RJ is tiring

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 14, 2013 4:19 AM GMT
    I don't know why I'm getting tired so early on this journey. It is very hard to find people to connect with even when you have your picture on display. I don't really like the whole idea of meeting people through abs pics, but it's not like finding gay guys out there in real life is any easier.

    I guess I should stop having expectations about this or any other site, and wait for a relationship to happen naturally. What do you think? I keep writing and writing emails, trying to chat with people, and all I get is cold nothing, no replies, no interest. It may be that I am aiming too high, or they just get so much shit from other people that they don't even bother. Anyway... I understand if I'm not their type they won't get back, I'd probably feel the same about people who aren't my type. But I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever find someone.

    Sorry for the long post.
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    Oct 14, 2013 4:29 AM GMT
    You're 22 and have been on this site for a month. What's your hurry? icon_biggrin.gif
  • PolitiMAC

    Posts: 728

    Oct 14, 2013 4:35 AM GMT
    Believe me, honey, I gave up on using technology to find compatible guys to do ANYTHING with. Even like minded guys on here for example, I just don't know them and typing is not enough to actually develop anything of any substance. You must be WITH them. Physically. I use this for political discourse and just talking about shit.

    Dating will only work on here is you can actually meet up and then see how it goes. But even then, I think it's just begging for expectations. I'm a form believer in just meeting people like we were naturally made to. It feels better anyway if you ask me. Technology's role in relationships are for communication and very little else. Technology is supposed to be a tool for applications, but not so much on building a super close relationship.
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    Oct 14, 2013 4:39 AM GMT
    verify your profile first, complain later
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    Oct 14, 2013 4:41 AM GMT
    PolitiNerd saidBelieve me, honey, I gave up on using technology to find compatible guys to do ANYTHING with. Even like minded guys on here for example, I just don't know them and typing is not enough to actually develop anything of any substance. You must be WITH them. Physically. I use this for political discourse and just talking about shit.

    Dating will only work on here is you can actually meet up and then see how it goes. But even then, I think it's just begging for expectations. I'm a form believer in just meeting people like we were naturally made to. It feels better anyway if you ask me. Technology's role in relationships are for communication and very little else. Technology is supposed to be a tool for applications, but not so much on building a super close relationship.


    That was useful, thank you. You are right, Ill just have to keep looking/waiting
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    Oct 14, 2013 4:42 AM GMT
    charlitos saidverify your profile first, complain later


    Who would know that was such an important thing. I'm new to this. But thanks for the advice, I'll get it done.
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    Oct 14, 2013 4:50 AM GMT
    Aristoshark saidShow a little skin in your pictures. Then they'll respond.


    I don't know if that would make me feel better about myself, really. People treat each other like a piece of meat here
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    Oct 14, 2013 4:51 AM GMT
    LOL. I had no idea getting Verified solves the world's problems.
  • Papadopoulos

    Posts: 65

    Oct 14, 2013 4:55 AM GMT
    I obviously haven't been here long but I totally understand what you're saying. It is hard or almost impossible to develop a real relationship through pics and text. The chemistry needs to be there.

    Other than that it's a great place to discuss other things but it seems people are too caught up being mean to each other for literally no reason. I really really hate that. It just promotes the stereotype that gay men are malicious because they hate themselves and need to take it out on others. The person you are on the inside matters a lot too you know, I feel a huge lack of respect and compassion (not necessarily towards myself but between others) in the short time I've been here.

    icon_confused.gif
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    Oct 14, 2013 4:56 AM GMT
    Or maybe it's the fact this is a forum and not a hook up site. If you newbies cared to spend some time to actually get involved and share your opinions and know others then I know men will start paying attention to you. You're just rushing things up and yeah you have big expectations for someone who just joined and is not known yet.
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    Oct 14, 2013 4:58 AM GMT
    Finding a man online is like playing the slots, you might get lucky, but the odds are mostly against you. What you need to do is get out and socialize, and I'm not talking about a bar, but social and activity groups that revolve around your interests. That allows you a better chance at finding common ground and getting a conversation going. From there, a guy might take more interest in getting to know you.
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    Oct 14, 2013 5:01 AM GMT
    blkapollo saidFinding a man online is like playing the slots, you might get lucky, but the odds are mostly against you. What you need to do is get out and socialize, and I'm not talking about a bar, but social and activity groups that revolve around your interests. That allows you a better chance at finding common ground and getting a conversation going. From there, a guy might take more interest in getting to know you.


    That's true, thank you.
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    Oct 14, 2013 5:01 AM GMT
    blkapollo saidFinding a man online is like playing the slots, you might get lucky, but the odds are mostly against you. What you need to do is get out and socialize, and I'm not talking about a bar, but social and activity groups that revolve around your interests. That allows you a better chance at finding common ground and getting a conversation going. From there, a guy might take more interest in getting to know you.


    ^ Thats cool and all but you know 95% of the men you will know in random activities will be straight. Haha sad but true.
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    Oct 14, 2013 5:03 AM GMT
    xrichx saidLOL. I had no idea getting Verified solves the world's problems.


    it narrows them down, but ya, it wont end hunger in Africa or poor labour practices in China. One step at a time.
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    Oct 14, 2013 5:04 AM GMT
    woodsmen said"I don't know if that would make me feel better about myself, really. People treat each other like a piece of meat here"

    I am completely confused by your response to the Shark. You earlier complained that you cannot gather attention to be treated like meat. Here you can obtain attention on RJ by showing intelligence in the forums or showing attractiveness in your pictures. Pick one or both.


    No, you just assumed I'd like to be treated like meat. What I want is chatting and making friends, not having someone judging me on whether or not I have a six pack. But yes, don't mind me newbie and my illogical posts.
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    Oct 14, 2013 5:05 AM GMT
    well, at least we have our hot lists in common, icon_razz.gif, your 22?, last guy I dated that age he found the internet to cheat with, but that was ok, icon_lol.gif, stop emailing and explore the site first with no expectations, pick a side politically though, you will need that to defend yourself icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Oct 14, 2013 5:08 AM GMT
    Papadopoulos saidI obviously haven't been here long but I totally understand what you're saying. It is hard or almost impossible to develop a real relationship through pics and text. The chemistry needs to be there.

    Other than that it's a great place to discuss other things but it seems people are too caught up being mean to each other for literally no reason. I really really hate that. It just promotes the stereotype that gay men are malicious because they hate themselves and need to take it out on others. The person you are on the inside matters a lot too you know, I feel a huge lack of respect and compassion (not necessarily towards myself but between others) in the short time I've been here.

    icon_confused.gif


    "literally for no reason"

    how dare you!!

    like you said you haven't been around long so there are lot's of reasons you would not be aware of--for the most part it's Sunday brunch with to many mimosas around here.
    You can't say there are not hundreds of good will and helpful advise threads here, stop looking at the bad and see more of the good.

    To the OP
    sorry you feel that way, sad being part of the instant gratification generation--house on a lake and what? two kids by 22 divorced and condo in the city by 25?
    Or just a guy in your bed tonight,that won't ruin your whole life?
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    Oct 14, 2013 5:13 AM GMT
    David3000 said
    blkapollo saidFinding a man online is like playing the slots, you might get lucky, but the odds are mostly against you. What you need to do is get out and socialize, and I'm not talking about a bar, but social and activity groups that revolve around your interests. That allows you a better chance at finding common ground and getting a conversation going. From there, a guy might take more interest in getting to know you.


    ^ Thats cool and all but you know 95% of the men you will know in random activities will be straight. Haha sad but true.


    I was referring more to gay social and activity groups.
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    Oct 14, 2013 5:18 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said
    To the OP
    sorry you feel that way, sad being part of the instant gratification generation--house on a lake and what? two kids by 22 divorced and condo in the city by 25?
    Or just a guy in your bed tonight,that won't ruin your whole life?

    Are you serious? Not all couples who get married end up in divorce and having kids is not bad thing so what are you talking about? And with the small amount of gay man who want committed relationships, finding a random "guy to share your bed with" is easy but more like bad news and definitely not a long term solution for anything.
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    Oct 14, 2013 5:21 AM GMT
    David3000 said

    Are you serious? Not all couples who get married end up in divorce and having kids is not bad thing so what are you talking about? And with the small amount of gay man who want committed relationships, finding a random "guy to share your bed with" is easy but more like bad news and definitely not a long term solution for anything.

    damn it man...I was about to go to bed.
    I wasn't exactly serious, just gets me how badly a lot of young guys want it all, when they really have no clue to what "all" is--what were you doing at 20?

    and the divorce rate is pretty high here, both my sisters twice, mines the longest relationship I know of.
    but that wasn't the point...the point is what is the long term goal? How does having a man, play into that goal--at 20 years old.
    not that meeting the love of your life at a young age instant all story-booky and cute as hell, but rarely happens.
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    Oct 14, 2013 5:26 AM GMT
    David3000 said
    dustin_K_tx said
    To the OP
    sorry you feel that way, sad being part of the instant gratification generation--house on a lake and what? two kids by 22 divorced and condo in the city by 25?
    Or just a guy in your bed tonight,that won't ruin your whole life?

    Are you serious? Not all couples who get married end up in divorce and having kids is not bad thing so what are you talking about? And with the small amount of gay man who want committed relationships, finding a random "guy to share your bed with" is easy but more like bad news and definitely not a long term solution for anything.

    Foghorn-Leghorn-Thats-a-joke-son-You-mis
  • Papadopoulos

    Posts: 65

    Oct 14, 2013 5:29 AM GMT
    Aristoshark said
    Papadopoulos saidI obviously haven't been here long but I totally understand what you're saying. It is hard or almost impossible to develop a real relationship through pics and text. The chemistry needs to be there.

    Other than that it's a great place to discuss other things but it seems people are too caught up being mean to each other for literally no reason. I really really hate that. It just promotes the stereotype that gay men are malicious because they hate themselves and need to take it out on others. The person you are on the inside matters a lot too you know, I feel a huge lack of respect and compassion (not necessarily towards myself but between others) in the short time I've been here.

    icon_confused.gif

    Some of us have known each other for a very long time in the forums; many of us know each other in real life, whether before joining RJ or have met since. I've been here on and off, mostly on, for six years. Some of what you observe as meanness is simply teasing between people who know each other. Some of course is not.


    True but I generally think it's pretty easy to tell when people are joking.
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    Oct 14, 2013 3:06 PM GMT
    I'm frustrated too.
    Although the women at the gym are interested in me, I don't even presently know any gay men to see if I can attract any of them.
    (Except for one guy a few days ago who made a gay fuss over me [and I him] and I'm patiently waiting for him to return to the gym.)
    I think I'm too old by gay online standards but there's still plenty of time for you.
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    Oct 14, 2013 3:53 PM GMT
    Alim said
    blkapollo saidFinding a man online is like playing the slots, you might get lucky, but the odds are mostly against you. What you need to do is get out and socialize, and I'm not talking about a bar, but social and activity groups that revolve around your interests. That allows you a better chance at finding common ground and getting a conversation going. From there, a guy might take more interest in getting to know you.


    That's true, thank you.


    ...and also, I think true about RJ as well. Alim, just recently (in fact Error, a Canadian member here, just flew home yesterday)a bunch of guys that met here on RJ via the forums met up in NYC and went to Comicon and toured the city. This site has several groups and lots on interests, and if you start posting like you did with this topic, others will become aware of you and get to know you by what you have to say. The way you've been going about it sounds very difficult.

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    Oct 14, 2013 7:11 PM GMT
    venue35 saidYou've hardly made any posts to these forums. I think you're in too much of a hurry. Don't have big expectations from RJ. Maybe you'll meet a boyfriend here (it's happened before). And maybe not. I usually meet someone when I'm not looking and when I don't expect it. Just be patient get to know people around here and I'm sure you'll start meeting people. It helps that you're handsome too. You mentioned about aiming too high...looks are great but they aren't everything...you can meet the hottest guy in the world and he may have a shitty character...just sayin'.....


    Yeah, I was probably going at it the wrong way. I think I can be more active in the forums and that way get to know more people. I'm glad to have nice responses, even though people might feel a little annoyed at newbies. Thank you. I am here for opinions, but generally tend to put the negative ones aside.