Is it considered Stalking or Shy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2008 5:27 PM GMT
    Guys see you all the time... Don't say anything to you at the club or the gym but they send you emails on adam, myspace, realjock about how they saw you and thought you looked a certain way.. is that scarey? what do you think? do you do it?
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    Nov 27, 2008 7:54 PM GMT
    I think it would depend on the context really. If the message is just complimentary, I would give them the benefit of the doubt and say that they're just too shy to approach you in public or something innocent like that.
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    Nov 27, 2008 8:13 PM GMT
    They are probably shy. Sounds like something I would do when I was a gayling (Sedative's term). Mind you I might have been too shy even to send an e-mail on Myspace if such a thing had existed in 1981.
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    Nov 27, 2008 8:15 PM GMT
    It happens to me all the time, mainly when I have been out clubbing. My friends say that I intimidate guys because I am too hot and the guys are afraid to approach me in person. My friends notice the attention that I draw, mainly if they are interested in the guy that guy is checking/cruising/stalking me. It does get creepy at times when I see them following me around the club and watch me from a distance.
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    Nov 27, 2008 8:25 PM GMT
    How can that be stalking you don't have to open the emails. Why just delete them. Now if the guy is leaving notes on your car and at your home and always in your face causing you to move and change gyms.

    That's stalking. You could always say hi to the gym and break the ice.

    He's sounds shy.
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    Nov 27, 2008 8:40 PM GMT
    I mentioned to him why doesnt he just approach me.. I never see him but he always sees me what I wear blah blah
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    Nov 27, 2008 9:17 PM GMT
    I get messages the next day on whatever websites saying

    " damn you looked hot last night, nice seeing you out"


    Yet they are too chicken shit to say something in person.


    I hate that...
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    Nov 27, 2008 9:33 PM GMT
    Scorpio_M saidIt happens to me all the time, mainly when I have been out clubbing. My friends say that I intimidate guys because I am too hot and the guys are afraid to approach me in person. My friends notice the attention that I draw, mainly if they are interested in the guy that guy is checking/cruising/stalking me. It does get creepy at times when I see them following me around the club and watch me from a distance.


    Hmmm that sounds like normal behaviour in a gay bar! icon_razz.gif

    It is when they follow you home and park themselves across the street and stare at your house until you leave again, now that is when it gets creepy.
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    Nov 27, 2008 9:47 PM GMT
    It only bothers me when they don't have face pics up - then it feels like a weird control thing. It's like, what's the point of contacting me about how you saw me out-and-about if I can't recognize or identify you? But if they have pics up, I take it as the ultimate compliment because it means they think you're hot in real life not just in internet land.
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    Nov 28, 2008 12:19 AM GMT
    Why are you worried about stalkers? I think showing interest in someone, looking at them, sending them a message - sounds like they are flirting.

    Really they were in a club when they saw you. If you see them staring at a club, then again outside your workplace and then again at the place you're eating lunch - then you could say it's stalking.

    So, a guy sees you in a club, walks up to you and says hi. The music is so damn loud you can hardly talk to break the ice. Maybe the guy isn't a dancer. You with a friend or already dancing. Do you really think the club atmosphere is the best circumstances to approach someone? Is that when you are really most receptive to having a guy flirt with you, or are you just out for the eye candy, drinks and music/dancing?

    Maybe when getting an email try responding with a hi and telling them next time you see me out, come up and say Hi. We'll find some place to talk, or tell the guy that you'd like to talk on the phone and get his number. You aren't agreeing to anything but a conversation.

  • theatre_geek

    Posts: 35

    Nov 28, 2008 1:27 AM GMT
    Some random thoughts from a guy who is very shy... Sites like myspace and facebook are safe. It can be very difficult to approach someone in a bar or club setting especially if they are with a group. By messaging you online, the guy is probably just trying to feel things out.

    I know I personally have friends on sites like that that I don't really know in person. I see these guys out at the bars and I'm always worried to approach them because I'm not sure if they will recognize me or remember me in person.

    Have you been responsive to this guy when he messages you? My advice would be to try to strike up a conversation with this guy online. Take it somewhere beyond just "Hi. How are you?" Try to get to the point where he may be more comfortable to approach you, and by all means, if you do see him out at the bar or the gym, the you should approach him and say hi. I'm sure that once the initial meeting in person part is over that he will be comfortable enough to approach you from then on.

    I of course could be wrong about all of this and he really is a stalker. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2008 2:32 AM GMT
    I certainly don't do that. And...I only view the "Missed Connection" area of Craigslist.org when I need a good laugh.

    I think it's nuts. You cant be taken seriously if you cant even have the guts to say hello in person! What else wont he be willing to do? The list could be endless on how that would end badly.

    I suggest ignoring those e-mails so hopefully they'll realize they have to actually just say hello.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2008 4:08 AM GMT
    I don't thing it is stalking only shy but I can understand why it makes you feel uncomfortable. It has to do with our privacy which we are risking every time we put profiles up, chat and contribute to threads like this.

    I have to say that I took my face pictures and moved them to the private section for a similar reason. A couple of guys from my gym approached me online. That is perfectly cool with me but one did not have a face pic just a chest pic. His chest looked good but I felt strange chatting with someone who knew who I was but I didn't know who he was. He was just shy but then it was particularly awkward when, at the gym, I did figure out who he was and that he wasn’t my type. How do you let someone down who is too shy to approach you?

    The other guy had a hot looking photo and so I was very confused. He admitted that we had spoken but I couldn’t place him with anyone I had met at the gym. Then he starts sending me emails about how he likes watching me shower and what he would do with me in bed etc… I finally figured it out. He was right I had spoken to him and either the photo was not him or a very old one. There was so little resemblance I would never have put the two together.

    That being said if any of us were approached only by someone we really wanted to get to know it would not be a problem right? So I'm afraid it is the actor not the act.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2008 4:11 AM GMT
    looknrnd saidI certainly don't do that. And...I only view the "Missed Connection" area of Craigslist.org when I need a good laugh.
    .


    I love missed connection. This is my all time favorite:

    http://charlotte.craigslist.org/mis/921861795.html



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2008 5:16 AM GMT
    hey now, that missed connection things helps some times.

    Sure its a waste of time to me but Lol I actually have friends that point out an add about me

    I had three in one day when I was the punisher for halloween.

    I had one from my gym and someone called me a

    "built army boy with hot star stat on tummy"


    I think its cool but kind of stupid that these guys wont say hi
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2008 1:56 PM GMT
    It's the electronic version of the gay bar trick card. Like when someone buys me a drink and it comes with a guy's name & number on the card. Or when I find cards on my car outside when I leave, or on my room door at a gay resort.

    I've always assumed the guys felt more comfortable introducing themselves that way, instead of walking over, prolly due to shyness and/or to avoid the embarrassment of direct rejection. And if they saw you at some other place, like a gym, another reason might be to avoid being overheard making a gay advance in public, which they may fear YOU wouldn't appreciate.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 28, 2008 2:32 PM GMT
    I vascilate on this one....

    This happens alot to me on line
    and I'll say to myself

    why didn't this dude just come up to me and say Hi?

    I have to admit that sometimes I'm not the friendliest guy in the world
    esp at the gym .... sorry Ex NY'er just comes out that way

    and sometimes I'll attribute it to that
    other times I'll attribute it to mistaken identity

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2008 2:53 PM GMT
    GQjock said...I have to admit that sometimes I'm not the friendliest guy in the world
    esp at the gym .... sorry Ex NY'er just comes out that way...


    I empathize with you completely. Originally from the NYC area myself, just 25 miles west of Manhattan in northern NJ (Upper Montclair). New Yorkers learn to be guarded in their contacts with strangers. And after leaving there I had to retrain myself to look people in the eye as I spoke to them, instead of constantly glancing away, checking for an escape route. LOL!

    Thank gawd I live in Gay Central, Florida now, where I've never been more relaxed around strangers, most of them being gay and harmless. And here guys will strike up a conversation with you, as I will, too, so that the bar trick cards I mentioned above are used anonymously much less here, than I've seen in some other places.

    Most usage of trick cards in my experience: the Habana Inn gay "resort" in Oklahoma City. I'd come back to my room and the brass door number frame would be jammed with trick cards stuck under it, with the room numbers of other guys who wanted me to visit them. And this has happened during each of my visits there, over several years.

    But many of the other room doors are equally plastered, so I assume it's merely "spamming." Funny how different places have different practices, and at the Habana that was the norm. I've never seen that so much at other gay resorts.

    http://habanainn.com/habanainn-1.html
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    Nov 28, 2008 4:05 PM GMT
    Well if you want to talk about cultures different from NYC head even further south in Florida. I moved there at 43 and found the approachability of people was in a class all its own. The strangest practice which only happened a few times with me was cars honking at you as you are walking on the road. The few times it happened was not in a gay neighborhood by any means so I was wondering what I was doing wrong. Then I would see gay guys waving at me from the car. All I could think was "do I know them"? One time a guy honked and waved at me so I waved back. I thought he must be someone I had met but just didn't recognize. He then yells out the window, "Wait let me turn around". He wanted to give me a ride when all I was doing was walking across the street to get to the beach. My Venezuelan friend told me this is a common Latin practice.
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    Dec 04, 2008 11:40 PM GMT
    ONSLAUGHT saidI get messages the next day on whatever websites saying

    " damn you looked hot last night, nice seeing you out"


    Yet they are too chicken shit to say something in person.


    I hate that...


    He sounds shy. But I am so over guys who only communicate via internet, text etc. Have the balls to have a real conversation on the phone or better....in person.