Beat me daddy but please don't make me look at your apartment.

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    Nov 26, 2008 12:15 AM GMT
    OK fess up, super hot guy, butch voice, ripped, sells hair ribbons at JC Penny, gargles Wild Turkey, uses a bicycle inner tube as a cockring -- its all going jus fine and then -- you get to his lodgings and you find that he has one of those "Early American" oblong rugs made out of belly-button lint ordered from a catalog and his mama is in an urn in the middle of the dinette table.

    Daddy says "strip biatch" and you do (resisting the urge to run) and you fall to your sore knobby knees. You cast your eyes down in abject submission only to find they light upon the crocheted doily under the fake flower arrangement on the coffee table. You cast your head slightly to the side and there is the LOLcat "hang in there baby" poster.

    OK, just keep your mind focused. You are submissive right? This guy is hot right? He did offer you his assistant manager's discount at Pennys right? Yeah, its working, "fear is the mind killer, it is the little death......".

    Daddy's boots are right there in front of you. Three months salary of shiny black leather regally perched on sculptured shag carpet and your thinking "damn".

    Click, the cuffs lock your hands behind your back and your forehead is suddenly in grave danger of orlon rug-burn as it crashes to the carpet. Those size 13 Wesco boots are planted firmly on your muscled ass and they kick your burning sex-crazed body across the floor to his "playroom".

    Suddenly you pass the door to his playspace. He kicks you over on your back and you catch a glimpse of the sewing machine sitting next to the sling hung from the ceiling. Towering over you is muscle, sweat, and (well you know what) AND it is all framed by the blue walls, the leather pride flag, the teddy bears, and the copper miniblinds.

    Suddenly, you wake up screaming & gasping for breath, tumble naked out of your imported Swedish orthopaedic bed, and head straight for the Makers Mark realizing it was just a recurring nightmare.

    You sit down, swig some Kentucky Courage, turn on the computer, head for RJ, and there is Guilty Gear smiling back at you from his hot-as-hell profile pic in his fucking table cloth shirt.

    Damn.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Nov 26, 2008 3:00 AM GMT
    I keep my sewing machine in a cabinet.
  • VinBaltimore

    Posts: 239

    Nov 26, 2008 3:14 AM GMT
    Actually, I WISH I'd paid more attention to the decor when I first started dating my boyfriend/husband/whatever. I've been known to be untidy, but JEEZ the man is a PIG (and not in a good way icon_wink.gif )

    If I'd only I'd rolled over just once, wiped the sweat from my brow and looked around just a little I might have had a clue what my future held.

    When you look out your window and see the U-Haul backing up to your house, it's TOO LATE.
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    Nov 26, 2008 3:59 AM GMT
    To experience a little more of this nightmare allow me to driect you to Lurid Digs: Horrifying Gay Amateur Interiors. Here is one example, minus scathing commentary.

    spinky_sulks.jpg
  • qalbi30

    Posts: 116

    Nov 26, 2008 6:32 AM GMT
    Thanks for this post,really made me LOLicon_smile.gif
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    Nov 26, 2008 8:27 AM GMT
    Thanks MaZie because that is a vein of gold, pure gold


    luriddigs_cement_modernism.jpg
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    Nov 26, 2008 8:38 AM GMT
    A personal favorite

    secret_leather.jpg
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    Nov 26, 2008 8:47 AM GMT
    Cripes - these pix made me shudder! A couple of those guys look like they live with their mothers - sharing use of the family Buick!

    "Johnny, for the last time, pick up after yourself and don't smash the pillows on my divan! By the way Johnny, did you even LOOK for a job today?"
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    Nov 26, 2008 8:47 AM GMT
    Fantastic

    luriddigsdotcom_hustler.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 26, 2008 9:15 PM GMT
    ursamajor saidFantastic

    luriddigsdotcom_hustler.jpg


    Its all about perspective.... The decor in this room, is not so bad, the perspective is good ;)
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    Nov 27, 2008 12:37 AM GMT
    Agreed Lil Tanker, that one has the Tony Ward factor going for it in spades.
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    Nov 30, 2008 9:49 PM GMT
    ursamajor saidOK fess up, super hot guy, butch voice, ripped, sells hair ribbons at JC Penny, gargles Wild Turkey, uses a bicycle inner tube as a cockring -- its all going jus fine and then -- you get to his lodgings and you find that he has one of those "Early American" oblong rugs made out of belly-button lint ordered from a catalog and his mama is in an urn in the middle of the dinette table.

    Daddy says "strip biatch".



    What in Creation,
    does any of this have to do with me!? LOL, hilarious post , Terry. It's nice to see that atleast one person here can appreciate dichotomy like that! A man can be all man and still appreciate a good throw.
    However, trailer park chic is another story. Still, I'm sure that if a real daddy was having a sub pig over, I should think he'd be savvy enough to degrandma the place a bit!
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    Nov 30, 2008 10:05 PM GMT
    'degrandma', awesome word! LOL Quick, sneak it into urbandictionary! icon_lol.gif
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    Nov 30, 2008 10:56 PM GMT
    LOL. I had that many patio blocks in my last apartment. However, they were holding up the book shelves. Oh damn. They still are.

    Speaking of Grandma... I thought that The Librarian in "Tomcats" had a good setup going. That movie keeps growing on me. Love the Library of Congress filing system for the whips!