Oct 18, 2013 2:05 AM GMT
WrdFg saidI should also mention that he was a highly sexual individual.
He also had a fear of being detectably gay. He said he despised anything remotely effeminate, yet he was certainly no lumberjack.
Part of the reason I finally dumped him was that his constant complaining made me fear he may just go elsewhere to ease his frustrations.
But I'm happy to hear that this isn't a formerly married man cliche'. This was my first time dating a man who was previously living a straight lifestyle, so I wasn't sure if it was the norm.
I had taken great precautions with him, and we had HIV tests 3 times over 7 months before condoms were removed. ...For all I know he could have messed around behind my back, but on the other hand I just don't think so.
WrdFg saidHonestly, I'm the type of guy who could never seriously trust someone entirely, but I felt I couldn't punish him forever by using condoms because of my general distrust in a dating situation, especially after consistently coming up negative. On the final test, I had him tested for just about everything because I knew if all was clear, condoms were coming off.
We had talked about monogamy and he swore up and down that he had not had any sort of sexual contact with anyone for nearly a year prior to our first experience. For me it had been longer. And throughout our time together he insisted I was the only one he was doing anything with. It was really just his high sex drive and complaining that kept me unsure. I did once ask him if he wanted to try some sort of fulfillment elsewhere but he was offended at the suggestion. He despised the idea of an open relationship, and I'm no fan of it either. But for peace of mind, I'm planning to have another test in December, which would be 3 months since our last sexual interaction.
As our relationship progressed, he did start to lighten up about some of the gay aspect. I could get him to watch some quirky gay themed comedies, and he would find some enjoyment in them, which is something he wouldn't have dared to do at the start. But he constantly struggled with what his perception of what bottoming meant, and that's very unfortunate. I had excellent communication skills. I've always been very open about my concerns and feelings, either in dating or with friends. He was very closed with communication, and I often had to pry things out of him. He was one of those who would bottle things up and blow. I spent countless hours talking to him and writing him lengthy emails that he could refer back to in an attempt to understand what the issues were. He was very stubborn and simply refused to listen, always sticking to his misguided assumptions. When we finally split, there was no shouting or much discussion. I clearly and directly told him he had to leave and make no further contact with me because he refused to participate properly in our relationship, and that he had been warned numerous times of areas of concern he had to address with himself. But I can guarantee you that he is sitting at home feeling like the victim. He was one of those who always felt he was. I think had he been out a few more years before we met, he may have learned enough to have helped things work out. Maybe he will get lucky in the future.