Need advice with my little brothers

  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Oct 08, 2013 3:10 AM GMT
    I started mentoring my little brothers over 2 years ago .. They are both 17... They have become my family .. Pretty much like having 2 little brothers and at times I'm playing different roles with them( mentor,brother, friend, parent)..

    They are both amazing talented teens/young adults... But lately they have been stressing me out... Now I KNOW they are teenagers but sometimes the shit they do really has me stressed and it makes me question the effect I have on them as a mentor and I wonder if my advice is something that they are are actually listening to.... They are both extremists and sometimes the things they do makes my jaw drop... One just tried coke... One of them is overly sexual... They get into cars with people who have drank or done drugs ... And can have attendance problems at school... Just get worried and stressed bc I've talked to them for HOURS about these subjects and makin good/ safe choices.. Their parents are MIA a lot and they don't have a lot of guidance.

    They go through phases of recklessness sometimes they are on track and then sometimes they do one stupid thing after another. Seems typical but they stress me out and my jaw drops at how stupid they act sometimes lol.I lose sleep sometimes..

    On top of that it seems like they don't have as much time to spend with me or don't feel like they need to hang out with me as much as we use to( movies, pool, go karts etc).. That kills me bc we would hang out a few times a month and I felt good about myself bc that's when they were doing more positive things

    I just need some advice on some things I can do to help them make better choices... Not drink as much.. Put their time and effort into something like a hobby sport... Scare them with situations about drinking/ unprotected sex etc to help them both wake up.. They are kind of going down the path of their loser parents and it kills me to watch it. I'm so invested and involved and sometimes mainly as of lately I feel like I don't have any influence over them.... I want them to be happy safe productive young men....

    Advice/ suggestions?

    Thanks for letting me vent
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 08, 2013 3:28 AM GMT
    Confused.

    They are your brothers, or not?

    No matter what, lead by example.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Oct 08, 2013 3:34 AM GMT
    I mentor them.. Have Been for years but I'm so involved and invested in them that they have become my family . Working with them has changed my life .. Their parents are half assed and ive had to step in and play many roles in their lives... I try to lead by example and many times I see the benefit of that through their own actions.. It's very rewarding but emotional / mentally draining too
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Oct 08, 2013 4:19 AM GMT
    Well, sounds like they are acting out. I'm not a parent but friends who are have told me, "God invented adolescence so parents would want their little darlings to finally leave home." (paraphrasing).

    Another seemingly wise man once said, "It is the business of youth to live dangerously." I'm not sure I totally agree with that but, w/e, a sort of "Darwin Awards" mentality: If you survive adolescence you'll probably make it through adulthood.

    It is a difficult situation. Sounds like they NEED discipline attention. But, not being their parent, they don't have to listen to you.

    I agree with GAM, though, it is best to lead by example. "Talking" is highly over rated especially in the face of raging hormones, not to mention whatever other psychological driving mechanisms are spurring them to act out.

    I suspect you are doing the best you can do, and that's what you need to remember. If you are "being there" for them, that's about it. AND don't under estimate the effect you are having on their lives. It may not look like it *now* but your presence will have an influence that even they may not recognize or truly appreciate until they've gone through this 'phase'. Most of us have had 'teachers' that had a big impact on us in our youth, even if we didn't let them know about it at the time.

    Hang in there. Take care of yourself. Try not to stress out more than you have to!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 08, 2013 4:21 AM GMT
    How well do you know their parents or their story? I wonder if there's any examples from their lives that you could use as examples for your brothers.
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Oct 08, 2013 5:35 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidConfused.

    They are your brothers, or not?

    No matter what, lead by example.


    What exactly is your relationship with them? Are you a friend, a relative, immediate family? What? You say brothers but refer to their parents and not your parents.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 08, 2013 5:38 AM GMT
    Oh gosh, I can't read your thread OP. It feels pure torture.

    I wanna help but make it readable.