My (Not) Out Highschool Teacher

  • k777

    Posts: 62

    Oct 14, 2013 12:31 AM GMT
    Please tell me what you think about this situation. Questions are always welcome icon_smile.gif

    So just a few moments ago one of my teachers who I haven't seen in 4-5 years talks to me on grindr. He has no pic but he sends one as his first response. He also probably does not remember me at all because he he deals with "the bad kids" in our whole school district much more oven than he deals with other kids. He's also heavily involved with the politics and infrastructure of the school district which is always a complete mess anyway.

    So anyway on grindr its like

    HS Teacher: *sends pics*
    Me: Hi! Are you out?
    HS Teacher: No. U?
    Me: Yes. I dont think this is going to work out.
    HS Teacher: *Blocks me*

    Oh and hes 35.

    I know that my school district isn't the most welcoming, but for someone like this teacher of mine to NOT be out...I feel sorry for him lol. He never gets to leave our (homophobic) Highschool (Unlike me) and he cant be out.

    QUESTIONS
    Was I too harsh?
    Was he right to block me?
    To the "older" RJ members: would you be out if you were working in High School?

    Im just a bit taken a back...its 2013 so I thought my town would be better in terms of acceptableness :/

    Im going back to NYC lol (somehow)

    Thanks for the feedback!!!
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    Oct 14, 2013 12:36 AM GMT
    I'd say, no you weren't too harsh. It usually is a bad idea if one guy is out and one is in the closet. The lifestyles and overall desires are too different.

    I don't know if he was "Right" to block you, but since you already deemed it wasn't going to work, it shouldn't really matter to you at all.

    More it sounds like the post is about you judging him for not coming out more than anything else. Sexuality among school teachers is a trickier path, and he may choose that stability over his job for survival is more important to him.
  • k777

    Posts: 62

    Oct 14, 2013 1:03 AM GMT
    Its not Brentwood, NJ and it might at well be like Missisipi lol..I just make an assumption that my neck of the woods were getting better in terms of accepting LGBTQ people while I was not in college...seems like I was wayyyy off
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    Oct 14, 2013 1:08 AM GMT
    35 yr old closeted high school teacher grindrs pics to 20 year old who could still pass for high school. Seems quite the mystery.
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    Oct 14, 2013 1:26 AM GMT
    kab372 saidIts not Brentwood, NJ and it might at well be like Missisipi lol..I just make an assumption that my neck of the woods were getting better in terms of accepting LGBTQ people while I was not in college...seems like I was wayyyy off


    Yeah there is no Brentwood NJ - its NY on Long Island
  • k777

    Posts: 62

    Oct 14, 2013 1:55 AM GMT
    theantijock said35 yr old closeted high school teacher grindrs pics to 20 year old who could still pass for high school. Seems quite the mystery.


    Im 21
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    Oct 14, 2013 2:05 AM GMT
    I can understand. Let's be realistic here. Kids can be brutal. There have been several cases where kids cyber bullied their teachers. From creating crude fake profiles on dating sites, to direct harassment.

    If you're a teacher, the less your students know about you, the better off you are.
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    Oct 14, 2013 2:30 AM GMT
    My responses in RED.

    kab372 saidPlease tell me what you think about this situation. Questions are always welcome icon_smile.gif

    So just a few moments ago one of my teachers who I haven't seen in 4-5 years talks to me on grindr. He has no pic but he sends one as his first response. He also probably does not remember me at all because he he deals with "the bad kids" in our whole school district much more oven than he deals with other kids. He's also heavily involved with the politics and infrastructure of the school district which is always a complete mess anyway.

    So anyway on grindr its like

    HS Teacher: *sends pics*
    Me: Hi! Are you out?
    HS Teacher: No. U?
    Me: Yes. I dont think this is going to work out.
    HS Teacher: *Blocks me*

    Oh and hes 35.

    I know that my school district isn't the most welcoming, but for someone like this teacher of mine to NOT be out...I feel sorry for him lol. He never gets to leave our (homophobic) Highschool (Unlike me) and he cant be out.

    QUESTIONS
    Was I too harsh? No. You were honest and "to the point".
    Was he right to block me? Right? I don't know if there was any right or wrong here, but certainly he has the right to block you just as you have the right to block others. BTW, blocking can be a way for him to just make sure that he doesn't have to run across your profile by accident. It may have nothing to do with you.
    To the "older" RJ members: would you be out if you were working in High School? I was a music education major and one of the reasons why I changed my major was because I didn't want the headache of being gay and in K-12 public education. It wasn't a fight I was willing to take on. Not enough information to know why he is in K-12 public education. Sounds like he's probably living a double-life (which is a kind of hell).

    Im just a bit taken a back...its 2013 so I thought my town would be better in terms of acceptableness :/

    Im going back to NYC lol (somehow) Or, to some other major metropolitan area where being gay is an accepted part of the community fabric.

    Thanks for the feedback!!! You're welcome. I hope it is valuable.
  • k777

    Posts: 62

    Oct 14, 2013 3:09 AM GMT
    GAMRican your feedback is always helpful, thank you icon_smile.gif

    Knowing that America is getting better overall in terms of LGBT inclusion and legal rights, would you go back to being a music education teacher?

    And this is for everyone reading who is curious:

    1. The teacher I am talking to works with PUBLIC school system. There is nothing private about it. Just wanted to iterate that.

    2. Someone pack me in their bag and take me to NYC, Seattle, DC, etc. ;)

    3. Someone hire me icon_smile.gif hehehe
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Oct 14, 2013 3:15 AM GMT
    You're 21 and in high school???

    Geeze you're legal so what's the big deal? You never had any hit on you?
  • k777

    Posts: 62

    Oct 14, 2013 3:22 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidYou're 21 and in high school???

    Geeze you're legal so what's the big deal? You never had any hit on you?


    Im 21 but I just finished college

    I have had "a hit" if that means being hit on..

    Its not a big deal at all...I thought it was discussion worthy because of the relationship I had with him as one of his students 4 years ago
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Oct 14, 2013 4:15 AM GMT
    ah, ok, so you used to be his student ... I guess that would be kind of weird ... sometimes the world is smaller than we realize ... maybe he did know it was you and wanted to fulfill a fantasy icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 14, 2013 4:37 AM GMT
    kab372 saidGAMRican your feedback is always helpful, thank you icon_smile.gif

    Knowing that America is getting better overall in terms of LGBT inclusion and legal rights, would you go back to being a music education teacher?

    ...


    Knowing what I know now in life, I would not go into public K-12 music education. My reason for wanting to go into education was to "give back" what may high school band director gave to me. And, I've always been a "teacher" at heart. Over the years, I've found ways of "giving back" which create magnified positive impact for more people AND provides me with the kind of life that few people can live. I'm not monetarily wealthy by any means, but I do have freedom of time, work choice, and other lifestyle choices which others who have a "career-oriented job" do not have.

    Sometimes we get to choose our battles in life. Sometimes our battles are "choices in the moment" and we have to have the foresight and insight to know if we can be relevant, effective, and efficient in any action. We can certainly choose to fight every battle which comes our way. However with wisdom we can choose those battles where we can make the most difference AND remain resilient and strong to enjoy the peace and serenity of the victories.
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    Oct 14, 2013 6:21 AM GMT
    It's grindr..I doubt he wanted to spark a relationship and get married with you, he isn't out so he gets his action online.. were you wrong .. no but as far as " going to work" I think is where it gets blurry