Need advice/help...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2008 7:33 AM GMT
    The Setup: As far as sex goes I'd say I'm pretty experienced. I've mostly been the hook-up guy. I've never really seriously dated a guy because usually the only men I'm interested in are straight or in relationships. But, I'm definitely looking for a LTR.

    In any case, there is a guy in my building (one floor up down the hall) who I know for sure is gay and I'm actually interested in him. The problem is I don't know how to make it clear that I want him as a bf not just a one-nighter. My first instinct is to next time I see him make an obvious check-out of him from head-to-toe. This always works for sex since I'm pretty easy on the eyes hehe. But I don't just want to imply sex. I can't just directly approach him and ask him out because if he rejects me there would be permanent awkwardness in my home (since he lives close in my building). Rejection is fine but I don't want to be uncomfortable in my home.

    What should I do?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2008 9:38 AM GMT
    ask him out on a date.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2008 10:02 AM GMT
    ^ brilliant. lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2008 10:16 AM GMT
    Can you find an excuse to invite him over to your place? Some reason to get a little time with him and sorta check out the situation. Maybe ask him if he knows any good places to meet up with people. Give him a story that you broke up a while ago with a partner, and only seem to find one nighters. Need to find real people.

    Thus you have let him know you dont want the one night and get a feel from his response what he has to offer.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2008 12:53 PM GMT
    Honestly I wouldn't check him out that way--making it obvious I mean.

    CONSTANT Eye contact + FLIRT + SMILE and Laugh + "Hey want to go for coffee tomorrow morning?" = Probable start to LTR

    If you don't want a relationship based on just sex--hold off on sex for a while. How long? I'm not sure... but def not on the first coupld dates. But that's my opinion--what do I know I'm still a virgin.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Nov 28, 2008 1:20 PM GMT
    I don't think you can just look at someone and think he would be a good boyfriend. That might be a major problem for you, as good boyfriend material is a lot more than looks. You might be confusing just a good fuck, with being a boyfriend.

    Anyway, like some of the others said, say hi to him, ask him out for coffee, a drink, lunch or dinner.

    Good luck.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 28, 2008 2:14 PM GMT
    My first instinct is to next time I see him make an obvious check-out of him from head-to-toe.

    Wow - you are a ONE trick pony aren't you?

    That'll just get you right back in the sack ... where you don't wanna be
    at least at first

    Try something new and completely brand new .... talk first and let the hook-up muscles atrophy for a while
    see where that gets you'
    and ask him if he'd like to go out some time for dinner or a drink
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 28, 2008 2:19 PM GMT
    I'd say try something you may not do frequently... sideline the sexual interest and ask him some real questions about him, what he does, what he enjoys.
    Strike up meaningful conversations. I know when someone is interested in getting to know me vs. someone who just wants me undressed.

    Since you don't know him, he may or may not be a real "relationship" candidate. Since he is "close to home" as you say, the efforts you put in may yield a friendship instead of a bf. Both are positive results.
    If you do start dating, I'd suggest slowing down the urge to get him naked until its clear you are more interested in him than the physical aspect.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2008 2:50 PM GMT


    ...and here's the renegade reply. 'Cruising' him will let him know you're interested in more than an afternoon at the library.
    (It also lets him know you're not straight) It lets him know you find him attractive, always important. That's where it ends. From there you go to the make friends stage, which could easily include kissing and cuddling - but no more and you'll have really work those muscles of self restraint. This is where talking about it is a huge asset; complimenting each other on looks, how you feel etc. Just be sure not to drown in this. Instead keep the topic alive in small ways in conversations about OTHER STUFF. You're building on and finding common interests besides the sexual.

    Have fun!


    ....this should be interesting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2008 9:44 PM GMT
    k, I'm gonna extend my answer..

    You know hes gay, you find him attractive, then don't mess around with him, don't play games or try to be coy about it, it sends mixed messages and leaves him wondering..

    You want to go on a date with him, think he could be worth more then just a one night stand... kewl, here is the way to go about it.

    If you can't just walk up to him and express your interest, which personally is probably the better way to me, then, go talk to him, if you see him in the hall, then that whole stupid thing of "hi, how are you? nice/crap/shit weather" it tells the other person you talk, if hes interested, he'll actually slow down and want to answer the question, but if he doesn't, don't be disheartened, he's probably busy, then you just reel him in, light conversation, fun, ask if he'd like to go out, this can be used anywhere you meet him, in the hall, by the washing line, in a shopping center, other things are of course easy to say, something about what hes wearing, if hes in crappy clothing all sweaty and looks to have been working hard, then something to say is to jokingly (and I mean jokingly, make sure every man and his dog can tell you mean jokingly) tell him he looks like crap, he'll laugh at him self and things can lead off from there.

    if you go to the same bars, then even better, its the place to be adventurous, walk up to the guy and say it, plain as day, no reservations, I can tell you, guys find confidences (even confidence bordering on cockiness) incredibly hot its just not seen that much in the gay crowd for some reason.

    How to approach him is easy, just walk up, offer your hand, introduce your self, OH and when you shake his hand, no limp wristed shit, it smacks of disrespect.. now what to say is pretty easy things like "I've seen you around, I was wondering, would you like to go to dinner with me sometime" it tells him in no uncertain terms that you aren't going home with him tonight, that your intentions are more then just a fuck..
    If he says no, then the only damage is your ego, if he says yes, excellent, get his number... then

    CALL HIM the next day, in the after noon about 1pm by then he should be on his way to recovery from the night before and he'll be more peppy talking with you (just on a side note, my protein shake tastes woody) anyway.

    Talking to him is easy, don't make it long, ask how his night was, what his plans for the day are, then get into it, state why you called, say you want to make a date, set the day and time and all that stuff.

    I'm terrible at trying to give advice, so, heres just stuff I've learnt

    Guys, no matter how tough they come across find confidence attractive and cockiness is attractive too (the right sorta cockiness) gay guys are sorta like women, they want a guy whos strong, brave, confident and other guys respect that when you show it to them, they'll give you the time of day and the guys worth having, will always hear you out, give you time and answer you honestly
    having confidence tends to weed out the more undesirable people, they tend to keep there distance because they don't like how you are big enough to handle your self and other people, they are the ones who treat people like garbage and don't want to play nice with anyone.

    I can't help you with any problems in your head that stop you from being confident enough to walk up to a guy, but one thing you can do, is stop thinking your not good enough for another person, when you see everyone as an equal, you start seeing everyone as someone you can walk up too and at the end of the day, that's whats important.

    edit: excuse me while I weed through and get rid of typo's
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2008 9:52 PM GMT
    ^ ^
    Best demonstration of confidence I have ever read. If you follow LT's advise you cannot lose.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2008 10:09 PM GMT
    For centuries gay men have agonized over how to let a guy know you're interested in him and what you're looking for without actually telling him. Answer: There is no way.

    You have to talk to him and show an interest. You can be a bit flirty but YOU have to put the brakes on if you want to give it time for you both to strike up a friendship. And someone made a good point earlier - don't just assume he'll make a great boyfriend because on this particular day that's what you want.

    As for feeling awkward around him in your building if he doesn't show an interest that's a risk you'll have to take. Besides the guy who turns down an offer often feels just as akward so you need to make it clear there are no hard feelings.

    Or you can just go on wishin' and hopin'

    Good luck, buddy!