How often it is normal to have sex in relationship?

  • Mickle

    Posts: 2

    Oct 13, 2013 8:21 PM GMT
    Now it is almost 2 years that me and my beloved are together.
    In the beginning it was as usual, for two or three months only jerking off, then hot and passionate sex 2-3 times a week for a year. Now , at best one a months he wants a blowjob. He denies watching porn and masturbating - caught in lies, browser history shows something else. when try to talk about it - scandal assured.
    So, your opinion on the situation...
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    Oct 13, 2013 8:23 PM GMT
    As many times as you want. But maybe on average 2 or 3 times a week?
  • william7219

    Posts: 6

    Oct 13, 2013 10:56 PM GMT
    he wants only 1 blowjob a month.... somethings up...
  • lgg5819

    Posts: 141

    Oct 14, 2013 12:53 PM GMT
    Ok, I went through this same problem in my relationship recently. We would talk about it here and there, and it would get better for a few days but then always would go back to square one. My boyfriend promised he wasn't masturbating, I knew he wasn't cheating, etc., etc. Very similar to your situation. There was porn in the browser history, but he claims he actually used it to try to get in the mood before I got home from work so he would be horny for me when I got home.

    Anyway, the issue really was much deeper. Finally several weeks ago we had a big, drunk fight, and we decided we needed to put everything on the table if we were going to solve our problems. I realized I was often the one who felt like something was wrong, and that led to me failing to let him talk about his complaints regarding our relationship. I think in any situation like this, a lack of sex is a sign of distance in the relationship. And often the partner who wants more sex is failing to realize that the other person is dealing with something that is pushing them away. For us, it was something I barely realized I did and definitely didn't even think was a big deal: I would so often insist that we did things my way, really stupid everyday things like which gas station to go to, the right way to cut sweet potatoes, what brand of milk to buy, etc. Little things that seemed insignificant to me, but to my boyfriend it became a big deal that I was always telling him what to do in those types of situations. And by doing that stuff, I was slowly pushing him away, which carried over into the bedroom.

    The funny thing is, when we kind of aired all our dirty laundry to each other so to speak, we both were very much in the same boat. He was afraid to tell me I was being controlling over little things and hoped I would just stop doing it, just like I was afraid to tell him I thought he spends too much money and I hoped he would just eventually stop doing it. Likewise, we both realized how much little things bother each other--for example, it drives me crazy when he leaves the bathroom in a mess in the morning. And it drives him crazy when I don't make the bed before I go to work. These are such easy, stupid little things we can correct, and often times I would intentionally not make the bed because he didn't clean the bathroom, or vice versa, without even realizing that he didn't clean the bathroom today because I didn't make the bed yesterday.

    I hope this is all making sense haha, and I realize I'm being long-winded about it. But I guess the point for me is that when I was so worried about our sex life, so many people told me, "Well he has to be cheating, obviously." I knew that wasn't the case. We are so deeply in love, neither of us would hurt each other like that. The reality of the situation was just that there were small things in our relationship that bugged the hell out of each other, and we had to be very honest about them with each other before we could fix other problems like sex. And ever since we had that talk and both have made a clear commitment to fixing the other things, the sex has been great ha. Is it back to how it was the first month of the relationship? Of course not. But it's pretty damn good right now! icon_smile.gif

    Good luck buddy. Hang in there!
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    Oct 14, 2013 1:41 PM GMT
    Men should have sex no less than once a day, with their lover, alone or with someone else. A couple should negotiate the rules, if you want monogamy, make sure there is an understanding that sex is always available. For me and LingLang the rule is, he does not know the english word for no.
    If I went more than a week without sex, I can guarantee I'd be getting it somewhere else. Once a month blow jobs? That's not a relationship, that's some sort of long distant blow job giveaway. I'd walk.
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    Oct 14, 2013 7:59 PM GMT
    daily lol
  • Wyatt

    Posts: 239

    Oct 14, 2013 8:20 PM GMT
    It really depends on what you and your significant other want and if you can agree on something.

    My boyfriend and I usually have sex 5 times a week, but sometimes we just have a cuddle sesh (I really love cuddling :3).

    If you aren't satisfied, talk to him about it- if the relationship isn't going well anyways what's there to lose by asking about it?
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    Oct 15, 2013 4:54 AM GMT
    every other day
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 15, 2013 5:11 AM GMT
    oh yes... daily!!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2016 8:36 PM GMT
    Three or four times a week works for me
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Oct 04, 2016 9:27 PM GMT
    lgg5819 saidOk, I went through this same problem in my relationship recently. We would talk about it here and there, and it would get better for a few days but then always would go back to square one. My boyfriend promised he wasn't masturbating, I knew he wasn't cheating, etc., etc. Very similar to your situation. There was porn in the browser history, but he claims he actually used it to try to get in the mood before I got home from work so he would be horny for me when I got home.

    Anyway, the issue really was much deeper. Finally several weeks ago we had a big, drunk fight, and we decided we needed to put everything on the table if we were going to solve our problems. I realized I was often the one who felt like something was wrong, and that led to me failing to let him talk about his complaints regarding our relationship. I think in any situation like this, a lack of sex is a sign of distance in the relationship. And often the partner who wants more sex is failing to realize that the other person is dealing with something that is pushing them away. For us, it was something I barely realized I did and definitely didn't even think was a big deal: I would so often insist that we did things my way, really stupid everyday things like which gas station to go to, the right way to cut sweet potatoes, what brand of milk to buy, etc. Little things that seemed insignificant to me, but to my boyfriend it became a big deal that I was always telling him what to do in those types of situations. And by doing that stuff, I was slowly pushing him away, which carried over into the bedroom.

    The funny thing is, when we kind of aired all our dirty laundry to each other so to speak, we both were very much in the same boat. He was afraid to tell me I was being controlling over little things and hoped I would just stop doing it, just like I was afraid to tell him I thought he spends too much money and I hoped he would just eventually stop doing it. Likewise, we both realized how much little things bother each other--for example, it drives me crazy when he leaves the bathroom in a mess in the morning. And it drives him crazy when I don't make the bed before I go to work. These are such easy, stupid little things we can correct, and often times I would intentionally not make the bed because he didn't clean the bathroom, or vice versa, without even realizing that he didn't clean the bathroom today because I didn't make the bed yesterday.

    I hope this is all making sense haha, and I realize I'm being long-winded about it. But I guess the point for me is that when I was so worried about our sex life, so many people told me, "Well he has to be cheating, obviously." I knew that wasn't the case. We are so deeply in love, neither of us would hurt each other like that. The reality of the situation was just that there were small things in our relationship that bugged the hell out of each other, and we had to be very honest about them with each other before we could fix other problems like sex. And ever since we had that talk and both have made a clear commitment to fixing the other things, the sex has been great ha. Is it back to how it was the first month of the relationship? Of course not. But it's pretty damn good right now! icon_smile.gif

    Good luck buddy. Hang in there!

    You're a kind guy to write all this out. Hope he and others read and take it to heart. So many on this site are quick to assume something awful and immediately suggest a breakup. Guess that's why there are so many single people here. No one want to put in the work that we all talk about in making a relationship work.

    Depending how you define sex, I guess may guy and I (nine years) have sexual contact of some sort 4-5 times/week.