Depression & Low self esteem.

  • Rowing_Ant

    Posts: 1504

    Oct 16, 2013 2:31 PM GMT
    Finally. Finally!! I've start some Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.

    For as long as I can remember I have had self esteem in the minus numbers. Even when I look in the mirror I see a fat, short, 20st lump looking back who hasnt achieved anything.

    Despite having, a First Class Honours Degree, a Master's Degree, and a book contract....

    OK I could lose some pounds but no way am I a 20 stone munter.

    I also don't feel my body is my own, especially my cock, because my mom in her "wisdome" decided to have me cut, against my will, at quite a late age and Ive hated my cock ever since. Its not the one I want. Its the one my mom wanted - she even admitted to me when I had a huge argument with her over it that she prefers it in men and thought Id thank her........so when I explained I feal mutiliated and not a man she said "Oh Ive had a mastectomy. Its not he same. Its just a flap of skin." I nearly exploded. I can't forgive her. but I have to now she's passed over.............

    Ive had three sessions with a Therapist under the broad title of "Assessment". She suggests that I suffer from Body Dysmorphia and an un healthy relationship with food (despite being a Personal Trainer in my head Food = little lumps of fat, not fuel. Don't ask. Long story). So she recommends seeing an Eating Disorder Specialist and hiring a Trainer.

    She also says, and I am sorting of coming to an agreement with her, that low self esteem, especially stemming from disliking my physical appearance is quite prevalent in the LGBT community, or at least certain sections of it, and fueled by it. And also in the fitness industry - she says she can understand why Id want to be a PT but also, it would further fuel my "I hate myself" being in what can be such an image conscious industry. Heck, when Ive gone to train sometimes and found a really fit jock in the locker room Ive turned round and gone home because "I dont belong there. Because Im a fat munter." When, probably, I'm not. SHe also recommended staying away from sites like this at it would just make those feelings worse.........

    So the long and the short of it is I need to learn to love myself; take control of my body and break the cycle of "Im fat. I hate myself. Im not worthy. " yada yada yada.

    Easier said than done.

    Has anyone else experienced anything similar? If so what techniques did you use or develop to help boost your esteem and sense of self.

    Or am I just a nutter.
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    Oct 16, 2013 9:34 PM GMT
    I don't think I can give you any real advice except to see the therapist and make sure you tell the therapist everything and don't be embarrassed to tell the therapist about these things.
    People I have known who have been to the therapist have got good results, but sometimes it takes quite a bit of time and work to get there, so please be patient. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 16, 2013 9:44 PM GMT
    I think you need to get laid more.

    I'm not trying to be sarcastic, but from personal experience I know how that can boost your self confidence. You will realize that other people think you're hot, how much fun you can have with your dick and that other guys don't have perfect bodies either (but can still be hot in bed)

    Off with you to a vacation at a gay destination or the next bathhouse
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    Oct 16, 2013 10:00 PM GMT
    Women love to emasculate men, even mothers.
    My mother has said a few brutal things to me also. I have a bad attitude against women because I see most of them as insensitive, only caring to be right all the time.
    It's one of the reasons we gays have got to stick together and stop these Junior High School attacks on each other in the forums.
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    Oct 17, 2013 12:33 AM GMT
    I've struggled with low self-esteem since I was 15 when I began to worry about my looks. Ever since, I've always believed that I was ugly and that I look deformed. I still believe that today, but I've learned to cope with it better. Taking anti-depressants has also helped. Right now I'm on 150mg of Sertraline daily, so it makes things manageable.

    One thing that makes self-esteem problems even worse is when you've had people criticize you and constantly find fault with everything you do. I've been called ugly more times than I can remember. When people say hurtful things to you long enough, and often enough, you eventually start to believe it.

    At first I had assumed that the reason women rejected me was because they thought I was gay, or could pick up on it, so they weren't interested. I thought that men would react to me differently, that they would see me as someone that's dateable, and that I have redeeming qualities, but I was wrong.
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    Oct 18, 2013 12:01 AM GMT
    JohnSpotter saidWomen love to emasculate men, even mothers.
    My mother has said a few brutal things to me also. I have a bad attitude against women because I see most of them as insensitive, only caring to be right all the time.
    It's one of the reasons we gays have got to stick together and stop these Junior High School attacks on each other in the forums.


    A childhood friend of mine went through similar issues, only it was with an abusive (now ex) wife. I didn't like her within 15 minutes of meeting her. I didn't like the way she spoke to them, the way she talked down to him and treated him like he was an imbecile.

    Her obsession was Twilight, so I posted a video on Facebook of two camels mating and said "at least it's a better love story than Twilight" and he got a kick out of it. She wanted a divorce, saying that she needed to find herself. Now she insists on meeting every woman that he dates and uses their child as a weapon to get what she wants.
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    Oct 18, 2013 12:12 AM GMT
    The_Iceman saidI've struggled with low self-esteem since I was 15 when I began to worry about my looks. Ever since, I've always believed that I was ugly and that I look deformed. I still believe that today, but I've learned to cope with it better. Taking anti-depressants has also helped. Right now I'm on 150mg of Sertraline daily, so it makes things manageable.

    One thing that makes self-esteem problems even worse is when you've had people criticize you and constantly find fault with everything you do. I've been called ugly more times than I can remember. When people say hurtful things to you long enough, and often enough, you eventually start to believe it.

    At first I had assumed that the reason women rejected me was because they thought I was gay, or could pick up on it, so they weren't interested. I thought that men would react to me differently, that they would see me as someone that's dateable, and that I have redeeming qualities, but I was wrong.


    If you are still having self-esteem issues I truly hope you will also see a therapist for assistance. The medication is important but for some medication is not enough and it seems that you might need a little extra help, as you look fairly handsome!
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    Oct 18, 2013 12:16 AM GMT
    Funny, as how I'm feeling suicidal as I'm writing this, I've come to realize that while I'm still young I will never find love, only being attracted to those in 30-45 age group, losing my virginity at 14 to a person who was 28 years older then me, having a bitch of living. Only can hope things can get better, can only fucking hope icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 18, 2013 12:17 AM GMT
    A therapist wouldn't change a thing, except make me waste money. I've thought about therapy, and was in therapy when I was in high school. It helped me with some issues, but not looks. What I'm left with now is just a sense of melancholy, a deep and long-lasting depression. Unless I can find a plastic surgeon who can work miracles and win the lottery in short order, I don't see things changing. All I can do is try to accept things as they are and move on. I've been told before that my personality is stoic, in the same way that many of the Japanese are.
  • Rowing_Ant

    Posts: 1504

    Oct 18, 2013 3:33 PM GMT
    bhp91126 saidI think you need to get laid more.

    I'm not trying to be sarcastic, but from personal experience I know how that can boost your self confidence. You will realize that other people think you're hot, how much fun you can have with your dick and that other guys don't have perfect bodies either (but can still be hot in bed)

    Off with you to a vacation at a gay destination or the next bathhouse


    LOl.

    Id LOVE TO get laid. It's been.....years. Literally. I'm not sure I know what to do.
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    Oct 18, 2013 3:48 PM GMT
    i agree... i think you need to get laid. It does wonder for ones self esteem to be told how hot u r. Find a nice guy, one who is going to remember your name..LOL.
    From your pics, you have nothing to worry about. Your nice looking, have a nice body and smart. One step at a time. Good luck. icon_smile.gif
  • Rowing_Ant

    Posts: 1504

    Oct 18, 2013 7:56 PM GMT
    Thanks!! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 18, 2013 8:21 PM GMT
    I agree with JohnSpotter and bhp91126. I don't think your mother is helping you at all. Some believe that "family comes first" but I don't agree with that when a relative is damaging your self esteem.
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    Oct 18, 2013 9:01 PM GMT
    The_Iceman saidA therapist wouldn't change a thing, except make me waste money. I've thought about therapy, and was in therapy when I was in high school. It helped me with some issues, but not looks. What I'm left with now is just a sense of melancholy, a deep and long-lasting depression. Unless I can find a plastic surgeon who can work miracles and win the lottery in short order, I don't see things changing. All I can do is try to accept things as they are and move on. I've been told before that my personality is stoic, in the same way that many of the Japanese are.


    Are there things in your life that you like?
  • Manarii2281

    Posts: 148

    Oct 19, 2013 12:01 AM GMT
    The_Iceman saidA therapist wouldn't change a thing, except make me waste money. I've thought about therapy, and was in therapy when I was in high school. It helped me with some issues, but not looks. What I'm left with now is just a sense of melancholy, a deep and long-lasting depression. Unless I can find a plastic surgeon who can work miracles and win the lottery in short order, I don't see things changing. All I can do is try to accept things as they are and move on. I've been told before that my personality is stoic, in the same way that many of the Japanese are.


    Makes me incredibly sad that we as men think like this about ourselves and your post really makes me hope you get some help. I have a feeling a board like this will not be the answer you need, in the sense that no matter how many guys here will say how incredibly handsome you are, you wont believe them.

    I hope you allow yourself to seek happiness and one day let some guy have the pleasure of being with a handsome guy like you.
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    Oct 19, 2013 12:16 AM GMT
    Rowing_Ant said
    bhp91126 saidI think you need to get laid more.

    I'm not trying to be sarcastic, but from personal experience I know how that can boost your self confidence. You will realize that other people think you're hot, how much fun you can have with your dick and that other guys don't have perfect bodies either (but can still be hot in bed)

    Off with you to a vacation at a gay destination or the next bathhouse


    LOl.

    Id LOVE TO get laid. It's been.....years. Literally. I'm not sure I know what to do.
    don't be afraid. Sex is like riding a bike. icon_wink.gif

    I'm sure there are establishments in the city of Manchester that cater to horny homosexuals. Just go there, check your morals at the entrance and get to work.
  • Rowing_Ant

    Posts: 1504

    Oct 19, 2013 10:09 AM GMT
    bambamgigolo....

    I totally understand what you're saying.

    Trying to stop those stupid little voices which say "you're rubbish" or "you're friends ar ejust being friendly to be nice" etc etc Is so hard. Which is why Im starting therapy and really, REALLY need to learn to be good to myself.

    Being a perfectionist is not good. Especially w hen I hold my self to unrealistic expectations. Whilst the work ethic Ive inheritted from my family is good (Whatever you do it must be to the best of your ability / There's no point in doing something if it's not done properly) does lead to me beeting myself up. A lot.

    I just need to learn to love myself. Respect myself. Find a new way of looking at myself which isnt as a worthles piece of sh*t.

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    Oct 19, 2013 10:20 AM GMT
    How could one not have low esteem being gay? It's a perfectly normal response to what we endure. As you mature, you learn you have a perfect right to be here, no less than any other human being.

    If you ever want to feel spectacularly good about yourself, take a trip to Walmart...oh, you don't have those there...too bad. But I jest.

    Be good to yourself. icon_smile.gif

    P.S. Skip the female therapist.
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    Oct 19, 2013 2:44 PM GMT
    turbobilly saidHow could one not have low esteem being gay? It's a perfectly normal response to what we endure.


    I disagree with this 100%. I haven't had to "endure" anything like you suggest.
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    Oct 19, 2013 7:36 PM GMT
    MisterOrally said
    turbobilly saidHow could one not have low esteem being gay? It's a perfectly normal response to what we endure.


    I disagree with this 100%. I haven't had to "endure" anything like you suggest.


    More power to you! icon_wink.gif

    Edit. Oh, it's southbeach, again...lol.
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    Oct 20, 2013 12:41 AM GMT
    turbobilly saidHow could one not have low esteem being gay? It's a perfectly normal response to what we endure. As you mature, you learn you have a perfect right to be here, no less than any other human being.

    If you ever want to feel spectacularly good about yourself, take a trip to Walmart...oh, you don't have those there...too bad. But I jest.

    Be good to yourself. icon_smile.gif

    P.S. Skip the female therapist.


    THIS^*!
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    Oct 20, 2013 1:45 AM GMT
    venue35 said
    MisterOrally said
    turbobilly saidHow could one not have low esteem being gay? It's a perfectly normal response to what we endure.


    I disagree with this 100%. I haven't had to "endure" anything like you suggest.
    what a lie


    What a stupid comment. Of course YOU know that I'm lying - you've been my shadow ever since I was a kid, huh?

    Sorry that apparently you have had to "endure" gay "low self esteem" in your life. I haven't.
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    Oct 20, 2013 4:04 AM GMT
    Manarii2281 said
    The_Iceman saidA therapist wouldn't change a thing, except make me waste money. I've thought about therapy, and was in therapy when I was in high school. It helped me with some issues, but not looks. What I'm left with now is just a sense of melancholy, a deep and long-lasting depression. Unless I can find a plastic surgeon who can work miracles and win the lottery in short order, I don't see things changing. All I can do is try to accept things as they are and move on. I've been told before that my personality is stoic, in the same way that many of the Japanese are.


    Makes me incredibly sad that we as men think like this about ourselves and your post really makes me hope you get some help. I have a feeling a board like this will not be the answer you need, in the sense that no matter how many guys here will say how incredibly handsome you are, you wont believe them.

    I hope you allow yourself to seek happiness and one day let some guy have the pleasure of being with a handsome guy like you.


    Thank you for your kind words.

    I've tried to meet people before. I've reached out to people on RJ who live in the same city as I do and have gotten no response whatsoever. One of them wouldn't even show the comments I had left on some of his photos. It was as though I didn't even exist.
  • lostboy101

    Posts: 24

    Oct 20, 2013 6:02 PM GMT
    To the OP, here's my advice;

    This will probably make me hella unpopular but I disagree very strongly with "getting laid" as a way to boost your self esteem. I actually think its the worst advice someone could give you. Get laid because you want to, not to feel attractive. Give someone else that much power over how good you feel about yourself and watch how quickly they can take it away.

    Go to therapy. I did it and it was an amazing experience, not a cure all, but it helped. I still have low self esteem but if I didn't go to therapy I don't even know if I'd still be here. You live in the UK like I do, we have free healthcare so you shouldn't have to pay a penny for it.

    That's my take on it. Take the long road and build your self esteem for yourself, not from someone who slept with you.

    BTW just cause I'm still not where I need to be despite therapy, doesn't mean you won't be! Good luck
  • Rowing_Ant

    Posts: 1504

    Oct 20, 2013 9:07 PM GMT
    Thanks lostboy! icon_biggrin.gif