Should I end my friendship with this guy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2013 5:53 AM GMT
    Hey guys, Ok, something happened recently and it's kinda bothered me a little bit, I need to vent and some advices/help. So here goes some rambling.

    I know this one gay guy friend, similar to me, same age, background, let's called him Z. I know him for about 7 years now. We met in L.A. back in 2005/2006 and had a pretty good friendship then. We sorta messed around together on NYE 2007, well more like he messed around on me, I wasn't really reciprocating ! basically, I was kinda drunk/passed out and he was my ride! The problem was I think he wanted to date/be boyfriends afterward because he told me this before broke down crying.... but I didn't feel the same way because I was young and naive at the time and after that I was bombarded with texts, phone calls and shit! Anyway, I turned kinda cold and ignored him!

    Fast forward a couple years later, things changed, we took different directions in life and I reunited with him back in L.A. in 2011/2012. We had several meetings and hash out feelings, talked about the past. I apologized for ignoring him and he took it in strive saying *no harm foul, he moved on...etc. Ok great, we hung out, he chased after different men and I chased after other guys. Our taste are totally different. Then one night, he drove me back to my car after clubbing and he just flat out asked me: *Do you want to come back to my place and *cuddle? Lol I know him too well to know what cuddle means. (This was an awkward situation because I felt like I was his back-up guy since he struck out that night, I politely said *No because I didn't want history to repeat itself). So anyway after this, I feel like he felt rejected a bit like before and ignored my txts and calls for a while. Eventually we met up again and he sorta ignored me in person too! Anyway, I'm a little annoyed because we were supposed to hang out and chill like before again but he was very late and kinda flaked on me. (happened about 2 times now)

    Is it a good idea to be friends with someone you're not completely into sexually while knowing that they like you ? I've been chatting/seeing this guy and when I told Z about this, he sounds a little weary/weird. Is he jealous ? Does he still want me? Is it wrong of me to not feel anything back for him beside his friendship? Am I over thinking this?

    Should I just end this 8 years friendship bc of potential drama or major hurt/dissapointment? I hold my gay friendship dearly and don't want to ruin something as long as this. What should I do next? Anyone in similar situation? BTW, I don't think confronting him about this is a good idea. And I hate confrontations on touchy subjects like this.

    It's a personal story, please, please no flame race war comments. Thanks.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2013 8:11 AM GMT
    Okay, your boyfriends sounds really emotional. Like, they'll get mad if you ignore them and they tend to overact. Your friend feels mad at you simply because you didn't want to cuddle with you. I know that sounds hard to understand but it's who they are.

    You have to commit for a lifetime of emotional relationship when dealing with them. They want to see you smile everyday, they'll get leave you if you don't show emotion back at them. The very fact that you didn't want to cuddle with him during the first stage shows a lot. If you're not emotionally mature, then the connection will fall apart.

    He won't listen to you logically, he responds emotionally. So don't answer with logic. That's probably the hardest part.

    I have an understanding for emotional people. I would be friends with them but I have to think if I were able to be in a relationship with them. I don't feel like emotionally people can understand me logically. And emotions drain the shit out of me. I don't know, maybe if it were someplace private.icon_rolleyes.gif

    I can't believe I read and understood all of that. Make sure your writing better next time.icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 07, 2013 8:21 AM GMT
    ^^^ LOL @ The Tango, LOL read it again! He's not my boyfriend! We never were, I think he's trying to be at some point but we're not boyfriends, we're just really good friends. Lol I agreed he's kinda emotional! I don't think you understand the whole situation at all but kudos! Yeah I'm rambling buahh!! icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2013 8:26 AM GMT
    Yeah sure, whatever then.icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 07, 2013 1:15 PM GMT
    You need to end your friendship. That's just way too much emotional drama to deal with. Friends shouldn't have to go through so much bullshit!

    Oh, and I don't understand why you wrote the following:

    socalx10It's a personal story, please, please no flame race war comments. Thanks.


    You didn't indicate race in your post.
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    Oct 07, 2013 4:46 PM GMT
    Once you go beyond the unrequited phase, friendships can take a turn. For better (you like the guy, mutually) or worse (you are not into him, he's into you). And since he "requited" himself on you or "messed around on me" as you say....dude it'll never work! It's not quite dating a rapist...but there's something icky about it.

    And he's still trying AND he's emotional......BAD combo!
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    Oct 07, 2013 11:34 PM GMT
    How about sitting down and talking with him about where you guys are at? There is no sense is hyper analyzing and asking random people to weigh in. Don't fear communication, reach out and connect with someone so you're both on the same page.
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    Oct 08, 2013 12:41 AM GMT
    I feel like you should not chill and/or hang out with your friend Z until he falls in love with someone else.

    But I dunno...
    it also must be awkward for you too to be friends with him eh? I hate that feeling when your friend shows his feelings and you are not into him romantically/sexually at all...