Awesome date - no call back?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2013 1:10 AM GMT
    I'm new to dating and I have a terrible time reading people. Was wondering if anyone could shed some light on this...

    Last week I went on a date with a guy, he asked me out for coffee and we seemed to be hitting it off so I offered to buy him dinner after. We had dinner and walked around town, then back to my house. We played some GTA for a few hours and then he had to go home since we both worked in the morning.

    We gave each other a hug goodnight, he said he had a great time and so did I. (The total date was about 6 hours long). We had great conversation throughout and had a lot in common, not to mention I found him very attractive.

    Haven't really heard from him since - invited him back over for dinner earlier this week and he never got back to me.

    He didn't seem like the hook-up kind of guy, so I'm confused as to what may have gone wrong. I haven't had that much fun with someone in a long time and was really looking forward to seeing him again.

    Probably just thinking out loud here, but has anyone else had a similar experience?
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    Oct 11, 2013 1:14 AM GMT
    hmm sucks to hear man. He could be busy. Or it could really be anything, and could often be something random and weird. Best not to dwell on it, and don't get too needy with messaging him either.

    He's dumb though, you're hot as hell icon_biggrin.gif

  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Oct 11, 2013 1:21 AM GMT
    First off, welcome to the boards. You're young, beefy, seem like a nice guy. We welcome new blood. hehehe.

    As to your date, there's always the possibility that he got very busy or ill.. but, I have to break it to you, there's also a good chance he felt no chemistry and simply moved on. All the good chat in the world can't trump physical chemistry.. and if he didn't feel it, that's the reason why you didn't hear back.

    I would send one more message.. just a short, straightforward message telling him you enjoyed yourself and would like to see him again. But if you don't hear, absolutely no more contact. You move on. You must move on. There's no point in chasing after anyone when they're cowardly and give you no reason as to why they dissappeared.
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    Oct 11, 2013 1:37 AM GMT
    If it's been a week and he didn't return your invitation, I'd consider it a dead end.

    I have dated a couple of guys in the past who went dark like that only to re-surface unexpectedly. Though I usually considered it a red flag and moved on.

    It's unfortunate, in these circumstances, that the guy couldn't have just responded to your invitation with "Sorry man, you seem like a nice guy but I wasn't really feeling a spark. Best of luck". At least you have closure then. Sadly that's the way the cookie sometimes crumbles...
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    Oct 11, 2013 1:47 AM GMT
    tumblr_mp5m7hBRs01rpdgkto1_500.gif

    You never know, be cool if guy's could man up and just say what red flag you waved.
    From where I'm sitting--HIS LOSS--OMG

    No way I'd gone home, way to much sick time built up not call off work
    for
    a
    week.

    DAMN.
  • Robin_Mark

    Posts: 75

    Oct 11, 2013 2:25 AM GMT
    6 hour and part of it at your place without sex or at least a kiss.. he maybe thought u r not attracted to him.

    I won't call back if someone did that to me.
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    Oct 11, 2013 3:19 AM GMT
    Hey bigbud, the way I see it...a guy who's "too busy" or any other excuse to get back to you, isn't worth it. If he wants you, he'll show it. You want someone who is into you as much as you're into them - maybe even more. You're a sexy beefy man, you'll have no problem finding someone who will pursue you and show more interest. If he gets back to you after a week or two, I think you should play this for him: icon_wink.gif

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    Oct 11, 2013 3:24 AM GMT
    hellass saida guy who's "too busy" or any other excuse to get back to you, isn't worth it. If he wants you, he'll show it. You want someone who is into you as much as you're into them - maybe even more. You're a sexy beefy man, you'll have no problem finding someone who will pursue you and show more interest.



    wise words, i really agree with all of this
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    Oct 11, 2013 3:32 AM GMT
    IRFire66 said
    hellass saida guy who's "too busy" or any other excuse to get back to you, isn't worth it. If he wants you, he'll show it. You want someone who is into you as much as you're into them - maybe even more. You're a sexy beefy man, you'll have no problem finding someone who will pursue you and show more interest.



    wise words, i really agree with all of this


    Then you're very wise yourself icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2013 3:35 AM GMT
    I'm sorry, man! But now we can go on a date if you want because you're smoking hot icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2013 3:51 AM GMT
    Just wait for an email and or a call. If he hasn't called back already, he probably doesn't feel the same way. I'm sorry to hear that.icon_sad.gif
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    Oct 11, 2013 4:56 AM GMT


    "He didn't seem like the hook-up kind of guy, so I'm confused as to what may have gone wrong. I haven't had that much fun with someone in a long time and was really looking forward to seeing him again.

    Probably just thinking out loud here, but has anyone else had a similar experience?"

    Yow! Yes, many times before I met Bill in '89.

    -Doug

    PS NOTHING went wrong. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2013 5:48 AM GMT
    I have many times. I went out with a guy that told me that I really meant "So much to him" and all of a sudden stop communicating totally. This is pretty standard among guys. I've just about given up so many times.
  • Papadopoulos

    Posts: 65

    Oct 11, 2013 6:30 AM GMT
    That sucks, he should have at least told you why.

    Do you have his facebook? Maybe wait a really really long time and hit him up again someday, but it's probably a red flag and will end no good.

  • Papadopoulos

    Posts: 65

    Oct 11, 2013 6:33 AM GMT
    bradomo saidI have many times. I went out with a guy that told me that I really meant "So much to him" and all of a sudden stop communicating totally. This is pretty standard among guys. I've just about given up so many times.



    I know, I really just don't get it.

    The last guy I hooked up with we only hung out 3 times, but we hit it off and liked each other and he definitely was into me, messaging me a lot and all. I haven't spoken to him in 5 months even though I've only tried twice, don't wanna come on too strong.

    Part of it is I think when a gay guy feels like he can have you his work is done and he moves on. I also think many gay men are just sexually attracted to other men but not so emotionally so you only mean something to them if they're getting some.

    just my two cents. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2013 10:01 AM GMT
    Yeah if he was interested he would have kept in more regular contact. Maybe he has his own problems but I think he chickened out. It would be good to honest and say either you are interested or not interested. Really find it distracting they cant say yes or no.

    But you are SCORCHING hot.
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    Oct 11, 2013 10:39 AM GMT
    bigbudM said
    Probably just thinking out loud here, but has anyone else had a similar experience?

    Yes. Gay men to my experience can be cowards when they don't want a subsequent date. Instead of manning up and telling the truth, that they're not into you enough, some will just turn their back on you without a word of explanation. Rather than face something uncomfortable & awkward they simply run away from it. It doesn't have to have been your fault, you may have done nothing wrong at all last week.

    How did you meet this guy? Had he seen or talked to you before in person? Upon meeting you he may have discovered you simply aren't his "type", and most of us do tend to center on a narrow range of types that interest us. He apparently enjoyed your company & personality, but maybe the rest of the package he wants wasn't there for him. Perhaps he's out and you aren't, or he's not out and not ready for openly dating, just hanging around with guys in casual & innocuous settings, doesn't want any BFs right now.

    That doesn't mean your type is flawed, it merely may not have been HIS type, while some other guys will want your type. Your job now is to keep looking for them, which I realize may be slow going in your area. But at 20 you may not be there forever after you graduate.

    You may want to include the gay male demographic in your considerations when you're selecting that next place. In the meantime you may just have to be patient, and survive on the meager pickings where you are.
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    Oct 11, 2013 11:00 AM GMT
    More guys need to be more like you bigbudm. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 11, 2013 3:12 PM GMT
    bigbudM said
    Robin_Mark said6 hour and part of it at your place without sex or at least a kiss.. he maybe thought u r not attracted to him.

    I won't call back if someone did that to me.


    I definitely see where you're coming from. It was getting late so I offered that he could "stay overnight if he didn't want to drive home tired in the dark," we were sitting in the living room so it was kind of an open question. He said, "Maybe next time" but stayed for a few more hours.

    I guess I struggle with how much attention to give on the first date. I think my approach was to take it really slow since I wanted to see him again.

    Oh well, thanks guys for your input. I really appreciate it. I've concluded that he just wasn't that into me, which is fine. I hope he finds someone who treats him well because despite not returning my messages, he was very polite and fun.

    You did the right thing. Not sure why Robin_Mark thinks you need to have sex with someone on the first date. If that's all he was looking for then you're fortunate he didn't reply. So you spent the day with someone and didn't hop in the bed or kiss him….I think it's called dating!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 12, 2013 4:57 PM GMT
    He may have really had a great time, but he may or may not have a schedule that allows him for another one immediately or he may or may not want repeat dates. It may not be you at all, just him... and I wouldn't give up. Approach it in a mature way... give him some space and see whats up. He may contact you later and suggest something.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2013 5:48 PM GMT
    I have a terrible time reading people too. We should start a whole thread on that. As for you, looking at your pictures, you probably broke him. I mean that as a compliment.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2013 7:55 PM GMT
    bigbudM said
    Robin_Mark said6 hour and part of it at your place without sex or at least a kiss.. he maybe thought u r not attracted to him.

    I won't call back if someone did that to me.


    I definitely see where you're coming from. It was getting late so I offered that he could "stay overnight if he didn't want to drive home tired in the dark," we were sitting in the living room so it was kind of an open question. He said, "Maybe next time" but stayed for a few more hours.

    I guess I struggle with how much attention to give on the first date. I think my approach was to take it really slow since I wanted to see him again.

    Oh well, thanks guys for your input. I really appreciate it. I've concluded that he just wasn't that into me, which is fine. I hope he finds someone who treats him well because despite not returning my messages, he was very polite and fun.


    Damn your a frickin sweetheart!
    I hope YOU find someone who treats YOU well!

    My guess is he expected you (big guy, muscles, etc. the stereotype) to take control. He stayed around for a couple of hrs.! Don't struggle too much with how to treat a first date. If hot kissing and making out seems right, do it! Sex is optional. Leave him knowing there is more to you than a nice guy ;-)
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    Oct 12, 2013 10:37 PM GMT
    He's not that into you! Something happened that made up his mind, when guys started to ignore you! It's a hint, they're not interested in anything further! that's the beauty and weird thing of dating, you're allowed to change your mind however you please! There's no protocols for this! I mean if I like someone, I'd touch base 1-2 days after the date latest!


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    Nov 02, 2013 9:33 PM GMT
    bigbudM saidThank you to everyone for the kind words and insight.

    Update: He called after a few weeks, as if nothing was wrong. I politely told him I was no longer interested and happened to be very busy anyway, wished him luck and that all was well.
    LOL. That's awesome! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 02, 2013 10:04 PM GMT
    Unless he's laying in a comma somewhere, unable to call, your date lacks taste and manners.

    Shake off this one off and get back in the game. With a few times at bat, you'll get a hit soon. No doubt.