...with that a departed the train and headed to my office with a big smile.

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    Oct 07, 2013 12:28 AM GMT
    My partner tends to be more affectionate in public than me. I feel more comfortable with it in primarily gay places but he'll sneak hugs and kisses on the cheek anywhere! icon_cool.gif
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    Oct 07, 2013 1:01 AM GMT
    sfinboston saidmy hubby and I commute into work together, several years ago on the Boston Green line, I arrived at my stop and my husband and I kissed goodbye. A homeless man saw this and start talking....my husband I both look at him and realized what he really was saying "wish I had someone like that to kiss me"...with that a departed the train and headed to my office with a big smile.



    Awwwwwwwwww