Mixed signals from straight friend

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 4:15 PM GMT
    So I want to keep this short and sweet too make this easiest to read. I have a friend who I've been hanging out with a lot for the past 3 months. We have grown closer, go fishing a lot together, etc etc. I have this feeling that we both like each other but we aren't out. Just feels like were a couple some times but then sometimes it seems were just friends. He's far from perfect but I like him a lot for who he is. I'm freakin confused by certain mixed signals and I need help weighing these signals. Is it just in my head that he likes me? Is he straight and just friendly?

    Facts: he use to try and bring up that he thought I was gay because I look at him straight in his eyes. He use to say that was weird and would always bring up the gay topic trying to pry out the truth from me. A flag went up because j thought "why does he want to know so bad".

    #2 we have slept in the same bed together atleast ten times, and at first he said he would never sleep in the same bed as another guy.

    #3 he would always bring up a friend of his whose gay but "cool"

    #4 he makes fun of me in a joking way and lightly hits my shoulder a lot. (Which could just be a friend thing)

    #5 even though he would bring up the weirdness of me staring straight into his eyes, he now gives me direct eye contact all the time and has returned the stare

    #6 we text almost every day and say good morning and goodnight. He will even ask me how work was and how my day was (a little less frequently lately)

    #7 when drunk I brought up our friendship and asked him how he felt about me (not in any particular way just in general) and even though he doesn't share his feelings easily he said "I really like you a lot you're a great person no homo and I can feel our friendship growing deeper, and I just need some time to get comfortable sharing my feelings with you" then the next day he said "I told you how I felt about you yesterday" as if shocked by himself and proud of himself. Said he wants a friendship that lasts.

    #8 lets me compliment him, he always shares food with me, and occasionally makes jokes like if a guy friend texts me and I read him the texts he goes "you gonna suck his dick now" and I joke and say yes and he laughs. It's like he wants me to talk more open about being bi but I'm not out like that.

    #9when we hang out it's always just us; and I'm sure he knows I like him deep down inside even though I haven't told him specifically in that way. "I've said I like you a lot" but I always follow it with "your like a best friend to me" so it doesn't sound gay.

    #10 we always go to restaraunts and eat together and a few of them he has taken me to were in a gay area of town!

    #i saw a message in his phone to that older gay friend of his that says "can I come stay the night with you and get a massage" his friend gives good massages almost professional like and he has even asked me if I wanted to go to his friends to get a massage. But the one time I asked him if I could give him one he said no.

    #one time when he was drunk and we were in Austin visiting his relatives we were drunk and he stayed up and played a board game with me then rested his foot on my arm while we were on the same couch talking and later that night came into the living room where I was sleeping in his boxers and I slapped his ass. He didn't mind and seemed to like it. He will sometimes change his pants in front of me. He also wants to get an apartment together.

    Reasons that make me doubt

    #1 whenever I do something flirty such as lightly kick his leg with my foot or earlier in our friend ship j slapped his ass, or when we went out to eat together I let my leg and foot touch his under the table he always brings it up and says "fag" or something like that but doesn't get pissed.

    2 he won't make any kind of move, and if I come with gay jokes that involve doing something sexual to him he makes jokes about fuckin my mom and says something like "quit saying gay stuff like that" or "you would say something like that"

    Now we do have a lot of common friends and like I am friends with his cousin and his other cousin is friends with my brother. So I don't know if he is extra cautious with me on fear that things will get out to his family? And that's why he lets the other gay guy massage him but not me? (None of his fam know this guy)

    I'm so fucking confused does he just like me as a friend or is it more??? I've had straight best friends and I knew they didn't like me like that and they were friendly too. So what do y'all think..... It's embarrassing though cause even my mom asked when she first met him if we were more than friends.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Oct 06, 2013 4:32 PM GMT
    Is this the same guy you mentioned in another 'I'm in love w/ my best straight friend' thread over a year ago?

    cj1111 saidI am in the exact same position, except i messed around with this guy and actually Im going to attempt to distance myself again. Right now I am trying to drink away my problems with a magarita lol. Love is a bitch. It really sucks when their "straight".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 4:34 PM GMT
    #11 He's straight. Stop making us gays look bad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 4:37 PM GMT
    Meh, if he talks about sucking the D, he's gay. You overthinks things a lot though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 4:43 PM GMT
    Why not just ask him? It would be really easy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 4:56 PM GMT
    This is a whole new guy. The other guy I wrote about before is still my friend but we were unhealthily close as we were fighting a lot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 5:01 PM GMT
    I won't even bring up the gay topic though, he always does! Lol I am over thinking things and j know this. But my zodiac sign is cancer and we work off emotion and "feelings" and can often sense what others are feeling, and my intuition is the one telling me he likes me. It's not like I'm hitting on him or anything. It's just the vibe I get that there is something between us but it could just be a bromance guys!
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Oct 06, 2013 5:02 PM GMT
    cj1111 saidThis is a whole new guy. The other guy I wrote about before is still my friend but we were unhealthily close as we were fighting a lot.

    Ok, so, beyond the 'why don't you just ask/tell him' obvious, here is my question: Do you find yourself more attracted to straight men than gay men? Do you find yourself in 'crush' situations with straight men and not gay men?

    If so, this may be the real issue here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 5:10 PM GMT
    For pete's sake, let's not turn this into a 10 page debate.icon_confused.gif He's obviously gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 5:14 PM GMT
    It's not even that I find myself attracted to straight men. I do have a lot of straight friends, but oddly here's the thing. I think I'm attracted to Bisexual men! I didn't know they existed until that last guy. But all my closes friends even though they are straight I always get this vibe that they are actually bi! Like of course none of them have said they were but the last guy I raved about on here let me give him a blow job. They all seem to also find comfort in close male relationships, where as other straight men seem to be all about themselves and slightly distant with their male friends. I won't get into my other straight friend he's another topic but I'll briefly say that he always says he loves me and I've given him a massage and laid on him and hugged him and he makes a lot of references telling me to suck his dick. But he's had girlfriends too. Like I said that ones a whole different story but the guy I'm focused on now is the one this post is about. Gotta stop myself before I write too much lol, sorry guys and thanks everyone in advance
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 5:19 PM GMT
    cj1111 saidIt's not even that I find myself attracted to straight men. I do have a lot of straight friends, but oddly here's the thing. I think I'm attracted to Bisexual men! I didn't know they existed until that last guy. But all my closes friends even though they are straight I always get this vibe that they are actually bi! Like of course none of them have said they were but the last guy I raved about on here let me give him a blow job. They all seem to also find comfort in close male relationships, where as other straight men seem to be all about themselves and slightly distant with their male friends. I won't get into my other straight friend he's another topic but I'll briefly say that he always says he loves me and I've given him a massage and laid on him and hugged him and he makes a lot of references telling me to suck his dick. But he's had girlfriends too. Like I said that ones a whole different story but the guy I'm focused on now is the one this post is about. Gotta stop myself before I write too much lol, sorry guys and thanks everyone in advance


    You don't write to much.At least not for me. That sounds kinda hot though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 5:23 PM GMT
    I won't lie for some reason I find bisexuality hot. A man who will have sex with women but also a secret interest in men. It turns me on lol. And I think I sense them. Most of the "straight" guys I become close with are ok with doing things alone with another male like going out to eat, movies, things that other men are self conscious about. And it's always through the eyes that I spot the ones I want to become closer with. I'm big on eye contact and the idea that you can see inside someone through the eyes, and feel their energy more. And silently communicate. So I notice differences in men and women when I look in their eyes. Like person a may give me eye contact here and there. Person b gives me almost no eye contact, person c stares straight into my eyes the entire conversation. Person d gives me eye contact directly, but there's a distance about the we contact that doesn't seem like it has any significance as far as sexual or romantic interests. And then person e seems nervous like they are forcing themselves to give me direct eye contact but really they would rather look away.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 5:25 PM GMT
    Of the list you posted, the only one that struck me as unusual was the massage one. The rest are mostly things that I've experienced with close straight friends.

    Be careful that you are not confusing platonic intimacy with romantic intimacy. All guys are different and some are more comfortable being more open or affectionate.

    If I were you, I'd assume he is straight until proven otherwise. Even if he's bi-curious, you run the risk of ruining the friendship if you act on your suspicions.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 5:30 PM GMT
    Well...have you observed how he behaves with his friends? The same way as he treats you or somewhat less intimate?
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Oct 06, 2013 5:33 PM GMT
    Well, personally I'm of the opinion that the straight/bi/gay thing is more a sliding scale than discrete groups with no overlap. However there is so much phobia around same gender sexuality instilled in us it gets complicated, especially when emotions are involved. Everyone's head gets screwed with more than any other part of their anatomy.

    See, thing is, who knows what his sexuality is or how he identifies in his own mind. In a way that is kind of irrelevant. The thing is, if you're going to 'go anywhere' with this, you're going to have to take the risk of exposing your erotic interest in the guy. You'd like to figure out where he's at to minimize that risk... but no matter what WE say or what he does or doesn't do, until he SAYS how he identifies, no one is going to know for sure, right?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 5:37 PM GMT
    The_Tango said
    cj1111 saidIt's not even that I find myself attracted to straight men. I do have a lot of straight friends, but oddly here's the thing. I think I'm attracted to Bisexual men! I didn't know they existed until that last guy. But all my closes friends even though they are straight I always get this vibe that they are actually bi! Like of course none of them have said they were but the last guy I raved about on here let me give him a blow job. They all seem to also find comfort in close male relationships, where as other straight men seem to be all about themselves and slightly distant with their male friends. I won't get into my other straight friend he's another topic but I'll briefly say that he always says he loves me and I've given him a massage and laid on him and hugged him and he makes a lot of references telling me to suck his dick. But he's had girlfriends too. Like I said that ones a whole different story but the guy I'm focused on now is the one this post is about. Gotta stop myself before I write too much lol, sorry guys and thanks everyone in advance


    You don't write to much.At least not for me. That sounds kinda hot though.

    I appreciate it. It's funny cause all the guys mentioned in this post all did completely different things that made me think they were attracted to me. Like "D" was real touchy feely would sit on your lap sit close to you etc that's the one I wrote about in past posts. Person "J" has been my friend for 12 years but in the last two years we became real close and he would say "suck my dick" a lot or if I say I'm gonna fuck him in the ass he says stuff like "ok what are you waiting for" and last night he leaned his arm on my leg and kept rubbing against me and we have a lot of emotional connection we can say anything to each other and not feel gay or immature about it and he's comfortably can say I love you. I actually liked him a lot but when he went to jail (just got out) I was really sad and then started hanging with person A a lot more. Person A is not touch feely, nor verbally mushy, but more likes to do one on one hanging out, and make plans , for the future where it's only us involved not a group of people. He likes spending a lot of alone intimate feeling time. Person A is who my feelings have shifted for lol. That's who this thread is about. But like I said they have all had girlfriends and I get a bi vibe from them. So do I have an issue still? I've heard of the gays who are only attracted to straight guys, but I don't really fuck with super straight guys like that I see me as another guy. Has anyone ever heard of a gay guy who is mainly attracted to masculine bisexual men? I'm so inexperienced and confused lol as you can tell.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 5:42 PM GMT
    dc0776 saidOf the list you posted, the only one that struck me as unusual was the massage one. The rest are mostly things that I've experienced with close straight friends.

    Be careful that you are not confusing platonic intimacy with romantic intimacy. All guys are different and some are more comfortable being more open or affectionate.

    If I were you, I'd assume he is straight until proven otherwise. Even if he's bi-curious, you run the risk of ruining the friendship if you act on your suspicions.



    you are right I shouldn't push him into satisfying my wants. It's just he always brings up the gay topic never do I, because I'm "straight" and he always discusses future plans as "we" should buy kayaks or "we should get an apartment together or move to Austin. Maybe it is a platonic relationship though!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 5:47 PM GMT

    You don't write to much.At least not for me. That sounds kinda hot though.
    I appreciate it. It's funny cause all the guys mentioned in this post all did completely different things that made me think they were attracted to me. Like "D" was real touchy feely would sit on your lap sit close to you etc that's the one I wrote about in past posts. Person "J" has been my friend for 12 years but in the last two years we became real close and he would say "suck my dick" a lot or if I say I'm gonna fuck him in the ass he says stuff like "ok what are you waiting for" and last night he leaned his arm on my leg and kept rubbing against me and we have a lot of emotional connection we can say anything to each other and not feel gay or immature about it and he's comfortably can say I love you. I actually liked him a lot but when he went to jail (just got out) I was really sad and then started hanging with person A a lot more. Person A is not touch feely, nor verbally mushy, but more likes to do one on one hanging out, and make plans , for the future where it's only us involved not a group of people. He likes spending a lot of alone intimate feeling time. Person A is who my feelings have shifted for lol. That's who this thread is about. But like I said they have all had girlfriends and I get a bi vibe from them. So do I have an issue still? I've heard of the gays who are only attracted to straight guys, but I don't really fuck with super straight guys like that I see me as another guy. Has anyone ever heard of a gay guy who is mainly attracted to masculine bisexual men? I'm so inexperienced and confused lol as you can tell.[/quote]

    Yeah, I've heard of that fetish before.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 5:54 PM GMT
    Harry7785 saidWell...have you observed how he behaves with his friends? The same way as he treats you or somewhat less intimate?
    hes more macho in front of other people and his friends. Like j said though usually when we hang its just us. But that text he sent that guy made me think. It wasn't that he wanted a massage from him. It was that he said "can I stay WITH you tonight and get a massage my backs sore" idk like I said I'm confused and it may seem pointless to post this but I've already gotten some great advice icon_smile.gif just looking for other perceptions because come on guys when you really like someone a lot and you care about them it's not easy to just say "oh ya know, he could like me he could not, I'll just shrug it off cause it doesn't matter either way" . Being a closeted guy I know there are others closeted like me and it's not easy to express how you feel about someone in fear of being labeled gay. Or your secret getting out. Some will say "closet cases are trouble, date an already out gay" but that doesn't change the fact that I feel a way about someone that I didn't choose to feel this way about. I'm completely comfortable with my sexuality so it's not always true that if were not out we aren't comfortable. Some of us get off on the idea of a secret relationship :p lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 6:01 PM GMT
    MikeW saidWell, personally I'm of the opinion that the straight/bi/gay thing is more a sliding scale than discrete groups with no overlap. However there is so much phobia around same gender sexuality instilled in us it gets complicated, especially when emotions are involved. Everyone's head gets screwed with more than any other part of their anatomy.

    See, thing is, who knows what his sexuality is or how he identifies in his own mind. In a way that is kind of irrelevant. The thing is, if you're going to 'go anywhere' with this, you're going to have to take the risk of exposing your erotic interest in the guy. You'd like to figure out where he's at to minimize that risk... but no matter what WE say or what he does or doesn't do, until he SAYS how he identifies, no one is going to know for sure, right?
    you are totally right and I'm learning sexuality isn't cut and dry and that's true. I guess I have a fear of opening up about my interests because the last guy I did that with he went and told a few people and even his parents it was so awkward because it was the first time I had come clean to people about my sexuality. I wasn't ready for that and this person had promised not to tell anyone that I did something with another male or anything about my sexuality. So I'm more scared to reveal again and change the dynamics. The guy "D" from my older threads has actually recently apologized for handlingm it immaturely and wants to be as close as we use to. I forgive them but the damage was already done. It's weird that he told my secret though considering we had messed around and I could have completely shattered his image by retaliating with that info, but I'm not that kind of guy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2013 9:29 PM GMT
    Thanks to everyone's advice I've decided to accept that whether or not he wants something more he is still a good platonic friend. Understanding, good listener even when he doesn't want to hear what you're saying at the moment. He has some qualities that tick me off but no ones perfect and atleast I know if it's not romantic love it's atleast platonic and I'm glad I am getting to know him.
  • Tombo

    Posts: 355

    Oct 06, 2013 11:34 PM GMT
    To me, I'd say that he sounds straight. Loads of people joek about being gay and stuff.
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Oct 07, 2013 12:33 AM GMT
    OLDER GUY MASSAGING HIM



    ?????????

    GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY



    (or gay4pay)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 07, 2013 12:41 AM GMT
    I always had a suspicion he was gay for pay seriously cause he gets money in the bank and doesn't have a job lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 07, 2013 12:42 AM GMT
    But that was just a suspicion I could be wrong who knows